It's a Conspiracy

Hmmm, it’s Wednesday again. Wasn’t it Wednesday this time last week? And the week before? Can’t we be more original than that? I mean, the same days of the week over and over again. This is getting boring. I make the following suggestions. Monday will now be HughJackmanday; Tuesday will be GeorgeClooneyday; Wednesday can now be referred to as Giveusamilliondollarsday (I like that a lot more than Wednesday); Thursday, chocolatewithnocaloriesday; Friday can become flipyourbossthefingerwithoutgettingfiredday (I know, a little cumbersome, but it’s a nice thought); Saturday becomes noacneday; and Sunday will forever be myteamwillnotloselikethecowboysdidday. Simple, right? And not so ordinary and mundane the way we have it now. Whoever named the days of the week so many eons ago did not in any way have an imagination. Do you think that God would have named them after Greek gods and such? Nope, He would have named them Redroseday, Rainbowday, Babydeerday, babieslaughday, and, well, you get the idea – Sunday would have been lovethyneighborday. We’ve even had to go so far as to give them nicknames to make them more interesting. Hump Day, Thirsty Thursday, TGIF!!!!! It’s really bad when you have to spell it. And what’s with these months and seasons? Here in Texas, Spring should be renamed Dontblink. Fall will be Sneeze, Winter can be Notlongenough and Summer, well, we’re in Texas right? Summer would be the Hell Season. Yeppers. I just think we could have done a much better job of naming things. Giraffe? Hippopotamus? Don’t get me started on those.

Yep, it’s definitely Ramblingday …….

Oh, the picture? That's Bubba on a date with a kitty named Cookie ...

Calendar Says Wednesday, but That Has to be Wrong

Wow! It’s Wednesday already? Gadzooks this vacation has gone by fast and my hand isn’t near ready to go to work on Thursday. The butterfly strips are holding on fast, so that means I’m going to have to wrap the hand in gauze to keep it completely sealed in that dirty, dingy bookstore. Sheesh.

Tuesday went by rather quietly. I didn’t do a lot, just some photoshopping to keep my mind off of things. Can you see Bubba in the picture above? Of course you can, ya can’t hide that orange body. This is another contest entry, like the two before. This program that I’m using is free and it’s called GIMP. You can download it – I think its GIMP.com, but check, you probably can find it if you Google GIMP. It’s an easy program to learn; I’m still in the amateurish stage, but I’m having fun with it.

We are going to have great weather on Wednesday, well except for the rain maybe. The temps will be more fall-like. Sometime in the afternoon we’ll creep to the mid-70s, and then a cool front will come in and the temps will drop into the 60s by evening. It will be a perfect day to turn off the A/C and open windows.

Can you believe it’s the middle of October now? I do love this time of year but it’s also my most melancholy; the holiday season. Not to mention mom’s birthday in November. Bebo wants to have Thanksgiving at her apartment. Don’t know if anyone else will make it (friends) or if it will be another Thanksgiving with just the two of us. Oh wait, I spent Thanksgiving alone last year, so having it with just Bebo will be an improvement.

Here I am talking about Thanksgiving and we haven’t hit Halloween yet. Who do I think I am, a department store? Halloween, my first in an apartment. I don’t know how much trick or treating is done here; there are a lot of kids in the complex. So I guess I’ll buy candy – I will either have to buy something I don’t like so I won’t eat it before Halloween, or at least throw in a bag for me.

So, what are y’all up to? Anything exciting, titillating, mysterious, adventurous – come on y’all, you know I live vicariously through you!

Have a great Wednesday, thank you so much for the wonderful comments yesterday – I appreciated them more than you can know.

I Hate my Internet Spam

Yep, I'm having problems with the internet again. I've spent the day here at Bebo's trying to get all my bills paid, internet stuff done, reviews written and posted, and spam written in case I don't get back before Friday. So here it is Wednesday and I'm posting Spam. Not that you'll see it before Friday anyway, since blogster has this great "post it ahead of time" feature where I can set it up to post early Friday morning. I know, devious of me. Anyway, here's the spam. Don't forget to go over to Isn't It Romantic for my new review. Ciao everyone!

