When Will it Stop?

Bud: Where's Bailey?

Ernie: In the closet.

Bud: What's she doing in the closet?

Ernie: I don't know - who am I, her keeper?

Bud: I thought maybe she might have said something.

Ernie: She just grabbed an umbrella, galoshes and ran into the closet.

Bud: An umbrella and galoshes?

Ernie: Did I stutter?

Bud: What's wrong with you?

Ernie: Oh, I guess it's just that time of the month.

Bud: You don't have those, moron.

Ernie: I don't?

Bud: Only women.

Ernie: Well, why are my breasts tender?

Bud: You don't have those either.

Ernie: Oh, then I guess I don't need this bra.

Bud: I think I know why she's in the closet.

Ernie: Oh?

Bud: To get away from you.

Ernie: That's not what she said.

Bud: I thought you didn't know anything.

Ernie: I don't. At least I don't know what the closet has to do with it.

Bud: With what?

Ernie: Huh?

Bud: The closet. Bailey.

Ernie: She was mumbling something about "when it rains it pours" and "the sky is falling".

Bud: She didn't say that last one. That was in your bedtime story last night.

Ernie: Did I thank you for reading me to sleep?

Bud: Your snoring did it for you.

Ernie: I don't snore.

Bud: *snort*

Ernie: She's had a bad week.

Bud: Yeah. The internet, the car, the toilet running, the leak under the sink, the garage door breaking, the cat pissing on the dry-clean only comforter, Baileyboo shredding the toilet paper.

Ernie: Um, Bud?

Bud: Yes?

Ernie: That was me.

Bud: What?

Ernie: I shredded the toilet paper.

Bud: Why?

Ernie: I thought it was fun.

Bud: That's what you get for thinking.

Ernie: I beg your pardon?

Bud: So she's hiding in the closet.

Ernie: Yes, it was the last phone call.

Bud: What phone call?

Ernie: The one saying that her uncle had died.

Bud: Oh, my.

Ernie: Yes. I guess it's just one more thing.

Bud: What are those cords going into the closet?

Ernie: The TV, phone, computer, mini-fridge ...

Bud: Ohhh, she's staying there a long time.



(Bailey here: btw, I'm on myspace now. Don't know what I'm doing there, but I'm there. Link on the right under miscellanious. And I have no idea how to do this friend thing. I tried one to someone who I know won't turn me down, so if I don't hear from her, then I did it wrong. *sigh*)

Egads

Sorry this is late, but I'm having internet problems (at least, I hope it's the internet). This is so frustrating. So since I'm a bit flustered at the moment, I'm just going to send you off to a couple of places.

First, my wonderful FBA (Future Bestselling Author) Toni Anderson is having a contest where she's giving away Loreth Anne White's trilogy of the Shadow Soldiers: The Heart of a Mercenary, A Sultan's Ransom and Rules of Re-Engagement. Plus, because she's such a great person, a copy of her ebook - Her Sanctuary. The contest is until the 9th, with the winner announced on the 10th.

Also, for you cat lovers, or likers, or whatever ... go here for a blog post that will have you saying "Oh yes, been there, done that, killed the cat".

Dropped the car off at the mechanics this morning. They do take Visa btw. Great.

Okay, I'm off now before I commit computercide, or technocide, or whatever "cide" destroying a computer is called. If you don't here from me ...

Oh - Happy Birthday to my brother David.

Romomentum

Non-NFL post below.

I wish I could take credit for that title, but that’s what the sports section of our paper is calling it. Fits.

