Sunday, December 31, 2006


Those who were with me on the old blog know that this is the day that I remember those that I've lost this year and rejoice in what I've gained. Feel free to list your own if you'd like.

What I've Lost

Mackenzie (May 1999 - April 2006)

Devlin (April 6, 2005 - April 11, 2006)

Mom (November 15, 1928 - October 14, 2006)

My Uncle Richard (July 7, 1924 - December 5, 2006)

And please dear Lord, I just received a phone call that my beloved Uncle Bill is in the hospital with pneumonia. This man is like a father to me. I blogged about his 60th Wedding anniversary just a couple of weeks ago. Let me not have to add his name for a few more years.

What I gained. If you don't see your name here, it's because we "met" before January 1, 2006. In alphabetical order:

Anne; Bernita; Carol; Cece; Christine; Cryna; Daisy; Deana; Devon; Dru; Fannie; Jason; Jeanne; Kelley; Kelly; Kelly (um, think I have enough Kelly's?); Lis; Loreth; Marty; Meretta; Michele; Raine; Saskia; Sue.

But most of all today, I want to say Happy Birthday Olga!!!!! You deserve so much that is wonderful and good in this world. I hope 2007 brings you happiness, security, satisfaction, respect, joy, contentment, prosperity ...

I don't always make New Year's resolutions, but this year I am resolving to finish a book in 2007.

Happy New Year's everyone.

Saturday, December 30, 2006


Well sort of, it's an "anybody who wants to do this thing" type tag from Kate. I've seen this list before and it's kind of interesting - especially at this time when we're thinking about resolutions, setting goals and accomplishing things we've never done before. So the tag goes the same way - anybody who wants to do this, plus, like Kate said, let me know when you do because I'm curious that way.

The things that I've done are in bold. I'm beginning to hate this green color - bold doesn't show up very well, so I've changed it to red, which then became too glaring, so I've just made mine a larger font than the other. Sheesh, if I hadn't talked on the phone with Woman With Many Names for over an hour I wouldn't have been in such a hurry to get this done. But I enjoyed it though. Cece and I talk for about an hour once a year. *waving across to the next county* That's why we talk so long.

1. Used real snow to make/eat a snow cone
2. Slept in your car while parked at the side of the road (We never really had the money for motels when I was little, so on our way home to Iowa for visits we spent many a night in a Howard Johnson's parking lot.)
3. Didn't go to bed until 4 in the morning on New Year's Day
4. Dyed an Easter egg, using all the colours available (Of course, that's half the fun)
5. Caught a scent on the air that reminded you of something from your childhood (Did it just the other day)
6. Taken a picture of the sky because it was a remarkable shade of blue that day
7. Caught a fish and cleaned it yourself, then cooked it for dinner (How about caught a fish, watch my dad clean and cook it - I don't like fish, but I liked fishing)
8. Wished you bought two pairs of your favourite shoes
9. Made a list like this
10. Taken art lessons
11. Taken ballet lessons
12. Driven a really scary stretch of road (Drunk, okay tipsy, in the fog)
13. Read a book from cover to cover in one sitting
14. Written a letter to your Congressman
15. Changed political parties
16. Made a boat yourself, and sailed in it
17. Worn mismatched shoes by accident (closest I've come to was socks)
18. Been so happy you wanted to burst into song
19. Watched Barney, as an adult, without becoming annoyed
20. Thought you could walk to Sesame Street
21. Invented something (I'm with Kate here, if characters and fictional settings could be described as "inventions", then yes.)
22. Came up with a new recipe
23. Snorkeled or dived a coral reef
24. Been in a shark cage
25. Been told that a character in a Nora Roberts book reminded a friend of you
26. Howled in the car with your kids
27. Loved someone so much your heart hurt
28. Painted a house Interior or exterior? If interior, then yes)
29. Painted a picture in the style of a famous painter
30. Seen the Mona Lisa
31. Seen the Hope Diamond
32. Been the president of the PTA
33. Sat on Santa's an adult
34. Lost your spouse
35. Driven a race car (But I've ridden in a regular car with Bebo driving. Believe me, that counts.)
36. Eaten fried okra
37. Climbed Mt. Everest
38. Seen Mt. Rushmore
39. Saved a baby bird that had fallen from its nest (Wasn't successful, though.)
40. Tried a food you always thought was gross and discovered you loved it
41. Been to Hawaii
42. Been to Africa
43. Had an "old-time" picture taken with your family, your friends or alone
44. Made good friends via the Internet (Just look around this place ...)
45. Met a movie star (Do TV stars count? Dawn Wells - Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island; James Drury - The Virginian; Nancy Kulp - Ms. Hathaway from Beverly Hillbillies)
46. Seen the Queen of England in person
47. Indulged in a tinsel fight while decorating the Christmas tree
48. Attended a family reunion
49. Couldn't turn out the lights for the night after reading a Stephen King novel (In fact, I grabbed the dog and every cross/Bible I could find in the house. The Shining.)
50. Gone on a cruise
51. Remember where you were the day the Challenger exploded. (Sadly enough, I don't remember which one this was - but I remember where I was when both of the shuttles exploded, so it counts. The first one I was home watching the lift-off; the second one I was at work and it exploded practically overhead. The building shook.)

Well obviously from looking at this list I need to get out more. I also have a tag from Lis (yes sweetie, I finally saw it - you need to tell me these things) that I'll do later on in the week.

Friday, December 29, 2006

Auld Lang Spam

Sure think it is time. (Okay, let’s get started.)
Ticket please, ticket please. Before you begin you need to purchase a ticket! (I don’t need a freakin’ ticket. It’s my blog!)
Also, you must keep all links and you must add the following lines. (I don’t think you understand. This is my blog. I’m Queen. I decide what goes here.)
We know what you want. (Then why are you here?)
Bernita present. (I don’t recall there being a roll call.)
You are not really sociable. (Says who? Spam? I don’t think you’re really the authority on sociability.)
To kidney. (I’m kind of partial to “To Sir With Love”.)
Being over 50 doesn’t mean you have to be alone. (Not that I’m there … yet, but it doesn’t mean I have to spend it with you either.)
You re not really sociable. (Are we back to that.)
You are. (No, you started it.)
Did not. (Did too.)
Not. (I’m not arguing with Spam.)
You get to decide which ice cream is best. (Of course I do. Didn’t you hear me? I’m Queen. Blue Bell Cookies and Cream.)
Jill. (Now you’ve done it. You leave my Jill alone.)
Sabrina told me to email you. (Um Lis? Have you lost control of your characters?)
Thought I’d say hi. (That’s what you get for thinking.)
You still working on it? (Almost done.)
Remember the fairy tale about Cinderella? (Is this where you turn in to a pumpkin?)
Your neighbors lost their alarm clock. (What else is new?)
Think I found it. (Keep it – it’ll drive them nuts.)

