Tuesday, February 26, 2008


I'm experiencing connectivity problems with my laptop and am on the PC from hell. Check back later for blog post.

Monday, February 25, 2008

In Memoriam

So I was going to blog about the Oscars, but realized that I didn't know a lot about any of the movies nominated this year. I'm still going to watch it, because I'm an Oscar freak. George Clooney is nominated, but I've heard that the probable winner will be Daniel Day Lewis, darnit. One of my favorite parts of the show is the memoriam to those actors/actresses who have died in the past Oscar year (March 2007 thru February 2008). Don't ask me why - I've always been a celebrity obituary gal. Morbid, I know. My family calls me the obit lady. I've been called worse. Anway, here is my own personal in memoriam - because of space limitations I could only include the most famous ones. I'll be watching closely tonight to see who they leave out. I'm like that. I once wrote the Academy an email in protest because they left someone off of the list. Oscar Geek alert! So, will you/did you watch the Oscars?

Betty Hutton
Betty Hutton

Charles Nelson Reilly
Charles Nelson Reilly

Jane Wyman
Jane Wyman

Deborah Kerr
Deborah Kerr

Robert Goulet
Robert Goulet

Brad Renfro

Suzanne Pleshette

Heath Ledger

Roy Scheider

Friday, February 22, 2008

Penny Spam

VoluminousSchlongWilma (Wilma has a voluminous schlong? And I can’t even get volume in my hair …)
ErectileOrganGrandAhmed (Supercalifragulisticexpealidocious)
Can I get out of debt? (I don’t know, can you?)
We don’t advertise, we advise. (Well I advise that you advertise your non-advertisement)
Hot wild nights of pleasure await you. (Hugh? Hugh is that you?)
You’ve been picked to fill out surveys for cash – month of February. (Oh, I’m good at that, aren’t I Marty?)
Those locker room stares will be for the right reason. (The simple fact that I’m in a locker room would be enough to stare.)
With no particular (No particular what? No particular reason to be in a locker room?)
Your neighbors lost their alarm clock. (Oh, they lost their alarm clock for no particular reason. That’s what you were trying to say.)
Talk to me now! (I didn’t do it. An insane dog enters my yard and digs those holes.)

Also, Jason Evans is having another short fiction contest, this one is called "Whispers". Head on over to his blog and have a go at it.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008


Ames did a meme listing the hang-ups or things that she has to do before writing or while writing. While they don’t have to be musts, they are things that make her feel more comfortable. So I decided to do my own. You don’t have to do one, but feel free to throw in a comment about any hang-ups you might have before you start writing, do chores, read, etc.

A Day of Writing with Bailey

1. I have to check my emails, MySpace messages and go by Jill’s blog (if it’s in the morning)
2. If it’s a morning that I’ve posted my blog, then I have to check comments there too.
3. Check friends status’
4. Put LOLcatz comment on Ames’ MySpace page.
5. Find the right music. I’m easily distracted so most of the time the music can’t have words to it because I’ll sing along. But, on the other hand, I have been known to put together music CD’s that describe either the characters personalities, the action of the story, or set up the ambience for a scene. For instance, “At Last” for the first love scene; “Smuggler’s Blues” for an action scene, etc.
6. play 3 or 4 rounds of spider solitaire
7. I can’t write pen and paper because of the arthritis. Well, I can write it, but I won’t be able to read it. Now that I have the laptop, I can sit in my favorite chair.
8. I have to have the storyboard set up.
9. Go smoke a cigarette and get a coke
10. Stare at screen for a few minutes and wonder what in the hell am I doing.
11. Read the last chapter to get back into the feel of the story.
12.I have to have the characters names before I can write the story. Sometimes they come to me easily, other times it’s like pulling teeth.
13. Go smoke a cigarette. Sit on porch and plot perfect paragraph. Then forget the entire paragraph when I get back into house.
14. I also have to have a title. It doesn’t have to be the perfect title, but I have to call it something more than the WIP or “untitled”
15. Look at storyboard and fall in love with my hero again. Now I’m ready to write.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Aidan's Turn

Aidan here. Mother was going to have Seamas blog again, but I begged her not to subject you to any more of his “LOLz” cat speak, so to say. I hate that site; it’s such an insult to us superior felines. Anyway, we’re adjusting fine without Neely Shae, although I must admit that I do miss my favorite target. Bailey and Seamas aren’t as fun to attack. And I said Bailey. I don’t care if there’s some sort of mix-up with his and mother’s names. BooBear is ridiculous. How could any self-respecting feline hold up his head with a name like BooBear? I know, mother calls me Aidan Maiden, so who am I to speak, right? I.hate.Aidan Maiden. In case I’m not clear enough – Aidan Maiden sucks eggs. She even has a little poem for me: Aidan Maiden, pudding pie. Kissed the kits and made them cry. When Aidan Maiden came out to play, all the kits they ran away. Can you imagine going through life with that sticking to you? It’s either that or Secret Aidan Man. If I have to have one or the other, I’ll take Secret Aidan Man because at least it’s male.