We’re a 3 ½ point favorite for this game. The weather in New York is sunshiny and in the 40s which is good for a Southern team to play in. The winds in the Meadowlands can be treacherous, so Gramatica (our new kicker) may have some problems. Romo grew up in Wisconsin, so cold weather shouldn’t bother him. Michael Strahan (of the Giants for those who don’t know) isn’t playing. Things are looking good for the ‘Boys. I think the game all comes down to intangibles. Gramatica hasn’t kicked in a while – might be a factor. Over-confidence has been the doom of many a team. The Giants have homefield advantage and they’re desperate. Many times, a desperate team has played as if they have nothing to lose and can be dangerous. I wouldn’t be surprised to see a few trick plays come out – that’s when they’re used the most, sort of a “why not” attitude. And there’s still Tiki Barber. I think the defense, and most particularly our star interceptor Roy Williams, should have fun with another QB with the name Manning on the back. And Eli is no Peyton. The Cowboys have a great “game after Thanksgiving” record. We’re on the Romomentum train. Some people do worry that the long wait may put a damper on that momentum, which could factor in. We should win this game, but desperate teams always scare me. The Giants seem to be a team on the slide, with alleged turmoil brewing in the locker room. Many see Manning as a lame-duck. He has a lot to prove, a name to live up to – and maybe that’s been too much pressure. He is an example of what I had feared for Romo – but Romo doesn’t have a legacy sitting on his shoulders. He doesn’t have a brother (until stopped by the ‘Boys) that is a NFL mega-star. That’s got to be hard for Eli.

My prediction: We’ll win. It’s the intangibles that will determine whether it’s a hard or easy win.

Are You Hungry?

It’s recipe time. Jeanne wanted the recipe for my cherry salad, so here it is plus a quick fruit crisp dessert. These two treats can be made all year long.


Cherry Salad (I’ve heard you can do this with Blueberry Pie filling, but I’ve never tried it. Apple Pie filling doesn’t work well)

Ingredients:

1 can pie filling
1 can sweetened condensed milk
1 small can crushed pineapple (drained)
1 small tub whipped topping
(some people also add chopped walnuts)

Combine all ingredients and then chill.


Fruit Crisp

Preheat oven at 350 degrees

Ingredients:

Small crisp:
1 can Apple or Cherry Pie filling
Stick butter or margarine
1 small box white cake mix


Large crisp:
2 cans Apple or Cherry Pie filling
Stick butter or margarine
1 regular size box of white cake mix

For a small crisp, use small cake pan; large – large cake pan.


Spread pie filling on bottom of pan.
Sprinkle cake mix over top.
Layer butter/margarine pats across top. (Don’t use too much or the mixture will get mushy)

Bake for 20 minutes, and then start keeping an eye on it. When top gets crisp, then it’s done.

Glenice and I had a great visit. Didn’t do much except gab until bed-time, which wasn’t very late since I had to work an 8 hour shift the next day. We went to IHOP for breakfast and then parted ways. I’ll try to get a pix of the gift sometime this week. I’ve got Christmas decorations to get up today. Y’all have a wonderful Sunday.

Christmas List

Stole this from Amie, who stole it from someone else – so since it wasn’t really hers, does that mean I didn’t steal it? I mean, can you steal something from someone if they don’t actually own it?

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot chocolate
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Used to wrap them.
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? Colored
4. Do you hang mistletoe? For what? So I can kiss a cat?
5. When do you put your decorations up? When I get around to it.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish? Hugh Jackman under the mistletoe. Oh wait, you meant food. Cherry salad.
7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child: The year my parent’s bought me a bike.
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? What truth about Santa? Is there something I should know? Is it in the National Enquirer?
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Used to talk the parent’s into letting us open one present on Christmas Eve.
10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? Very carefully. I’m obsessive about it.
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Love it if I don’t have to get out in it.
12. Can you ice skate? Not anymore. Not since I grew up and discovered gravity.
13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Barbie airplane and soda shop.
14. What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Family.
15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Cherry cheesecake
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Reading Luke 2: 1 - 14 on Christmas Eve.
17. What tops your tree? I used to have two trees (just don’t put the second one up anymore). One has a beautiful angel topper; the other one has one of those glass spire thingies, that’s tall, you know, like a spire thing, pointy thingy.
18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? Giving
19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? Mary Did You Know (the Mark Lowry version from the Gaither Family – he’s the one that wrote it, so the emotion is real. Non-secular: White Christmas.
20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? Yuck.