Update your penis. (What? To penis 2.0?)
Greetings, I have learned an interesting thing. (That Microsoft will upgrade your penis?)
Regain your attractiveness as a man. (I was a man?)
You look really stupid baileystewart. (As a man, yes I do.)
Don’t warry. (Warry? Is that more than wary? I would be warry of me as a man.)
How do these guys do it? (They’re born with it?)
These pills really make you huge. (No thanks, I have chocolate for that.)
Your neighbors lost their alarm clock. (You have got to be kidding! Don’t look at me, where would I put them?)
Ladies and Gentlemen’s please welcome her majesty Pharmacy. (In her jewel encrusted shower cap, carrying her gold toilet plunger scepter.)

Oh, and here's a picture of Bubba to hold you over.





UPDATE: INTERNET SUDDENLY CAME ON LAST NIGHT WITHOUT ANY EFFORT FROM ME, SO THERE MUST HAVE BEEN SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE PROVIDER

Tuesday, um, okay ...

In case you weren’t aware of it, it’s Tuesday night, which means I have to come up with a blog. Right. You see, that’s the hard part. I can’t think of anything. I’m still getting the apartment ready for Glenice’s visit this weekend (at which time, said apartment should be ready for picture taking). I have to start the big job search after that. Bubba is having a better love life than I am. And believe me, that sucks. Not only does he have his girlfriend Apryl, but now Taylor the Sex Kitten is after him. I don’t know how I feel about that. Bubba and loose women? Aidan and BooBear can’t seem to find girlfriends, which amuses Bubba because they’re considered the two beauties of the bunch and he’s, well, he’s Bubba the red-necked kitty. And he’s the one with a girlfriend. Go figure.

I hope you are having a wonderful hump day, and that everyone you love and care about are healthy and happy.

Here’s your YouTube laugh:

Spam and Such

Which ones really work? We list the Top Penis Enlargement products! (I’ve seen a lot of lists in my lifetime. But this one beats 'em all.)
baileystewart’s naked video. (As produced by Wes Craven.)
Enlarge your dummy length. (My dummy is long enough as it is.)
Men and women FREE INTERNATIONAL SHIPPING. (You mean I can have Hugh shipped here for free? Wow!)
Her heaving bosom pics. (I got rid of those years ago. The heaving bosoms, not the pics.)
Then with a gentle look you took my hand. (That wasn’t me. Honest.)
I love bargain hunting here. (For spam, there are no bargains here.)
Success is a fish that is pulled from an ocean. (Not for the fish.)
“I don’t know” he’d get mad and yell: “_ why _ don’t you know?” ( _ because you _ didn’t tell _ me?)
Be a PORN star for a day. (Can’t I be one in lower case?)


Look, Bubba has a girlfriend. Her name is Apryl and she lives in Houston. Aren't they cute?



imikimi - Customize Your World


This is a better picture of Apryl:



Here's what she made for her MySpace page (the one of them together was done by her too)



She says that Bubba is a sexy orange kitty. Bubba?

This and That

First, a message from Jason Evans:

Dear Blog Friends,

Thank you all for being an amazing part of my blog experience and The Clarity of Night!

I'm writing tonight to announce the grand opening of a companion blog. It’s a candlelit place called Night Conversations (http://nightconversations.blogspot.com/). Here's the concept.

In important parts of our lives, many of us struggle with feelings of isolation, of being misunderstood. Night Conversations is a place where anonymous participants spend a evening with me talking and delving into those feelings. No advice. No judgment. Just a person who wants nothing more than to listen and understand.

Stop over and share the first of the Night Conversations with me. If you like what you see, I'd be grateful for any mention, or even a review, that you would be willing to do on your own blogs. I'd love to see Night Conversations spread like a more personal version of Post Secret.

The comfy chair is open for anyone out there who like to participate. Thanks!