Mother has been having a bit of a bad week. The sale of the house isn’t going through as soon as she, and obviously Uncle David, thought it would. So here’s mother packing to move into an apartment she can’t afford. It’s all Uncle David’s fault and if he were here I’d pee on his foot. He doesn’t like cats anyway, so what harm would it do? I could leave a little present in his shoe too, if you know what I mean. I don’t mind getting a little crass when it comes to protecting my mother.

I heard mother say the other day that she just doesn’t get to blog as much as she used to. What with all of this packing and cleaning, she doesn’t have the time. I know, you see her on MySpace a lot. She’s not always there. Mother has this habit of leaving the computer on and logged into the site. Whenever she gets a message or something, it “cachings” (that’s the closest to the sound I can get) rather loudly and she comes running to answer it. It’s pathetic if you ask me, sort of like Pavlov’s dogs. Anyway, once she’s settled into her new place, she’ll get back to a routine. Whatever that is. And she’ll be able to look for a job again. I’ve been told she needs one badly. I don’t know why, wouldn’t a purr, nuzzle and lick get her most things in life? It works for us.

Friday, February 15, 2008

A Hard Spam's Night

Can I tell you? (Not right now.)
It’s important (Okay, go ahead.)
A penis is a terrible thing to waste. (I thought that was a mind? Oh, wait, for some people that is their mind)
Tired of losing your erection halfway, or having a small weener? Change it today … (Is this like light bulbs? Can you go to the store and buy them in a four pack? How about generics?)
Works so good, you will poke your eye out … guarenteed. (Oh, I can imagine that’s everyone’s goal – poke that eye right out.)
Elvincockwalloping (Well, Elvin can go wallop his cock somewhere else.)
Reduce your debts the professional way. (I’d rather do it unprofessionally, thank you.)
Methodist watches. (Watches have religion? What does a Christian Scientists watch look like?)
Hello band saw. (Goodbye staple gun)

Wednesday, February 13, 2008


Otherwise known as Catslady - just let me know that her oldest cat Tabatha passed away today. I'm so sorry sweetie. I know that you gave her a lot of love and 17 is a very long time for a cat. Lots of hugs.

Why I Hate Valentine's Day

Or 101 ways to break my heart.

Happy Wednesday My Friends! Help Spread the word and save our children from the indignities of Valentine's Day.

There’s a group of us that are boycotting Valentine’s Day for various reasons. Some are doing so because of the crassness and commercialism that has taken over the day. Me, I’m doing it because truth be told, I hate Valentine’s Day. I think it was a holiday invented by happy people to kick lonely people in the gut a few times. It started with me in elementary school. I was one of those kids who sat in class and watched while all of the other kids received valentines. Then later, when teachers began to make the class give valentines to everyone in the class – I received some that said “Happy Valentine’s Day, you stink” and other less loving sayings. I don’t understand how the valentine company’s that make the packages for children would print such terrible ones, but they do. Later in high school it was Valentinegrams. These were purchased and filled out by the sender, then delivered to classrooms by people on the Valentine committee (I guess). I never received any of those either. Neither did I have a boyfriend during the Valentine season – I was always alone. Sometime in my 20s mom began giving me one long-stem rose for Valentine’s Day. Even in the grips of Alzheimer’s, she would still remember to have Bebo get my rose. Last year was the first time I didn’t receive one in 20 years. But still, it’s a bit pathetic when your mother is your only Valentine.

So, there will be no Valentine’s from me, no MySpace comments either. I’m boycotting.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Bubba Rocks

Deer blogsters, mi name is bubba an i am in charge. momma iz buzy on mycatspace an haz forgot to do her blog so i am doin it. i am a gud kitty an very hansome. i am also very smart. mommy watsht futbal all day an cride becuz it wuz teh last game ob teh seeson. me an aden played wit teh round ball ting an boobear hid unner teh bed cuz he iz so frade of evryting. me an aden tellz him not to be frade, but he no listen to uz. eben teh stoopid dawgz next door scared him an dey are outside. see how silly he iz? mommie iz movin an there are lotz of boxes around an we hab fun jumpin in an out ob dem. we kinda likz it widout neely shay around here cuz we can nowz getz to mommy. fore dat neely would chaze uz away cuz she wanted all ob mommies tenshun. Nows we no longer haz to be pushed away, we gotz mommie allz to ourselvez. dat is gud. momma gibs teh katz outside sum can fudz an she no givz dem to uz. dat not nice, iz it? momma shuld givz uz teh gud smelin fud, shoudnt she? i folos momma roundz teh house an to teh potz rum where she closd teh door an i yelled noes momma, noes closd door on bubba. let bubba in. an sometime she do. den i go round her feetz so she spank me, cuz i liked to be spanked. really. it gibs me tinglez.


oh hi momma. youz bak from mycatspace?