Thursday, December 28, 2006


I did it! Well, not totally, about half-way, but the hard parts done. So I guess you could say I half-way did it. What's half of done? Do? I do it? That's not right. But the rest will be done by January 8. Then it will be done. Totally. What? Oh, you don't know what I'm talking about? My, my, my - someone hasn't been paying attention. Remember, if you get it, don't tell. The sky could fall and it might not happen, so we're not mentioning "it" on the blog. Those who haven't caught on - well, as I said before, it's right in front of you. But shhhhhhhhhh.

I should still be able to do something with it by this weekend. Just not fully. It was quite an adventure "half-way" doing it today. Now get your dirty minds out of the gutter! And I like it -well, I like your minds in the gutter too, someone might as well be down there with me. La di-da-di-da-da. As I told "woman with many names" (you figure that one out) - I'm a bit giddy.

Didn't get even half of my blogging done Wednesday - it was a long day, full of exciting things, the least of which was my paycheck wasn't ready on-time. So I couldn't pick it up until evening. For reasons which are too long to go into here, I have to mail my check to the bank. If I'd mailed it this morning, it would be there by Friday for sure. Tonight - that's pushing it. If it doesn't get there ... well, let's say that a couple of utilities are not going to be happy with me. So keep your fingers crossed.

The job thing isn't working - I haven't heard back from anybody. So next week I'll try again. I can't keep putting groceries on the credit card forever.

Well, that's it. I know, what a fun and informative blog you have here Bailey. Some days are like that.

Y'all be good. And if you can't, then be prepared to tell me all about it. I live vicariously.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Sayings That Should be on Buttons

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
3. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
4. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
5. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
6. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
7. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
8. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
9. You! Off my planet!
10. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

Those of you who expressed interest:

Kay Hooper - Blood Dreams, July 2007
Jim Butcher - Dresden Files Book 9, White Night, April 2007

I'm really tired, it's been a long day, so I'm posting this early. Y'all have a good Wednesday and I'll try to get by some of the blogs.

Oh, and the hint? Well, it's been delayed a little bit - still going to happen, but probably not this week. And I'm not saying anything until it does - I don't want to jinx it.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Alka Seltzer Moment

I'm stuffed. I am beyond stuffed and have gone into total pigmania. It wasn't the dinner that Bebo and I had - a small ham, mashed potatoes and gravy and a green salad. It was the desserts - cherry cheesecake pie, caramel turtles, chocolate and peanutbutter fudge, etc., etc., etc., ad nauseum. If I move I shall explode.

The day started out difficult - waking up on Christmas morning alone for the first time in my life. No one waiting for me, no "Happy Birthday" song at the breakfast table. Nothing. Then I grabbed my coffee and crackers and ambled back to the study to check my emails. Oh my. The ecards and birthday/Christmas messages. I suddenly didn't feel alone and it was okay, I was going to be get through today and it was because of y'all. Oooh, and presents. A lovely box of candy from Brandy - Thanks Toots! Cat key ring, sticky notes and a lovely bookmark from Kate. Thanks Sweetie. The DVD World Trade Center from me (okay, I bought it and wrapped it up). The fur-babies loved their stockings full of toys. In fact, at one point Aidan was guarding the stocking and not letting any of the other cats near it. Not to mention the books and DVD that arrived on Saturday from Kate, Susan and Olga. You made me feel special. But the gift that's going to drive me the most crazy (hey, no comments from the peanut gallery)? Bebo gave me a 10 puzzle jigsaw collector edition of Thomas Kinkaid paintings. I love Thomas Kinkaid. I hate these puzzles. Open up the box and each puzzle is in un-marked plastic bags. Um, which puzzle is which? What picture do I use as a guide? Which set of candlesticks do I use to slug her with?

So, how was your Christmas? What gift delighted you the most and which one might result in homicide?

Happy Birthday Kelley Vitollo!

Monday, December 25, 2006

Merry Christmas

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased!"

My mother's favorite carol was In the Bleak Midwinter. You can find the first verse at Bernita's, but mom was fond of the last one.

What can I give him,
poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd,
I would bring a lamb;
if I were a Wise Man,
I would do my part;
yet what I can I give him:
give my heart.

Christina G. Rossetti

Sunday, December 24, 2006

A Parent's Night Before Christmas

I didn't write this, it's a repeat from last year, but I figured it was worth the re-run.

'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.
Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required.

"The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
While Dad and I faced the evening with dread: A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot!
And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!

We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat....
Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!
Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
If we can't get it right, it goes in the basement!

When what to my worrying eyes should appear,
But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,
With each part numbered and every slot named,
So if we failed, only we could be blamed.

More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
All over the carpet they were scattered about.
"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand.
"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand.

"And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
With "assembly required" till morning's first light.

We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
Till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.
The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
Before we attached the last rod and last pin.

Then laying the tools away in the chest,
We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.

Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
And not have to run to the store for a thing!
We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!

"Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefully went,T
hough I suppose there's something to say for those self-deluded...
I'd forgotten that batteries are never included!

Tonight's Movie: A Christmas Carol (1938 Reginal Owen version. I just love Gene Lockhart - some of you may remember him as the judge in the original Miracle on 34th Street)

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Santa Claus in All of Us

Got this from Susie last year after Christmas and I've been saving it. I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately, but between the computer problems (there IS light at the end of that tunnel *gg*) and trying to finish my baking (I didn't accomplish that - there will be New Years treats next week), it's been a hectic week.

A real adventure of Christmas...
I think this ought to be required for all Grandparents who have an eight year old grandchild..
I am sure the world would be better off. I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!"
My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her "world-famous"cinnamon buns. I knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true. Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites,I told her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus?" She snorted...."Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad!! Now, put on your coat, and let's go."
"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second world-famous cinnamon bun.
"Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said,"and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car. "Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.
I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for. I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the kids at school, and the people who went to my church.
I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class. Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he neverw ent out to recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough; he didn't have a good coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat!
I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that.
"Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down.
"Yes, ma'am," I replied shyly. "It's for Bobby."
The nice lady smiled at me, as I told her about how Bobby really needed a good winter coat. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag, smiled again, and wished me a Merry Christmas.
That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible) in Christmas paper and ribbons and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it. Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially, one of Santa's helpers.
Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going." I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his door and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma. Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby. Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes.
That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were - ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team. I still have the Bible, with the coat tag tucked inside it of $19.95.

