Spam is melting, it's melting ......

Ideas about holidays. (I think we’ll have them this year, thank you.)
Boy’s fingers frozen off. (In my day it was warts, but whatever works)
Is that possible? (Why don’t you keep it “up” and we’ll find out.)
Open or die in hell. (Open, open, open, open …)
Where the hell are you? (I didn’t open it?)
You will have watches to go with all your outfits. (I already do – mind you they have a little dirt on them ….)
Replace me tomorrow, okay? (Why? You’re finger’s freeze off?)
Please, don’t tell anyone. (They’re gonna find out – or do spam regenerate?)
Forget about dictionaries, we offer soft in different languages. (Zacht, doux, weich, morbido, macio, suave ….)
Ipod killed a man. (Put a gun against his head, pulled the trigger now he’s dead ...)
Lot’s of women will send him a kiss, so just imagine what you can miss. (A Spaniard’s kiss I may have missed, but an Australian’s lips can give me bliss … take that Dr. Seuss)
Spanish got married 60 times. (Wow, that’s some kiss – was his name Ramon Ortega de Young?)
We hope this information will help you make the right choice. (Yeah, if you kiss a Spaniard, your fingers will freeze off.)

Spambusters!!

Why weren’t u at party? (I wasn’t aware that spam had parties … sheesh what a concept)

I photoshopped your face. (I hope you put it on Catherine Zeta Jones’ body)

Donnez vous l’opportunite de gagner 50 instamment (Excuse me ? More illegal alien spam)

We’ve found your car. (It was missing?)

My birthday c. details. (Your birthday b boring)

Tomorrow at 6, in bar. (Tonight with a wrench in the library)

Did you see my keys? (Do they go to my car?)

Oh my, forgot keys. (See, that’s how it starts. Next you’ll be misplacing your car.)

When you feel that your virility is already dead, call us. (Penis busters!!!!)

Madonna hired butt scratcher. (You know, I kinda believe this one.)

Would you like to adopt a cheap elegant watch? (No, but for just pennies a day …..)

Waiting for you near the bus stop. (I knew there was a reason I hated bus stops.)

A little dollop of Spam

Forget about me. (What was your name again?)

Feeling ill? We may make you feel healthy very easily. (You leaving?)

Let’s cancel, I saw whether forecast. (Whether we'll have weather or not?)

Did he really call it a ‘Nymphomercial”? (He did, I heard him with my own little ears)

New horizons of Saxual intercourse with lubrication. (I don't even want to know what you're doing with a Sax and lubrication)

That’s what I told you. (I heard you, I just said I don't want to hear more)

Lift your lover couch experience. (I can't even lift my hide-a-bed)

Are you happy? (And you know it clap your hands *clap, clap*)

Spamnadoes

we save your money on our adrvetisement (well, obviously, you get what you pay for …)

Easiest way to save money is not to spend them for notihng. (No, I’m spending them on adrvetisements)

Guess again (They’re not adrvetisements?)

Women will be your resigned slaves (That sounds about right.)

Tell me about Nick. (Ahhh, Nick. We’ll always have Paris)

Tell me more, please. (It began when he walked into my bar ….)

I was funny, let’s repeat. (I thought I was.)

You are nominated for a bachelors. (Which ones? Clooney??? Bloom???)

Man’s response. (I don’t need to freakin’ map)

Stop calling it soccer. (What am I supposed to call it? Football?)

You won’t get away with it. (Of course I will. Who are they going to believe, me or spam?)

Spam Mail

Dear Spam,

I don’t know what I did to make you turn away from me, but whatever it was …. I’m sorry. …..

What’s she doing?

Writing a letter to spam.

Why?

It up and left her. Now they are going to Bebo’s inbox.

Really? That hussy.

Remember those wonderful days full of dicks that could chop firewood? The halcyon days of where it was as tall as the Eiffel Tower? Or as long as the distance between New York and Los Angeles?

What’s halcyon?

I think it’s one of those psychedelic words.

She on drugs?

Obviously. She’s writing to spam, isn’t she?

Was it the alarm clocks? Did I take too many? What if I gave you a map to where they are all buried?

No Bailey!! Don’t confess!!!

Sgt. Preston is gonna come and get you ….

Or those men in the white coats.

Waiters?