--Jason Evans

Not a whole lot going on with me. I seem to have become the MySpace page designer of choice. LOL First I did Bebo's, then the Jill Shalvis Fan Page, then my cat Bubba (yes, Bubba has a page, want to see it? Click here. Now remember, you don't have to be a member of MySpace to look at his page.) Then my two pages, yes two. One for me and one for Bailey. Now my cousin Joan wants me to design her page. Maybe I need to start charging. LOL

Here's a little video for your Monday. Please excuse the first scene, but the rest is great - especially the talking cats.

I Love Lucy vs. the Moving Van

So, lest you think that moving was a totally traumatic occurrence, let me assure you that there was plenty of levity to be had; some of it not discovered until after the actual move, but funny nonetheless. In order to tell this story properly, I need to back up a little. When we moved into the house in 1969 there was carpet only in the living room and hall. The three bedrooms were hardwood. My father, coming from the generation that looked upon hardwood floors as an indication of poverty, put carpet in those rooms as soon as possible. This meant that the ends of those three doors had to be cut off. When I removed the carpet, the doors were of course too short and left gaps when closed.

To present day - since moving meant having the front door open, I had to trap BooBear in the bathroom; Bubba and Aidan in the first bedroom. Anyone who has followed this blog for any length of time knows that Bubba doesn’t like to be closed up in a room. He protests quite loudly. Moving day was no exception. It was so funny to see Bubba’s nose and one eye peeking out from under the door. Poor pitiful Bubba, begging with that one eye.

Obviously, we had to unhook the washing machine in order to move it. No problem for the guy who was helping us. He used to be a professional mover. Easy, right? Hmmmm. When he unhooked the hot water, it wouldn’t turn off. Water was squirting everywhere, the floor was flooding and the three of us (Cavin, Bebo and I) were in a panic. The water was scalding his hand and Bebo grabbed some of my clean clothes for him to wrap around his hand as he tried to turn off the valve. I made frantic calls to my cousins who are plumbers. Brother number one didn’t answer. Brother number two did. And laughed. “Go turn off the hot water at the water heater” he gasped when he could. Huh? That’s too obvious, right? Of course that worked. Water was everywhere; a small lake in the middle of the dining room. Cavin was soaked.

Fast forward to me unpacking; I came across a small box that perplexed me. I could have sworn that I had left it on the bathroom counter. I put it on my bar and waited for Bebo to get there. “What is this?” I said as she came in the door. “It’s a light bulb” she answered. “No, it’s not just a light bulb. It’s a garage door opener bulb.” She stared at me. “I left it there on purpose as it’s quite obvious that I don’t have a garage door.” Bebo is a real good packer. In fact, Bebo is a terrific packer. She packs all sorts of things that I wouldn’t need. Like the cover to the smoke alarm in the study at home. What am I going to do with that?

So see, it wasn’t all tears and sorrow, there was laughter involved. Some funny memories to start my new life with.

New Home

Oh no!!! I wrote this last night, but was having problems with the internet and kept closing down the computer and rebooting. In the meantime, word, of course, went bye bye and I forgot all about it! Sorry I'm late.

Well we’re here and we sorta have internet. This is the same problem that I was having before I moved. It’s the laptop, refusing to hook up to the router. It also keeps telling me that a network cable is unplugged? Huh? There’s no cable hooked up to it, nor has there ever been. Oh well. Also, at about 8:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. it refuses to hook up at all. When my money comes in from the house sale I’m going to have to have it looked at.