May you always have LOVE to share, HEALTH to spare and FRIENDS that care...
And may you always believe in the magic of Santa Claus!

Tonights movie: The Santa Claus 2

Friday, December 22, 2006

Holly and Spam

Gift from someone you love. (Hugh Jackman is giving me something? Wow!)
We know what you want. (No thank you, I'm getting something from Hugh *gg*)
Carol with royal. (Well, she is with me you know.)
Jordan. (She’s not here, she has spam waiting.)
Santa Claus is watching you. (Does Mrs. Claus know this?)
Hate headaches after parties? (The answer is to never let the party end.)
Give your opinion and we will reward you with chocolate. (Why don’t you just hand over the chocolate and no one will get hurt)
We asked ourselves: “what can we do to add to the site and have fun with it?” (Leave?)
Raine advice. (Screw it.)
Big Adventures With Big Dick. (I’ll wait for the sequel)
It me Olga. (No you’re not, Olga speaks better than that.)
I’m going to show you this, but keep it secret! (I promise.)
Your secret? (You never mentioned the “I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours” part.)
Wanna new Rolex? (No, if I wait long enough I’ll get one from the neighbors.)

Swirled Surprise Cookies

2¾ cups all-purpose flour
1/3 cup oatmeal
1 teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
¾ cup (1 ½ sticks) butter or margarine, softened
1 cup packed brown sugar
½ cup granulated sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 large eggs
1 2/3 cups (10 oz package) Nestle Toll House Swirled Milk Chocolates & Caramel Morsels, divided
½ cup Nestle Toll House Milk Chocolate Morsels (optional)

Preheat oven to 375

COMBINE flour, oatmeal, baking soda and salt in medium bowl. Beat butter, brown sugar, granulated sugar and vanilla extract in large mixer bowl until creamy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Gradually beat in flour mixture. Stir in ¾ cup swirled Morsels. Cover; refrigerate for 30 minutes or until firm.

ROLL dough into 1-inch balls and place on ungreased baking sheets. If dough balls become warm, refrigerate until firm.

BAKE for 8 to 10 minutes or until sides are set. Press ½ -inch deep and quarter-size wide pockets into centers of cookies with back of small spoon. Fill pockets with remaining Swirled Morsels while cookies are still warm. Remove to wire racks to cool completely.

PLACE milk chocolate morsels in small microwave-safe, heavy-duty plastic bag. Microwave on MEDIUM-HIGH (70%) power for 30 seconds; knead to mix. Microwave at additional 10-second intervals, kneading until smooth. Cut a small hole in corner of bag; squeeze to drizzle over cookies.

Tonights Movie: The Santa Claus

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Wrapping Presents With Cats

Couldn't think of anything to blog about, so I pulled out something I did last Christmas. This had been going around, but I *tweaked* it to my purposes. This year, I went through and took out the names of cats that are no longer with me. Hope you enjoy it.

Wrapping Presents (With Cats)
1. Clear large space on floor for wrapping present.
2. Go to closet and collect bags in which presents are contained, and close door.
3. Open door and remove Bubba from closet.
4. Go to plastic tub and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Remove Baileyboo from bag.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Rescue Neely Shae from plastic tub.
8. Sit on floor, lay out wrapping materials to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
9. Get back up, go back to drawer to get string, remove Baileyboo who has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
10. Remove a present from bag. Remove Aidan from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove Baileyboo from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
13. Remove Bubba from paper. Continue cutting. Throw away first sheet because he tried to chase the scissors and tore paper.
14. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting Bubba in the bag the present came out of.
15. Remove Aidan from second sheet, throw it away because it has claw rips all through it.
16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.
17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find Neely Shae between present and paper. Remove her and retry.
18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.
19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from Neely Shae with pair of nail scissors.
20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible. Cringe at clumps of cat hair sticking out from tape.
21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase Baileyboo down hall and retrieve ribbon.
22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to Baileyboo's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.
24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.
25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.
26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
27. Remove string, open box and remove Bubba.
28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.
29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.
30. Remove Neely Shae from box, unlock door, put him outside door, close door and re-lock.
31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)
32. Ignore Bubba trying to tear down the door. Make vow to replace shredded door tomorrow.
33. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.
34. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.
35. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cats.
36. Spend next 15 minutes looking for Baileyboo, before coming to obvious conclusion.
37. Unwrap present, untie box and watch Baileyboo jump out and hide under bed.
38. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cats and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.
39. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.
40. Swear to yourself that next year, you’ll get the store to wrap the damn thing for you.
41. Smile smugly, knowing that the recipient could have received a cat!

Since it's so long and my last recipe is long too, come by on Friday to catch Swirled Surprise cookies.

Tonights movie:

A Hallmark Hall of Fame movie "Fallen Angel" with Gary Sinise (yum, yum)

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Holy Tinseltoe

We're sorry, but the author of this blog is unavailable at the moment as she is busy taking a sledge hammer to her computer. Meanwhile, please say hello to her namesake, Baileyboo, who decided to toilet paper the house while mommy was at work. Every room. No, he's not dead, just worn out. Everybody say "Poor baby". Needless to say, blogging will be suspended at the moment until the computer named Damien decides to cooperate. Please be patient ... someone has to be. Also, if you send said blogger anything by email that includes a picture, forget about it. Demon spawn computer will not show them to her. Which also means that Christmas ecards may arrive by April 1. BTW, it took a half-an-hour to put up this post. But there's light at the end of the tunnel ...

Tuesday, December 19, 2006


Don’t look down your nose at the cat fur on my black leggings. Don’t you know that’s the latest fad? Clothing designers all over the world are running out into the streets, grabbing cats and rubbing them all over their designs. Then they find homes for the kitties. Gets PETA off their backs.

What do you mean, haven’t I done my baking? Of course I have. I’ve eaten them all.

Why do I have to decorate the back of my tree? Nobody’s going to squeeze between the wall and the tree to see the decorations. Oh, you did? Bite me.

How dare you put that cart in the empty space that I’m about to pull into, smile at me and then walk across the parking lot to the restaurant to eat. Choke on it.

Don’t give me that look as I walk by your kettle Mr. bell ringer. I emptied my coin purse at the kettle in front of Walgreens. If you don’t like it, go find him and make him share.

Thank you so much for coughing into the hand that is holding my change, smile at me and then place it into my hand. May a thousand elves invade your home in the middle of the night and rearrange your furnishings. Hide your car keys too.

No, I don’t want to taste a sample of your wonderful product that’s been sitting on that table all morning while millions (okay, maybe thousands) of people have walked by and sneezed on it. If I wanted to get sick I’d get my money out and rub it all over my face.

