Long and Writing Road

Goodbye .. 2011

2011-12-31T22:17:00.001-06:00

You know I do this every year, or at least I used to, once upon a blogger. So, on this New Year's Eve, I'll do it once more. Goodbye to some of the notables we lost in 2011. In no certain order:

Harry Morgan

Alan Sues (Laugh-In)

Bil Keane (Family Circus)

Andy Rooney

Roger Williams

Steve Jobs
Cliff Robertson
Nick Ashford

Bubba Smith
Dan Peek

Amy Winehouse
Sherwood Schwartz

Betty Ford
Peter Falk
Carl Gardner

James Arness
Dr. Jack Kevorkian
Jeff Conaway
Randy Savage
Jackie Cooper
Phoebe Snow

Geraldine Ferraro
Elizabeth Taylor
Jane Russell
Betty Garrett
Brian Jacques

Jack LaLanne
David Nelson
Margaret Whiting

We Will Never Forget ....

2011-12-07T07:57:00.001-06:00

DECEMBER 7, 1941

Goodbye Regis Philbin

2011-11-17T20:07:00.001-06:00

Regis who? Myresponse for a while, since I only really noticed him on the odd days that momwas home from work. It wasn’t until momretired that I really started watching the show with her, and then stillperiodically (confession, I couldn’t stand Kathy Lee). When I started taking care of mom it became amorning staple. Besides, Kelly Ripa hadjoined by then and I found myself really enjoying the show. So a morning routine was established. Mom would get up, I’d make breakfast, we’dsit at the table until time for Regis and Kelly then move on into the den. They became a part of our lives. In fact, that’s how we found out about Sept.11 … I had turned on the TV for the show and well, we know what. But anyway,back to Regis, because it really is all about Regis. Mom had a bit of a crush on him, and as herdementia deepened he remained a steady part of our lives. People’s names might disappear from her mind,but never Regis.

I’d get mom up in the morning, help her get dressed.

She’d say “guess who came by last night?”

No, mom, who?

“Regis and Joy” (his wife for those that don’t know).

Oh they did?

“Yes” a giggle and a secret smile.

I’d say something like “why didn’t he mow the lawn while hewas here?”

Yes, Regis and Joy made many night time visits to my mom’sroom … and she was ecstatic about it, until the sister-in-law stepped in. Yeah, my sister-law Bev helped to take careof mom. At some point mom startedcalling her “riffraff” and acted kinda cold towards her.

“I don’t want that lady here” she’d say.

“Beverly?Why?”

Mom would look at me and say “You know”.

“No mom, I don’t”

“She’s trying to take away my boyfriend.”

“Regis?”

“Yes”.

Always Regis …

So you see, saying goodbye to Regis is almost like sayinggoodbye to mom again. I’ll be right infront of the TV, and I’ll probably cry a little. No, I’ll probably cry a lot … so long RegisPhilbin, I wish you the best at whatever you go on to do. And I know that a lady up in Heaven will bewatching you too.

Suddenly

2011-10-18T07:39:00.002-05:00

You're probably thinking ... where are those funny posts? Well, there are times when funny just has to wait. Monday a good friend of mine lost her husband ... suddenly. On Sunday she mentioned that he'd had severe heartburn for a few days and they would be going to the doctor on Monday. Monday morning we wake up to the news that he'd had a severe heart attack during the night, had coded in the ambulance where they almost lost him and that he had a 50/50 chance. That night I came home from work to the news that he was gone. 51. Yes, he was 51. One day he was there, the next he's gone and my friend Dorah is a widow. Of course, when I first heard of the heartburn, I thought of the heart but didn't say anything. Would it have helped - no. One artery was 100% blocked and they said they couldn't do anything about that at the moment; the other was 99% and did get a stint. But it was too late .. the damage was too severe. The DNR was signed and Eric was gone. I'm assuming that he had coded again. So at first I felt guilty because I hadn't said "go to the emergency room now" but then came the realization that those few hours wouldn't have made a big difference. Or so I've been told so don't tell me otherwise.

But this is a reminder that death can come at any moment. That we never know when we may lose a loved one. We need to tell the people we love that they matter to us .. every single day, for we never know when that day will be the last.

Death often happens ..... suddenly .....

5 Years

2011-10-14T10:03:00.000-05:00

This is from Love You Forever by Robert Munsch.

*The son went to his mother.

He picked her up and rocked her

back and forth, back and forth,

back and forth.

And he sang this song:

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living

my Mommy you'll be.

I can't remember your voice ... but I still remember your smell, the way your bones would creak as I laid my head on your shoulder. As long as I remember .... my mommy you'll be.

Mary

November 15, 1928 - October 14, 2006

*Love you Forever by Robert Munsch, Illustrated by Sheila McGraw, Firefly Books Ltd., Canada, 1989

The Week

2011-10-10T08:07:00.001-05:00

And so it begins, my own personal week from hell. Every year is different, every year I approach it from far differing emotional spectrums. But this year has been hard.

I've known it was coming, aware of its significance for a few months. Five years since mom died, 11 for dad. As I was closer to mom it's that particular anniversary that is haunting me more. As I sat in a room full of writers Saturday night, my mind kept jumping "5 years from tomorrow mom went into hospice". Five years ago today .. I called Bebo in panic, I don't remember exactly why now, but something mother did while laying in her bedroom scared me. I didn't want to be alone when she died. Bebo left work and spent the week with me.

But that's today ... and Friday ..... and .. tomorrow is about dad. Yes, 11 years ago he was in hospice too, had been forever it seemed. And therein lies the contrast ... the house was filled with family, food came from church and family members. I was never alone. With mom .. it was Bebo and myself. No food to help us through this time, no real support. Don't get me wrong .. Cathie was in a nursing home and David was in Missouri. But still, the difference was so .. stark.

But finally, after a couple of weeks, dad passed late in the evening of October 11. I'll never forget my cousin Theresa's face as she listened through her stethoscope. After days of waiting for the pacemaker to give out, it had happened. I can still see the funeral parlor's hearse in the driveway, a dark silhouette against the street lights. Bebo, Theresa and I stood outside for a while and watched a falling star, a fitting end to a long life. I knew my dad was happy, free from the body that had failed him, had kept him virtually a prisoner in his own home.

So my week begins ....

Harry

May 31, 1922 - October 11, 2000

One Knight Only

2011-10-05T00:00:00.000-05:00

A snarky Faery princess, aScottish knight with a gambling problem, and a murderous earl all add up to onething: Trouble. Maggie’s medieval education never prepared her for life in theMiddle Ages!

I haven’t had the opportunity to read this book, but I hadthe privilege of seeing portions while it was being written – enough to have developed a love for it. I found the characters engaging, thestoryline interesting and sprinkled with humor (a must in order to be on my“must read” list). So I was delightedwhen Michelle Miles agreed to join us again today to talk about her recentrelease.

So Michelle, tell us a bit about One Knight Only.

Maggie is a modern day woman who is thrust back in time tothe mid-1300s into the bed of a very hot Scotsman, Sir Finian. She’s taskedwith keeping Finn alive at a jousting tournament by a snotty Faery princess inorder to get back to her time. Only, things never really go as planned onceshe’s back in the Middle Ages. There’s jousting, chivalry, knights in shiningarmor, faeries, medieval swearing, gambling, magic, romance, and an evil earl.

How did you come up with this plotline?

It was a long time coming. I actually started the book in2005 as a straight historical romance. I knew I wanted to set it during theMiddle Ages at a jousting tournament but the storyline never quite jelled. Istopped writing. A few years later, I picked it back up again, rewrote thebeginning and decided it was a time travel and there were faeries involved andeventually the story came together. Once I figured out the story, I wrote it ina couple of months and sold it in a week. That was a great feeling.

What compelled you to pick it back up?

I love jousts and the Middle Ages. There is somethingromantic about it for me. I really wanted to finish the story, especially sinceit is set during a jousting tournament. Even though I hadn’t been working onit, it had always been on the back-burner as a project I really wanted tofinish. I picked it up again in 2008 and that’s when I changed it from straighthistorical to paranormal. I added the time travel element and the Faeryprincess. But it would still be two more years before the first draft wascompleted.

Will there be a sequel?

Yes! The second book will be Elyne’s and Derron’s (the twoFae characters) story. At the end of the first book, Elyne is in some prettyhot water with her mother, the Queen of Faery. She’s used magic in the humanrealm which is against Fae Law and now she has to answer for her crimes.

What’s your favorite scene?

There are so many! I think one of my favorite parts is whenMaggie actually jousts for Finn. You’ll have to read the book to see how shegets into that predicament. ;) But there are a lot of other scenes that I love.Here is one of my favorites:

“Show off,” Elynemuttered.

“You know him?” Maggienodded in Sir Derron’s direction.

“Oh aye. I know himall right.”

Glancing at her,Maggie could see the angry lines creasing her forehead. Angry lines? Or concernedlines? Maggie couldn’t decide which. Sir Derron caught her gaze then, flashed abright smile and dismounted the horse, surrendering it to his young squire.

“I see you decided tomake an appearance,” he greeted, bowing with a flourish to Elyne. “I’m trulyhonored by your presence.” Dimples framed his mouth as he gave her a crookedsmile.

“You endanger yourselfhere and you know it.”

“Ah, but what othertime can I practice my skills than at tourney?”

“You don’t need topractice any skills. You should be—” She paused, giving Maggie a sidelongglance. “You know where you should be.”

“Court is so boring.”Derron yawned to prove his point. “Why should I waste my time lounging aroundthere with those hangers-on who want nothing but to serve, serve, serve. Itmakes me weary. And don’t get me started on all the bores in the rest of theOtherworld.”

“It’s your duty.” Fireflashed in Elyne’s eyes as she bit out her curt words.

Maggie watched theverbal volley between the two, trying to deduce exactly who Derron Chevalierwas to Elyne. Clearly, he was a Fae of some importance. And Maggie knew Elynewas a princess. Was he related to her somehow? They argued as if they’d beentogether a long while.

“Humans are much moreinteresting.”

Was Derron Chevalier aFae royal? Could it be possible? Maggie had lived nearly twenty-six years notbelieving in faeries and yet in a fortnight she’d met two.

Derron turned toMaggie then, upping the charm. “Mine eyes hath seen nothing as bonny as you,fair maiden, so pray forgive my rudeness.” He bowed low. “May I ask your name?”

“Lady Margaret.” Elyneanswered before Maggie could. Her gaze clawed him like talons. “And she’s noneof your concern.”

Clearly unflustered bythe irate princess, Derron took Maggie’s hand, kissed it with warm lips soft asvelvet. His touch sent a wave of desire right through her, shaking her to hersoul. “The pleasure is mine, Lady Margaret.”

Oh, she had a thousandand one questions to ask the man. She had to know everything about him. Shewanted to know how he managed to win so many tournaments without so much as aninjury. Was it because he was a Fae he cheated death? How many hours did hepractice? What made him so good? If he was Fae, did he have magic like Elyne?Did he use it to make him a god in the lists?

“I’m delighted to makeyour acquaintance, Sir Derron.”

Still holding her handin his, he chuckled. It was a deep sound, rumbling around in a broad chest.

“Shouldn’t you begetting ready for the banquet?” Elyne ripped out her words impatiently.

“All in good time,dear Elyne. First I intend to get to know Lady Margaret.” He tucked her hand inhis elbow.

Standing so close tohim, Maggie sensed something very ancient and otherworldly about him. It had tobe the Fae in him. Even so, her knees nearly buckled at the thought of spendingtime, alone, with her idol. What could she learn? How she wished she had a minirecorder.

Still ignoring Elyne,he said, “Will you be attending banquet tonight, Lady Margaret?”

She blushed, loweringher gaze to the ground as a delicious shudder tingled her spine. “I will, sirknight.”

“Then yes, I shouldmake my way posthaste to my tent and begin preparing to meet you again.”

“Stop using your Faecharms on her,” Elyne demanded.

He blinked, feigninginnocence, and Maggie suddenly realized that’s why she felt so weak andlightheaded. He was doing something to her, on purpose.

“Unhand her.”

The big booming voicesounded through the practice field, turning heads. Derron kept his grasp firmon Maggie’s arm, meeting Finn’s feral gaze as he charged across the field,sword in his hand gleaming in the afternoon light.

“Uh oh,” Maggiewhispered.

“You’re not kidding,”Elyne agreed.

Finn stopped, pointedthe sword a mere inch from Derron’s face. “Release her.”

“I don’t think shereally wants to be released.” Derron offered Maggie an arresting smile, pullingher closer. His ancient, spicy scent pressed into her, making her head spin.

“I said, let the lassgo.”

“And then what? You’lltake her under your protective wing?” Derron laughed. “Much like you did LadyJuliet?”

“Oh, here we go.”Elyne rolled her eyes.

Maggie gasped. Thelast person she’d want to make angry was Finn. He was the only one who couldkeep her safe in this wretched place after all. She tried to pull free.“Really, I should probably go—”

“Now, why would you dothat, Lady Margaret, when we’re just getting to know each other so well? Youdon’t want to go with this brute of a man, do you?” Derron wasn’t even botheredby the sword point in his face.

Oh, love it!

Will One Knight Onlybe available in print at some point?

The publisher decides what books go to print, but I’m toldit meets length requirements so hopefully it will. You’ll be the first to know.;)

Thanks Michelle!!

You’re welcome! Thanks for having me!

You can get a copy of One Knight Only at Ellora's Cave or Amazon

I'm Fall - ing

2011-10-03T00:00:00.000-05:00

Aww the arrival of fall .. how wonderful these last coupleof days have been. I didn’t have to turnon the a/c on Friday or today .. just had the windows open all day. My regular readers know that I hate summer ..actually, if summer had an average high of 72, I’d love it. So let’s just say that I hate heat. I really have mood fluctuations dependingupon the time of the year, but it’s not the normal SAD that everyone is familiarwith. SAD – Seasonal Affective Disorderis normally referred to as the winter-time blues. It’s said that the body needs a certainamount of sunlight in order to function properly. But there is a lesser known side of SAD –those who become depressed during the summer months. Yes, me. In fact, I’ve read some recent literature indicating a relationshipbetween bipolar and SAD, which is interesting to me since I am bipolar. In the summer, my windows are closed uptight, blinds closed, heavy curtains drawn. My rooms are dark, or as dark as I can get them. But in the cooler months, I love to have thewindows, blinds and curtains wide open. F

So what about you? Are you a Spring/Summer person or a Fall/Winter?

Yeah?