The move was traumatic for the cats. First, BooBear was closed up in the bathroom. Bubba and Aidan were put in the Master bedroom and then when the guest room was cleared out, they were moved there. Bubba does not like to be closed up in a room without a human, but we had to do it to keep them from running out the propped open front door. We made a couple of runs from the house to the apartment. We were so tired that we decided to get the cats, go home and then come back the next day to finish up. My niece and her husband were coming to pick up and store the things for my brother so we had to be there anyway. I took a last look around in the closets and noticed something way back on the shelf in the Master. It was a small box. I took it down, opened it up and cried. You see, my mother had this habit of buying gifts, hiding them and then forgetting about them. She’d obviously bought this before the Alzheimer’s set in. I knew it was for me – it was a Purrfect Friends cat tile. It’s beautiful. I didn’t have long to linger over it as the crowd arrived to pick up Dave’s stuff. Then they were gone. Bebo and I put the last few things in our cars and I sent Bebo ahead so I could take a last look around the house alone. It echoed around me and in those echoes I could hear laughter and tears; in the rooms ghosts reached out to me. I stopped at the wall that separated the den from the kitchen. Resting my hand on the paneling, I stood for a moment. You see, when we moved in there, the paneling wasn’t on this particular section of wall. This was where my parent’s measured my growth with penciled lines on the wall. They were still there, underneath the paneling dad installed in the mid-80s. Stepping outside, I looked at the sidewalk my dad put in around that time, the sidewalk where he wrote our names: David (my brother’s step-son), James, Eric, Jenni Lynn and me. I said goodbye to the feral cats – especially Little One, the most friendly. Locking the house, I went next door to say goodbye to Gwen (having said goodbye to Debbie the day before). And then I got in my car, backed out of the drive and stopped at the sound of a shout. The man across the street stepped out from his garage and waved “goodbye”. The people on the corner did the same thing. Ernie on the corner called me over and I stopped. He said goodbye, gave me a hug and sent me on my way. I cried most of the way to the apartment. BooBear was still hiding – on Saturday he had found the bed and crawled under it, not coming out until dark and then back under Sunday morning. He was still under the bed, but Aidan was no longer hissing at Bubba. Bubba took the move just fine, exploring and jumping in boxes. Now a week later, they are all doing fine and adjusting to the constraints of the loss of running room.

I’ll tell you more about the move and the new apartment next time.

Aidan's Turn

Aidan here. Mother was going to have Seamas blog again, but I begged her not to subject you to any more of his “LOLz” cat speak, so to say. I hate that site; it’s such an insult to us superior felines. Anyway, we’re adjusting fine without Neely Shae, although I must admit that I do miss my favorite target. Bailey and Seamas aren’t as fun to attack. And I said Bailey. I don’t care if there’s some sort of mix-up with his and mother’s names. BooBear is ridiculous. How could any self-respecting feline hold up his head with a name like BooBear? I know, mother calls me Aidan Maiden, so who am I to speak, right? I.hate.Aidan Maiden. In case I’m not clear enough – Aidan Maiden sucks eggs. She even has a little poem for me: Aidan Maiden, pudding pie. Kissed the kits and made them cry. When Aidan Maiden came out to play, all the kits they ran away. Can you imagine going through life with that sticking to you? It’s either that or Secret Aidan Man. If I have to have one or the other, I’ll take Secret Aidan Man because at least it’s male.

Mother has been having a bit of a bad week. The sale of the house isn’t going through as soon as she, and obviously Uncle David, thought it would. So here’s mother packing to move into an apartment she can’t afford. It’s all Uncle David’s fault and if he were here I’d pee on his foot. He doesn’t like cats anyway, so what harm would it do? I could leave a little present in his shoe too, if you know what I mean. I don’t mind getting a little crass when it comes to protecting my mother.

I heard mother say the other day that she just doesn’t get to blog as much as she used to. What with all of this packing and cleaning, she doesn’t have the time. I know, you see her on MySpace a lot. She’s not always there. Mother has this habit of leaving the computer on and logged into the site. Whenever she gets a message or something, it “cachings” (that’s the closest to the sound I can get) rather loudly and she comes running to answer it. It’s pathetic if you ask me, sort of like Pavlov’s dogs. Anyway, once she’s settled into her new place, she’ll get back to a routine. Whatever that is. And she’ll be able to look for a job again. I’ve been told she needs one badly. I don’t know why, wouldn’t a purr, nuzzle and lick get her most things in life? It works for us.

