They put that where? .... Again .... and you let them???

Originally published November 28, 2008

Stuffed. And I don’t mean with stuffing either. I’m.going.to.pop. And that won’t be pleasant so everybody ruuuuunnnnn!!!

I had a really great time at Bebo’s – good food, good times, good company. I hope everyone had as good of a Thanksgiving as I did.

So, where’s spam? That’s what I keep asking … where is it? My spam box is filled with boring credit report, *v*i*a*g*r*a messages and bank updating information. Seems the phishers are having more fun than I am. What ever happened to “you can chop a log with your dick”? Or “your neighbors have lost their alarm clock”? Where have the days of penis enlargement and grammatically challenging sentences gone? The economy is sucking the life out of the only real source of amusement I get now days. It’s not fair I tell you, not fair at all!

And what is with this weather??? It snowed in Australia this week. One week before summer. Here it’s November 27 and we’ve barely had cool weather. I think the spammers are responsible. At least that’s my theory and I’m sticking to it.



This is boring …

Shhh, give her a moment; she’ll get into the swing.

About as well as an elephant on a vine.

What?

You heard me.

That’s what I was afraid of.

That you heard me?

No, that I understood what you were saying.

Did you just insult me?

Who? Me? I wouldn’t do that.

That’s what I thought.

At least, not that you would notice.

I think I resemble that remark.

You don’t resemble anything.

Yes I do!

No you don’t! I’ve told you, you’re not real.

I’m not?

No, you’re a figment of her imagination.

That’s scary.

Tell me about it – you would hope she had a better imagination than that.

You did it again.

What?

Insulted me.

No, that was a figment of your imagination.

It was?

Yeah, you’re always imagining that I’m insulting you.

Bud?

What?

Will you tell me when you’re really insulting me?

Of course Ern, that’s what friends are for.

I thought they were to carry you home from the bar.

That too.

Goodnight Bud.

Goodnight Ern.

Just Wondering, while I wander ...

Originally published April 28, 2008

Main Entry: blog
Pronunciation:
\ˈblȯg, ˈbläg\
Function: noun
Etymology: short for Weblog
Date: 1999
: a Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the writer
— blog•ger noun
— blog•ging noun

Yep. That’s what ol’ Webster’s says. A website – yep, got that; online personal journal – um, not lately; reflections, comments and often hyperlinks provided by the writer. Yeah, right. We’re going to break that down further. But before we do so, I’d like to ask one little question. If the word blog is in the dictionary, how come when I type it into word that little squiggly “you spelled this wrong dummy” line appears under it?

Main Entry:
Web site
Function: noun
Date: 1992
: a group of World Wide Web pages usually containing hyperlinks to each other and made available online by an individual, company, educational institution, government, or organization

Hmmm, there we go with those hyperlinks. I’m an individual, and this is a World Wide Web page, so I guess in this case, blog is correct.

Main Entry:
jour•nal
Pronunciation: \ˈjər-nəl\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, service book containing the day hours, from Anglo-French jurnal, from jurnal, adjective, daily, from Latin diurnalis, from diurnus of the day, from dies day — more at DEITY
Date: 15th century
1 a: a record of current transactions; especially : a book of original entry in double-entry bookkeeping b: an account of day-to-day events c: a record of experiences, ideas, or reflections kept regularly for private use d: a record of transactions kept by a deliberative or legislative body.

Blah, de blah, de, an account of day-to-day events. Check. A record of experiences, ideas, or reflections kept regularly for private use. Ooookayyy, day-to-day: sort of, I mean Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Record of experiences: What experiences I do have because we know I’m really beyond boring. At this point, the definition seems to be right on the mark.

Main Entry:
re•flec•tion
Pronunciation: \ri-ˈflek-shən\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, alteration of reflexion, from Late Latin reflexion-, reflexio act of bending back, from Latin reflectere
Date: 14th century
6: a thought, idea, or opinion formed or a remark made as a result of meditation
7: consideration of some subject matter, idea, or purpose

Meditation? I don’t meditate. And I rarely put any consideration in my thoughts. I say what I mean without a lot of editing (you know, those four letter bad words).

So, we have a group of World Wide Web pages by an individual, where said individual shares their thoughts and feelings, opinions, ideas, etc. in a journal like fashion.

Yep, I’ve done that. Really. If you check back in archives I have expressed feelings. I have shared ideas. I have used hyperlinks. I've done it all!!!