2011-09-30T11:40:00.000-05:00

So it's groaner Friday instead .. these are a few email funnies that I've been holding onto for just such a day. What day? The "I don't have anything else to post" day, that's what.

When asked by a young patrol officer "Do You know you were speeding?"
This 83-year-old woman gave the young officer an ear to ear smile and stated:
"Yes , but .... I had to get there before I forgot where I was going."
The officer put his ticket book away and bid her good day.
Makes perfectly good sense to me.

And finally .....

MURDER AT WHOLE FOODS
Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in anunhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking outa large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and thenarranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with anefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artieexplained to the husband that his going price for

snuffing out a spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount,but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife'sinsurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, sothe man opened
his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill thatrested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreedto accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife tothe local Whole Foods Supermarket store. There, he surprised her in the producedepartment & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poorunsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor, the managerof the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene.Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but tostrangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedingswere captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store'ssecurity guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrestedbefore he could even leave the store. Under intense questioning at the policestation, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financialarrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper, the headlinedeclared...

*
(You're going to hate me for this...)
*

'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 at Whole Foods'

Is Anything Real?

2011-09-23T11:42:00.000-05:00

What’s she doing?

Looking for a heroine for her story.

Oh no!!!!!! Don’t do it Bailey!!!!

What? What’s the matter Ern?

No matter how bad it appears, don’t, don’t turn to drugs …

Ern .. not that heroine … heroine, like in a female hero.

Wouldn’t a female hero be transgendered?

*Bud shakes imaginary head* You totally drive me nuts

No I don’t, they won’t let me have a license.

I’m ignoring the last bit of this conversation.

Yeah, like you always ignore me.

I wish. Anyway, she’slooking for a lady for her hero to fall in love with. She’s looking for Casey.

You mean as in “Casey at Bat”? Kinda hard to have a book without the titlecharacter. Even I can figure that out.

Then that makes it a major “duh”. So, she’s clicking through pictures, tryingto find …

STOP!!! That’s her!!!

Ern, that’s a mannequin.

No, I’m sure it’s a female .. and I don’t care if she’s kinor not …

*Bud buries imaginary head in hands* No, a mannequin .. a plastic doll that’s usedto show clothes in department stores.

Oh, a model …

Close .. anyway, she’s not real

That’s what you keep telling me .. that we’re not real. So if we’re not real and we speak to folks,and she’s not real …..

No Ern, can’t do it. A mannequin can not be the heroine in a romance novel.

Can too .. I saw it in a movie …

Movies aren’t real …

Would you stop that!!!! Is anything real???

Well Descartes, that is a good question …

What cart? The lunchcart????

Say bye Ern ….

By Ern …..

A Matter of Character

2011-09-20T22:39:00.000-05:00

I figured out what my problem is with this book. My characters. When Jo Davis was at chapter the other day,we talked about how her books are character driven as opposed to plot, and Iagreed saying so were mine. We bothagreed that if you know your characters well enough, then the book practicallywrites itself as you know how your characters will react in any givensituation. Think about it. Think about the person that you know best inyour life. Then say this person is in atraffic accident, the other person approaches the car with a menacing look ontheir face .. how would this person react? How about if someone told you that they were planning a surprise partyfor this person – how would they react to that? If you know someone well enough, you can pretty much figure out how theywill react to anything. And that’s theproblem. I don’t know my characters that well. Normally when I write a book, I have the characters “picked out” (i.e.magazine photos, etc.), their names and all of that chit. This one hit me without all of that and Ijust started typing. Do you know thatI’m really not sure what Casey, my heroine, even looks like? I think she’s a blue-eyed blond, but I’m notsure. Nick, my hero, is Hugh Jackman ..that’s a given.

The only other characterI’m sure about is a secondary character named Jit, who is portrayed by MichaelJeter.

Recently I decided on my H/H forthe next book – Deacon and Halley – and I know that he’s Josh Holloway.

But that’s pretty much it.

I need to sit down and sketch them out. I need to find Casey. I need to .. yeah, I got work to do.

All My Children

2011-09-19T08:54:00.000-05:00

This week marks the end of All My Children (possible reincarnation on web aside). While I haven’t watched the show in years, I do mourn its passing. Or maybe I mourn the passing of a genre. After One Life to Live leaves, there will only be 4 soups on television. Four? I remember when they ruled the daytime airwaves. And now they are almost all gone. I don’t like it .. I don’t like the replacement of actors with hosts any more than I like the replacement of checkers with those grocery store self check-out lines. A lot more people lose their jobs when a soap leaves than are given jobs with the creation of a talk show. Just saying. I love Anderson Cooper, but I have no intention of watching his show, or The Chew (what a name?), merely on quiet protest, not like they’ll notice.

But back to the point. All My Children. Once upon the time I watched ABC soaps religiously .. started with Ryan’s Hope and ended the day with Edge of Night. I laughed at Delia, rooted for Joe/Mary; loved Greg/Jenny; went through the ringer with Karen; was appalled and then fell in love with a man named Luke. (sorry Edge of Night, only remember Lori Loughlin was on it.) Soaps were .. in a strange way … romances novels. Or more like love stories – because they weren’t happily ever after, which is why I quit watching them, but that’s another blog. All My Children gave us Kim Delaney, Josh Duhamel, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Lauren Holly, Eva LaRue, Jesse McCartney, Kelly Ripa, Laura San Giacomo and Christian Slater, among others.

All My Children meant more than Greg and Jenny, it was Erica and her many husbands, the endearing love of Joe and Ruth Martin (whose portrayer, Mary Fickett, passed away a few days ago), Tad the Cad. It was the first soap that took on abortion, birth control and lesbian relationships, among others. Agnes Nixon opened the door to many previously taboo subjects and made AMC one of the hits of an era, an era I’m sorry to say is ending. Some blame OJ (audiences never did pick up after this trial knocked soaps off for weeks), some blame boredom – regurgitated stories or storylines that went too far over the edge. I quit because I was tired of rooting for the hero/heroine to only have they ripped apart sometimes the day after the much rooted for “kiss” “wedding” “reunion” – you name it.

This week is All My Children’s last week. I wish I wasn’t working; I would love to watch it. I understand that each day will be a tribute to something – like the weddings through the years – Wednesday will be a tribute to Mary Fickett’s Ruth Martin. I’ll be watching on Friday though .. to say my goodbye to a once loved show.

Gonna be a Bad day

2011-09-16T12:11:00.001-05:00

Thanks Susan. Arthritis kept me from blogging for Wednesday .. cold front came through Wednesday night and I woke up Thursday morning sneezing my head off, nose dripping, head has the wooley feeling ... cheekbones a bit achy. So I'm sitting down with some chicken noodle soup and then probably a nap. But I couldn't let Funny Friday go by without something to giggle at. Have a great weekend everyone!!

Entangled

2011-09-11T12:00:00.000-05:00

I know this is Me Monday, but bear with me because at the end you’ll see that this is about me. I have a special guest today who is here to talk about a wonderful project. Michelle Miles is not only a chapter mate, but she is one of the authors in a new anthology out today called Entangled. Please welcome Michelle to the road.

Hi and welcome to the road, watch out there are some wild drivers out here. I want to start out by you telling us what Entangled is about and what makes it special.

Thanks for having me! I’m really happy to be here to talk about this amazing anthology. I’m so honored to be in such great company.

Entangled is a paranormal anthology by Authors4theCure, eleven authors banding together that include award-winning, USA Today and New York Times bestselling authors, as well as two breast cancer survivors. We are donating proceeds from the sale of the anthology to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation (BCRF).

BCRF-funded research has helped save lives and improved the quality of care and rate of survival for tens of thousands of breast cancer patients in the past decade. Their research has revealed that the "cure" is a mosaic made up of as many approaches to diagnosing, treating, preventing and surviving as there are different types of breast cancer. The anthology is also a mosaic made up of many stories donated for this worthwhile cause.

The anthology includes me, Lori Brighton, Michelle Diener, Cynthia Eden, Jennifer Estep, Misty Evans, Nancy Haddock, Liz Kreger, Dale Mayer, and Edie Ramer, plus a novella by Allison Brennan. Stacia Kane contributed the foreword and the book’s formatting and cover art were also donated to the project.

How did you get involved with this book?

My very good friend and awesome writer, Misty Evans, invited me to participate in the anthology. When she described it to me and what the proceeds would benefit, I knew it was something I wanted to be involved in. Cancer has affected my family personally. If there’s a way to stop this ugly disease from affecting lives and devastating families, I want to help fight it. This is a great way to do that.

Was there a certain criteria for the stories? Like, did they have to have a connecting theme?

Yes, all of them were to be under 10,000 words and have a paranormal/Halloween theme. I think you’ll find there’s something for everyone in this anthology.

What is the name of your story and how did you come up with the idea?

My story is Sinfully Sweet and it’s about a witch on the run and a sexy half-demon/half-witch come to warn her that she’s in danger. I’ve never done a witch story before so I thought this would be a lot of fun. As for the idea, I’d been brewing (no pun) an idea for a magic bakery and kicked around some ideas for it with Misty. Chloe’s Sugar Mamma’s Bakery was born.

Here’s the blurb:

When Chloe bakes a little magic into her pastries, she attracts the attention of Edward, the sexy half-demon, half-witch, who’s come to warn her that those who murdered her sister are now after her.

Where can Entangled by found?

It’s available as an ebook from B&N, Kindle, Smashwords, All Romance Ebooks, and other online distributors.

Thank you for coming by today, Michelle. Now get back to writing my book.

LOL You’re welcome! And, again I say, you’re such a slave driver! :)

About me? I want you to buy this book. If you can’t buy it, I want you to promote the hell out of it. Why? This book is for me. This book is for my mother’s sisters Alice and Golda who won. This book is for her niece Martha who won. This book is for my dad’s sister Ruth who won. It’s for his niece Sharon who won.

This book is for my father’s sister Evelyn …. who lost. And most importantly, for mom’s niece Beth who is fighting it as we speak.

This book is for me …. It is to help prevent any more breast cancer in my family.

This book is my hope.

Thank you for coming by today.

Foreign Relations

2011-09-08T21:44:00.000-05:00

Dear Sir, (Minus 2 points)

We do not know each other, but you are the only person I sent this letter with hope to get a positive and sincere response, in order to go into a deal that would bring life fortune to both of us. (you want sincere from me?)

I am Barrister Richard Thomas Group of advocates, a solicitor. (you can say that again) I was the personal attorney to late Engr. Overtrump, who was a Contractor and has spent most of his life in my country (London & Spain). (London and Spain is one country now? Wow!!) On the 20th of August 2008, Overtrump, his wife Maria, and their only son Pedro, were involved in a plane crash by which the all occupants of the plane unfortunately perished. (Why isn’t there ever a fortunate perishing?) (http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/madrid ). Since then I have made several enquiries in the France Embassy (Is France the new capital of London/Spain? And is the country called Lain? Spondon?) to locate any of my clients extended relatives (I’m way beyond extended) but all efforts was unsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to contact you (‘cuz Lord knows I’m not successful) and solicit for your assistance as a foreigner (Hey! Who you calling a foreigner, you foreigner) to execute the claim of his cash deposits with Natwest Bank London.

I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the assets and Capital valued at US$20.5million left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable (I hate being unserviceable) by the bank in London where these huge deposits was lodged. The said bank has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated within the next two months.

Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 2 years now, I seek the consent to present you as the Next of kin to the deceased (You mean, commit fraud?) since you share a common last name, (You don’t know my last name, you don’t even know my gender .. so there) so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you. The request of a foreigner as the next of kin in this transaction is occasioned by the fact that my client was a foreigner (Yeah, he was from Splondon) and the money cannot be paid into a local bank here, so it will be better for you to stand as the next of kin to my client. (I’d rather sit, thank you) Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall then discuss the sharing ratio and modalities for transfer. I have all necessary information and legal documents needed to back you up for claim.

All I require from you is your honest cooperation (Me? Oh yeah, someone has to be the honest one) to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed (executed is right) under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please reply via e-mail; (barrrchrdthomas@yahoo.co.jp) or call +447024098461

Best Regards,

Barr. Richard Thomas

Dear Richard Thomas,

How are the rest of the Waltons? I sure do miss your wonderful good nights.

I’m sorry, but because of relations with past foreign relations, I can not relate to you. This has been made mandatory by the officials (Bud and Ernie) of Mymindland. Mymindland does not, nor ever will have relations, foreign or domestic, with the country of Splondon. We find you insipid. And your grammar is bad too. But then I’m one to talk about that. Anyway, thank you so much for thinking about me, you have no idea how that made me feel.

Good luck with the next sucker, er, person on your foreign list. I’m sure that you will be able to locate someone soon. Have you tried California?

Sincerely (because you wanted a sincere response)

Bailey

Reading for TaTas ....

2011-09-07T07:41:00.000-05:00

Eleven authors have banded together to support breast cancer research with their writing. Authors4theCure, which includes award-winning and New York Times bestselling authors, as well as two breast cancer survivors, is donating proceeds from the sale of their paranormal anthology, Entangled, to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation (BCRF).

Entangled includes ten suspense-filled paranormal stories from authors Lori Brighton, Michelle Diener, Cynthia Eden, Jennifer Estep, Misty Evans, Nancy Haddock, Liz Kreger, Dale Mayer, Michelle Miles, and Edie Ramer, plus a novella by Allison Brennan. Stacia Kane contributed the foreword and the book’s formatting and cover art were also donated to the project.

The anthology has already received it's first five start review from Coffle Table Reviews

Available September 12, you can get it on Smashwords, B&N and Amazon through October for $2.99.

A Raindance?

2011-09-05T09:38:00.003-05:00

That's all I have to say .....

There are wildfires all over N. Texas, another 2 lives were lost over the weekend because of them. A customer's dog ran into her back yard and broke its leg (don't know if male/female) when it fell into a crack that had opened up over night - from the lack of rain. Tropical Storm Lee missed us, bringing us cooler weather (but still dry) but no rain. In fact, according to the weatherornotman, T.S. Lee took the moisture we were going to have. A tropical storm stole our rain? Figures.

But .. it is cooler. For that I'm quite happy, thank you!

(oh, the LOLcat? I made that one.)

Why I Didn't Do a Blog Post on Wednesday, by Bud and Ernie

2011-09-02T10:30:00.002-05:00

She’s been tweeting.

Tweeting? Like a bird?

No, tweeting as in to tweet.

Or not to tweet …

Are you listening to me?