Yes, and I don’t think they want to hear about your spanking fetish. I’ll take over from here.

I think Bubba has pretty much filled you in on our day. A lot of fun in the Stewart household. I would have let him finish this, but, I wanted to break in and tell you that I just now heard that actor Roy Scheider (man in the middle)has died. Many of you will remember him from “Jaws” where he uttered that most famous line – “You’re gonna need a bigger boat”. He also received Oscar nominations for his work in “The French Connection” and “All That Jazz”.

He was 75.

Friday, February 08, 2008

Strawberry Spam Forever

More howls than you can shake a shiver at. (First off, what’s a shiver? And how do you shake it?)
HugoMonolithicBodypart (Really? And are you going to introduce me to Hugo?)
You really need it. (A hugo monolithic bodypart? Won’t Hugo miss it?)
Professional PRO (Aren’t all pros professional?)
PhallusMassiveAmelia (Amelia has a massive phallus? Does Ripley’s Believe it or Not know about this?)
The baby-maker grows and develops GRADUALLY, not over night! (Duh! It takes around 9 mos.)
And it was so. (So? So what?)
Aggressive traders alert. (Why? Is someone going to jump out of a dark alley and demand that I buy stock?)

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

My Favorite Super Bowl Commercial

It's not that its absolutely hysterical, it was the surprise of it that had me giggling my head off. And yeah, I kinda like the guy, but he can be so over the top that the idea of running him over sounds good. Of course, I won't remember what the commercial was advertising, and that's the problem with a lot of these Superbowl ads, the message gets lost in the search for the most stunning, funny commercial.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Neely Shae

Saturday Susie and I took Neely Shae to her new home - well, for a two-week trial period at her new home. Neely wasn't thrilled, in fact the poor baby peed in the carrier. That was a great introduction to Libby and her new home - a long trip and then immediately to a sink. Libby is going to re-name her Nelly. Nelly?! Neely Shae means princess of the fairy castle, or something like that, in gaelic. I chose it for its beauty in both sound and meaning. Nelly? That's what you call an old nag. Oh well, she's not mine anymore so I guess it won't matter. I do hope this works because I'm running out of options for her. The apartment will only allow 2 animals (the girls in the office are letting me sneak in a third), but a fourth - no way. I also don't want to cram 4 cats in a one bedroom apartment; 4 cats are getting too expensive in shots, food, litter. I've tried the rescue groups, but they declined because they consider 10 too old for adoption. If this doesn't work with Libby, there's a slight chance I could talk my vet into taking her and finding a home; if not, then its the needle for her - and that would tear me up. Leaving her there effected me more than I thought it would. I spent a good deal of Saturday night crying. But I'm better now.

We all know I write this stuff the night before, so I'm getting ready to watch the Superbowl. I'm touched by the reading of the Declaration of Independence by former and present football players/officials/coaches. Kinda brought a tear to my eyes. Who am I rooting for? As much as I hate to say it, I'm rooting for the Giants. I have my reasons:

1. I'd hate for anybody other than the Cowboys to have a perfect year.

2. I'm tired of hearing about how great the Patriots are, and how they're undefeatable.

3. The Giants represent the NFC and that's the division the Cowboys are in.

4. Tom Brady is too cute to be a quarterback.

5. I don't want the Patriots to win more Superbowls than the Cowboys.

6. I don't like Bill Bellichek (sp?)

Bebo and I spent most of the day (okay, not most but quite a bit) working on the study. And we're still not done. We both ended up beat. A lot of mother's stuff was there, a lot of stuff to shred.

That's it for now, see ya on Wednesday.

Friday, February 01, 2008


Bigger baby-maker is not a dream anymore! (Yeah, I’ve always wanted to give birth to a 20lb. baby)
i adore show my great body (spam doesn’t have bodies)
It follows you to read it (Now that’s some book!)
FOR YOUR ATTENTION ONLY … (Everyone, turn your backs.)
Cockprominentdino (Dinosaurs had prominent cocks?)
You can have a 7 inches long Penis, how to archive? (Wrap it in acid free tissue.)
Please don’t forget Robbie’s anniversary party, tommorow. (I’m going to be busy with acid free tissue. And learn how to spell, will ya?)
Maxwellcockplumping (Good to the last drop)