Here We Go Again ... Again

So it's the end of the year, or so I've been told. 2008 will meld seamlessly into 2009 and you won't even notice the moving!! Today, Tuesday and Wednesday, I'm going to re-post my favorite blog posts from this past year. So enjoy the re-run. If you don't like it ... I'll hit myself with a wet noodle, how will that be?

Originally published August 27, 2008

Oh, hi! Look, you showed up again. Isn’t that nice of you. What’s the matter, got nothing else to do? Evidently I don’t either. LOL You see, it’s Summer. All together now, how does Bailey feel about Summer? You’re lagging Toni. Michele, pay attention. One more time. Tori, this way sweetie. Yes, face the monitor. Brandy! Quit snickering. Melissa? Wake up dearie. Once more everyone. How does Bailey feel about Summer? There you go, that was perfect. Almost. Susan? What are you doing? No looking at LOLCats right now. Anyway, yes it’s Summer and my brain has gone on vacation along with the nekkid muses. I’m waiting for Fall. Please, sweet Fall, show your orange leaves, your crisp evenings, your splendid shedding of Summer’s green coat. Cast off the chains of Summer and run free like the wind!!!!! Oh, sorry, got carried away there. Lis honey, you’re late. Find a seat. You’ll have to catch up on your own. BTW, for being late that’ll be 3 laps around the track. Raine? I see you lurking over there. (waving) Okay, as you have noticed, the blog is still a Monday, Wednesday and Friday blog. And Friday’s will still be spam day. Keep down the cheers people. The only thing I ask of you – and this is for you lurkers – just at least say hi once a week. Two letters - H and I – a simple thing but enough to let me know that you are out there.

So it’s Summer, Tuesday was a level red ozone alert, Wednesday a level orange. Bebo and I are not amused. This isn’t good for people with asthma. It’s not really good for people without asthma. We’re all choked up about it. (har, har) But Fall really is just around the corner. School has started, NFL is in pre-season, the new Fall TV season is within eyeshot. Soon the Texas State Fair will start – my last sign of Fall. Last weekend, Bebo and her mother saw geese flying in formation heading south. Yippee!!!!!!!!! Fly babies, fly home to mama!!!!! I said – oh, hi. I forgot you were there for a moment. Sooo, Summer is nearing it’s end (oh please, oh please, oh please), and soon Bailey will be in a much better mood. You will be thankful for this too, just wait and see.

So, without further ado (not that we were ado-ing anyway), here is another of my LOLCatz. Yes Susan, see – good things do come to those who wait.

Until Friday, have fun, be safe, and be good. If you can’t be good, take notes.



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ACKKKKKKK it cut off the words again. Sheesh!!!

Okay, here's the link

Do You Hear What I Hear?

So I lied. There's one more. This was also my Uncle Bill's favorite. And yes, it's the ol' Bingo again.

I hope you all enjoyed a wonderful Christmas. We return to our regularly scheduled boring blog on Monday, December 29.

Hallelujah!

It still gives me chills when I hear it. Pay attention to the audience - see, they're standing as everyone is traditionally supposed to do. I do it (not when driving the car of course), but you would be surprised how many do not. I've had the good fortune to actually perform this - and it's no easy task.

Here is what Wikipedia has to say about Handel's Messiah:

The most famous movement is the "Hallelujah" chorus ..."

"In many parts of the world, it is the accepted practice for the audience to stand for this section of the performance. Tradition has it that King George II rose to his feet at this point. As the first notes of the triumphant Hallelujah Chorus rang out, the king rose. Royal protocol has always demanded that whenever the monarch stands, so does everyone in the monarch's presence. Thus, the entire audience stood too, initiating a tradition that has lasted more than two centuries. It is lost to history the exact reason why the King stood at that point, but the most popular explanations include:

1) As was and is the custom, one stands in the presence of royalty as a sign of respect.
2) The Hallelujah chorus clearly places Christ as the King of Kings. In standing, King George II accepts that he too is subject to Lord of Lords.
3) He was so moved by the performance that he rose to his feet.
4) He arrived late to the performance, and the crowd rose when he finally made an appearance.
5) His gout acted up at that precise moment and he rose to relieve the discomfort.
6) After an hour of musical performance, he needed to stretch his legs.

There is a story told (perhaps apocryphally) that Handel's assistant walked in to Handel's room after shouting to him for several minutes with no response. The assistant reportedly found Handel in tears, and when asked what was wrong, Handel held up the score to this movement and said, "I thought I saw the face of God"."

Whatever the reason, people stand. So remember that the next time you hear this. Unless, of course, you're in a car or something ...



Merry Christmas everyone. Hallelujah, the Lord is born.