I like to buy four containers of cat litter and a large bag of food. No, they’re not for my cats, they eat garbage and crap on the floor. I’m sending this stuff to DKNY for more fur splattered leggings.

Yes, I have finished all of my Christmas shopping. No, I didn’t get you anything. Want some cat fur leggings?

Yes, I’m a writer. No, I’m not published. I don’t believe in it. Just gets in the way of my creativity.

Um, excuse me, Hello! You’ve left your cart in the middle of the empty aisle while you walk around the corner. Next time you do that I’m liable to start tossing stuff in there while you’re not looking. Imagine your surprise when you get to the check-out counter and pull hemorrhoid cream, yeast infection cream, a pregnancy test and a box of Trojans out of your cart. And then you discover the stuff I’ve put in there.

No, I don’t have cats. These are designer cat hair flannel shirts. It’s the new faux fur. They match my leggings.

No, I'm not going to rake the leaves in my yard. I'm waiting for the tree to be done with them. Besides, if I wait long enough they will have all dispersed into my neighbors tree-less yards and I won't have to worry about them.

I don't decorate my presents with ribbons and bows, cat hair is sufficient.

Chocolate-Peanut Butter Cookie Pizza

1 (18-oz) roll of refrigerated Chocolate Chip cookie dough

1 (8-oz) pkg cream cheese, softened
½ cup creamy peanut butter
1 cup powdered sugar
¼ cup milk
1 cup frozen whipped topping, thawed
¾ cup hot fudge ice cream topping
¼ cup chopped peanuts

Heat oven to 350.
-Remove cookie dough from wrapper. With floured fingers, press dough evenly in bottom of ungreased 12-inch pizza pan.
-Bake for 15 to 20 minutes or until golden brown. Cool 30 minutes or until completely cooled.
-Meanwhile, in medium bowl, combine cream cheese, peanut butter, powdered sugar and milk; beat until smooth. Fold in whipped topping.
-Spread ½ cup of the fudge topping over cooled baked crust. Spread peanut butter mixture over top. Drizzle with remaining ¼ cup fudge topping. Sprinkle with peanuts. Refrigerate at least 30 minutes or until serving time. Cut into wedges or squares.

Prepare the cookie pizza crust up to a day ahead of time. After it’s cooled, wrap it tightly in plastic and store at room temperature until you’re ready to top it off.

Tonight’s movie:
Charlie Brown Christmas
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (original)
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Happy Birthday Kelly Parra!!!

And don't forget, Jill's giving away the ARC of her upcoming book Smart and Sexy. You have until December 22.

Monday, December 18, 2006

More Ways to Confuse Santa Claus

- Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
- While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
- Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
- While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
- Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!
- Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa"
- Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.
- Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.
- While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.

Jill's giving away an ARC of her upcoming release Smart and Sexy (April 07). The contest goes until the 22nd.

Chocolate Peanut Butter Squares

1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
1 1/2 cups creamy peanut butter
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
1 (18-oz) pkg. Chocolate Chip Cookie dough

1. Heat oven to 350. In medium bowl, combine powdered sugar, peanut butter and vanilla; mix well.
2. Remove cookie dough from wrapper. With floured fingers, press half of dough in bottom of ungreased 8 or 9-inch square pan. Press peanut butter mixture evenly over dough. Crumble and sprinkle remaining half of cookie dough over peanut butter mixture. Carefully spread as evenly as possible.
3. Bake for 30 to 35 minutes or until golden brown and firm to the touch. Cool 30 minutes. Refrigerate 1 hour or until chilled. Cut into bars. Serve chilled or at room temperature.

Tonight's movie:

Miracle On 34th Street (original and in black and white)

Oh, and Happy 88th Birthday Uncle Bill!!!!

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Happy Birthday Jill

Dear Jill,

God, I've had such a hard time writing this. I've re-written it 4 times - well, the first two was because Word kept crashing on me. So I'm typing this straight on blogger - which is not my favorite thing to do. There's also a reason I write romantic comedies ...

How to express what you've meant to me without sounding melodramatic? I'm not exaggerating when I say that you have had a huge impact on my life. It began as a simple email: "Dear Ms. Shalvis" They were the hardest words I'd ever written. I was contacting an author, someone whose books I admired, and it was one of the most nerve-wracking things I'd done. I recently re-read that email (yes, I keep everything - not just yours, so put down that protection order) and thought - wow, this is the most rambling, incoherent piece of ... But you responded, and you were so nice. Then you said something that changed my life forever: "you need to come to my journal/blog on my website." Blog? Wasn’t that one of those chat room type things? I mean, I’d vaguely heard of them but had no idea what it was. So I went. What? Type stuff so that people can see every mistake that I make? You have got to be kidding. So here I am – um, 6 blogs later. You got me into blogging and because of that I have so many wonderful friends - that would never have happened had you not invited me to yours. Small thing, right? No. One day on the blog someone asked if I was a writer. I said no, but I'd like to be one someday. It wasn't long before the following email arrived: "You are so a writer! Just because you're not published doesn't mean you're NOT a writer!!" (I kept that one for obvious reasons. *gg*) I was a writer. My world hasn't been the same since.

You are one of the most gifted, compassionate people God ever created. You bring laughter, romance and excitement into so many people's lives. And you call me your friend. Wow. That overwhelms me. To those that know me, it won't come as a surprise when I say that I have a pretty low self-esteem, so it's hard for me sometimes to imagine that I really matter to most people. You make help me understand that I'm important to you - your email check-ins when I don't come around, your interest in what I'm doing, the cyber-hugs when things get tough. You laugh with me, put up with me when I get manic, encourage me to pursue my dream. Other than Bebo, you have had more influence on my writing than anyone ever has. I have no way to adequately thank you for all that you have done. I hope you know how important you are to me. Have a wonderful birthday Jill, you deserve every happiness life throws your way.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Highs and Lows

I’m going to a pretty special celebration Saturday afternoon, my Aunt Alice and Uncle Bill’s 60th wedding anniversary. 60 years. Wow. Aunt Alice was my mother’s favorite sister. They were very close, and I’m close to both of them because of that strong relationship. My Uncle Bill is my favorite of all of my uncles on either side. They are a perfect match. My aunt is a bit of a shrew, but I love her. She gripes about everything, gets into everyone’s business. Knows everything. For the longest time I couldn’t figure out how these two people meshed. Uncle Bill is quiet, gentle – the most peaceful man I’ve ever known. It was quite a shock to me when I discovered that this giant of a man had been a Ranger in WWII, had participated in one of military histories greatest rescue missions – the freeing of the Bataan Death March POWs from a Philippine POW camp. I could never picture him with a gun. But, anyway, I finally got it a few years ago (well, more like 20) when we (mom, dad and I) were taking a car trip with them to San Antonio. Aunt Alice was going on and on about something or other when suddenly from the front seat came a quiet voice “Enough”. She stopped. I stared. When I later asked my cousin about this she smiled. “Dad gives mom a long leash and then when he’s had enough he says so, end of story.”