I always listen to you …

Yeah, right. What did I just say then?

Yeah, right ….

Ernie ….

That’s my name, don’t screw it up.

Why do I put up with you?

Because the Easter Bunny isn’t talking to you any more?

She is too!

Whatever ….. so this blog thing is late huh?

Like I said, she’s been tweeting.

Would bird seed help?

It’s not tweeting, like birds do, although I guess it’s based on that, but not really and … don’t confuse me.

Why not? You confuse me all of the time.

Because it’s so easy to do.

If I had an eye, I’d give you the stink one right now.

Listen, I think I hear your mom calling you ..

You do?

Yeah, and she’s getting on the bus to go to Candyland.

Without me?

Looks like it.

Mooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!

Wait, Ernie! You didn’t say goodbye to the nice folks! Oh well, y’all have a nice day, I know I will …. I get to be alone with my own voice. Maybe I'll call the Easter Bunny? *snicker*

Frazzled

2011-08-28T22:37:00.001-05:00

So this is Monday Me … yeehaw! I haven’t been doing much, bugging folks on Twitter while I tried to take my mind off of Irene. I have friends who have been affected by this storm; one in SC that I still haven’t heard from. I worry, and when I worry I don’t focus very well. Even with the medication it’s hard to keep the bipolar under control when I’m like this. So I flit from thing to thing like a hummingbird, except I’m bigger. But I have discovered a couple of things:

1. There is no great site on the internet to watch streams of storm coverage except the Weather Channel, and that has lousy audio. No, really. Tried to watch it at work on Saturday and could barely hear it even with the volume at max. Slightly better at home with my exterior speakers, but still not fantastic. They need to fix that.

2. And I forget what number two was ….

I blame that entirely on the heat. 106 today (at DFW airport, 107 according to weatherbug), I think I saw Brendan Frasier and a camel walk by …. The weatherornotguys keep saying it’ll be better in September. Well let me tell you … Thursday is September and it’ll still be triple digits. I’m not impressed ….

Oh wait, I remember what number 2 was .. oh wait, no, that wasn’t it.

And then, my chapter newsletter was eaten by my computer. Had everything but 2 pages done, just cut and paste stuff. Went to open it tonight to slip it in and … it wasn’t there. Not even in my recent documents. *knocks head on desk*

Full circle now, I’m thankful that my friends are safe (I just now heard from the one in SC), that even though there are 20 dead – I’m thankful it wasn’t more, it had that potential. Property can be replaced. I’m thankful that shelters learned a lesson from Katrina and allowed pets. That’s why a lot of people died back then; they wouldn’t leave their pets behind. I wouldn’t have. With every tragedy there are lessons learned. I’ve already heard people complaining about the “hype” when the storm fizzled out at NYC – and your point is? At the time there wasn’t anything else they could do. Should they have waited until it hit land, went through NC then hit Virginia before deciding whether or not people should evacuate? Doesn’t work that way. Sorry. One little turn, a few more mph on the gusts and things would have been different. I’m glad that NYC and others landed on the side of caution, it was the prudent thing to do. These same gripers would have been screaming their heads off if this stuff hadn’t been done and the storm hit as predicted. You can never please everyone.

Have a great week everyone! Hug your loved ones, shoot – hug your enemies, it’ll piss them off.

What Do You Mean You Don't Know Haminglay?

2011-08-25T23:29:00.004-05:00

For those who don’t know it, I work in a bookstore. Its hard work, shelving, alphabetizing, up and down on step-ladders, etc. But every once in a while, okay almost every day, someone on the other side of the counter/phone will make it both worthwhile and frustrating. Hence, things my customers tell me.

Up and coming authors (if you can’t figure out who they are, check the bottom of the post – and yes, some are repeats, I’m not digging out old posts to see what I’ve done already):

Irish Johnson
Janet Plum
Linda Lying Miller
Charles Dickerson
Judy Pickle
Ernest Haminglay
Sofclees

New Releases:

The Murdering Doves
The Angry Grapes
The Little ‘Ol Men See
The Stookie Stackedhouse books

Words we don’t want to hear again:

Triology (trilogy)
Arthur (author)

And now, the customers:

“Paperbacks Plus in Mesquite, may I help you?”
“Is this Paperbacks Plus?”
(Is there an echo?)
“Yes, may I help you?
“Do you have the phone number for Half Price?”
(Do you have a short pier you can walk off of?)

“I’m looking for a book”
(been there, done that, have the straight jacket to prove it)
“And the book is?”
“I don’t remember the name of the book, but the author is that lady who wrote that other book that was made into a movie …”
(Oh her, we don’t carry her books, she’s a snob)

“Can we rent the magazines”
(Yes, for a $40 deposit)

“Paperbacks Plus in Mesquite, may I help you?”
“Do you carry that paper for the computer that has the border on it?”
“No, we’re a used bookstore.”
“What’s the plus for?”
“DVD’s, hardbacks, magazines, CD’s”
“Well that’s a stupid name”
(and your mom dresses you funny)

“I’m looking for a book …”
(OMG not you again!!)

Authors:
Iris Johansen
Janet Evanovich
Linda Lael Miller
Charles Dickens
Judy Picoult
Ernest Hemingway
Sophocles

Books:
To Kill A Mockingbird
The Grapes of Wrath
The Old Man and the Sea
Sookie Stackhouse

An old man walks into a bar ...

2011-08-23T22:01:00.002-05:00

Did you know that 3 billion devices run Java*? Yeah, didn’t think so .. I’m just a load of information. Trouble is none of it applies to blog posts. And least of all this blog post. I have blog block.. from now on referred to as BB. There’s really no cure for BB except to type. Does it have to make sense? Only if you want anyone to read beyond the Java line. (psssst, am I still making sense?) Wednesday’s post is supposed to be about the craft of writing. I did do some writing on Monday – almost 2k worth. But it was a struggle. This is one area that I didn’t think about cigarettes and their role in my life. I’ve come up with some of my most creative pieces of writing while puffing on a cig. Whenever I can’t think of what comes next, I’d pull one out of a pack, take a few puffs & think. Couldn’t do that on Monday. I had nothing to use as my creative, well “crutch” for lack of a better word. Tried M&M’s, but, while satisfying in many ways, it’s hard to put a piece of candy in my mouth and contemplate while it slowly melts, the way I could while watching a stream of smoke whiff through the air. Ohh, maybe I should try Skittles and watch the rainbow? On second thought, that would distract me too much. Hey look! A blog post!!!

My question to you writers out there … when you need to stop and think, what do you do while thinking?

*actual words that popped up while loading update of Java ... Bailey's mind isn't that sharp ....

Where the Hell Have You Been Bails?

2011-08-21T21:15:00.001-05:00

Who me? Um, around. Okay, I’ve been on Facebook. Sue me. For the last couple of years I’ve been hiding in Yoville, Farmtown, Farmville, Petville, Mallworld and whatever other app I could get into. Hiding. Instead of writing about a better world, I’ve been living in la la land on Facebook. Much easier that way. No really. The last couple of years I’ve been decorating homes when I can’t afford to in real life. I’ve been buying mansions too. I even own a cave somewhere. Oh, and not just me either. My other me. And my cats. Yes, my cats are on Facebook, they have more friends than I do and their friends talk to them.. a lot. How’s that for pathetic? My cats are more popular than I am. You may have seen some of their friends; they show up in my comments from time to time. Not to talk to me of course, they’re looking for my cats. And no, you can’t be their friends .. you’ll be talking to them more than me.

This week begins the second stage of the comeback of Bailey Stewart. I start writing. Why now? I belong to this loop – the Write-Now loop – and it’s starting up again on Monday. We get a certain number of words to meet or pages to revise – a day. So, I go back to writing. I think it’ll be revising on Monday though because I have to go back over the ol’ WIP – Casey at Bat. I don’t remember a lot about it. Probably need to do some sort of outline too. But anyway, this isn’t the writing post, so enough of that.

And lastly, I’ve been quitting smoking. This Thursday will be 4 weeks since I took a drag off of the e-cigarette, almost 6 weeks since my last cancer stick. It’s been so easy that it’s almost scary. Sort of waiting for that shoe to drop. When I got lost on my last drive to writers group, I didn’t take a drag off of the e-cig at all .. and it was right there in front of me.

So that’s where I’ve been since this blog was active. No where interesting .. now, where have you been??

And the Walls Close In

2011-08-18T20:38:00.001-05:00

Why are they pink?

What?

The walls.

Look kinda grey to me.

Not the walls of her brain, the walls of this blog.

Oh, well, um, she likes pepto bismal?

We have to do something about this.

We? As in you and me?

No, me and Eleanor Roosevelt …

You know Eleanor?

No I don’t …

Then why did you say that?

I was kidding, you know, like making a joke.

I didn’t get it.

You rarely do.

Oh yes I do Ernie!

When?

When what?

When do you get a joke?

When someone tells me a good one.

When someone … ? Oh nice Bud.

That was a good one wasn’t it?

Yeah, that was a good one.

Do I get 2 points?

2 points? K, what are you going to do with these points?

I’m going to trade them in for stamps.

Stamps?

Yeah, to buy things with.

They don’t do that anymore.

They do in my world.

That’s right, you do live in your own little world, don’t you.

Yep, my friends are here.

That’s nice Bud. So what are you going to buy with these stamps.

New walls for this blog.

That would work. Say goodbye to the nice folks Bud.

Goodbye to the nice folks Bud.

Some things never change.

The Voice

2011-08-16T20:22:00.001-05:00

Like many, I am of the opinion that you can’t teach “voice”. You either have it or you don’t. What I do believe, however, is that you can teach a person how to 1) find their voice; and 2) how to enhance it.

Voice, as I’ve said before, is that part of your writing that separates you from other writers. The turn of a phrase, choice of words or witty schizophrenic story twists that are uniquely your own. It’s the part of your writing that identifies you to the reader. I struggled for the longest time with my voice. First, I wanted to write John Jakes/Roberta Gellis multigenerational family sagas. Yeah, I wanted Betsy Sue to marry the grandson of Bobby Joe, you know, the hero from the first book? But alas, that wasn’t me. So who was I? What voice was mine? I love action adventure type books and movies. I’d pick “Transformers” over “While You Were Sleeping” just about any day. So of course – I’ll write romantic suspense. Simple really, don’t know why I didn’t think of it before. Ergo, I launched my second career as the author of romantic suspense novels … NOT! Put on the brakes, hold back those horses, we ain’t going no where on this one. I’m not a romantic suspense writer. But I have stories to tell! The voices in my head tell me this nearly every day. But what? I have a voice (yes, other than the ones in my head), but I didn’t know what it was, and I didn’t have a clue as to how to find it. So I wrote blogs. I commented on blogs. And slowly, something began to emerge, something that was quite unexpected to me. No, not that … but rather that I’m a comedian. I write romantic comedies. I have a voice and it’s funny, just ask me. Writing this blog helped me discover what my voice is, and your feedback through these years, dear readers, has helped it to evolve. Whenever I couldn’t think of a topic to blog about, when I would just go off on some weird tangent, you were there with me. And you laughed.

So it’s simple. To discover what your voice is, write. Even if it’s little doodle type writing, or mindless scribbling. You’ll discover as time goes on that a certain style will begin to emerge …. that is your voice. Not the one in your head .. which we’ll discuss at some other time.

Speaking of that .. Friday is humor day so you get to pick. Bud and Ernie (for new comers, they are the voices in my head); things my customers say or Spam. Top vote gets it.

Connections

2011-08-14T20:31:00.002-05:00

I've come to the decision that everything in my life is connected in one way or another. Now don't just sit there and say .. "well duh". Let me explain. But then again, short of leaving this page how can you stop me from explaining ..?? When mom died a lot of things inside me began to shut down. It wasn't an immediate reaction, but more like the beginning of a dam with the water slowly trickling to nothing. A couple of years later, I'd virtually stopped reading. Writing was sporadic but I still kept up appearances. Bailey Stewart was everywhere ... but inside, Bailey Stewart was running. Then I cut off the last of the .. connections. What am I talking about? The things that keep a writer going, the stuff that feeds the imagination. Reading, writing, blogging, talking to other authors. Those were the things that fed me ... and they were the things I had stopped doing.

So what to do about it? I'm slowly mending those connections. I'm reading again. I'm talking/participating/networking or whatever term you want to give it. And I'm here, talking to you. It's all about connections, keeping those intact so that the muses can play.

You are a fundamental connection .. and I've missed you.

I'm Rich!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-05-03T08:23:00.003-05:00

Look!!! It's official!!!!!!!

ATTENTION: Friend (guess that's better than sir/madam)

I am BRIGADIER GENERAL NANA TENNYSON of the Presidential Special
Initiative. (Any relationship to the IMF?) I am mailing you in respect, of the present development going
on here in my country GHANA. (ohhh, got thrown out of Nigeria huh?)

I decided to contact you, after much investigation which was carried out
by the Bureau of National Investigation (BNI) and the Ghana Police
Service, to make sure our country is free of these fraudulent activities,
which is going on here in Africa and for our country to bear a good name. (ooooo you like commas too! Commas are my friend)

The Airport Authority detected some trunk boxes after been scanned the
authorities detected that the boxes contains funds on your name and email
that has been tempered on, they were been smuggled into the country by
foreign Personnel who were on transit from London. (My email was tampered on?? That sounds kinda kinky)

These men were trying to enter the country with the trunk boxes, when the
airport authority detected that these boxes contains, some huge amount of
United State Dollars. After much investigation we found out that these men
were among those men, spoiling the good name of Africa. (These men were among those men, but not among the other men?)

They opened up to us that, they actually work with a Lotto company before
their dismissal and used the opportunity to perpetuate their crimes, they
told us that the funds inside the boxes was won by you, but now they
planned to turn back on you and decided to take the money all to
themselves out of the country. We later found out on the investigation
that was carried that, these men are truly members of a well established
organization to act on their criminal activities. (They were going to turn back on me?? Ohhhh, they really were among those men ...)

As I write you this mail now, the three(3) men that were caught are now in
the custody of the Ghana Police Service over here in our country Ghana, (where else would the Ghana Police Service be?) while we are trying to track the others left, because hey have proved to us that they belong to one organization. (Hey!) That is why we have to reach you by your mail address and name that was tagged the boxes, so we can make the arrangement on the transfer of the funds to your designation. (So, the boxes were addressed to me with the address of my email??? Some mail service you have there, we're lucky if things are sent to us with the actual mail address.)