Spamcicle

Can it be? (Yes, it’s spamarama)
Question? (What?)
Did you try to contact me on MSN today? (No that was some other stunningly beautiful writer.)
Chafe (Try some talcum powder)
See for yourself. (Um, no I’ll take your word for it.)
His so missy. (I know, I just hate that.)
Let’s go check it out. (No, no if he wants to be missy, I think we should let him.)
Shirley wrote. (And did a damn fine job.)
I’ll never let you down. (Great, you don’t know how wonderful it feels to know I can rely on spam.)
We save you. (What are you going to do? Email for help?)
Your neighbors lost their alarm clock. (Hold on a sec, let me wipe this surprised look off my face.)
Finally, found it. (It? Oh man, there’s lots of those clocks.)
You always wanted to use your penis as a billiards cue. (It would be a short game.)
You’ve dreamed about it. (Hugh Jackman, yes; Penis’ for billiards cues, no.)
Why be an average guy any longer. (Damn straight, if I’m going to be forced to be a guy, I certainly don’t want to be average.)

It's a Re-Run

Pulled this out of my archives because it pretty much describes what my Thursday will be. Glenice arrives Friday sometime, and the house is still a mess. Of course, things have changed since this was written last year - Mom, of course, is gone; Devlin, Cassidy and MacKenzie are no longer with us either, but the sentiments are the same.

Anyway, my car broke, the temp is dropping, and my feet are killing me. I've had a rotten day, so am off to bed early. Have a good Thursday!

The Day Before Glenice

Twas the day before Glenice, and all through the abode,
Every creature is stirring, we’re in cleaning mode.

The curtains are hanging, all washed and dried,
Not a sign of the cat hair I’m trying to hide.

A kitten is nestled all snug in my bed,
While visions of catnip dance in his head.

Mama in her recliner Cass in her lap,
Who’d just settled down for a little cat nap.

When back in the study there rose such a din,
I dived under the bed afraid to go in

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen blinds
Gave a brief warning of the mess I would find.

When what to my startled gaze should pop out,
But the mischievous Bubba the culprit no doubt.

With a flick of his tail so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment I was gonna be sick.

More rapid than eagles his side-kicks he blamed
On each other he pointed and called them by name –

“Twas Aidan, no Neely, was Devlin, he cried,
Or ‘Kenzie and Cassidy.” I wanted to hide

From the top of the couch to the newly clean floor
Lay a scattering of papers and so much more.

As dry kibbles before hungry cats are scattered
Lay newspapers and files all left in tatters

So into the study the suspects they flew
With a flurry of cat hair, a hairball or two.

And then from the closet behind yon closed door
I heard a faint pawing and mewing and more

I stepped into the room and was turning the knob
For the sounds from within meant he was finishing the job.

He was covered in stuffing from his head to his foot
Some boxes in shambles my ornaments kaput

A bundle of string he had caught in his claw
And looked so damn innocent in spite of it all

His eyes how they twinkled his whiskers did quiver
As he pounced on his victim a small glass sliver

From the antique balls we once hung on our tree
Had been handed down to little ol’ me.

The head of a snowman he held tight in his teeth
And the fragments of tinsel circled his head like a wreath

He had a round face and a little round belly
That shook as he leaped from the floor to the telly.

He was chubby and plump a right jolly old kitten
And I laughed when I saw him though I wouldn’t admit it

A blink of my eyes and a twist of my head
Showed the culprit not Bubba, but Devlin instead.

He mewed not a word but went straight to his work
And I smiled down at Bubba, I felt like a jerk

And laying my hand on the side of Dev’s nose
I gave it a whack and a shout of “No, No.”

He sprang from the set, past the kitties he flew
And away down the hall, in his mouth was my shoe

And I heard him meow as he dove out of sight
“Good luck with this house Glenice arrives morrow night.”

Happy Birthday Jeanne

Happy Birthday who?

Catslady.

But is says Jeanne.

She goes by catslady. Like Eve goes by Bailey. It’s an aka.

Huh?

Also known as. It’s a name that people use when they want to be anonymous, or incognito.

Where’s Cognito?

Cognit, er, incognito. It isn’t a place, it’s not “in” anywhere. It’s when you’re in disguise.

Lucy in the sky with diamonds.

Not in the sky. In disguise. Undercover.

I was under the covers last night and I didn’t see any Cognito.

Sometimes I worry about you.

Thank you.

That’s not a good thing.

If you say so. Jeanne is catslady?

Yep.

Why?

Why what?

Does it mean she has better manners than catwoman? Meow.

You’re a moron Ernie.

Who?

You are.

No, I mean what did you call me?