Bubba Rocks

Deer blogsters, mi name is bubba an i am in charge. momma iz buzy on mycatspace an haz forgot to do her blog so i am doin it. i am a gud kitty an very hansome. i am also very smart. mommy watsht futbal all day an cride becuz it wuz teh last game ob teh seeson. me an aden played wit teh round ball ting an boobear hid unner teh bed cuz he iz so frade of evryting. me an aden tellz him not to be frade, but he no listen to uz. eben teh stoopid dawgz next door scared him an dey are outside. see how silly he iz? mommie iz movin an there are lotz of boxes around an we hab fun jumpin in an out ob dem. we kinda likz it widout neely shay around here cuz we can nowz getz to mommy. fore dat neely would chaze uz away cuz she wanted all ob mommies tenshun. Nows we no longer haz to be pushed away, we gotz mommie allz to ourselvez. dat is gud. momma gibs teh katz outside sum can fudz an she no givz dem to uz. dat not nice, iz it? momma shuld givz uz teh gud smelin fud, shoudnt she? i folos momma roundz teh house an to teh potz rum where she closd teh door an i yelled noes momma, noes closd door on bubba. let bubba in. an sometime she do. den i go round her feetz so she spank me, cuz i liked to be spanked. really. it gibs me tinglez.

Ahem.

oh hi momma. youz bak from mycatspace?

Yes, and I don’t think they want to hear about your spanking fetish. I’ll take over from here.

I think Bubba has pretty much filled you in on our day. A lot of fun in the Stewart household. I would have let him finish this, but, I wanted to break in and tell you that I just now heard that actor Roy Scheider (man in the middle)has died. Many of you will remember him from “Jaws” where he uttered that most famous line – “You’re gonna need a bigger boat”. He also received Oscar nominations for his work in “The French Connection” and “All That Jazz”.

He was 75.

The Party

I had a party Saturday night. Amie, Dennie, Susie, Bebo and I got together for an evening of girl talk, booze and food. It was a blast. A lot of secrets spilled, gossip exchanged and howling laughter filled the evening. It’s been a long time since I laughed that hard. We’re not talking giggles, but all out guffaws. Let’s just say I’ll never look at a mirror the same way again – and no, I’m not saying any more.

Bubba was a hit, literally. He showed off his love of spankings to the other’s delight. There’s one picture (hey Amie) and a video (yo Susie) floating around somewhere. I don’t know where they’ll show up – but yes, the spanking has been immortalized.

If you were to open my garbage can, you’d think I was an alcoholic – but I was very good because of the meds. I had a great time and look forward to doing it again.

Update: Read Dennie's take on the night.

Bubba the Mental Genius

Unlike some people (Hi Brandy) I don't always have a camera on hand when the cats do something cute, so you're going to have to use your imagination.



You know when Snoopy sits on the roof-edge of his dog house and pretends to be an eagle (or vulture, or whatever)? Substitute a bathroom counter for the dog house, and Bubba the red-necked kitty for Snoopy. I glanced towards the bathroom the other day and there was Bubba sitting next to the sink staring intently at the faucets as if with the power of his mind he could get them to turn on. You see, he has suddenly taken a liking to drinking water from the sink no matter how fresh the water in the dish is. I haven't the heart to tell him he's no mental genius.



I have the laptop going - yeah!!!!!!!!

Bubba Blogs

Since I can’t think of things to blog about, I’ve turned over the blog today to Bubba the Red-Necked Kitty. Blogsters – here’s Bubba.


Mommie feels kind of sad because it was one year ago today that we lost my little brother Devlin. I kinda miss the little fella myself. So I’m supposed to put in here a little of what mommie calls lividity ..

Levity

… levity into the joint. (I can do this myself mommie).

I never said you couldn’t.

Quit looking over my shoulder.

I’m not looking over your shoulder, I’m um, looking at my reflection in the computer screen.

I only see Hugh Jackman.

So do I.

Mom!

I’m leaving, I’m leaving.

Finally. Now, as I was saying … hey Aidan, what are you doing?

Eating tuna.

Don’t get that on the keyboard, mommie will have a cow.