O Holy Night

My countdown of favorite Christmas songs is almost over (aren'tcha glad). This song has always brought me such joy - but especially with the great Josh Groban singing it. Enjoy!

The Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth

I watched the Bing Crosby Christmas Specials every year, and 1977 was no exception - especially with the appearance of David Bowie. My word, what possibly could the two of them do? What they did turned out to become Christmas music history that is still played today. I loved this then, and I love it now.

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

This is my favorite scene from the movie Meet Me in St. Louis and also my favorite version of the song. No one sings this like Judy Garland.

Sleigh Ride

Without the words. I prefer it this way. Don't get me wrong, they're lovely words, but there's something about LeRoy Anderson's great music that makes this song complete without them. Don't pay any attention to the pictures, just close your eyes and listen to the sleigh riding across the snow, the horses' legs lifting high in the drifts, wind whipping the scarves around the riders heads. I love listening to this.

I'm such a Red-Neck

No, I'm not referring to Bubba the red-necked kitty.

I just love this song. No, realy, I do. It's such a catchy tune, and what better way to spend a Saturday than to hum this one over and over and over until you're ready to run something over with a reindeer. Enjoy!!!

The Christmas Guest

This is the version that I heard originally, but I've only been able to find it recorded by Reba McIntire (I know, I've probably spelled it wrong)and Andy Griffith. But at least Youtube had this - forget the pictures and just listen to the words, it's a wonderful story. I know, it's not technically a "song" but bear with me, okay?

This is by Grandpa Jones of Hee Haw fame. For those of you who remember him, enjoy the memories. For those of you who don't - well, you missed something.

In the Bleak Midwinter

This was my mother's favorite Christmas Carol, mostly for the second verse. I always think about her every time I hear it.

Where are you Christmas

As most of you know, my mother passed away only a few months before Christmas. When the holidays came around I wasn't sure what I would do. I didn't feel like celebrating, and yet I made an effort. But it wasn't the same. I began hearing this song on the radio and it would make me cry - it described most of what I was feeling. I couldn't find Christmas anywhere, but most of all, I couldn't find it in my heart. I can remember driving home from work and this song would play and I would cry. Eventually, I found a bit of Christmas and this song has become one of my favorites.

Kermie and Piggy in a Pear Tree

I don't like very many versions of 12 Days of Christmas - sorry, it just gets nauseating. But this is the exception 'cuz it's such damn fun!! Enjoy this rendition from the 1979 TV Christmas special A Christmas Together with John Denver and the Muppets.

Mother Nature has PMS!!!!!

I’m not kidding. Sunday we were at 80 degrees – well, mostly. Here it is Sunday evening at 11:07 and it’s 45 with a wind chill of 39. Which, by the way, is supposed to be Monday’s high. Yeah, can we say hormonal shift? Back into the 60s by the end of the week, and then we’ll probably start all over again. This, dear readers, is why a lot of people around here are sick – up and down, up and down, winds from this direction and then from the other. It’s a mess. We could actually have sleet Tuesday morning – oh goody, goody.

Anways, as you’ve probably heard, there’s this thing called Christmas that is coming up. I know, I know – where have I been? Last year I did recipes, this year I’m going to treat you with my favorite Christmas songs.

This next one was written by a man named Mark Lowry (along with someone named Buddy Greene). He’s a member of the Gaither gospel group and when I heard the song the first time I couldn’t believe that he wrote it. Why? Think of Goober as writing this song and you’ll get the idea. Mark is the comedian of the group and I would have never thought that he was capable of such beauty. Here is his rendition as I believe that it is the best version of this song. Enjoy.

Um, yeah?

It's Friday huh? Yes Bailey, that's what usually follows Thursday, unless you got drunk on Wednesday night, then it's Saturday. Another Spamless Friday. What a calamity this is.

Spamless, Bailey's blog is spamless
trying to receive some
of that spam that we love.
Spamless, whoa-a-whoa, spamless
whoa-a-whoa, spamless
please send what we write of.

Viagra, comes from across the Niagra,
promises that your dick is
something to be proud of
Spamless, whoa-a-whoa, spamless
whoa-a-whoa, spamless
for your beloved.

Alarm clocks, ticking giant alarm clocks
taunted me daily
from the apartment above.
Spamless, whoa-a-whoa, spamless
whoa-a-whoa spamless
you know what I speak of.

I actually have 4 of them, but I'm waiting until I get at least 8. Until then, I'll try to entertain you in other ways.


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Hope everyone has a great weekend!!!!