Ernie. That’s what you’re called now. Bailey gave it to you last week.

I have an aka? All right! Do you have one?

Yes.

What is it?

You know, we really should be wishing Jeanne a Happy Birthday.

She’s a lady, whoa-oh-oh-oh, she’s a lady. Talkin’ about a little lady. *Swing hips* And the lady is mine.

What kind of birthday song is that?

One for a “catslady”. Why are you looking at me like that?

There’s only one way to look at you, Ern.

Speaking of Ern, what’s your name?

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Jeanne, Happy Birthday to you.

This must be good. Spill it.

Bud.

Bud? Is it short for Rosebud? Budweiser? Budalicious? Buuuuuuuuuud.

Just Bud.

You know, you could burp that name?

Ernie.

Yes, Bu-ud?

Say “Happy Birthday Jeanne”.

Happy Birthday Jeanne. Bu-bu-bu-bu-bud.

I have to talk to Bailey. NOW!

Bud

Ernie

Title? Who needs a freakin' title?

I’M OUT OF MY MIND AND MY COMPUTER HATES ME! And yes, I’m screaming. I spent all day on Monday writing reviews – a project that should have only taken me a few hours, but when the mind begins going on little side trips, it’s hard to concentrate on anything. Every time the mind went on a road-trip, I’d just hit a blog. Managed to actually get half-way through my bookmarks by the time I was finished with the reviews. I’ve read some good books lately. We won’t talk about the computer.

Someone once asked me why I don’t write bad reviews. Easy, if I’m not enjoying a book, I don’t finish it, and I won’t write a review of a book I haven’t finished reading. When I was taking care of mom, I didn’t have the time to waste on a book that didn’t keep my interest, and now I’m too stressed to deal with them. But that will change soon (hopefully) and I’ve made a vow that after the new year I will read every book all the way through in order to give some balanced reviews. This does not apply to ebooks. I haven’t reviewed any because it’s hard for me to sit at the computer and read them. So I’m very slow at getting them finished – but they’ll be there.

It amazes me how much the Blaze and Intimate Moments lines have improved this year. I’ve heard the same complaint about Blaze that I used to make – that the majority of them didn’t have much of a plot, just stuff in between sex scenes. But this year they’ve morphed into books with depth and characterization between sex scenes. *gg* Up until this year, the Intimate Moments line has just bored me, but again, I’ve recently read some amazing stories that have grabbed my attention and kept me riveted to the page. This is good since I’ve heard that readership is down – if you’ve tried one of these lines in the past and decided they weren’t for you, I encourage you to try them again. You’ll be surprised.

Glenice is arriving again on Friday for an over-night trip, and I have to work 8 hour shifts on Wednesday and Thursday, so I guess you know what I’ll be doing Tuesday. Sheesh, I was supposed to get some of this housework done already, but how was I to know that reviewing would tax my already over-loaded mind?

Edit: If you want to see something funny (Bubba and I), go to Loreth's.

Whatcha Readin'?

So, whatcha readin’? I have three books on my desk that I’ve just finished and are waiting to be reviewed: Relentless by Jo Leigh; The Last Warrior by Kylie Brant; and The Maverick by Rhonda Nelson. I’m almost finished with A Sultan’s Ransom by the inimitable Loreth Anne White. All great books. I’ve been trying to read the new Mighty Quinns books by Kate Hoffman, but I just can’t seem to get into them. I loved the ones that she did for the Temptation line, so I’m thinking it’s just one of those “I’m not in the mood for these” scenarios. Anyway, I’ve updated my “What I’m Reading” section on the website, check it out.

So spill it – whatcha readin’? I know, some of you are in the middle of Nano so you’re exempt, but what about the rest of you?

Yard Sale

This was sent to me from Susan, enjoy. And if you're looking for the NFL post, look below this one.

One day while passing a Nursing Home I noticed 6 old ladies lying naked on the grass. I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store.

On my return trip, I passed the same Nursing Home with the same six old ladies laying naked on the lawn. This time my curiosity got the best of me and I went inside to talk to the manager. “Do you know there are six ladies laying naked on your front lawn?”

“Yes,” he said. “They are retired prostitutes and they’re having a ‘Yard Sale’.”

Is It For Real?