It’s going to be difficult going to this party though. People are coming in from out of town that weren’t able to make it to mom’s funeral. Her sister, for example, who we told that if she had to choose between coming for the funeral or coming to this celebration that mother would have wanted her at the party. And mom’s brother who has been ill. I’m going to have to face the “I’m sorry” stuff again. I’m going to have to face their grief. I also have to give out one of mom’s last gifts. Mom had this bracelet, a gold filigree-type wrist band with her name etched on a small gold base. Mary. Alice and Bill have a grand-daughter named Michelle who lives in Oklahoma. She’ll be there tomorrow. What does this have to do with a bracelet with “Mary” on it? Michelle’s middle name is Mary and she was named after mom. She’s the only one with that name and mother promised her when she was a little girl (Michelle is now 35) that when mom died the bracelet would go to her. So I have to deliver it to her – a woman who adored her Aunt Mary.

On a different note – there’s a game on tonight and all I have to say about it is PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE win.

Be sure to come by Sunday for a special post.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Let it Spam, Let it Spam, Let it Spam

Heya, this it or no? (Yes, it’s spamarama)
Goodrich advice. (I’m tired of it already.)
With Penis Enlarge Patch you can wrap your long penis around your waist. (Wouldn’t that take a large belt buckle)
Good morning Daisy. (That’s Duchess to you, and don’t talk to my blogsters.)
Swanson advice. (I’m waiting for my close-up)
Be married (No thank you.)
Stop fighting. (That’s why I’m not married.)
The other boys nod in agreement. (Oh great, now spam is agreeing with me.)
Needless to say that we’re trying to help you with your choices. (I’m not that desperate.)
Here’s what I was telling you about. (I wasn’t listening then, I’m not listening now.)
Tap dance (You really don’t want to see that.)
Could you reply why your ramrod is so short? (BECAUSE I’M A WOMAN)
Bathe rapidly (When it’s cold, you don’t have to worry about that.)
How is your day going? (Fine until now.)
Not really understand. (Day kind of gets fuzzy when I’m talking to spam.)
Affordable top brand time pieces (Talk to my neighbor.)

M & M Cookies

2 1/4 cups flour
1tsp. baking soda
1/2tsp. salt
one cup butter (or margarine)
1/4 cup granulated white sugar
1 1/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 1/2tsp. vanilla
2 eggs
1 to 1 1/2 cups m & m chocolate candies

In a small mixing bowl, combine the first three ingredients and set aside.
In a large mixing bowl, cream together the butter and sugars until fluffy. Add the vanilla and eggs and beat well.
Sift the dry ingredients into the creamed mixture and mix well. Add the m & m chocolate candies and stir them well into the dough .
Take a heaping tablespoon of dough and roll it into a ball. Put it onto an ungreased baking sheet. Repeat for the other cookies allowing 2 inches between them on the baking sheet.
Bake them eight to ten minutes in a preheated 375F oven.
Remove the cookies from the oven and cool them on a baking rack.
Makes approximately 3 1/2 dozen cookies.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Ways to Confuse Santa

- Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy." Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa"
- Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."
- Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.
- While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.
- Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.
- Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.
- Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.
- Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.
- Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs. Dress up like the Easter Bunny.
Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."

Cherry Cheese Pie

Throw away that mix, forget the bakery, you can make your own cheesecake - it's simple:

1 (9-inch) graham cracker crumb crust or baked pastry shell
1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, softened
1 (14-ounce) can sweetened condensed milk (NOT evaporated milk)
1/2 cup lemon juice from concentrate
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 (21-ounce) can cherry pie filling, chilled (and yes, you can do this with blueberry or strawberry - but there's a trick to making that sweet syrup with the strawberry juice which you'll have to look up yourself. What? I have to do everything for you?)

In large mixer, beat cheese until fluffy. Gradually beat in sweetened condensed milk until smooth. Stir in lemon juice and vanilla. Pour into prepared crust. Chill 3 hours or until set. Top with cherry pie filling before serving. Refrigerate leftovers.

EDIT: Not to bring everybody down, but I wanted to mention that Peter Boyle passed away. I loved Peter Boyle. Tap dancing as Frankenstein in Young Frankenstein is a visual/funny bone delight. From While You Were Sleeping to the Santa Claus movies, he was a consummate actor. Not to mention Everybody Loves Raymond.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Happy Birthday Susan

Happy Birthday Susan

You have brought sunshine into my life. Your compassion and support means a lot to me. I get such joy out of your email jokes – they lighten my day. You’re a very special person Susan – a gift to everyone around you. I hope you have a wonderful day – you deserve it. And, just for you, a special edition of Spamarama:

Are you ready? (I’ve just been waiting for you)
I on beer (You couldn’t wait until the party?)
With our Viagra Soft Tabs you can crack nuts with your penis. (I’m sure Susan really wanted to know that.)
Was nature good to you? (Who needs nature when you can have Viagra Soft Tabs?)
Your neighbors lost their alarm clock. (I guess we know what Susan’s getting for her birthday)
Tell me what you think? I think it’s great. (If you were going to answer your own question, why’d you bother to ask?)
Just remembered (It’s about time.)
We okay to go? (Yep, let’s do it.)

Happy birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Susan, Happy Birthday to you.

And now, because it’s your birthday, here’s my special Caramel Turtles:

Pecan halves
24 caramels
1 box Baker’s Semi-Sweet Baking chocolate Squares

I do this a dozen at a time. Put four of squares in double boiler on low heat, stirring occasionally.

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Grease a cookie sheet. Arrange pecans, flat side down, in clusters of four. Place one caramel on each cluster. Heat until caramels soften, about 4 – 8 minutes. Remove from oven. Flatten caramel with buttered spatula. Cool slightly. Remove from pan to wax paper. Cover each cluster with melted chocolate.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Do You Hear What I Hear?