Your urgent response will be very much appreciated as soon as you have
received this email.Thank you for your kind attention, for us to make sure
our beloved country Ghana, bears a good name. (Try Gentle Ben, he was a good bear)

Please in your reply include your
A: FULL NAMES (I only have one)
B: ADDRESS (Don't need it, your postal service can send me stuff through my email address)
C: DIRECT CONTACT PHONE NUMBER (I'll get my secretary on that)
D: SCANNED COPY OF YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT OR ANY RELEVANT IDENTIFICATION PASSPORT. (Oh no! I can't use my scanner!!!!! Dang it!)

As this information will be required, by the authorities in Ghana to draft
the new change of ownership in your name as the rightful owner of the
funds in our custody and also to verify the information given to us
because the documentations covering the boxes have been tampered on. (Tampered on ... is that like tinkled on 'cuz if it is then I don't want it .. thank you)

Regards,
BRIGADIER GENERAL NANA TENNYSON (So I guess your army doesn't have anything better to do than to contact folks that have been tampered on ....)

Happy Birthday!

2011-03-02T08:29:00.001-06:00

HAPPY 175TH BIRTHDAY TEXAS!!!!!!!

Bud and Ernie have their say ....

2011-02-18T09:14:00.002-06:00

What's she doing Bud?

Writing a note to herself.

What does it say?

Can't you read it?

No, your fat head is in the way.

Ern ....

What does it say???

"Don't forget to write your blog"

She has to remind herself?

Lately she does.

She should write the blog instead of writing the note.

No chit Sherlock, tell me something I don't know.

I'm wearing my underwear backward.

Why did you tell me that?

You said to ...

But not that. I didn't need to know that!

So, it's on a need to know basis?

You could say that.

I just did.

Come on, we have to give her ideas ...

She gets enough ideas.

No, for the blog.

Write about me!

No one wants to know about you.

Elsie in the humor department does?

Why? So she can have more material?

She sews?

No, material .. as in stuff to laugh about.

Hey, I resemble that remark.

You don't resemble anything, you're a voice.

You keep saying that! I'm getting tired of you telling me that I'm nothing.

I'm only a voice too.

You are?

Yeah.

Bud?

Yes Ern.

I love you ...

Oh sheesh .....

Oops!

2011-02-16T08:10:00.008-06:00

I know, I know ... where have I been? Um, busy? No, that's not right. Absentmindness land? Yeah, that's more like it. I'd think about posting while I was doing something else, but then I'd forget after I was done ... complete into-my-head-out-my-ear-syndrome. I'm just not into the routine yet ... but hey, I'm here now aren't I? Sort of. I'm actually getting ready for work, which means I don't have a lot of time to create some witty, exceptionally profound blog ... only this lame excuse for filling space, or making you read something. Sorry - you're going to get to the end of this and wonder .. what???? Gotcha! Ever watch Seinfeld? Okay, so I haven't either, but I often heard it described as a show about nothing. Well, you've just been "Seinfelded" ... a blog about nothing. Except rambling. My style.

So, on Monday I meant to leave you some Valentine's Day (eye)Candy ... maybe we'll just make it Hump Day Love instead. Enjoy. And don't drool on your keyboard, it'll be messy.

They Don't Make Them Like They Used To

2011-02-07T01:19:00.000-06:00

Super Bowl ads that is ... I'm sorry, with very few exceptions, this years group didn't impress me much. Some retreads of past commercials, same themes but with little twists; others that fell flat; big stars in abysmal commercials. Where are those great ads of yesteryear?? So, forget about the majority of last nights snoozefests .... here are some great ones. Thank you YouTube, for the memories .....

Snickers

Pepsi

Bridgestone

Sorry, for some reason they won't embed. So anyway, what did you think of this year's crop of ads? What were some of your favorites from other years?

Okay, okay .. so there were a couple from this year:

Volkswagon

Budweiser 2011

Snickers 2011 (okay, only 'cuz of the end)

Out of the mouths of babes, er, customers

2011-02-04T10:09:00.004-06:00

For anyone new to my blog (anyone?), I work in a bookstore and these are the things that really happen there.

Two gentlemen come into the store. My co-worker and I are busy, so I just keep an ear out in case they need help.

"so how do you find anything?"
"oh look, it says alphabetical by author, so let's start here"

To co-worker "You'd better go check them out, they're in the psychology/self-help section"

Overhearing co-worker "Who are you looking for"

"Tom Clancy"

Yeah, we keep him in psychology ... Doesn't everyone?

"How are the books shelved" the customer asks me. "Alphabetical by author within their genre".
"By first or last name?"
For today only, we have put them by the author's first name. You'll find Michael Connolly, Michael Palmer and Michael Crichton all together; same with John Connelly, John Grisham, John Sandford .........

Saturday, July 3 .....
Customer enters store where I and two co-workers, along with a smattering of customers are gathered in the front. She walks up to one co-worker at the front counter. "Are you open today?"
No comment from the peanut gallery ... except for the fact that she was blonde and was looking for a book on how to increase your brain power. Honest ....

Young girl barely out of tweens, texting the entire time while with mother. Up at the counter as mom checks out ... looks up suddenly as if she's just noticed where she was. "We have to pay for these?"
Look below ...

"Can we just borrow the magazines?"

No, we don't charge. In fact, the payroll fairy hands us money from our non-sales.

"What do you mean we have to pay something? Doesn't our credit cover the entire bill?"
Yeah, the phone company/electric company loves it when we pay our bills in books .....

"I'm looking for a book." Oh oh, I've heard this one before.
"yes?"
"I can't remember the author" Yeah, she/he writes a lot of books.
"Do you remember the title of the book?"
"No, but it's a romance" Uh uh, done this, been there ... got the headache to prove it.

"Where do you keep your historical romances?"
"In the romance section."
Blank stare
"All of our romances are shelved together ... we don't seperate the contemporary romances from the historical ones"
Another blank stare ..... yeah, I was lying, we do .. and in the mysteries, we divide them by courtroom dramas, medical mysteries, coroner's, police, animals who solve mysteries ........

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!

2011-01-28T10:21:00.003-06:00

As I'm recovering from the flu, once again Bebo has saved Friday Funnies. Enjoy. Oh, and I'm feeling better, mind is still a bit fuzzy and I tire easily.

ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife... A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
my interest...

The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer stun gun.

The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul)while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself
against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of
water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best ....

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and ...

HOLY MOTHER OF.. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE .....!!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs!

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above
my head, which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

P.s... My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

Sick

2011-01-26T08:57:00.001-06:00

I'm feeling old ...

2011-01-24T08:35:00.003-06:00

Age is something we can't avoid, no matter what world-famous plastic surgeon you frequent. It's the march of time that stomps over you, leaving stiletto marks across your face. Nothing can stop the passage of time. In the last few months we've lost a few people who reminds us of this very fact. David Nelson, Steve Landesberg, James MacArthur, Don Meredith, Leslie Nielsen, Jimmy Dean, Barbara Billingsley, Anne Francis, Tom Bosley, Peter Graves, Stephen J. Cannell, Rue MacClanahan (sp?), and last night Jack LaLane. To me, these icons of my youth epitomizes times endless assault. Larry King has retired, Regis Philbin is retiring this year. And time continues on .... You can slow down the aging of your body if you have the money, but you cannot stop the world around you. So put down that night cream, throw away the wrinkle eye mask and pour yourself a glass of wine ...

For the Under 40 Crowd

2011-01-21T09:28:00.002-06:00

Bebo sent this to me .... and I must make a few changes here for the over 45 crowd .. Atari??? Atari appeared after I'd left my teen years. And there was no recording off the radio with the little built in tape player in your stereo - YOU HAD TO SET A CASSETTE RECORDER NEXT TO THE RADIO AND SET THE MICROPHONE ON TOP OF IT!!!!! Okay, back to the emal ....

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot... BOTH ways...yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of forty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

1) I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

2) There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

3) Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

4) There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

5) Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

6) We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!

7) There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOSH !!! Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are.

8) And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

9) We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen.. Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

10) You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

11) There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

12) And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

13) And our parents told us to stay outside and play.. all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!

And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!

See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or any time before!

Regards,
The Over 40 Crowd

So you wanna know about my writing

2011-01-19T01:18:00.000-06:00

Well guess what? So do I. Not writing much lately, in fact I haven't done a lot of writing in months. I'm having a problem getting into the characters, into their heads; can't seem to grab the rhythm, the beat or pulse of the story that is an important part of my voice. In other words ... I can't find my voice. That's the other reason I needed to get this blog up and going again. This is where I found that part of me that is uniquely me .. my writing voice. So, in the meantime, you can ogle Nick, my hero ... no touching ... and please, wipe up the drool when you leave.

I Have a Dream

2011-01-17T01:59:00.000-06:00

Yes, he had a dream ... and this one man acted upon his dream. He spoke everywhere and soon the one became many. He had a dream .... he didn't just sit around for others to do it for him. He advocated non-violence, lived by that creed ... and died a violent death. He had a dream ... his death spurred others to act and his dream came true.

He had a dream ....

Bud and Ernie

2011-01-14T01:40:00.001-06:00

In case anyone is new to this blog then you need to know that Bud and Ernie are the voices in my head. They're the ones that say "are you sure you turned off the oven" when you are 6 blocks from home. The little niggling voices that cast doubt upon every move you make ... well, okay, they're just plain voices, no point in trying to to make them "normal". Anyway ....

I'm Archibald Woodfin Dimwittie, IV

He's Buuuuud, Bud.

Ern ....

And I'm Ernest P. Saddlehopper.

What does the P stand for?

Petunia ...

That figures.

Hey, how have you been pal???

Um, fine Ern. I've been right here.

Oh right. Hey Brandy!!!! How have you been?

Leave them out of this.

Why? They're staring at us.

They're not staring, they're reading.

What are they reading?

Our words you moron.

Oh, on the screen?

Yeah, those.

Who puts those there?

She does.

Oh yeah, she ... where has SHE been?

In that other part of the brain ....

Ohhh, the south side. Doesn't she know it's dangerous down there?

It's not really dangerous Ern, it's just ...

The South Side. They think there.

You have a point. For you that would be dangerous.

Yeah ... hey!

Thinking and not creating ....

The South side ....

Say bye Ernie.

Nobody will hear you scream ...

Ern, say goodbye.

Goodbye ....

To E or not to E, part 2

2011-01-12T01:20:00.001-06:00

We've talked about this before, but a few years have passed so I thought it was a topic to be revisited. I want a Kindle, Nook or whatever .... many of my friends publish only in e and I would love to read their work. I've tried reading on the laptop but that doesn't work very well. I can't get comfortable enough to enjoy the book. With a reader I could curl up in bed, prop it up and read. Things have changed a lot since the world of e-books came on the scene. Big time publishers have now jumped on the train ... even Harlequin. I still enjoy books more, but my attitude towards e-books have changed. How about you? Have you now joined the e-book revolution or are you still stubbornly adhering to the printed page?

Welcome Back

2011-01-10T01:17:00.001-06:00

It seems so long since I’ve written a blog post; I almost don’t know where to begin. Okay, right, let’s begin at the end. Thank you for giving me this time … I was really blogged out – the bloggers version of burn-out. It seems that I’m not alone. When visiting this page recently I noticed the blog roll over on the right. Either people have moved their blogs, or the majority of them have stopped altogether. There are a few die-hards still out there though. I wonder what happened … did the blog phenomenon peak and then die out? How many of you are still blogging? Do you still visit the same amount of blogs that you did a few years ago? I don’t. I don’t have the time to visit everyone anymore. That’s mostly my fault, I have the time but I’ve gone on to other activities ... away from the writing world. I’m slowly finding my way back and this blog is the first step. I just hope people show up again.

So, I’ll be blogging again … same schedule as before. Monday will be about me … all about me. Lol Wednesday will be craft day, writing, books and maybe an author will drop by (that last depends upon how much readership I get back). Then Friday, yeah Friday … Bud and Ernie, customers in my store, internet jokes/videos – yes Funny Friday will return. Of course, this can change for the occasional holiday or big event .... or whatever ....

So here we go again … I hope you show up for the ride.

Ooops

2011-01-07T22:55:00.003-06:00

Okay, okay, okay ... yeah, I know, this isn't January 3. So, I, um, I, er, yeah .. I forgot. Bud and Ernie didn't remind me. I do still plan to start this blog back up again, sooooo, how about Monday, January 10? Come on, give me another chance .. I promise, I'll show up this time.

Dear Donny

2009-10-19T01:00:00.002-05:00

I know it's been a long time since I've written. Sorry about that, but you see during this time I've been doing a lot of things. One of them is growing up. And because of that, again, I must apologize. For you see, sometime during that process I denied you. I laughed at the thought of loving you .... made snide remarks about you too. I guess you could say I was embarrassed. But don't feel alone - you had good company. Remember Barry Manilow? Yeah, him too. Anyway, my friend Lis sent me this and, combined with your wonderful sense of humor on Dancing With the Stars, I am again reminded that you hold a piece of my heart - that little girl inside of me will always love you.

With Love,
Bailey

P.S. And they called it Puppy Love

Random Thoughts From People Our Age

2009-10-16T01:00:00.001-05:00

I got these from my friend Angie!

- I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

- More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

- Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

- I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

- Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

- There is a great need for sarcasm font.

- I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

- I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

- The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

- What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

- Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

- I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

- Bad decisions make good stories

- If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

- Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

- You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

- There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

- I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

- Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

- It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

- Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

- Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

- My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

- It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

- I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

- I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

- I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

Mommie

2009-10-14T09:31:00.001-05:00

November 15, 1928 - October 14, 2006

Daddy

2009-10-11T10:09:00.003-05:00

May 31, 1922 - October 11, 2000

Meet Shayla Black

2009-10-02T01:00:00.006-05:00

Shayla Black is the national bestselling author of 25+ sizzling contemporary, erotic, paranormal, and historical romances for multiple print and electronic publishers. She lives in Texas with her husband, munchkin, and one very spoiled cat. In her “free” time, she enjoys reality TV, reading and listening to an eclectic blend of music.
Shayla has won or placed in over a dozen writing contests, including Passionate Ink’s Passionate Plume, Colorado Romance Writers Award of Excellence, and the National Reader’s Choice Awards. Romantic Times has awarded her Top Picks, a KISS Hero Award and a nomination for Best Erotic Romance of 2007.