A young QB stepped onto the field to face the NY Giants, a new savior to raise the Cowboys from their post-Aikman slump. At the end of the 20 – 13 winning game he had thrown for nearly 200 yards, scrambled for a key first down late in the game, and tossed the game-winning touchdown pass. He then led the Cowboys to a 10-6 record and a playoff appearance. His name was Quincy Carter.

But let’s go back further, to the Aikman years and another young QB named Jason Garrett was poised to take the throne. A brilliant game here and there, but not the winning QB that the Cowboys needed. Chad Hutchinson, Drew Henson, blah-dee-blah-dee-blah.

So pardon my cynicism when Tony Romo stepped out and won his first regulation game. After all, it was just the Cardinals, big deal. I wasn’t falling for the hype – been there, done that, bought the T- shirt. He needed to win against a good team before I’d start getting excited, and that test was coming up the next week when we played the Colts. I didn’t doubt that Romo had the arm, it was his inexperience that made me nervous. Here was a young QB facing a team that hadn’t lost a game this season; a young QB standing on the same field as Peyton Manning. I feared annihilation. I have been pleasantly surprised at the poise that this young man has shown, a confidence on the field that I haven’t seen since a tall blond in jersey number 8 stood over the silver and blue star.

Scott, if you look back at my comments, you’ll see that I said that Romo is the QB of the future, that it was his inexperience that worried me. I also said that unless the rest of the team played better, it wouldn’t matter who was the QB. They needed to stop penalizing themselves into losses and the receivers had to start catching passes. Have you forgotten the perfectly good passes that Bledsoe threw that were just plain dropped? The yardage that he gained or TD he threw that were called back because of penalties. Until the ‘Boys cleaned up their act, Romo was going to face the same thing. Fortunately, they did that. It’s a combination of an uncanny calmness and natural grace of a QB that hasn’t been beaten down and the stepping up of the rest of the team that has led to these wins. Romo has brought something back to this team that has been missing for a long time – a winning attitude, a new spark, an excitement for the game. The offensive line still couldn’t hold the pocket with a bunch of cinder blocks, but as you’ve pointed out, with Tony’s mobility that’s okay. If I have one worry about Romo, it is that mobility. I watch him run from the pocket with the same lump in my throat that I had every time Aikman took off down the field. That kind of running target always scares me.

So yes, I will admit that Romo is a great QB. Will I give him credit for winning the game? Partly. Like I said, if the receivers hadn’t picked up their game, if the penalties had continued, we wouldn’t be where we are now. A QB doesn’t throw 5 TD’s without the receivers catching them. The entire team deserves the credit for finally picking up their game; the defense has been awesome. Roy Williams has been brilliant and I’m excited about this team for the first time in quite a while. It feels good.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

I've seen some of these before, but there are enough new ones to make this a worthwhile semi-repeat.

The following are actual medical records taken from patient's charts around North America:
* The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
* Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
* She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
* The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
* I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
* The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times aweek.
* Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
* She is numb from her toes down.
* While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
* The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
* The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
* Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
* Patient was alert and unresponsive.
* When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
* Male patient insists that his HIV was inherited, and not from sexual activity.

Spam Leftovers

Your secret? (It’s my wonderful charisma.)
Sure it’s time? (Um, let me check. Friday. Yep, it’s time.)
How is everything? (Oh, it’s going. How’s it with … never mind, I don’t want to know.)
Penis Enlargement Patch will enlarge your penis once and never let it shrink. (Really? Wouldn’t that eventually hurt?)
We are giving out nature. (Believe me, a penis that never shrinks, is as big as the Eiffel Tower and can even chop wood, is not nature.)
Your neighbors lost their alarm clock. (That ought to make somebody happy.)
Our customer confesses. (Klepto.)
It me Marty. (It you Marty? Why are you spamming? And when did you get grammatically challenged?)
Gimme your thoughts on this. (What? Marty Spamming? She needs to re-think that line of work.)
Get medications for your cure. (I’d rather have medications for my ills. My cures don’t need any help.)
Interplanetary glove compartment. (Wow, that’s some big flashlight.)
Strip. (Excuse me? You don’t really want to see that.)
You so compelling. (Did you forget that flattery will get you no where?)
I didn’t forgot. (Don’t do it again. And it’s “forget,” you moron.)
Stop your way and try this way. (My way works for my blogsters.)
Groupies. (You call ‘em groupies, I call ‘em blogsters.)
If only. (Don’t get flippant on me.)
I’m sorry. (You better be.)
Erection problems Lisa? (Um Lis? I’d like to hear this answer.)
You just gotta try one yourself. (No thank you. I think I’ll pass.)
Let me show you. (No, stop right there.)
Look away if you’re not ready for the surprise. (Oh, it would be a surprise all right.)
Take this first step, I’ll take it from there. (No one takes over my blog – it’s all mine. I think it’s time you leave.)
We need your permission. (Now you’re learning. Permission granted.)