I wish you would tell me what I did. Bebo can’t give you what I can, she won’t make you famous, er, infamous, or whatever. She’ll never appreciate you the way I do.

This is embarrassing. She’s begging spam.

Not as embarrassing as talking to something that isn’t real.

Ernie? We’re not real.

We’re not?

For the hundredth time moron, no. We’re figments of her imagination.

You mean, like spam?

Not exactly. You see, spam is real.

Spam is real and we’re not?

I know, it’s scary isn’t it?

I don’t know if this will reach you or not, but I wanted to give it a try. I need you spam, I need your misspelled words, your bad grammar, your completely insane logic. I even need your out of proportion body parts. Leave Bebo and come back to me.

Shane!!!

Spam has a name?

No, that’s a movie quote.

Bailey is talking to spam and you’re quoting movies?

Like it’s really going to make any difference, considering that she’s writing a letter to someone in Taiwan?

You have a point.

Please come back to me.

Sincerely,
Bailey Stewart

And Bud.

What?

I miss spam too.

Oh, what the heck. And Ernie too.

Spam on toast

Your hook will be the best hook of all hooks in the world. (There's no business like show business)

What's new, you ask? (I didn't ask, you must be hearing spamvoices)

Ready for something big? (From you? Don't make me laugh)

Durgs caan heelp peoplSeuper (can they help them spell?)

Good guys always finish last (yeah, that's what makes them good ... *sigh*)

What was he thinking? (for a good time, call Thumper?)

We like when you say we're good. (Now there you go, hearing those spamvoices again. There's medication for that)

Need some pills (I'll say)

Meawnhile, shee waas (yeah, she was what? Seeing double?)

Autehntic drugs from licnesed online pharmacy. (Give me those unauthentic ones, please? And a dictionary too.)

Waant to imrpove yoour seex lifee? (No, I'm more concerned with improving yours ... NOT!)

The "I Think Spring Has Arrived" Spam

Thank you Bebo and JJ for the following spam. Yeah, I now have spam being forwarded to me. Sheesh.

"There wobble is town only one thing which reading grieves me," observ "No, no, no," ring replied the wood eye protest daughter of the paralytic. (I always had a problem with Chaucer)

Better nights for less money... (Um, I get lousy nights for free. You mean if I pay less than nothing, I’d have better nights?)

Forget about your sexual lsoes (Forget about them? I’m not even sure what they are??)

Thnik muuch of yoruself, beacuse you wroth iStuper Vaigra (There you go! Isn’t Milton so much better?)

You will make her wet easier (Only happens if she’s not wearing her Depends)

Sooft Cailis. No problmes at all in yoour sxeual lifee (Lifee? Does this have anything to do with Isoes?)

Your female needs more? It's easy! (I got a female? Why isn’t she cleaning this house?)

You’ll surprise her with your Hulk (Lou Ferrigno, Eric Bana or Edward Norton?)

Spam coming atcha!!

We were looking for you! (I've been right here, waiting)
My crotch area is too tight now (I needed to know this, why?)
Why did you leave me? (I didn't leave, you're the ones that flaked out over banking and V*I*A*G*A*R*A*)
She flicked her hair. (She flicked her hair back at her!)
Are you busy? (Only flicking my hair)
Come upstairs. (Um, I'm not sure about that ...)
We seek for you all day. (You won't find me upstairs)
Where are you, I'm frozen! (You're not blanketed by spam?)
Never leave, ever again? (You keep sending 'em, I'll be here)

They put that where? .... Again .... and you let them???

Originally published November 28, 2008

Stuffed. And I don’t mean with stuffing either. I’m.going.to.pop. And that won’t be pleasant so everybody ruuuuunnnnn!!!

I had a really great time at Bebo’s – good food, good times, good company. I hope everyone had as good of a Thanksgiving as I did.

So, where’s spam? That’s what I keep asking … where is it? My spam box is filled with boring credit report, *v*i*a*g*r*a messages and bank updating information. Seems the phishers are having more fun than I am. What ever happened to “you can chop a log with your dick”? Or “your neighbors have lost their alarm clock”? Where have the days of penis enlargement and grammatically challenging sentences gone? The economy is sucking the life out of the only real source of amusement I get now days. It’s not fair I tell you, not fair at all!