Doomsday Brethren Series, Book 2 — Caden & Sydney
Publisher: Pocket Books
Genre: Paranormal/Urban Fantasy Romance
ISBN-10: 1416578447
ISBN-13: 9781416578444
Release Date: September 29, 2009
Amazon
Barnes and Noble

Download ebook:
Kindle
Barnes and Noble

A Short Interview with Shayla

BS: Why romance?

SB: It’s always been romance for me. My grandmother used to tell me that I was born to be married because all I ever thought about was romance, and I was spinning stories from a very early age. I love dealing with the deepest emotions and writing about people who connect on a level that lasts forever.

BS: Who was your inspiration?

SB: Tough question… I don’t have any one person or thing. Over the years, there have been good books that inspired me and not-so-good books that made me believe it wasn’t impossible to get published. There are friends and family members who gave me a shove or two. Then there were fans to encourage me. Around all that, there’s always been music. A good song that connects with me on an emotional level is a great muse.

BS: My readers are always interested in what authors read - who is/are you autobuys?

BS: It’s not always an author for me, as much as a book or series. My keeper shelf is filled with 1 or 2 titles from a variety of authors. I may have read other works by them, but I didn’t love them all the way I loved the one I kept. Favorite books of all time include: LUCKY’S LADY by Tami Hoag, MINE TO TAKE by Dara Joy, MIDNIGHT AWAKENING by Lara Adrian, WILD CARD by Lora Leigh, VELVET GLOVE by Emma Holly, TRIPLE PLAY by Rhyannon Byrd, ECLIPSE by Stephanie Meyer and THE WINDFLOWER by Laura London.

BS: Where did you get the idea for this book?

SB: When I started piecing together the idea for book one in the Doomsday Brethren series, TEMPT ME WITH DARKNESS, I tried pairing it up with an idea I’d had years ago that I couldn’t finish. Both books were ideas that I just couldn’t nail down. But when I put them together and gave them the backbone of the series, suddenly I had a ton of ideas about how to complete both the first book and SEDUCE ME IN SHADOW. Another author friend helped me plot and listened to me deliberate over varying paths over numerous lunches, and so here we are today!

BS: What is your favorite scene in this book and why?

SB: There are several scenes that make me giggle, make me emotional, make me think about all the directions I could take this series. But I think my favorite scene in this book is the one in which they both finally commit to each other. It’s in a difficult time and in a very unusual location, but in that moment they are finally connected to each other for good, and there’s nothing like the rush of a good HEA for me.

Thanks for having me!

Want to read the first chapter? Click here.

Visit Shayla at her website ...

Who is Shayla Black?

2009-09-30T18:51:00.001-05:00

Come back on Friday and find out ......

Today ....

2009-09-20T23:24:00.004-05:00

Is National Alzheimer's Day

All of the facts that I'm about to give you comes from The Alzheimer's Association's website.

Did you know that there are about 3.5 million people with Alzheimer's in the United States. Can you imagine how many there are world-wide?

Did you know that the healthcare costs for people 65 years and older are tripled because of Alzheimer's and dementia related disorders?

Did you know that someone develops Alzheimer's approximately every 70 seconds?

Did you know that the seventh leading cause of death is Alzheimer's?

Did you know that more than $148 billion dollars each year are spent by Medicare, Medicaid and businesses as a direct, and indirect, result of Alzheimer's and other dementias?

Ten Signs of Alzheimer's

1. Memory Changes that disrupt daily life.

2. Challenges in planning or solving problems.

3. Difficulty in completing familiar tasks at home, at work, or at leisure.

4. Confusion with time or place.

5. Trouble understanding visual images and spatial relationships.

6. New problems with words in speaking or writing.

7. Misplacing things and losing the ability to retrace steps.

8. Decreased or poor judgement.

9. Withdrawal from work or social activities.

10. Changes in mood or personality.

Risk Factors

(I am going to cut and paste this directly from the site)

Age

The greatest known risk factor for Alzheimer’s is increasing age. Most individuals with the disease are 65 or older. The likelihood of developing Alzheimer’s doubles about every five years after age 65. After age 85, the risk reaches nearly 50 percent.

Family history

Another risk factor is family history. Research has shown that those who have a parent, brother or sister, or child with Alzheimer’s are more likely to develop Alzheimer’s. The risk increases if more than one family member has the illness. When diseases tend to run in families, either heredity (genetics) or environmental factors or both may play a role.

Genetics (heredity)

Scientists know genes are involved in Alzheimer’s. There are two categories of genes that can play a role in determining whether a person develops a disease. Alzheimer genes have been found in both categories:

1) Risk genes increase the likelihood of developing a disease, but do not guarantee it will happen. Scientists have so far identified one Alzheimer risk gene called apolipoprotein E-e4 (APOE-e4).
APOE-e4 is one of three common forms of the APOE gene; the others are APOE-e2 and APOE-e3. APOE provides the blueprint for one of the proteins that carries cholesterol in the bloodstream.
Everyone inherits a copy of some form of APOE from each parent. Those who inherit one copy of APOE-e4 have an increased risk of developing Alzheimer’s. Those who inherit two copies have an even higher risk, but not a certainty. Scientists do not yet know how APOE-e4 raises risk. In addition to raising risk, APOE-e4 may tend to make symptoms appear at a younger age than usual.
Experts believe there may be as many as a dozen other Alzheimer risk genes in addition to APOE-e4.

2) Deterministic genes directly cause a disease, guaranteeing that anyone who inherits them will develop the disorder. Scientists have found rare genes that directly cause Alzheimer’s in only a few hundred extended families worldwide.
When Alzheimer’s disease is caused by deterministic genes, it is called “familial Alzheimer’s disease,” and many family members in multiple generations are affected. True familial Alzheimer’s accounts for less than 5 percent of cases.
Genetic tests are available for both APOE-e4 and the rare genes that directly cause Alzheimer’s. However, health professionals do not currently recommend routine genetic testing for Alzheimer’s disease. Testing for APOE-e4 is sometimes included as a part of research studies.

I know first hand the toil that Alzheimer's takes not only on the patient, but on the family. After a while the person with Alzheimer's doesn't know any more - but the family does. It's the family that has to watch what I refer to as "the death of the soul". It's the family that, at the end, bears the brunt of the last stages of the disease.

Please, if you know someone who is taking care of an Alzheimer's (or dementia) patient, offer to spell them for an hour; take meals to them; clean their house - do laundry, etc. Anything is a blessing to those taking care of loved ones. For that matter, do this for anyone that is the caregiver of anybody.

I miss you mommie

Died of Alzheimer's October 14, 2006

And so it continues .....

2009-09-17T01:00:00.001-05:00

Mary Travers, 71, of the folk group Peter, Paul & Mary has passed away after a long battle with leukemia. Who doesn't know the song "Puff the Magic Dragon"? Their harmony can never be reproduced.

And Henry Gibson, known for his poems on the 60s series "Laugh-In", has passed away at the age of 73. He recently had a recurring role on "Boston Legal" as a judge. Mommie always knew she was in for a laugh when he would walk out on the "Laugh-In" stage, a flower in his hands, and announce "A Poem, by Henry Gibson".

Such a Loss

2009-09-14T21:04:00.003-05:00

With all of the talk today about Kanye West and his asinine antics, a true gentleman slipped out of our lives. I tried to find my favorite scene from "Dirty Dancing", but every one of them had embedding disabled. So the only thing I can do is post the link to the clip.

Patrick Swayze at his finest - so virile, vibrant. He will be missed.

Patrick Swayze
1952 - 2009

And please don't forget the post below and vote every day. Thank you.

Could you do a favor for me?

2009-09-14T13:24:00.003-05:00

This is my little friend Mocha. She and her mommie Jan does a lot of wonderful things for people and animals. They take treats, blankets, food and toys to animals at the shelter. They have MySpace auctions to help pay vet bills, or even to help a family get through a hard time. Earlier this year I thought I was going to have to give up my furbabies because I didn't have the money to feed them - Jan and Mocha showed up with food, toys, litter and money from the MySpace group to help me through.

Why am I telling you this? Because Mocha is in a contest and the prize is a million dollars. Here's the thing - she isn't getting a lot of votes, which I don't understand because she IS the cutest doggie. I know for a fact that they would use a lot of this money to help the animals in their local shelter, to help their friends, etc.

So if you could - it really only takes a moment - go to this site and vote for her. You have to register, but once again it doesn't take long - and it's really for a good cause and for someone that deserves it. You get to vote every day - so please do this for me.

Thank you.

I want this .....

2009-09-14T09:43:00.001-05:00

'Nuff said ............

September 11, 2009

2009-09-11T10:21:00.001-05:00

America's Got Talent

2009-09-09T23:07:00.002-05:00

This is my pick for this years winner. She has an absolutely beautiful voice!!

YouTube won't let me embed the video - so I can only give you the link. Let me know what you think of her, okay?

Barbara Padilla

Casey at Bat, pt. 2

2009-09-01T08:21:00.002-05:00

Remember - not edited!!

“You gonna sit there in the middle of the sidewalk like a damn speedbump all day?”

Nick looked up from where he had been contemplating her skinned knees. Casey stood over him, all 5’8 of her, hands fisted on hips that were a bit fuller than in youth, a frown flittering her face.

“You bit me ..”

“You laughed at me”

“Laughing did not in any way leave a mark. You have your rabbies shots?” Nick prided himself on his reflexes, but even he had to move quicker than expected to avoid the foot that shot out in his direction. Having lost what she had hoped to connect to caused Casey to overbalance again. Instinctively, he pushed to his knees and grabbed her waist to keep her from falling.

“Now now Casey, don’t want to land on that cute little butt again, do you?”

A withering glance, enough to sear his ears off, was her only response, but Nick found it interesting that she hadn’t pulled herself out of his grip. She stood there and stared down at him, hair framing her face, eyes … oh oh, Nick suddenly felt like he’d been caught in the corsairs of a snipers rifle as Casey’s eyes narrowed to slits. Slowly he pulled back, not taking his attention away from her. But slow was not the way to go this time, no a faster pace would have been much better as she reached out and latched on his ear, painfully twisting and pulling on it, tugging him up to stand.

“Shit woman.” Rubbing his ear, Nick took a couple of steps back. So did Jit for that matter. The other man still hovered however, because, you know, life was so exciting in Satchel. Nick noticed that a small crowd had begun to gather. Well, not exactly a crowd, but 10 people was a crowd by Satchel standards. If there were any such thing – standards in Satchel that is. He took special note that the town gossip, Edna Cambridge, was in the front of the group. Great, he’d just made the Satchel grapevine. Not that it mattered since as soon as he finished his business here, he was back to work, but still being the subject of gossip would not have made his mother happy. He could visualize her grave rolling now.

“You think you can just come back here, laughing, kissing and whatever and no one’s going to say anything.” Casey brushed off her shorts and looked around for her flip flop, which had landed in the gutter.

“Kissing?” Jit scratched his head and narrowed his eyes at Nick.

“What? You don’t think anybody wants to kiss me?” Nick felt a little less heat as Casey swung towards Jit.

“Hey now Casey, I, er, of course they’d want to kiss you. You’re very kissable.” Jit, ever conscious of impending work or danger, took two more steps backwards.

“You wanna kiss me Jit?”

It wasn’t often that Nick felt absolute pity for another man, but poor Jit was digging himself deeper and deeper into the shit pond.

“I, um, well … “ Jit’s face was turning a lovely tomato red as Casey towered over him. “I meant that other guys would find ya irresistible, yeah, that’s what I meant.”

“And you don’t?”

Nick was pretty sure that Wile E. Coyote felt much the same way as Jit did, as the Acme safe came down on him. Yeppers, not really a good day to die. He also noted that ol’ Edna had stepped away from the peanut gallery.

“You kissing a lot of men lately Cassandra?”

Casey jerked towards the newcomer in only what Nick could describe as a marionette gone wild, strings yanking arms and legs in staccato motions. Oh yeah, this was going to be a show.

Oh sheesh

2009-08-28T08:07:00.002-05:00

Job interview this morning. Trying to figure out how to leave my stomach at home. So, I know I just did this a couple of days ago, but I'm too nervous to think of anything else.

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Did You Know?

2009-08-26T01:00:00.003-05:00

A great writer died this weekend and you probably heard nothing about it. Maybe because he wasn't Louis L'Amour, but the Western Writers of America voted him Best Western Author of All Time. Still, not one word on the news, not an obituary alert from CNN (yes, I get obituary alerts, so sue me).

Four of his books won the Western Heritage Award from the National Cowboy Hall of Fame. The aforementioned Western Writers of America awarded him their Spur Award 7 times. Four of his books won the Western Heritage Award from the National Cowboy Hall of Fame. In 1987 he received the Barbara McCombs/Lon Tinkle Award for “continuing excellence in Texas letters” from the Texas Institute of Letters. Yes, he was born in Texas and lived here his entire life, and yet not one local news channel commented on his death.

You probably never even knew that one of his books "The Good Old Boys" was made into a TV movie starring Tommy Lee Jones.

His name? Elmer Kelton. While there are more Louis L'Amour books in our store than any other western writer, it's Kelton's books that are rare - when they come in, they go out quickly. He is in high demand.

“His contribution to literature in this state cannot be underestimated,” Judy Alter, former director of the TCU Press, said. “Elmer didn’t write the traditional western; he wrote history."

Kelton had 62 fiction and non-fiction books to his credit.

Four of his books won the Western Heritage Award from the National Cowboy Hall of Fame.

The German Association for the Study of the Western, based in Muenster, Germany, made him an honorary member. The association presents the Elmer Kelton Award for Literary Merit every year.

He earned a journalism degree from the University of Texas at Austin. He was a true Texan, and except for the years he spent overseas in WWII, his whole life was spent here.

Yes, a great writer died last weekend ....

April 29, 1926 - August 22, 2009 “One thing is certain: as long as there are writers as skillful as Elmer Kelton, Western literature will never die.”

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

2009-08-24T08:47:00.003-05:00

I have a job interview Friday morning! I'm really nervous about it too. This is the first job interview that I've had in almost 12 years. Sooo, after getting my outfit figured out I realized that my hair wouldn't do. It was half-way down my back, straight and unmanageable. What do you do with fine Irish hair except scoop it up in a clip? I can't French braid, if I could it probably wouldn't be a problem. Bebo took me out yesterday and got me a haircut. It's a bob that stops at my shoulders, and there are bangs. It's certainly, well not really different 'cuz I've had it this short before in my life, but it does make a big difference.

So I'm ready for Friday. Maybe. If I can get my stomach to settle down.

What are you looking forward to this week?