Just Imagine

Okay, imagine this is a blog post. In fact, while we're at it, imagine this is the best damn blog post you've ever read. Why? 'Cuz I'm queen and I said so ... besides, I have nothing to blog about, that's why. So, this is the greatest blog post you've ever seen, got it? While we're at it, let's add some imaginary pictures of sexy guys. Yeah, that's it - lots of sexy guys: a little Jackman, a few Clooney, some Bill Pullman (hey, I think he's sexy), a couple of Blooms - you get the idea, right? Sprinkle in a joke sent by Susan/Christa/Bebo/whoever - real hysterical/groaner joke. A fantastic review of a book I haven't read yet, and presto chango, a blog post. See, that was easy, wasn't it? What do you mean you don't see anything? You have to use your imagination. You got one of those, don't you? Do I have to do all of the work around here? Okay, okay, .... let's see ... I went to the Yellow Rose Christmas party Saturday night! Had a great time. Bebo and I actually got there without getting lost. That's a first so far. Well, we did get lost going home, but hey, it was dark!!! We just refer to it as adventures in driving. and that's it! Yeppers, that's the full story of my weekend. Don't you wish you'd stuck with the imaginary post??


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A Day in Infamy

In memory of those 2,402 killed. And in honor of those 1,282 injured.


USS Arizona Memorial today

And again during the attack



More pictures of the attack

The Bud and Ernie Show

JoAnn said that this is a fun blog to read.

JoAnn who?

Ross

Well, it's obvious she hasn't been here recently.

Yeah, that's true. Even Bailey doesn't come here.

Yes she does.

She does?

Who do you think posts the stuff, Amelia Earhart?

Might as well, she comes, posts and then disappears. Bruwhahahahahahahaha

You're weird

Me? Only on days that end in "y"

That's ... oh, I have to agree with that one.

I'm finished

With what?

My Christmas list

You've finished your shopping?

No, my list for Santa

You made a list for Santa?

That's what I said. Having trouble reading lately?

I just find it strange that a voice would make a list for Santa.

And you don't find it strange that a voice would shop for Christmas presents?

Smart ass

Awww, that's sweet

What?

That was my mother's nickname for me

Why do I believe that?

'Cuz I just told you?

Just what is on this list of yours?

I want a Bratz Doll

That might be a problem now

Why?

Seems Mattel is being a "bratz" about it.

Was that a pun?

Clever boy. What else?

Peace on earth

Now isn't that ... oh, yeah. Okay. Peace on earth would be nice.

Wait, there was a blob of mayo on the list. That actually says "a piece of earth".

For crying out loud, why would you want a piece of earth? And how do you get a piece.

How you get a piece is between you and whatever girl you're with ....

Ernie!!!

That's my name, don't wear it out.

Believe me, I won't. Say goodnight Ernie.

Goodnight Ernie

Tis the Season to be sneezing

So it begins, or maybe it’s already begun for you … the Christmas Season. I’m so not ready. I’m hoping to get the tree up tomorrow, but I have to clean the closet first. I need to get to the Christmas decorations for one thing. Then there’s the fan to be stored for the winter and a place to put the pedestal table that’s where I’m going to put the tree. Fortunately, my gift buying list is rather short and I have that done already. Cards? Yeah, got those too – just need to do a little thing like address and mail them. LOL I don’t know if I’ll do any baking this year, for two reasons. First, I don’t trust this oven – I can’t seem to get a hang of its cooking time; secondly, I really can’t afford all of the ingredients. I might have a go at some fudge, we’ll see.

Still fighting this sinus thing. It doesn’t help that the winds can’t decide which way to blow, or that the temperature has been a bit schizophrenic. Add that to the tons of boxes of books people have been bringing in from who know where they’ve been stored, and that adds up to one helluva sinus cocktail.

Bebo sent me this great little recipe the other day, so in closing I’ll share it with you. Have fun!!!

*Quote:*
The world's most dangerous cake recipe

*5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE*

4 tablespoons flour
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
a small splash of vanilla extract

1 large coffee mug

Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly. Pour in the milk and oil and mix well. Add the chocolate chips (if using)and vanilla extract, and mix again. Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts (high). The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed! Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired. EAT! (this can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous). And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world? Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!

It's That P.S. That Will Get You Every Time

Okay, I'm struggling with a sinus infection/cold, so am not up to the usual jovial, er, sunny, um, okay - so maybe this isn't that different than other posts lately. Sue me.

To my darling husband,

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me. I was coming home from Sylvia Park, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car. I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture for you.
I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.

XX

P.S. Your girlfriend called.