Thanksgiving 2006

As I sit here Wednesday evening it feels strange not to be getting ready for tomorrow’s Thanksgiving dinner. No pies to make, no last minute cleaning frenzy, no guests to count. This will be the first Thanksgiving I’ve celebrated alone. I’m not sure what I’m going to do – some laundry, a few other chores, watch the Thanksgiving parade and football games. Veg. I’m not used to this … nothingness. We’ve always celebrated the holidays with food, laughter, games and companionship. My niece and nephews didn’t invite me to dinner, but I wouldn’t have gone anyway since I’m pretty much through with them. They didn’t think I or mother were important enough to visit this year, so why should things change on this end. I was invited to a cousin’s house, but to be truthful, I don’t really want to celebrate Thanksgiving (or Christmas) this year. I’m making the effort – I’ll put up the Christmas decorations, but it will be just the cats and I. I told Bebo to spend Thanksgiving with her family – every year she has been with us at Thanksgiving; it’s time for her to join her parent’s and sisters, etc. We’ll spend a little time together on Christmas, but she has grandchildren to visit too. Christmas, I don’t even want to think about that. When my father passed away in October of 2000 it was different. We still had mother and my brother Howard. My sister was healthy as was my other brother. Now, Cathie is in a nursing home and David’s health is bad; he won’t be able to come down for the holidays. Everything changed with Howard and Mom’s deaths; the dynamics are screwed. When I was growing up the entire family got together for the holiday’s – Aunts, Uncles, cousins – the entire shooting match. As we grew up, cousins married, started their own families, moved away. I’m not trying to bring everybody down, wasn’t what I’d planned to write; this is my reality now and I just have to get used to it.

Hmmmm, gotta be something else:

This is a new scam being pulled mainly on women who are past the age of giving a running pursuit. What happens is when the intended victim stops at a red light, an almost nude, good looking, tanned, muscled young man comes up to her car and pretends to wash the windshield.
While he is doing this, another handsome athletic man opens the back door of the car, jumps in and insists the woman drive off with him to some lonely spot, where he has his way with her. They are very good at this!

They got me three times Friday and five times Saturday.

I couldn't find them on Sunday.


I’m Thankful for each and every one of you.

Oh Bother

Still feeling icky. Made a mistake today - we (that being Bebo and I) went out to the cemetery to check on mom's grave (see if the tombstone was right). It's in the 50s and VERY windy. Not only that, but did I mention it was windy? The entire right side of my face hurts - all the way to my ear. Bebo is coughing. That wind got our sinuses BAD (and mine were just starting to settle down). Now I have to go into Moldworld (er, work) for 8 hours. Great.

Went to Borders and Bookstop (for those of you who don't know - Bookstop is one if Barnes and Nobles stores) for applications today. While there, I prominently displayed books by The Shalvis, Loreth and Jo Leigh. That was fun. What isn't is trying to find references. Huh? The last job I had before this one was for the 1990 U.S. Census. That was a temporary office and I have no idea where any of those people are. All I want to do is get through these holidays and start seriously getting in to my writing again. Do I really need utilities? I mean, isn't electric and running water over rated? If I didn't have to pay for those things, I wouldn't have to find another job - hence lots of time for writing, right?

I also work with the boss for the first four hours - fun, fun. NOT!

Happy Birthday Bebo

Happy Birthday Bebo

You are more than "just" my sister-in-law, you are the sister of my heart. I don't know what I would have done without you these last couple of years, or what I would do without your help now. You are an intricate part of who I am, and what I will become. I would never have written a word without your encouragement. Thank you.