It's Friday already? Sounds like LOLcats to me

2009-08-21T11:26:00.002-05:00

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Casey at Bat

2009-08-17T08:27:00.002-05:00

I've been participating in this writing game - a certain number of new words a day. Doing okay - not wonderful, but good. I'm going to share a bit - BUT it is totally unedited. I'm not stopping to fix things, not reading through to make sure that spellcheck didn't catch "saw" instead of "was", not even stopping to "fill out" spots. I'm considering this the bare bones of the story. I've already decided that I need to go back and insert 2 chapters, but that's for later. Anyway, this is a bit of what I'm doing.

Now, it wasn’t that she was overly tall, okay maybe she was; but Jit was about as tall as a toadstool, and skinny to boot. And standing there in that oversized jumpsuit, its pants and sleeves rolled up at least half a block, he looked more like a scarecrow than anything else. Yet, he was Jit, always faithful, always ready to lend a hand, especially if Casey were involved. She didn’t feel guilty worth a wit for using that hound dog loyalty to her advantage, and this month she really needed advantage.

“Jit hon, I really need that car fixed. You know I promised Maisey that trip to Dallas this weekend, and I can’t let her down.” Again. In Maisey’s short life, Casey had let her down in more ways than she wanted to think about.

“Don’t worry, Mac and me’ll get this old piece of junk ready afor Friday evenin’.”
Narrowing her eyes she looked directly into his “If you don’t sleep through it. So help me Jitty, I’ll pull out whatever hair you have left on that scrawny head if you let me down.”

“You know, didn’t your momma ever tell you that you can kill more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.”

“Yeah, and a few other aphorisms too, like you can lead a whore to culture, but you can’t make her think.”

“Aphor-what?”

“Aphorisms, little sayings. That’s my word of the week.”

Jit scratched the three hairs on his chin, his face screwed up tight. “Sounds dirty to me.”

“That’s ‘cuz you have a dirty mind Jit.”

“Hmm … say, is that Nick Trevor over there?”

Casey didn’t need him to indicate what ‘there’ was, the hairs on the back of her neck had already alerted her to the fact that her bastard of a neighbor was in the vicinity. Blatantly she turned around, just in time to see Nick slip into the hardware store, the bell on the door jangling from across the street. She hadn’t seen him since Friday, when he’d disappeared quickly over the fence into his own yard. Not that she’d been looking of course, but then again …..

Stepping into the street, she nearly tumbled forward when the sole of her flip-flops curled under her, but she continued to walk doggedly towards the store, ignoring Jit’s call behind her.

“Friday, Jit. Just have the damned thing ready by Friday.” Upon reaching the other side, she hesitated, unsure of herself for the first time in a very long time.

“Shit a duck, it’s only Nick, a man. A member of the forever doomed and avoided. Get a grip.” Still, she wished she had something else on instead of her Daisy Dukes, cropped top and flip-flops. “Excuse me? He’s a moron, a degenerate, a piece of ….”

“Cassandra Sue, you talking to yourself?” Jit’s voice, so close to the middle of her back, startled her, and this time the flimsy flip-flop gave in, tumbling her gracelessly to the cracked sidewalk. Even Jit couldn’t catch her, not that he could have handled her weight if he had, no the lame-brain stood watching helplessly as Casey landed on hands and knees just as Nick stepped out of the store.

“You all right?”

Casey stared at his knees, unwilling to look up.

“You know, at any other time, that wouldn’t be a half bad position to have you in.”

This time Casey lifted her head, the hair that had earlier been pinned up tumbling into her face, obscuring her view. But she didn’t need her eyes as she blindly crouched forward and bit him on the leg, hard.

“Dammit Casey” Nick leapt back, hand clasping his leg just below his knee, hopping on the other leg for just a second before smashing to the walk beside her. There he lay, sprawled on his back and Casey felt a bit of a smirk.

“You know honey, at any other time, that wouldn’t be a half bad position to have you in.” Jit snickered behind her and Casey couldn't help but giggle. Yeah, this could work.

But they're vintage ...

2009-08-14T09:51:00.006-05:00

New Upcoming Authors:

(you figure them out - if you can't,just ask - and remember, on some of them, they may have the name right, just not the pronunciation - I'm spelling them like they said them)

Lori Forster
Jill Shallis (Hey, once again, at least they're asking for her!!)
Kate Quinn
Louie Laymur
Jane Pikcoat

There are no stupid questions ......

After being told that we don't have that book, and neither does our other store. Now we've suggested *shudder* our competition, 'cuz we're like that.
"Do you know if they have it?"
(Yeah, I go through their inventory every night after they close ...)

"Do you have their phone number?"
(Yep, number 0 in my speed dial)

Or, we won't take their stuff, and again have suggested that "other" store:
"How much will they give me for it?"
(How much do you want? I'll call ahead and suggest it.)

You're bringing us what?

"I have 30 boxes in the truck, where do you want me to put them?"
(at that other store ....)

"These belonged to my grandmother and she only read them once"
(Every Sunday while driving her car to church)

"I have two bags of magazines, will you take them?"
"No, we only take current magazines, unless they are .... "(names off very few exceptions)
"These are from the 70s, they're vintage."
(I'm going to shoot her ....)

My Playlist

2009-08-12T08:48:00.002-05:00

I know, blogging on a Wednesday, what is the world coming too?

I'm actually here to ask you for a few prayers. My brother David had 2 heart attacks yesterday, and is having a cathertization (spelling?) this morning. For those of you that remember, David had quadruple bypass in 2003, so his heart is definitely a big issue.

Okay, and here is the playlist for the current WIP Casey at Bat. Normally I pick only instrumental music, and music that has never had lyrics - like the soundtrack to Lord of the Rings or something. The words tend to distract me. But this time I felt the need for actual music to set the mood.

Oh, and I've written 2,156 words since Monday. WhooHoo!!!

Ummm .... hi there

2009-08-10T14:56:00.002-05:00

Just got home from work and realized that I'd forgotten to blog. It's funny, 'cuz I just mentioned to someone last night that I needed to think of a blog topic for tomorrow (today) .... and I literally just remembered now. Sheesh, sorry about that. So, since I'm supposed to either write 1001 new words or revise 28 pages, I need to get going. Here's a funny for you to smile at as you contemplate the fact that Bailey forgot you .... *kiss*

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Imagination is a writers friend

2009-08-07T10:50:00.004-05:00

BOOGEDY BOOGEDY BOOOOO

Bless you

Huh?

You sneezed, didn't you?

No, I was singing.

Sounded like sneezing to me. What song was that.

Well Bud, it's one that I thought up myself.

You can't do that Ernie.

I can't? Why not.

Voices have no imagination.

We don't?

Nope, Bailey imagines us, and it all comes from her mind.

Can't she imagine that I've imagined a song?

I imagine that she might be able to imagine you imagining a song, but that's really beyond all imagination.

Imagine that!

Yeah.

What if I imagined there was no heaven?

You couldn't even if you tried.

Oh, so everything we think, everything we say ... that's Bailey?

Yeppers

Poor girl

And she's even on meds.

What is she imagining now?

She's imagining that you are saying goodbye Ernie

Okay, goodbye Ernie

You betrayed me so I'm going to have your baby in a flash back

2009-08-03T01:00:00.000-05:00

I watched this new series tonight – “Defying Gravity”, the entire 2 hours. I won’t be doing it again next week. The episode was boring (why did I sit through the entire thing???) and confusing. It kept going back and forth in back flashes – to the point where I was saying “Get on with it already!!” It reminded me of my old WIP “The Devil You Know” which was full of back flashes and made me realize just how confusing that can be. It’s a plot device that is used often, but the author must be careful to not over use it to the point that the reader says “Get on with it already”, or worse yet, just put the book down. If I hadn’t been so lazy, that’s what I would have done with this series. A back flash starting a story off, for example, can be effective. Or little snatches here and there as a character comes to turn with something, like amnesia brought on by the shock of a crime, can work too – as long as they are short snippets and kept to a small number. In this TV series the flash backs were entire scenes, or worse yet, interspersed within one scene so often that you lost track of where you were, who was who – especially with the men. The women were easy to keep track of in this back and forth storytelling as their hairstyles changed, but the men were more difficult to follow.

Anyway, that’s one plot device that can be annoying. Others that I’m not fond of?

Lovers that break up because of a misunderstanding or lack of communication and then get back together, with one seeking revenge and the other not really knowing what is going on, or endlessly apologizing, etc. etc. etc. You know what I mean. You’re sitting there reading it and going “you idiot, if you had just asked him in the first place instead of listening to the ex-girlfriend …..” Why don’t characters talk????

Secret babies. ‘Nuff said

Leaving the group of people to explore the house alone after 15 gadzillion people have been slashed to death …. Yeah, I had to throw that one in.

The ex-girl/boyfriend betrayed me so ALL men/women are the same …..

There’s more, but now it’s your turn. What plot device, whether in movies/TV/books, really annoys you?

No, you have to have the password

2009-07-31T10:34:00.004-05:00

For those of you who only stop in every once in a while - these are the things that happen in the bookstore where I work. Yes, it's true stuff.

Up and Coming Authors and Books (I'm not giving hints this time. I have to figure them out, so do you. Some are easy.)

John London
Josephine Johnson
Tony Hilleran
Suzanne Foster
Jill Shulbis (my personal favorite - hey, at least they're looking for her.)
Carol Harris
Charles Dickers
Anne Broadrick
Judy Pickle
J.D. Roberts
The Illyard
My Angelina

Customers, we so do love them

"How much for the free stuff out on the sidewalk?" ($350 gadzillion)
"I'm looking for a book and I thought you could help me." (No I only work here)
Looking straight at the CD's on the counter "Do you sell CD's?" (Not to you - those are for the free box sale)
"Do you have the new Harry Potter movie yet?" (If we do, they're looking for us ...)
"When will you get in Bed of Roses? (My guess, when it's out and someone buys it - for the uninformed, that'll be October. For the further uninformed, it's Nora Robb, er, Roberts.)
"I'm looking for a book." (Okay, just stand there and stare at me, I'm sure your thoughts will become my thoughts ... which is scary)

Answer phone: "Paperbacks Plus in Mesquite."
"Jesse?"
"There's no one named Jesse here. This is a bookstore."
"So Jesse isn't there?"
(Yeah, she's over in the "for dummies section".)

"What do you mean I have to pay something? Did you use my store credit?"
"Yes, but store credit only covers half of your purchase. You have to pay the other half plus tax."
"It seems to me that it should cover the entire purchase."
"We have to have money to pay the bills."
"Not my problem."
(no comment, didn't find this one particularly funny - just wanted to share that I didn't hit her.)

And for the finale ...

Woman rushes through the door and up to the counter - points to the interior of the store.
"Can I go look for a book?"
(Only if you have the password)

Dreams

2009-07-27T08:53:00.001-05:00

I’ve been having a variation of the same dream on and off for the last couple of weeks and I think I’ve finally figured it out. But first, the dream. I’m not going to go into details, but I’m in the hallway of my old high school, trying desperately to get my locker open but I can’t. There’s something in there that I really need and I can’t get to it. Now, there could be a couple of explanations for this, but I think I know exactly what it is. I haven’t been able to write for about 3 weeks, and I think my story is in that locker – that or my muse. Either way I’ve been struggling to get to it but it’s beyond my reach right now. I’m not going to go into specifics, but Bailey hasn’t exactly been in a funny mood lately. I’ve got to do something about that because I really think the current WIP, Casey at Bat, is THE one.

I’m sure that you’ve noticed the lack of Wednesday posts. Sorry, but I keep forgetting – really. I’ll try to do better about it, I promise.

So, is there something that you really need to do that is eluding you for some reason or another?

Ummmmm

2009-07-24T11:59:00.001-05:00

Ummm

Yeah Bud?

Weren’t we supposed to do something today?

I don’t know, let me check my calendar.

What’s that?

A calendar – it gives you the days of the week, the months, everything. You should try it.

I know that moron, I meant what is that ON your calendar?

Oh, those are the “voices” calendar girls.

Voices don’t have bodies Ern. There’s nothing there but bathing suits – it’s like the invisible woman meets Victoria’s Secret.

Yeah?

Then what’s the point?

The money went to the “voices” orphan’s fund.

First, we’ll disregard the fact that voices don’t have money and ask: What is that?

Voices whose authors ignore them.

Lot of that going around?

Yeah, it’s summer. I happen to know that Jill Shalvis is staring at a blank screen right now.

How do you know that?

‘Cuz her muse told me.

You talk to The Shalvis’ muse?

I talk to all of them – a lot of muses.

Where?

E-harmomuse.com

I had to ask …. Tell the folks to have a nice weekend Ernie.

Have a nice weekend Ernie!

And that's the way .... it will never be again

2009-07-20T08:03:00.005-05:00

1916 - 2009

There are only a few people outside of my family that have seemed to be there my entire life. Walter Cronkite was one of them. I can’t say that I’ve thought about him a lot, probably couldn’t tell you when I last saw him. And yet, his death hit me hard – I actually cried. Uncle Walt was an institution on his own – a constant presence in the backdrop of this nation. Almost every great event in my lifetime has been marked with his presence: JFK’s assassination, as well as Martin Luther King; the moon landing; 9/11 – whether through commentating or reporting, Walter Cronkite was there. Now no more.

Bebo and I talked about it the other day. There is no one in today’s news field that we would trust as much as America trusted him. No one has ever really stepped into his shoes – they were too large to fill. Many polls throughout the years have listed Walter Cronkite as the most trusted person in America. Cronkite has been described as a real gentleman, a bit of a comedian, a humanitarian … as well as a devoted husband and father. I think we could add friend to that list.

We’re going to miss you Uncle Walter …. more than we thought we would.

Spam is melting, it's melting ......

2009-07-17T01:00:00.001-05:00

Ideas about holidays. (I think we’ll have them this year, thank you.)
Boy’s fingers frozen off. (In my day it was warts, but whatever works)
Is that possible? (Why don’t you keep it “up” and we’ll find out.)
Open or die in hell. (Open, open, open, open …)
Where the hell are you? (I didn’t open it?)
You will have watches to go with all your outfits. (I already do – mind you they have a little dirt on them ….)
Replace me tomorrow, okay? (Why? You’re finger’s freeze off?)
Please, don’t tell anyone. (They’re gonna find out – or do spam regenerate?)
Forget about dictionaries, we offer soft in different languages. (Zacht, doux, weich, morbido, macio, suave ….)
Ipod killed a man. (Put a gun against his head, pulled the trigger now he’s dead ...)
Lot’s of women will send him a kiss, so just imagine what you can miss. (A Spaniard’s kiss I may have missed, but an Australian’s lips can give me bliss … take that Dr. Seuss)
Spanish got married 60 times. (Wow, that’s some kiss – was his name Ramon Ortega de Young?)
We hope this information will help you make the right choice. (Yeah, if you kiss a Spaniard, your fingers will freeze off.)