One of the things I love the most about the holidays is the music. One of our radio stations started playing it continuously the week before Thanksgiving (at least, that’s when I discovered it), and I’ve been listening to it ever since. Certain songs mean different things to me, the one in the title because it’s the favorite of my favorite uncle and it was also one of the few that I could play on the piano. Silent Night has morphed into an especially poignant song for me – the last couple of months of mother’s life she would suddenly launch into singing it over and over. We even played it at her funeral. I Wonder As I Wander pulls at me, I sang it as a solo once at church. White Christmas, Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, I’ll Be Home for Christmas, Merry Christmas Darling are among the ones that will bring a tear to my eyes while Baby It’s Cold Outside, Winter Wonderland, Santa Baby, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer are just plain fun. I even like that new version of the Grinch song, but I can never remember who sings it. Mom’s favorite Christmas song was In the Bleak Midwinter, so it holds a special place. I love the Bing Crosby/David Bowie version of The Little Drummer Boy. And then there’s the Hallelujah Chorus – I have to keep myself from standing when I hear it in the car. Even the dreaded Feliz Navidad (a song I generally hate) has a new meaning for me since mother died – I know I’ve told this story before, but one Christmas I was baking and that song came on. I commented on how it would now be stuck in my head the rest of the day. Without batting an eye, mom replied “There isn’t anything else up there.” Now I hear the song and smile before I groan about it. So no meanies here – I don’t want to know about what songs you hate, but tell me what’s your favorite Christmas song and why.

Peanut Butter Blossoms

Make your favorite peanut butter cookie dough, or use 1 18-oz roll of refrigerated peanut butter cookie dough.

3 tablespoons sugar
36 Kisses (yeah, that’s what they say, some reason I use a little less – must make my balls too big – hey, watch it!)

Heat oven to 375. Shape dough into 1-inch balls; roll in sugar. Place 2 inches apart on ungreased cookie sheets.

Bake for 10 to 12 minutes or until golden brown. Immediately top each cookie with 1 Kiss, pressing down firmly so cookie cracks around edge. Remove from cookie sheets. Cool completely before storing (or you’ll smash the chocolate)

Makes about 3 dozen cookies (yeah, right)

Monday, December 11, 2006

Sleigh Bells Ring

Every year I buy a children’s Christmas book – usually a classic or one that’s a favorite of mine. It must have beautiful illustrations. Last year I bought The Polar Express. I had never read it, and in fact didn’t read it then, nor have I seen the movie. But it was an award winner and the illustrations met my criteria. On Saturday night the movie was on TV, so I decided that I would watch it, but first I needed to read the book. This took only a few minutes and I was a bit disappointed. Then I realized it was a Caldecott winner, which meant that it was just a picture book really, but still it wasn’t what I’d expected and I couldn’t see how they made a movie about it. The ending was nice though. So I sat down to watch and was instantly entranced. This is a wonderful movie and it kept the ending – that only those who really believed could hear Santa’s sleigh bell. The magic of Christmas has always pulled at me. I believe, as *Frank Church did, that there really is a Santa Claus. Oh, not the jolly man who comes down the chimney on Christmas Eve, but the spirit of the season. That Santa is in all of us, the magic and wonder. If you haven’t seen The Polar Express, you need to.

As an extra, here’s my fudge recipe:

Three-Minute Fudge

2/3 cup evaporated milk
1 2/3 cups sugar
½ teaspoon salt (I don’t use this)
2 cups miniature marshmallows, or 16 large marshmallows, cut into fourths
1 ½ packages (6 ounces each) semisweet chocolate chips (about 1 ½ cups)
1 teaspoon vanilla
½ cup chopped nuts (I don’t add these either)

Mix milk, sugar and salt in 2-quart saucepan. Heat to boiling over low heat. Boil and stir 3 minutes or until candy thermometer registers 225 degrees. Remove from heat; add marshmallows, chocolate chips, vanilla and nuts, stirring until marshmallows and chocolate are melted. Pour into buttered square pan, 9x9x2 inches. Refrigerate until firm. Cut into about 1 ½ -inch squares.

I also use this with peanut butter chips instead of chocolate.

* Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Claus

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Saints Come Marching In

You know the drill – non-football post below

So today it’s the Saints (or should I say this evening). This one’s a little scary as the coach is Sean Payton, the ‘Boys’ former defensive line coach. He knows this team, he knows Parcells. Some are calling the Saints the “Cajun Cowboys” and that’s truer than one would think. They have former Cowboys LBs Scott Fujita and Scott Shanle; WR Terrance Copper; OT Rob Petitti (that one hurts); K Billy Cundiff; and defensive coordinator Gary Gibbs. They almost had Keith Davis, and offensive line coach Tony Sparano. Most of all, they almost had Tony Romo. I’ll wait while Scott breathes a sigh of relief …………………………. Ready now Scott? Okay, it’s said that no coach has had a bigger influence on Sean Payton than Bill Parcells. Payton still calls Parcells for advice. In his news conferences, the first-time head coach even sounds a bit like the ‘ol Tuna. Add QB Drew Brees, a legitimate candidate for NFL MVP; Reggie Bush and Marques Colston (a leader for offensive rookie of the year) and this could be trouble. I hope our defense shows up with their best game, because they’re going to need it. This is one of those games that’s hard to call, both teams are pretty evenly matched and I’m afraid it will be those often feared intangibles that ultimately decide this game. In my opinion, this is the last “true” test to the Cowboys legitimacy as a contender – our remaining games are Atlanta, Philadelphia and Detroit. I look at the Saints last games and I can’t help but root for them on two – Washington and Giants. That’s okay, as long as we end up 12 – 4 and they finish the season as 10 – 6.

Spirit of Christmas

I’m allergic to cedar, so we’ve always had a fake Christmas tree which means that it could go up at any time and be left up for a while. But when I was growing up, Mother wouldn’t let us put it up until around the 15th of December; she and dad would have it “defrocked” and dismantled on Christmas Day. When I got older and took over decorating I could sometimes talk her into letting me do it the day after Thanksgiving, but it still had to be taken down as close to Christmas as she could get it. That changed after I returned home from college (the second time) – up the day after Thanksgiving, taken down the day after New Years. I was now totally in charge of the Christmas tree. Decorating the tree became my obsession. The grand-kids would try to help and I’d shoo them away – everything had to be just right, which is funny if you’ve ever seen my study. I’m not known for being obsessive about any kind of decorating feature. Much. One year I threatened to leave it up all year long – I’d read somewhere about people who decorated the tree for each holiday and sounded like a good thing to me, except I couldn’t find any New Years, MLK, Valentine’s Day, Easter, St. Patrick’s Day, Memorial Day, Fourth of July, Labor Day, Halloween, or Thanksgiving ornaments. Just a small problem (this was before I had a credit card and significant internet access). So the tree went down on schedule, not to return until the next season. I think it was because I wanted to hold on to the season, the feelings that come with Christmas. I came to realize that that sentiment, that euphoria is something you carry inside – not the tree or lights, or the manger scene that my grandmother made. The magic of Christmas is the magic of belief, wonder – the enchantment of Santa, goodwill towards men, and giving. Do you know that more food is given to food banks at this time of year than any other time? Why is that? Aren’t there starving people all year long? And yet it is only at Christmas that we think of this. You see the little red buckets and give, but do you contribute to the Salvation Army at any other time of the year? If you’re me, you don’t. I never think about it. I’m going to change that. Sometime in the middle of 2007 I’m going to take stuff to the food bank and send some money to the Salvation Army. I’m going to carry the “Spirit of Christmas” with me all year long. That’s the only way I can make it last.