Neat, beef!

You’re such a moron.

Spaz.

Butt licker.

You have a problem with that?

Um, dog lover.

Momma’s boy.

Hey, this is supposed to be my blog post.

So write the thing, I’m not stopping you.

Quit looking at me.

Not a problem, I’m trying to eat anyway.

Haven’t you written that post yet?

I give up.

Wuss puss

Tuna breath

Out, both of you. I’m sorry folks, maybe there’ll be a better post tomorrow. Excuse me now, I have to break up a cat fight. Bubba, get off Aidan's face!

Characters

First, I wrote over 500 words Sunday - not much, but better than nothing. You people have put me in a quandry. I had no scenes linking those two excerpts, so now I'm busy filling. Hmmmm. Meanwhile, here's what the The Devil You Know storyboard looks like.

You can also tell because of Bubba (who is not a small cat) how big it is. I not only use pictures of actors/actresses, but also images to describe my character. For instance, on "Nathan's" side is a photo of a man in a chair smoking a pipe. Actors are good because then you can find pictures that often "go" with your story, like George Clooney running from the exploding car in the movie "Peacemaker". Now, Nathan was in the car, not running from it, but it still fits. I have a lot more "image" pictures on Maddie's side (played by Kimberlin Brown) because finding pictures of her I like was hard to do, but I have enough. I also have houseplans of the various homes, plus a store, etc. I do this to keep myself from going the wrong way - you know, turning left to the bedrooms instead of to the right. Obviously, I'm not finished with it yet. I've changed the secondary character of Travis, so will have to fix that on the board and the cover (which I showed here). A cover, if you don't remember, is what is used for traveling, small enough to fit into a laptop case, for example.

More below.

No Wonder

If you've noticed something strange about my blog lately, it's because the cats have taken over. Here's BooBear browsing for pictures (I've caught him on naked cat porn sites). I'm trying to take back control, but it's hard. They keep throwing hair balls at me. Neely Shae is awaiting her turn - she wants to write a book about her lunch entititled "The Cathair in the Rye". Aidan? He's into a site called mycatspace.com. He has lots of friends like Garfield, Morris, Salem, Sneaky Pie, Koko, and Yum Yum. Bubba (at end of bed, out of picture) plays on-line poker, Texas Hold 'em. They never did this when I used the PC, but this laptop gives them easy access. It's been a real problem. At least they haven't figured out how to get it out of it's case ... yet.

Eureka!

While laying here in bed I made an amazing discovery. When I watch TV I have to lie on my side facing both the TV and the door to the bathroom. One morning I was lying here and noticed Bubba playing on the rug below the bed. He was tossing something into the air and then smacking it down – sort of what I wanted to do to my last boyfriend. I watched for a few moments as he batted one of my black socks around. I have this habit of taking my shoes off there and tossing the socks on the rug, even though the hamper is a little over an arms length away. I never said I wasn’t lazy. I return to watching the TV while keeping a peripheral eye on Bubba. He tossed the sock towards the bathroom, stalked it, and then “killed” the monster (if you have cats, you’ll know what I mean). Now I must explain something about the bathroom. When we moved in here there was a little vanity area next to the sink – an open place where you could put one of those fancy bathroom chairs. The small room was lacking in storage space, so my father the carpenter enclosed that area with drawers. They don’t go all the way down to the floor though – there’s a small gap along the bottom. Got it? When I next looked at Bubba he was rolling around on the bathroom rug pulling one end up over him and then jumping out onto the sock – a real giggling moment. Then I saw him do something I’d never seen any of the cats do – he started stuffing the sock into that little slot and then reaching a paw under there to bat it around. I called him away and then went to get a broomstick to retrieve my sock. When I swept the handle underneath the cabinet not only did I retrieve one sock but three more. It’s not the washer/dryer that’s eating our socks, it’s our pets!

I almost forgot - Happy Birthday Ruby! I wish you a year of improved health, happiness and all of the books you want to read. You've been a great friend - remember you're never alone, we're all here.