Oh Crap!

2009-07-13T01:00:00.002-05:00

It has begun ....

And it isn't funny ......

I just like sitting on the floor .....

2009-07-10T10:24:00.003-05:00

This months new authors list (with interpretations in parenthesis in case you need them). Keep an eye out for these up and coming new writers:

Iris Johanseen
Tami Hong (Hoag)
Linda Lucille Miller
Stephanie Lawrence (Laurens)
Gil Grisham (John)
Herman Hessee (Hesse)
John Steinbuck

Irritating young man comes up to the counter with a book:

“I think you put this in the wrong place”
I look at the book – it’s about Samurai.
“Where did you find it?”
“Oh, it was in the martial arts section, it should really be in Eastern Philosophy/religions.”
Now mind you, I had only been off cigarettes for two days.
My co-worker, Morgan, with a glance my way. “No, it’s in the right place.”
“It doesn’t belong in martial arts” he said with an ingratiating smile.
I silently hold out my hand, eyes never leaving his face. He hands the book to me and, still not looking away from him, I flip it open to the first page, the flap of the dust cover showing.
“What does that say on top?”
He looks.
“Out loud please.”
“Martial Arts”
“End of discussion.” I snap the book closed and take it over to the martial arts section. As I walk away I hear him mumble “I still say it’s in the wrong section.”
I was really proud of myself as I kept walking …. hearing Morgan say “I wouldn’t today if I were you dude.”

“Paperbacks Plus in Mesquite”
“I’m on my way to hook up your ATT&T Universal”
“My what? This is a bookstore”
“This isn’t an apartment complex?”
Yes, I live in an apartment complex named Paperbacks Plus ……

“Paperbacks Plus in Mesquite”
“Marquetta ?”
“No Corbett, it’s me. You’ve dialed yourself”
Even my own co-workers don’t listen to the person who answers. How can you mistake Mesquite for Lakewood? On a side note, I don’t think I’ve see Corbett with as sheepish of a look on his face when he came around the corner.

“Paperbacks Plus in Mesquite”
“Is this the bookstore?”
No, it’s an apartment complex ….

“Do you pay cash for items?”
“Some, but we’re very selective. What do you have?”
“An entire set of World Book Encyclopedias, 1980s”
“No, I’m sorry, we can’t even sell the ones from the 90s.”
“How about magazines?”
“We never pay cash for magazines.”
“Not even from the 70s? They’re vintage”
I’ll forget she said that ….

I’m sitting on the floor, rearranging books on the bottom shelves of two columns. I have books stacked all around me.
“Do you work here?”
No, I just like to go into stores and sit on the floors to mess with their stuff. What hobbies do you have?

My Brain is Fried

2009-07-08T01:00:00.001-05:00

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2009-07-06T06:59:00.005-05:00

We're having a cold front .... it is all relative you know. I don't think it hit 90 yesterday and is supposed to stay below 100 today. For Texas in July, that's a cold front. Rain would have made it perfect, and we did have rain .... I counted 5 drops!

I fell off the no-smoking wagon, but I'll climb back on it. I went 3 weeks - which is the longest that I've gone before. I'm aiming for a month this time .... maybe I'll go beyond that, but I'd love to go a month. Maybe that would be enough for me to finally make it. Keep your fingers crossed. I can tell you that the toughest part has been trying to write - I always took smoking breaks as "thinking" breaks, it's when I came up with my best ideas - like the opening line of the current WIP. I've got to find something else to use for those breaks. But, I haven't written a word in the last three weeks. Won't get that charm this Saturday at the Yellow Rose meeting. *sigh*

Reading a great book - Instant Gratification by Jill Shalvis. I am loving it!!!!!

Oh, and before I forget - for those of you interested - Jason Evans is having another Flash Fiction contest on his blog. Here is the information if you are interested in participating.

I'm writing to announce a very special Clarity of Night Contest short fiction contest beginning July 8th! Jaye Wells, the debut author of the cool and successful novel RED-HEADED STEPCHILD, is joining me as co-host! The contest is in her honor.

Compete for a signed copy of RED-HEADED STEPHCHILD. Compete for eternal bragging rights. Compete for cold, hard cash!! (Well, Amazon gift certificates...as good as cash.) $170 dollars in prizes will be awarded.
The contest will open on Wednesday, July 8th and will be open for one week. As with past contests, the limit is 250 words. Any genre or form is welcome so long as it is inspired by the "In Vino Veritas (Truth in Wine)" photo. Rules have been posted here: http://clarityofnight.blogspot.com/2009/07/in-vino-veritas-truth-in-wine-short.html

What are you reading, and how are you liking it so far?

Happy Fourth of July

2009-07-03T10:21:00.005-05:00

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

I’ve always loved the 4th of July. Maybe it’s because my father, the veteran that he was, taught me to appreciate it. Or it could have been that my Uncle Bill was always Uncle Sam in their neighborhood parade (years ago). On my mother’s maternal side, all of her ancestors were here before the American Revolution, and some fought in it. One of my ancestors lost two brothers in the Battle of Brandywine. I think maybe that’s it, more than anything …. the fact that my ancestors fought for our independence as a country that makes me love this day differently than any other holiday. My flag isn’t up. I still haven’t figured out if they are allowed because I don’t see anything hung out on patios. That bothers me – my second 4th of July without a flag blowing in the breeze, not that there’s any breeze today, but that’s another story.

My family has celebrated in different ways over the years: picnics, barbecues, potluck dinners, parades, firework displays. I work tomorrow – so I’ll get home after 7:00, settle down and watch the celebrations on the TV. Not the same as years past, but the reality of today.

In the midst of your day tomorrow, don’t forget to stop and think about the lives that were lost to give us this freedom, to protect our freedom.

And also, take a moment to pray for those who are fighting for freedom in their own lands.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness

Too Funny

2009-06-29T01:00:00.000-05:00

Okay, this isn’t new, isn’t mine, etc. But, it made Bebo and I laugh so hard – I thought at one point she was going to fall out of her chair. This is from The Dallas Morning News Sunday edition, June 28, 2009 – Metro Section, pg. 10B (did I cite enough sources? Please don’t sue me for copyright dealies).

David McClure of McKinney: A senior moment ... at 48?

$5.37. That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bueno said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Emo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 48, not even 50 yet – a mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Emo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Emo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Emo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blanky.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

David McClure teaches science and coaches at Faubion Middle School in McKinney. He is also a Teacher Voices volunteer columnist. His e-mail address is dmcclure9066@yahoo.com.

Oh, did I mention that I'm 48? I'm about 18 months away from 50 and AARP has already found me? I am sooooo writing this guy. Have a great week!!

And three to go ....

2009-06-26T01:00:00.000-05:00

And no, that's not a pun.

There are days that you’ll remember, maybe not your entire life, but at least for a while. Thursday was one of those days. Not a lot of things can make me feel old, but the death of two icons of my teen years is one of them.

I was never a big fan of Farrah Fawcett. Oh, I didn’t dislike her, just sort of “blah”. I followed her career/life in a periphery fashion, the little boxes next to the big story. But her fight against cancer caught my eye, and my heart. I don’t think there is anyone who hasn’t lost someone to cancer. And I’m not saying that your/my loved ones didn’t fight. But here was this always fragile looking woman saying “no, I’m not going” and giving her all in the fight. I grew to admire her strength and her determination. But, as often is the case, you can’t always beat that particular devil, no matter how strong you are.

And then there was Michael. I’m going to refer to the Michael Jackson of my teen and early 20s, not the bizarre figure he became in his later years. I was a Donny Osmond fanactic! But you couldn’t ignore the other family that dominated the preteen airwaves – the Jackson Five. And there was Michael, soul’s version of Donny, and I might add the better performer. You kind of knew that he was going places. Not that Donny didn’t, but wholesome Pat Booneism will only take you so far. No, Michael became the bigger star, culminating in his iconic “Thriller” album – which I think I might still have somewhere. Michael Jackson will have a place in entertainment history – and should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame some day.

But I said three in the title. Ed McMahon didn’t make the big headlines that Farrah and Michael did when he passed less than a week before them. He’s most known for a phrase “Heeeerrrrreeee’s Johnny”, and yet his presence in our lives also made it’s mark. Few remember he was the host of “Star Search”, and that stars such as Sawyer Brown, Britney Spears, Brad Garrett, Drew Carey got their start on the show. Publisher’s Clearing House spokesman, as well as other commercials. Yes, Ed McMahon made his mark too, probably not as big of one as the other two, but a mark nonetheless.

Sorry

2009-06-24T07:52:00.003-05:00

Will be back on Friday with something funny. Just trying to handle "stuff" right now.

In the meantime, enjoy this:

moar funny pictures

Not funny today

2009-06-19T09:13:00.002-05:00

I'm sorry, I know that this is supposed to be Funny Friday - but I don't feel like being funny. I wanna cry, I wanna throw things - this cold turkey stuff is (pardon the pun) for the birds. I have something that I'm supposed to do today, but honestly if I leave this place today I'm buying cigarettes - or dissolving into a puddle of tears. So, I'm going to clean house. I've got to clean the bathroom anyway - ants invaded on Wednesday and the apartment complex sent an exterminator - soooooo, I've got to clean the bathroom, scrub the countertop, etc.

Anyway, hope that Monday is better. Sheesh, forget Monday, I hope that tomorrow at work is better.

oh yeah, Wednesday ......

2009-06-17T07:41:00.002-05:00

I don't know what is going on, but I got home last night from work and was in bed by 8:00. Yeah, me .... And I slept straight through until my alarm went off. The thing is, I could go back to sleep right now. I blame it on summer. I blame most things on summer.

Not much going on here - I'm slowly working on the current WIP titled "Casey at Bat". I've had to delete some stuff and rework some others, but I'm actually pleased with this one so far. Nick (the hero) is giving me a hard time, and I did threaten to "off" him the other night, but Ames talked me out of it. She's right, hard to have a romance without the hero - well, a heterosexual romance. LOL

Oh, and for those of you who are interested - I have 5 cigarettes left - and then I'm done. I have a bag of cherry twizzlers, lifesavers and sunflower seeds to take to work with me. I'm not happy - 'cuz I REALLY don't want to do this, but finances are forcing me to quit.

What habit (be it bad or okay) are you trying to quit?

I Twitter, therefore I am?

2009-06-15T01:00:00.000-05:00

So yeah, I've succumbed to Twitter, and am now tweeting. See? Over there on the left of the screen? That's Twitter. Big deal, huh? But you know, I'm kinda liking it so far.

Last week was sooooo long! "How long was it Bailey?" Well, since you asked. I guess if I were used to it, or if I worked a less physically demanding job, it wouldn't have been so bad. I worked Monday - Friday 9 - 5. By the time Friday came around I was so sore - my hips and knees were a mess. I spent most of Friday going up and down the step-ladder. I didn't get a thing done at home, and spent most of today (that being Sunday) trying to rest AND catch up on chores. Thankfully, this week will be sort of back to normal.

Saturday Bebo and I went to my cousins house for a going away party. My cousin Michael is in the National Guard (Navy) and is being shipped out on his second tour overseas. We don't know exactly where or when yet, but he leaves for Gulf Port, MS at the end of this month. Please keep him and his family in your prayers.

So, what's the hardest job (either mentally or physically) that you've ever had?

Spambusters!!

2009-06-12T01:00:00.001-05:00

Why weren’t u at party? (I wasn’t aware that spam had parties … sheesh what a concept)

I photoshopped your face. (I hope you put it on Catherine Zeta Jones’ body)

Donnez vous l’opportunite de gagner 50 instamment (Excuse me ? More illegal alien spam)

We’ve found your car. (It was missing?)

My birthday c. details. (Your birthday b boring)

Tomorrow at 6, in bar. (Tonight with a wrench in the library)

Did you see my keys? (Do they go to my car?)

Oh my, forgot keys. (See, that’s how it starts. Next you’ll be misplacing your car.)

When you feel that your virility is already dead, call us. (Penis busters!!!!)

Madonna hired butt scratcher. (You know, I kinda believe this one.)

Would you like to adopt a cheap elegant watch? (No, but for just pennies a day …..)

Waiting for you near the bus stop. (I knew there was a reason I hated bus stops.)

My Brother David

2009-06-10T01:00:00.000-05:00

I know that I've mentioned him a few times, but I don't talk about the good things - like he's my favorite brother, always will be - he and I are the most like my mother. David had a few strokes in 2003, strokes that left him disabled - the left side of his body not functioning as well as it should. His left lung and side of diaphragm is paralyzed. A lot of the time he is on oxygen. His speech is very imperfect and his short-term memory is totally shot. But there is still something there inside of him, something that is very important to almost every member of my famiy - music. He still has the music in him.

Wanna hear?

Summer

2009-06-08T01:00:00.001-05:00

I didn’t always hate summer. No, really, I didn’t. When I was a child I obviously loved it because school was out. But even then, I didn’t have this intense hatred of it that I have now. We moved to Texas when I was 8 years old. Before that, in Iowa, I was outside almost every day in the summer that I can remember. My best friend Barbara and I played in the woods all day, running along paths, carefully negotiating fallen logs over streams; lost in worlds of Star Trek, Batman and Dark Shadows. Staying inside and playing was the exception. My mother would buy me old prom dresses at garage sales and Barb and I would wear them while climbing trees! I can remember a typical summer day – starting out in the morning with Barb, stopping a few houses down to eat some sort of vine thing that hung from a grape(?) vine; then a the house next to that, where wild rhubarb grew under the bushes. In that same yard was a cherry tree and the people that lived there would let us climb it and eat cherries. Yeah, that was my favorite part. Then off to Barb’s where there was this tree (or very sturdy bush – but it was tall) in which we could eat these purple/bluish berries – I know this because the bottom of the gowns would be stained. Bike rides up to the corner grocery store, with a stop along the way at some elderly couple’s home – we didn’t know them – where they would give us a dime each to buy a candy bar. And mom always wondered why I wasn’t hungry. LOL We lived in a old four-square home built sometime in the mid to late 19th century – the street was done in red bricks. It was a 3 story house (remember, in the North, attics and basements are full levels – at least the basements always were. Not counting the basement in the stories though because it was underground) and I have absolutely no memory of window units, so we didn’t have a/c.