And what is with this weather??? It snowed in Australia this week. One week before summer. Here it’s November 27 and we’ve barely had cool weather. I think the spammers are responsible. At least that’s my theory and I’m sticking to it.



This is boring …

Shhh, give her a moment; she’ll get into the swing.

About as well as an elephant on a vine.

What?

You heard me.

That’s what I was afraid of.

That you heard me?

No, that I understood what you were saying.

Did you just insult me?

Who? Me? I wouldn’t do that.

That’s what I thought.

At least, not that you would notice.

I think I resemble that remark.

You don’t resemble anything.

Yes I do!

No you don’t! I’ve told you, you’re not real.

I’m not?

No, you’re a figment of her imagination.

That’s scary.

Tell me about it – you would hope she had a better imagination than that.

You did it again.

What?

Insulted me.

No, that was a figment of your imagination.

It was?

Yeah, you’re always imagining that I’m insulting you.

Bud?

What?

Will you tell me when you’re really insulting me?

Of course Ern, that’s what friends are for.

I thought they were to carry you home from the bar.

That too.

Goodnight Bud.

Goodnight Ern.

Um, yeah?

It's Friday huh? Yes Bailey, that's what usually follows Thursday, unless you got drunk on Wednesday night, then it's Saturday. Another Spamless Friday. What a calamity this is.

Spamless, Bailey's blog is spamless
trying to receive some
of that spam that we love.
Spamless, whoa-a-whoa, spamless
whoa-a-whoa, spamless
please send what we write of.

Viagra, comes from across the Niagra,
promises that your dick is
something to be proud of
Spamless, whoa-a-whoa, spamless
whoa-a-whoa, spamless
for your beloved.

Alarm clocks, ticking giant alarm clocks
taunted me daily
from the apartment above.
Spamless, whoa-a-whoa, spamless
whoa-a-whoa spamless
you know what I speak of.

I actually have 4 of them, but I'm waiting until I get at least 8. Until then, I'll try to entertain you in other ways.


moar funny pictures


moar funny pictures


moar funny pictures

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!!!

They Put That Where .... ?

Stuffed. And I don’t mean with stuffing either. I’m.going.to.pop. And that won’t be pleasant so everybody ruuuuunnnnn!!!

I had a really great time at Bebo’s – good food, good times, good company. I hope everyone had as good of a Thanksgiving as I did.

So, where’s spam? That’s what I keep asking … where is it? My spam box is filled with boring credit report, *v*i*a*g*r*a messages and bank updating information. Seems the phishers are having more fun than I am. What ever happened to “you can chop a log with your dick”? Or “your neighbors have lost their alarm clock”? Where have the days of penis enlargement and grammatically challenging sentences gone? The economy is sucking the life out of the only real source of amusement I get now days. It’s not fair I tell you, not fair at all!

And what is with this weather??? It snowed in Australia this week. One week before summer. Here it’s November 27 and we’ve barely had cool weather. I think the spammers are responsible. At least that’s my theory and I’m sticking to it.



This is boring …

Shhh, give her a moment; she’ll get into the swing.

About as well as an elephant on a vine.

What?

You heard me.

That’s what I was afraid of.

That you heard me?

No, that I understood what you were saying.

Did you just insult me?

Who? Me? I wouldn’t do that.

That’s what I thought.

At least, not that you would notice.

I think I resemble that remark.

You don’t resemble anything.

Yes I do!

No you don’t! I’ve told you, you’re not real.

I’m not?

No, you’re a figment of her imagination.

That’s scary.

Tell me about it – you would hope she had a better imagination than that.

You did it again.

What?

Insulted me.

No, that was a figment of your imagination.

It was?

Yeah, you’re always imagining that I’m insulting you.

Bud?

What?

Will you tell me when you’re really insulting me?

Of course Ern, that’s what friends are for.

I thought they were to carry you home from the bar.

That too.

Goodnight Bud.

Goodnight Ern.

Turkey Spam

Don’t turn your marriage into disaster, use male enhancers. (Oh, see, that’s what I’ve been doing wrong.)
Just some helpful information about Gain Pro. (Honey, I checked the scales. I’m the gain pro.)
What time is okay for you? (Um, Twelfth of Never work for you?)
Dancer fired from Broadway musical because her breasts are too big. (That’s a new one. Actress gets fired ‘cuz her boobs are TOO big?)
We offer only EFFECTIVE ways of male improvement. (Unlike the other guys who only offer ineffective, oh sorry INEFFECTIVE ways?)
If you need a recipe no need to go to a doctor. (I don’t even want to know what you’ve been cooking.)
How do I get out of debt? (You’re asking me?)

Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Spam

Bring her to Seventh Heaven. (Can’t, it’s been canceled.)
We represent (The lollipop guild)
You are young and strong but helpless in bed? There is s way out! (I just move the cats)
Your wife will notice that for sure. (The only thing I can be sure of is that I would notice if I had a wife)
Secrets to being huge and thick unveiled. (That’s no secret – eat!!!!)
Hi sweety! Remember me? (I try to block out unpleasant things)
If not now, when? (Um, how about never?)
Do you love me or not? (NOT!!)
Our neighbors lost their alarm clock. (Hush, I’m trying to dig here.)

The picture? That's Dr. Frankenaidan!!!!

Hope you all have a safe and happy Halloween!!!

Rocky Horror Spam Show

Genuine Passion, Genuine Joy. (Fake boobs, male enhancements)
We’re just starting. (Wake me when it’s over.)
The aim of this message is to help you achieve better health. (No, the aim of this message is to get me to spend my money. I ain’t stupid … )
Watches alert! (Why? Have they been stealing time?)
Do you know what chicks like? (Hmmm, let me think … seed?)
Is this correct? (According to Wikipedia.)
What every woman wants from their man. (A credit card with no limit?)

Oh, that's Aidan at the right end, with his friends Monster Cat and Zeke. Yeah, I'm silly.

The Spammy Returns

Iva debt (Iva debt too!)
I meet and chat with you. (Sorry, my calendar is full …)
From stunning Brunette (Oooooh, Hugh!!!)
You are what you wear. (Now you tell me …)
Woman hunt movie (That Sarah Palin, she’ll hunt anything)
Salute (No, a bow will do)
Doctor’s secretly recommend you this store (Is the store that embarrassed?)
Old secret manner to solve your passion problem (Tried that, it doesn’t work)
Don’t you agree to be sick! (I’ll try not to if you agree not to make me sick)
Confirm your order! (Okay, okay all ready, I’ll confirm that I want you to bow!!!)

Spamenstein

do u need Good pay job?? (no, I need those low paying ones)
I absolutely love you! (Are you sure?)
Here (What? Has it had its shots?)
Leg craps (I’d see a doctor about that – and quick.)
Muhhaahahahahahahahaha (It wasn’t that funny.)
Titanic dimensions without much effort. (But the Titanic sank … )
From Susie (Leave her out of this, will ya? And she’ll tell you that it sank too. Haven’t you seen the movie?)
Oxygen debt (Oh great! What other kind of debt can I get into? No, don’t answer that. Is there a bailout?)
Debt advice (Don’t take another breath until you can pay for the last one?)
Don’t allow ladies to offend you (Wonderful! See, I’m not paranoid ….)
Say I can have sex all night long. (I can have sex all night long … Sorry, didn’t work. Are there Ruby Slippers involved?)




Pssst Can you see BooBear in the picture above? Look closely ....

Spamcrula

Good morning! (It’s not morning you moron. Oh wait, technically it is I guess.)
Told you. (Don’t rub it in spammy, I can delete you at any time.)
You be late. (Story of my life. What am I late for now?)
What really helpful for a man? (A woman with a map?)
I’ve seen it before. (I very much doubt it, you’re a man …)
I wanted to make a conquest. (Honey, it never hurts to want. Builds character.)
You only deserve the best, get it here. (Hugh is here?)
Wish to add more fire into your bedroom life? (Good grief, the only chance of that happening is if I built a fireplace.)
First Franklin loan. (And John Adams still hasn’t paid it back … )
It’s Susan. (No it isn’t!! You stop that right now!!!)




Oh, and the book contest? Did you really comment 'cuz you want them, or were you just commenting. Kinda hard to tell since no one said anything. There also aren't a lot of "contestants" so I'm going to expand it 'til Monday.

