tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23142127.post5115985769188510509..comments2023-10-05T12:29:45.781-05:00Comments on Long and Writing Road: Nathan, part 2Bailey Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00639029254352011915noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23142127.post-70023212604457001632007-04-08T18:21:00.000-05:002007-04-08T18:21:00.000-05:00Ooooh, this sounds good.. this one is more meaty. ...Ooooh, this sounds good.. this one is more meaty. I liked it!!Michelehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08573730655117969888noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23142127.post-70343449548304645322007-04-06T07:46:00.000-05:002007-04-06T07:46:00.000-05:00Yes Bernita - this is how it comes straight throug...Yes Bernita - this is how it comes straight through my head. Notes. Is that unusual?Bailey Stewarthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00639029254352011915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23142127.post-32615878203176416052007-04-06T07:38:00.000-05:002007-04-06T07:38:00.000-05:00Hospital scene.But notes? You call this "notes?"So...Hospital scene.<BR/>But notes? You call this "notes?"<BR/>Sounds pretty rounded for "notes!"Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23142127.post-56863605171821520772007-04-05T17:54:00.000-05:002007-04-05T17:54:00.000-05:00Both scenes are good, but the hospital scene is th...Both scenes are good, but the hospital scene is the best. It pulls me to find out what happense next.Druhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07978384022143035332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23142127.post-23877554340228139882007-04-05T15:15:00.000-05:002007-04-05T15:15:00.000-05:00Count me in with the others. The hospital scene s...Count me in with the others. The hospital scene sets it all up. Though this later scene is good, there are too many unanswered questions for me.Melissa McClonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16715664439441831529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23142127.post-53155065704142936692007-04-05T14:05:00.000-05:002007-04-05T14:05:00.000-05:00The story is really intriguing, Bailey, you HAVE t...The story is really intriguing, Bailey, you HAVE to press on with this book, I really want to read it all!<BR/><BR/>However, I have to agree with the others. Both versions are very well written and compelling, but the first one, for me, works best in terms of setting the scene and the character in the reader's mind, alerting them to something wrong, to Nathan's aloneness and confusion and wanting to read on. <BR/><BR/>The second version is a bit too far on. We don't know why he can't remember, that he's been in hospital, we don't know who she is, who Travis is, who Leo is, why Nathan might have had a gun. There are too many questions to be dealt with that puzzle the reader.<BR/><BR/>In the first version, we can more easily take that journey of discovery with Nathan, and follow his as his story and his past unfold through the flashbacks and returning memories.<BR/><BR/>I think Nathan's humour and lighter side will unfold - in this first introduction to him and his situation, we believe his seriousness because of what is happening to him. I don't think the reader would expect him to joke yet, not when his whole life has turned upside down and he's "lost himself" for the time being.<BR/><BR/>You are doing a grand job. Do keep working on this story, I'd definitely buy it!<BR/><BR/>Good luck,<BR/>MagsAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23142127.post-20308997748166630492007-04-05T13:34:00.000-05:002007-04-05T13:34:00.000-05:00I like them both, but the hospital scene gets my v...I like them both, but the hospital scene gets my vote, too. To me, it's more compelling.<BR/><BR/>Nice writing, Bailey. Keep up the good work. :)Merettahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03860086164332852221noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23142127.post-50866719527300892922007-04-05T13:11:00.000-05:002007-04-05T13:11:00.000-05:00I really like both. I read this one first, becaus...I really like both. I read this one first, because I missed yesterday, so there were lots of questions unanswered as I read. But then wham, you get that flashback. Whoa. You got me hooked right there. I think it would likely have more impact if we knew he'd been in the hospital, that he didn't know who he was or what he'd been doing first, but this one is good, too.<BR/><BR/>A few posts below, you asked if we had old stories we still tinkered with. The answer is yes. I have one that I've completely rewritten three times over three years. I have another old story I never finished, with a lot of problems, but I really liked the hero. It just needed more oomph. I'm trying to combine it with some other ideas, now, to come up with something fresh.Joely Sue Burkharthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17895058332587825648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23142127.post-71559887963569134202007-04-05T12:37:00.000-05:002007-04-05T12:37:00.000-05:00Well, I just can't pick. sorry. I liked them both ...Well, I just can't pick. sorry. I liked them both equally! and want to know more from each of them.catsladyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06507755929992129551noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23142127.post-18906955920660684882007-04-05T12:25:00.000-05:002007-04-05T12:25:00.000-05:00I agree with Brandy and Susan. The hospital scene ...I agree with Brandy and Susan. The hospital scene gets my vote. I found it more gripping and it made me want to read on. Not that the new one doesn't but the hospital one does it better.Siobhanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02903044612265097419noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23142127.post-34803493884110194472007-04-05T10:38:00.000-05:002007-04-05T10:38:00.000-05:00I'm with Brandy, I love both and the hospital scen...I'm with Brandy, I love both and the hospital scene is best! <BR/><BR/>Here is hoping you get a post from someone with a clear cut pick. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23142127.post-26810727222840428842007-04-05T08:17:00.000-05:002007-04-05T08:17:00.000-05:00Now that I'm awake ...Yes, it does come later, whi...Now that I'm awake ...<BR/><BR/>Yes, it does come later, which is why I changed it. I didn't want him to be introduced straight out of the hospital. So the way it was going it looked like two prologues. So I think it works better as a memory/dream - I have it in Chapter 2.Bailey Stewarthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00639029254352011915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23142127.post-79295659689247559112007-04-05T05:18:00.000-05:002007-04-05T05:18:00.000-05:00Really? Hmmmm, I'll have to think about that. Th...Really? Hmmmm, I'll have to think about that. Thanks - and I want honesty. I didn't want to set Nathan up as being soooooo serious, there's some lighter moments in the second version.Bailey Stewarthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00639029254352011915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23142127.post-89824788265892270032007-04-04T21:37:00.000-05:002007-04-04T21:37:00.000-05:00We have to choose? You're kidding, right? Both sho...We have to choose? You're kidding, right? <BR/>Both show a vulnerability in the character, make his emotions and his minds questions seem important. There is a question of timing. This scene seems later somehow. Now, honestly, (and I'm sure I'll be the only one), I liked the hospital scene best. It sets the story better. BUT, that's me. A writer probably has better thoughts.Brandyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02738504696243512495noreply@blogger.com