Happy Birthday Christa!

Oh, and I guess Happy Birthday to my sister Cathie ... whatever.

Still Sick

Men forget everything; Women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports.

Rita Rudner

Hey

Just really a drop-by post today. I'm back to not feeling well - there seems to be a pattern here. You see, I'm allergic to mold, attic-like dust, etc. I did pretty good during the time I was off work, but now I'm back and, you guessed it - it's a used bookstore full of mold, books that have been in people's attics or sheds. The roof has leaked many times and the carpet in the stock room/employee lounge area has been soaked over and over and just allowed to dry. I'm sure it's just puffing out mold spores every time I walk over it. This is another reason I have got to find another job - I just can't stand this allergy stuff any more. Our weather is changing, and while cold weather can not cause a cold, it can cause a runny nose - which makes this worse. We're supposed to get down to freezing tonight, so I guess I'll be forced to turn on the heat just to protect the indoor pipes.

As far as the football game? All I can say is, Julius and Marion - run babies, run! That's our only hope.

Y'all be good to one another today.

How to Care for Your Human

By Martine Carlsen
Source: EzineArticles.com

For us cats there are several sweet advantages in having a human as a pet. However, remember you are taking on a big responsibility when you adopt one or more humans. Humans are demanding pets that need daily care and attention.

With responsibility come both advantages and disadvantages. If you adopt a human, you must get used to spending time at home. Your human does not deal well with being left alone - they will get into all sorts of mischief. For example, if you are gone just two or three days you run the risk of seeing posters put up all over the neighborhood. Your human will put out an APB on you ! Often with an embarrassing text that reveals all sorts of personal details - and usually accompanied by an unflattering photo of you - with morning fur and crumpled whiskers. Exactly the kind of thing that attracts ridicule from all the neighbor cats. So please consider carefully if you are ready for a life with humans. In addition, remember humans generally grow very old, so there is a big chance that you will spend the rest of your life with your human.

Entertaining your Human The litter box provides a great opportunity for entertaining your human. Naturally there is all the fun your human can have cleaning and scooping out the box. A lot of human time can also be used getting fresh litter - going to the pet store, transporting it home etc. However many humans like new challenges. Utilize your litter box time in the best possible way. Make interesting and artistic renderings of countries or well-known islands. Your human will have lots of fun guessing which one you made. Humans like game shows - so this should be a popular activity. When your human increases in skill, you can also make portraits of family and friends. Start with profile portraits - this will make it easer for your human.

Shedding Make it a priority to shed indoors on appropriate surfaces. Fleece is a particularly suitable material to shred on. All you need to do is pass close by your human when he or she is wearing fleece. All cat hair within a radius of 2 feet from the fabric will immediately be transferred to your human. No brushing necessary for several days ! Another good solution is to get access to a filled clothes hamper. Jump in and give all contents a good work over. An extra bonus with this method is that most cat hairs will survive a trip to the washing machine. Your human will be stylishly accessorized with cat hair on all outfits.

Extra Food All chances for a bit of extra food must and should be taken advantage of. Whenever your human is in the kitchen, you have a prime opportunity of getting an extra snack. When your human is busy at the kitchen counter place yourself in your humans blind angle (just behind the ankle is usually a good spot). And the second your human moves one or both feet you jump back screaming your most heart-wrenching cry. Your human will automatically assume that he/she stepped on you. When your human looks back scared to see what is happening look up at him/her with a painful _expression on your face (practice this before hand in front of a mirror). Your human's bad conscience will often result an edible apology.

Grass Etiquette Before you eat grass, make sure that you are close to a suitable place to throw up. Delicate furniture fabrics, precious carpets, and shoes are all good places. If you choose furniture: aim for the part that has non-removable fabric. When you are getting down to business, make sure you back up a step or two so that you cover the largest area possible. Another technique is to do several items with pauses in-between. Persian carpets will give a good camouflage effect and your little gift will often not be discovered until somebody steps in it.

Preventing your human from wasting valuable time One of the most important tasks we cats have is to prevent humans from wasting their time. Humans love to spend their time on things with no relevance for cats. For example watching TV, reading, talking on the phone - and many other things that have no entertainment value for us cats what so ever. Many methods are available to prevent human time waste - use your imagination. Some especially effective techniques will be mentioned here.