But on to Texas. My friend Karen wasn’t the tomboy that Barbara had been, but we did spend time outside riding bikes, walking to the pool. Again, no hatred of the heat – we would even play in the attic during the day! And it wasn’t until a few years after we moved that we got central a/c – until then, we had two window units and that was all. But it didn’t bother me – and I’m not just talking about asthmatically – IT DIDN’T BOTHER ME! Today, I can’t stand to be outside in the summer time unless I’m in a pool. I absolutely abhor the temps and my house reflects it – curtains and blinds are closed against the sun; no, against the heat. I have no problem with the sun at all – in fact, in the winter time my curtains are open, letting the light in; it’s only the summer heat that keeps my windows covered.

I don’t know what changed that – all I know is that the next few months are going to be absolutely miserable to me, especially now that asthma has taken over my life. I’m already longing for the temps of late autumn and I mean late autumn. My absolute highest tolerance for heat might be a day of 80, but normally its 75 tops!

Can someone please tell me why I still live in Texas?

Blinded by the Light ...

2009-06-05T01:00:00.002-05:00

Damn internet

What’s she doing?

Looking at the light

The light?

Did I mumble?

Don’t do it Bailey, don’t go to the light!!!

Not that kind of light beebrain.

Oh, then what kind of light?

On her DSL box.

You don’t have to spell in front of me.

I wasn’t spelling. They’re initials.

For what?

I don’t know. I’ve forgotten. DS Line or something. I’m not sure what they stand for.

Maybe they’re sitting.

You are so not funny.

But I try.

Yeah, you’re really trying.

There’s a red light blinking.

Yeah, that’s what she’s watching.

She’s turning right, duck!!!!

*sigh* That’s the internet light idiot.

Why is it flashing?

How do I know?

You don’t know a lot, do you?

I know you are getting on my last nerve.

Oh, sorry. Let me know when you don’t have any more, then I won’t bother you.

Why don’t you just not bother me now?

What would be the fun of that?

Oh, I don’t know, maybe keep me from strangling you?

Oh don’t, ‘cuz I would be the one seeing the light then.

Ernie, you’ll never see the light, trust me ….

I owe, I owe ....

2009-06-03T07:48:00.002-05:00

It's back to work I go ...... for the first time since last Wednesday. I am so tired, but I only have 2 days and then off Friday. I can do it. I'm debating as to whether I should take a book or the crosswords with me. Going to take it easy today and only do what I have to - check out customers and take in books, otherwise I'm sitting on my ass. This prednisone is kicking my ass, although I slept better last night than I did Monday - when I got to sleep. I'm hyper and overheated - not a wonderful combination. Filling in for a co-worker on Monday, which means I'm facing five 8 hour shifts in a row next week. Sheesh. Bailey will not be a happy camper.

So, what are looking forward to today - this week - next week? Please let it be a lot more fun than I'm going to have.

Is it Winter already?

2009-06-01T12:42:00.003-05:00

Please, please let it be winter!!! No? Damn. Well, the doctor confirmed my diagnosis of asthma - BUT there is a bit of bronchitis interacting with it. So I am on prednisone (don't mess with me), a zip pack, and nebulizer/inhalers. Fun. Oh, and did I mention that I'm off work until Wednesday WITHOUT pay?? Yeah.

So, besides this being Bailey has gone into poverty day - it's also the birthday of two of my furbabies:

Mr. Seamas - aka Bubba the Red-necked kitty - is 6!

And my little Baileyboo - aka BooBear - is 4!

There will be ....

2009-06-01T09:01:00.002-05:00

a blog later on. I'm not any better so am off to the doctor now. Check back later.

Asthma

2009-05-29T01:28:00.002-05:00

Too much ozone - too much cottonwood. It's a deadly combination. So, breathless as I am ... here is a Friday funny.

Bebo sent this too me. And yes, I'm afraid, very afraid. I don't know if it's true or not, but it scares the poo out of me. And still, I can't help but laugh.

"In a college classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to be President of the United States. It was pretty simple – the candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age. However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president. The class was taking it in and letting her rant, but everyone's jaw hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating, 'What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?'"

So the next time you wonder about how some people get elected - now you know.

You didn't think I'd let you go without YouTube??

There are days when I feel exactly like this.

Oh, and btw - Bubba got real interested in this "screaming". LOL

The Monday That Should Have Been

2009-05-27T01:00:00.001-05:00

If the computer hadn't messed up, this would have been my Memorial Day blog.

I used to think that Memorial Day was for those that died at war, but since I began losing the veterans in my family I've started including them - they served, they came home, they lived their lives and are no longer with us.

My family veterans that have left us:

The Civil War

John William Smutz (the only one that did not come home. Battle of the Wilderness, KIA, May 5-6, 1864)

WWI

John E. O'Connell
Glenn A. Trotter
Frank O'Connell

WWII

(This also includes Glenn Trotter, who served in both "big wars")
Harry E. Mardis
H. James Mardis
Richard Mardis
Mario Carli
Walt Watson
Golda O'Connell Trotter
Thomas O'Connell
Dorothy Rhodes O'Connell
William H. Proudfit

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

2009-05-24T21:46:00.001-05:00

I have been hit by a piece of malicious malware called WinPC. I am doing what I can to rectify the problem, or should I say that Microsoft scan is trying the rectify the problem - except my stupid laptop is doing it's usual freezing during scan thingy and I keep having to start over. I don't know when I will be back. Keep your fingers crossed that I do not have to strip the laptop and start over!!!

A little dollop of Spam

2009-05-22T01:00:00.000-05:00

Forget about me. (What was your name again?)

Feeling ill? We may make you feel healthy very easily. (You leaving?)

Let’s cancel, I saw whether forecast. (Whether we'll have weather or not?)

Did he really call it a ‘Nymphomercial”? (He did, I heard him with my own little ears)

New horizons of Saxual intercourse with lubrication. (I don't even want to know what you're doing with a Sax and lubrication)

That’s what I told you. (I heard you, I just said I don't want to hear more)

Lift your lover couch experience. (I can't even lift my hide-a-bed)

Are you happy? (And you know it clap your hands *clap, clap*)

Yeah, yeah, yeah

2009-05-20T01:00:00.001-05:00

So it's Wednesday, and as usual I have nothing to blog about. Well, I could tell you about the luncheon on Saturday, but then I'd have to hurt myself - so we don't want to go there.

I'm always promising myself that I'm going to set up the week's worth of blogs on Sunday - but then I don't, so I'm struggling the night before trying to think of things to say - and I have nothing. Well, not exactly nothing since I seem to have typed quite a few sentences for nothing.

Now, what do I do when I have nothing to blog about? Yeah, you got it - YOUTUBE!!!

I want this kiten, and I want it now

This is what the owner of this cat says:
This is not a trick that was taught to Nora. She began sitting at the piano at about one-year-old. She's four now. She plays only when the mood strikes her, which is usually several time a times a day for short periods.

I hope y'all have a great Wednesday - hey, the weekend is almost here!!

Can my face hurt any worse?

2009-05-18T07:34:00.002-05:00

So, I have the sinus headache from hell. I'm just going to post my notes from the Yellow Rose luncheon on Saturday and tell you more about it on Wednesday.

What's she doing?

Sitting at a workshop, so be quiet.

I'm always quiet.

Shhhh

What's it about?

Writing.

She's listening to someone talk about writing?

yes

Shouldn't they be writing?

Huh?

Writing about writing.

Then they would be reading.

Oh

I thought you were going to be quiet?

I am quiet.

Yeah, and Queen Elizabeth loves to do the Rumba.

She does?

No moron.

Well why did you say she did?

It was an example.

An example of lying?

Are you going to be quiet?

I'm being quiet.

Shhhhh

*mumbles* Liar

Baby you can drive my car ....

2009-05-15T07:53:00.005-05:00

#1 [insert name of store - which obviously has the word books in it] "May I help you?"

"How much for a simple haircut?"

"This is a bookstore."

"This isn't the Hair Derby?"

No, but if you give us $20, we have scissors and tape

#2 "Where is your Native American Section?"

"It's in the back room, in the corner."

"And you can buy those?"

No, those are the only books that we don't sell

#3 "Do you have any books by Irish Johnson?"

My co-worker looks puzzled.

"Do you mean Iris Johansen?" I ask politely

She gives me a withering look, "No, it's Johnson. Irish Johnson." I decide to sit back and watch this one.

Besides, it's Johansen, Iris Johansen.

"Maybe you mean Susan Johnson?" Yeah, my co-worker is a sucker.

"No, it's Irish, Irish Johnson"

No, it's Iris Johansen!

My co-worker goes to the computer to Fantasticfiction.com (you should really try this site, it's incredible if you are trying to find all the books in a series, etc.) and types in Irish Johnson. Of course, no authors found. That's 'cuz it's Iris Johansen!!

"I'm sorry, I'm not finding her. Could you tell me the name of a book?" She's gonna tell you the name of an Iris Johansen book, bet ya, bet ya, bet ya.

"Dark Summer" Two points.

My co-worker obligingly types in Dark Summer. "Um, it says Iris Johansen"

"Well, that's what I've been saying."

I guess we all need hearing aids.

And the winner is ....... And keep in mind, that these are real ......

#4 "I'm looking for a biography of Einstein."

Absolutely nothing funny about that.

I take her to the Science section first, as we normally put the subject in their field. Not there. On the way to another section - "Do you have a particular one in mind"

"One he wrote himself."

"Oh, you mean his autobiography"

Long pause and deer in the headlights gaze.

"No, I don't think his car in involved."

Clunk

How difficult can it be?????

2009-05-13T01:00:00.000-05:00

I pull into the Sonic on the way home from work (this is my mad money Bebo, I turned my state quarters into cash) and made my usual order - bacon cheeseburger, pickles and mayo only, and a large fry.

Hesitation: bacon cheeseburger, pickles and mayo only?
Um, yes.

Pull up to window:
Did you want cheese and bacon on that?

Are we surrounded by idiots? No, really. This is the 4th time this has happened, third time at this Sonic. The first time it happened was in a Brahms years ago. I walked in, ordered a bacon cheeseburger, pickle and mayo only. The young man behind the counter stared at me.

And do you want cheese and bacon with that?

I wanted to grab him by his collar, pull him until we were face to face and say:
No, I only want a hamburger with pickles and mayonaisse. But I want you to charge me for a bacon cheeseburger.

Like I said on another blog about the woman who walked clear through our store and then walked up to the counter and asked if we sold books? Get a grip!!!!!

You know, not knowing who the 33rd president of the United States was is one thing; not being able to follow simple instructions or recognize the obvious is beyond complete idiocy. Those student essays of mine aren't as scary as this is.

So that's all I have for a Wednesday. My latest frustration.

What frustrates you?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

2009-05-11T08:21:00.004-05:00

Computer problems last night, computer problems this morning, so this is all you get. Happy Monday!!!!!

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Accccck, it cut off the end .... well, I think you can figure out what it says.

moar funny pictures

And one I made ....

moar funny pictures

Once More with Feeling ....

2009-05-08T01:00:00.000-05:00

BBBBBBBuuuuddd

What?

BBBBBBuuuuuudddddd

What Ernie?

BBBBBuuuuuddddddd!!!!

Would you shut up!

You don’t have to be mean about it. All I was doing was calling your name.

I was having a wonderful evening until I was interrupted.

By who?

You.

A flock of sheep interrupted you?

No, you – y o u.

It’s okay Bud, you don’t have to spell in front of me.

Maybe I should spell behind you.

B e h i n d

Stop that!

What were you doing Bud?

Sun worshipping with Cindy Crawford.

Wow, sounds like you were having more fun than I was.

What were you doing?

Visiting Paris Hilton’s head.

Why?

I wanted to be alone.

That would do it.

I think I have the swine flu.

Good grief, what makes you think that?

I’ve been oinking.

That’s not swine flu.

It isn’t?

No, it isn’t.

Then why do I keep rolling around in the mud?

I’ve been asking myself that for a long time.

Well?

Well what?

Did you ever answer yourself?

There is no answer, it just …. is.

Some things are like that.

Some things are better off left alone.

Yeah, like worm pudding.

Definitely worm pudding.

Especially when it’s a day old.

Where did you get worm pudding?

I made it.

Why?

‘Cuz I had to do something with all of those worms I found in the mud.

Of course you did, why do I even ask.

‘Cuz you’re looking for intelligent answers?

Obviously I’ve been asking the wrong person, or should I say voice.

You get what you pay for.

Like I said ….

Once More

2009-05-07T07:58:00.002-05:00

Okay, there's a tie between customers and Bud/Ernie, spam is out. And no, I'm not going to do both of them ..... you have until 9:00pm cst tonight. Thank you.

Gotta get ready for work. But in the meantime:

moar funny pictures

moar funny pictures

moar funny pictures

If it's Wednesday this must be May

2009-05-06T01:00:00.001-05:00

Well, here it is Wednesday again. Aren't we thrilled. And folks, I have an announcement to make - yes, we will get into the 90s this week. I am sooooo happy I could puke. We all know how Bailey feels about heat. Say it all together "Bailey hates heat!!!". There, I feel better now that everyone is in agreement.

Once again, I'm scrambling for things to blog about. The last time we talked about words we get mixed up - and you had some good ones. Another that I want to throw in is effect/affect. I don't think I will ever understand those two words. Don't even try to explain it to me, I'll just rely on the grammar check, thank you so much. I have, on the other hand, finally conquered the me/I ordeal. I finally learned the "formula". Okay, it all depends on how the sentence would be without the other person involved. Wiped that confused look off of your face. For example:

"Bebo and I will go to the store." Now, I know it's "I" because if you take Bebo out of the equation, the sentence "Me will go to the store" makes absolutely no sense. But "I will go to the store", does. Me? "The truck bore down on Jeanne and me." You see, the sentence "The truck bore down on I" is obviously wrong. That's how I learned it - take the other person out of the sentence and see if it makes sense. Of course, this has led to big pauses in my conversations.

And that's your Wednesday blog of the week. Next Wednesday we will dissect the old question "Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?"

Now lets discuss Friday. I think we'll have it this week, in case you were wondering. But what will we have? I've decided to let you decide, but you must answer by 9:00 pm cst Thursday night. Here are your choices:

Bud and Ernie
Spam
Things my customers say/do

Have a great hump day.