P.S. The computer likes me today ...

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Me vs. It

For some odd reason the computer has decided to cooperate. I’m suspicious. I think it heard me threatening to replace it and it’s going to lull me into a false sense of security before it rips the internet rug out from under me again. But I’m not falling for it this time. Call me a techno-skeptic, but this machine hates me. I can often feel the pure evil emanating from it in waves of gamma rays. It’s a sneaky piece of wiring and bit particles, and it thinks it has the upper hand. But I’ll show it – madness creates genius and this thing has sent me around the bend one too many times. I am in charge of my queendom and I will not be defeated by a simple machine. I think.

I didn’t do anything. Just clicked and suddenly things started moving quickly again. So I got half-way through my blog-list and will hit the other end tomorrow after work.

I’m going to leave you with a funny from work on Thursday … this actually happened.

A man came in to find a book for his daughter. He was looking for A Tale of Two Cities by Angie Dickinson … I was very good and didn’t laugh in his face. Really.

Y’all have a good Saturday. I’m getting off of here before the computer comes to it’s senses.

UPDATE: I knew I shouldn't have closed the computer down last night. Got up this morning, and, you guessed it, back to being slow again. This time, in the middle of checking emails, a pop-up came up and said "Dashboard Module has encountered a problem and must close down." What's a dashboard module?

Friday, December 08, 2006

Frozen Spam

I nightmare (Yes, spam is everyone’s nightmare.)
Separate yourself from other men. (I am woman, hear me roar.)
Is classic superiority thinking. (Ahhhh, you caught the woman part – Amie says I’m a goddess.)
Hehe (I don’t find that funny.)
Can’t believe it. (You realize I could delete you.)
Don’t be angry. (Just don’t do it again.)
Okay. (For now.)
Jo wrote. (Lots of books. Have you read Closer … ?)
More (Relentless, Hush, Minute by Minute.)
It’s me Fernando. (Ohhhh yeah, Fernando. *wink*)
Bang (That’s some gun.)
Rocky turn Iraq (Rambo would do a better job.)
She will forget her name once she sees your new cock. (She’ll forget her name? I might be rendered speechless.)
It impossible. (Watch it.)
What do you say about this? (What?)
Tell me please. (I’m not telling you anything.)
Want your dick to be as the Eiffel Tower? (All lit up?)
Please be discreet. (I’m always discreet.)
Your neighbors lost their alarm clock. (What do they have over there, a clock factory?)
Everything should be okay. (Of course it will, it’s just an alarm clock.)
As a thingamajig. (The clock is shaped like a … nevermind.)
Investigation by Sgt. Preston. (I feel much safer now.)

Thursday, December 07, 2006

I Can't Believe I Forgot

When trying to figure out what to post for the 7th I completely forgot something that I never forget. Today is December 7 - the 65th Anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor. Shows how my mind is working lately. So take a moment today to remember those who died in the Japanese attack on the Hawaiian Islands, an event that brought the United States into World War II. I vowed to never forget, and I did. It won't happen again.

Ain't That the Truth

A mild mannered man was tired of his wife always bossing him around, so he went to a psychiatrist. The doctor told him he had to develop self-esteem. The doctor gave him a booklet on assertiveness training, which he read on the way home.
When he walked through the door and his wife came to greet him, he told her, "From now on I'm the man of this house and my word is law. When I come home from work, I want my dinner on the table.
"Now go upstairs and lay me some clothes on the bed, because I'm going out with the boys tonight. Then draw my bath. "When I get out of the tub, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
"The undertaker," she replied.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

When Will it Stop?

Bud: Where's Bailey?

Ernie: In the closet.

Bud: What's she doing in the closet?

Ernie: I don't know - who am I, her keeper?

Bud: I thought maybe she might have said something.

Ernie: She just grabbed an umbrella, galoshes and ran into the closet.

Bud: An umbrella and galoshes?

Ernie: Did I stutter?

Bud: What's wrong with you?

Ernie: Oh, I guess it's just that time of the month.

Bud: You don't have those, moron.

Ernie: I don't?

Bud: Only women.

Ernie: Well, why are my breasts tender?

Bud: You don't have those either.

Ernie: Oh, then I guess I don't need this bra.

Bud: I think I know why she's in the closet.

Ernie: Oh?

Bud: To get away from you.

Ernie: That's not what she said.

Bud: I thought you didn't know anything.

Ernie: I don't. At least I don't know what the closet has to do with it.

Bud: With what?

Ernie: Huh?

Bud: The closet. Bailey.

Ernie: She was mumbling something about "when it rains it pours" and "the sky is falling".

Bud: She didn't say that last one. That was in your bedtime story last night.

Ernie: Did I thank you for reading me to sleep?

Bud: Your snoring did it for you.

Ernie: I don't snore.

Bud: *snort*

Ernie: She's had a bad week.

Bud: Yeah. The internet, the car, the toilet running, the leak under the sink, the garage door breaking, the cat pissing on the dry-clean only comforter, Baileyboo shredding the toilet paper.

Ernie: Um, Bud?

Bud: Yes?

Ernie: That was me.

Bud: What?

Ernie: I shredded the toilet paper.

Bud: Why?

Ernie: I thought it was fun.

Bud: That's what you get for thinking.

Ernie: I beg your pardon?

Bud: So she's hiding in the closet.

Ernie: Yes, it was the last phone call.

Bud: What phone call?

Ernie: The one saying that her uncle had died.

Bud: Oh, my.

Ernie: Yes. I guess it's just one more thing.

Bud: What are those cords going into the closet?

Ernie: The TV, phone, computer, mini-fridge ...

Bud: Ohhh, she's staying there a long time.