Sleepy Time Spam

Yep, I'm half asleep while typing this. I have absolutely no idea how this will come out - I didn't sleep at all Wednesday night, worked 4 hours on Thursday. Came home and slept for 4 hours and then got up to do this. I am not totally held responsible for the outcome. *snore*

Bomb her womb from your huge cannon! (And the rockets red glare ….)
Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey split. (Duh? Where have you been?)
ONE HAS TO TAKE RISKS SOMETIME IN HIS LIFE! (Yes, and believe me, yelling at me while I’m in this mood is risky)
5 ways to make your love more passinnate. (5 ways to make my inborn love transfer more? Okay.)
Paris Hilton returned by aliens. (Unpublished writer seen chasing down UFOs in the New Mexico Desert)
Did you arouse me last night? (Nope, those were those aliens returning Paris Hilton)
Titanic dimension without much effort. (You are aware that the Titanic sank ….?)
I am searching for you. (Try the aliens)

Summer Spam

Where have you been? (Took a break, what’s it to you?)
Not the same without you. (I’m sure you managed to make it on your own.)
Remind me God. (Not God, just Queen.)
Crazy woman goes on dog squeezing rampage. (Did you have to point out that she was crazy?)
Goodiest Abba suggestion (Mama Mia!!)
Mph mayonnaise Dixieland cartography mumble. (Forget about the mumbling map of Dixieland, what’s mph mayonnaise?)
Meet me at 1:30. (Not on your life.)
THIS IS JAMES BOND’S CHOICE. (Then let James Bond meet you.)
Thinking about you naked. (Don’t you have something better to do? Oh wait, you’re spam …)
And then … I farted. (Seeing me naked has that effect on people)
Paris Hilton swaps vagina for penis. (Why not? It was worn out anyway.)
SpongeBob named in Paris Hilton paternity lawsuit. (Not if she’s swapped her … oh, nevermind.)
Damn work! (You can say that again.)
Damn work! (I didn’t mean … Oh no, I’m about to argue with spam.)
baileystewart@baileystewart.net – Get ready for sex in 15 minutes. (Hugh?)

And since blogspot likes to put those frames on pictures and cut off the words on my LOLCats, here's just the link.

Here We Go Again

Oh, hi! Look, you showed up again. Isn’t that nice of you. What’s the matter, got nothing else to do? Evidently I don’t either. LOL You see, it’s Summer. All together now, how does Bailey feel about Summer? You’re lagging Toni. Michele, pay attention. One more time. Tori, this way sweetie. Yes, face the monitor. Brandy! Quit snickering. Melissa? Wake up dearie. Once more everyone. How does Bailey feel about Summer? There you go, that was perfect. Almost. Susan? What are you doing? No looking at LOLCats right now. Anyway, yes it’s Summer and my brain has gone on vacation along with the nekkid muses. I’m waiting for Fall. Please, sweet Fall, show your orange leaves, your crisp evenings, your splendid shedding of Summer’s green coat. Cast off the chains of Summer and run free like the wind!!!!! Oh, sorry, got carried away there. Lis honey, you’re late. Find a seat. You’ll have to catch up on your own. BTW, for being late that’ll be 3 laps around the track. Raine? I see you lurking over there. (waving) Okay, as you have noticed, the blog is still a Monday, Wednesday and Friday blog. And Friday’s will still be spam day. Keep down the cheers people. The only thing I ask of you – and this is for you lurkers – just at least say hi once a week. Two letters - H and I – a simple thing but enough to let me know that you are out there.

So it’s Summer, Tuesday was a level red ozone alert, Wednesday a level orange. Bebo and I are not amused. This isn’t good for people with asthma. It’s not really good for people without asthma. We’re all choked up about it. (har, har) But Fall really is just around the corner. School has started, NFL is in pre-season, the new Fall TV season is within eyeshot. Soon the Texas State Fair will start – my last sign of Fall. Last weekend, Bebo and her mother saw geese flying in formation heading south. Yippee!!!!!!!!! Fly babies, fly home to mama!!!!! I said – oh, hi. I forgot you were there for a moment. Sooo, Summer is nearing it’s end (oh please, oh please, oh please), and soon Bailey will be in a much better mood. You will be thankful for this too, just wait and see.

So, without further ado (not that we were ado-ing anyway), here is another of my LOLCatz. Yes Susan, see – good things do come to those who wait.

Until Friday, have fun, be safe, and be good. If you can’t be good, take notes.



moar funny pictures

ACKKKKKKK it cut off the words again. Sheesh!!!

Okay, here's the link