Watching TV make sure that you always position yourself between the TV and your human. On the coffee table for example. You can also lie on the TV and let you tail or paws swing down in front of the screen. This method is most effective with small screens where you can cover a large percentage of the screen. It is a bit trickier with a flat screen - and only recommended for the agile kitty. A variation can be used with a computer screen. Flat screens often leave a lot of empty space on the desk - so just get up in front - remind your human of how wonderful you are. Cleaning; stalk the vacuum cleaner and attack when it passes by. You can also pretend that you want to attack the vacuum cleaner but "accidentally" catch a foot instead. Garden work; jump repeatedly up-and-down and scatter any leaves that your human has raked together. Attack gardening tools - especially while they are in use. Immediately dig up any newly planted seeds, plants and flowers.

Closed Doors Under no circumstances accept closed doors that separate you from your human. At all times you have a right to know what your human is doing. If by accident you have been placed on the wrong side of a door you need to make your human aware of this ASAP so he/she can remedy the situation immediately. Loud meows and scratching on the door should be sufficient to get your humans attention. If this is ignored you need to take more drastic measures: Make a sound as if you are going to throw up. All humans in a 50 feet radius can hear this sound. This sound can also be heard through closed doors. The "puke sound" will always result in your human's immediate presence.

Sleeping Time It is important for us cats to prioritize our sleeping time. The objective is to get as much sleep done as possible while your human is awake. You will then be especially well rested and bushy-tailed at night when it is your job to keep your human awake. There is the classical "play with toes" approach: attack everything that moves under the duvet. You can also reenact highlights from last year's Grand National Steeplechase by repeatedly galloping across the bed. A couple of loud meows will give it an extra exiting dimension for your human

Houseguests Houseguests require special attention and handling. The following procedures should be followed: Houseguests that either do not like us or are allergic to us: As soon as they sit down - jump onto their lap. Noisy children that run after you and/or pull your tail: It is your duty to punish them - it can be necessary to use both claws and teeth. However, be prepared that this can result in noise that is even more annoying and of an even louder decibel level. Guests that try to get in contact with you by ingratiating themselves and speaking in a sweet voice: Should just be ignored. If they try to approach you, back away 5-6 feet - but never further away than they feel encouraged to try again. With a bit of practice this game can he kept going for hours.

Bad Weather Even in bad weather, it can be necessary to go outside. The rain and wet ground will result in an unpleasant layer of dirt and mud on your paws. However, this can easily be dried off on certain appropriate indoor spots. Find a light carpet, a duvet cover or nice piece of furniture and walk over it a couple of times. When your paw tracks are almost invisible, your paws are clean and you are ready to go outside again.

Training your Human Sometimes it can be necessary to discipline even the most well trained human. However, do remember never to hit a human. At the most, mark with a soft paw on the human's arm or hands. Try first to make your human understand what it has done wrong. And most importantly: be patient! The human intellect is relatively limited and it can be difficult for them to understand our wishes and needs. Even after approximately 5000 years of domestication, the human species still has primitive instincts and it does take time to train your human completely.

Door Training One of the first things you need to teach your human is to open the front door, the garden door and backdoor when required. This is done by walking up to a door and making an impatient and very loud meow. Make some tripping steps with your back paws obviously indicating that you need to go to the outdoor litter box. When your human has gotten up from the couch and opened the door you decide that you do not really need to go outside right now. Just for appearances, you can stand in the open door and pretend that you are thinking about the situation for a few seconds before you turn around to go inside again. Repeat this procedure several times a day. This will keep your human in good door opening form.

Inspection of the House A house usually has unlimited possibilities for suitable sleeping spots. Every possibility no matter how theoretical should be investigated and tested. Cardboard boxes, cupboards, drawers, couches and beds are obvious localities, but places such as old slippers (size 11 or higher) open gym bags or kitchen cupboards should not be overlooked. The house should further be investigated for all possible toys. An old sock can represent several hours of entertainment if you get your claw on a loose end and unravel a couple of miles worth of yarn. You human will love to tidy up after your play.