(Bailey here: btw, I'm on myspace now. Don't know what I'm doing there, but I'm there. Link on the right under miscellanious. And I have no idea how to do this friend thing. I tried one to someone who I know won't turn me down, so if I don't hear from her, then I did it wrong. *sigh*)

Monday, December 04, 2006


Sorry this is late, but I'm having internet problems (at least, I hope it's the internet). This is so frustrating. So since I'm a bit flustered at the moment, I'm just going to send you off to a couple of places.

First, my wonderful FBA (Future Bestselling Author) Toni Anderson is having a contest where she's giving away Loreth Anne White's trilogy of the Shadow Soldiers: The Heart of a Mercenary, A Sultan's Ransom and Rules of Re-Engagement. Plus, because she's such a great person, a copy of her ebook - Her Sanctuary. The contest is until the 9th, with the winner announced on the 10th.

Also, for you cat lovers, or likers, or whatever ... go here for a blog post that will have you saying "Oh yes, been there, done that, killed the cat".

Dropped the car off at the mechanics this morning. They do take Visa btw. Great.

Okay, I'm off now before I commit computercide, or technocide, or whatever "cide" destroying a computer is called. If you don't here from me ...

Oh - Happy Birthday to my brother David.

Sunday, December 03, 2006


Non-NFL post below.

I wish I could take credit for that title, but that’s what the sports section of our paper is calling it. Fits.

We’re a 3 ½ point favorite for this game. The weather in New York is sunshiny and in the 40s which is good for a Southern team to play in. The winds in the Meadowlands can be treacherous, so Gramatica (our new kicker) may have some problems. Romo grew up in Wisconsin, so cold weather shouldn’t bother him. Michael Strahan (of the Giants for those who don’t know) isn’t playing. Things are looking good for the ‘Boys. I think the game all comes down to intangibles. Gramatica hasn’t kicked in a while – might be a factor. Over-confidence has been the doom of many a team. The Giants have homefield advantage and they’re desperate. Many times, a desperate team has played as if they have nothing to lose and can be dangerous. I wouldn’t be surprised to see a few trick plays come out – that’s when they’re used the most, sort of a “why not” attitude. And there’s still Tiki Barber. I think the defense, and most particularly our star interceptor Roy Williams, should have fun with another QB with the name Manning on the back. And Eli is no Peyton. The Cowboys have a great “game after Thanksgiving” record. We’re on the Romomentum train. Some people do worry that the long wait may put a damper on that momentum, which could factor in. We should win this game, but desperate teams always scare me. The Giants seem to be a team on the slide, with alleged turmoil brewing in the locker room. Many see Manning as a lame-duck. He has a lot to prove, a name to live up to – and maybe that’s been too much pressure. He is an example of what I had feared for Romo – but Romo doesn’t have a legacy sitting on his shoulders. He doesn’t have a brother (until stopped by the ‘Boys) that is a NFL mega-star. That’s got to be hard for Eli.

My prediction: We’ll win. It’s the intangibles that will determine whether it’s a hard or easy win.

Are You Hungry?

It’s recipe time. Jeanne wanted the recipe for my cherry salad, so here it is plus a quick fruit crisp dessert. These two treats can be made all year long.

Cherry Salad (I’ve heard you can do this with Blueberry Pie filling, but I’ve never tried it. Apple Pie filling doesn’t work well)


1 can pie filling
1 can sweetened condensed milk
1 small can crushed pineapple (drained)
1 small tub whipped topping
(some people also add chopped walnuts)

Combine all ingredients and then chill.

Fruit Crisp

Preheat oven at 350 degrees


Small crisp:
1 can Apple or Cherry Pie filling
Stick butter or margarine
1 small box white cake mix

Large crisp:
2 cans Apple or Cherry Pie filling
Stick butter or margarine
1 regular size box of white cake mix

For a small crisp, use small cake pan; large – large cake pan.

Spread pie filling on bottom of pan.
Sprinkle cake mix over top.
Layer butter/margarine pats across top. (Don’t use too much or the mixture will get mushy)

Bake for 20 minutes, and then start keeping an eye on it. When top gets crisp, then it’s done.

Glenice and I had a great visit. Didn’t do much except gab until bed-time, which wasn’t very late since I had to work an 8 hour shift the next day. We went to IHOP for breakfast and then parted ways. I’ll try to get a pix of the gift sometime this week. I’ve got Christmas decorations to get up today. Y’all have a wonderful Sunday.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Christmas List

Stole this from Amie, who stole it from someone else – so since it wasn’t really hers, does that mean I didn’t steal it? I mean, can you steal something from someone if they don’t actually own it?

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot chocolate
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Used to wrap them.
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? Colored
4. Do you hang mistletoe? For what? So I can kiss a cat?
5. When do you put your decorations up? When I get around to it.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish? Hugh Jackman under the mistletoe. Oh wait, you meant food. Cherry salad.
7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child: The year my parent’s bought me a bike.
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? What truth about Santa? Is there something I should know? Is it in the National Enquirer?
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Used to talk the parent’s into letting us open one present on Christmas Eve.
10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? Very carefully. I’m obsessive about it.
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Love it if I don’t have to get out in it.
12. Can you ice skate? Not anymore. Not since I grew up and discovered gravity.
13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Barbie airplane and soda shop.
14. What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Family.
15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Cherry cheesecake
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Reading Luke 2: 1 - 14 on Christmas Eve.
17. What tops your tree? I used to have two trees (just don’t put the second one up anymore). One has a beautiful angel topper; the other one has one of those glass spire thingies, that’s tall, you know, like a spire thing, pointy thingy.
18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? Giving
19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? Mary Did You Know (the Mark Lowry version from the Gaither Family – he’s the one that wrote it, so the emotion is real. Non-secular: White Christmas.
20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? Yuck.

Friday, December 01, 2006


Can it be? (Yes, it’s spamarama)
Question? (What?)
Did you try to contact me on MSN today? (No that was some other stunningly beautiful writer.)
Chafe (Try some talcum powder)
See for yourself. (Um, no I’ll take your word for it.)
His so missy. (I know, I just hate that.)
Let’s go check it out. (No, no if he wants to be missy, I think we should let him.)
Shirley wrote. (And did a damn fine job.)
I’ll never let you down. (Great, you don’t know how wonderful it feels to know I can rely on spam.)
We save you. (What are you going to do? Email for help?)
Your neighbors lost their alarm clock. (Hold on a sec, let me wipe this surprised look off my face.)
Finally, found it. (It? Oh man, there’s lots of those clocks.)
You always wanted to use your penis as a billiards cue. (It would be a short game.)
You’ve dreamed about it. (Hugh Jackman, yes; Penis’ for billiards cues, no.)
Why be an average guy any longer. (Damn straight, if I’m going to be forced to be a guy, I certainly don’t want to be average.)