Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
Charles Nelson Reilly
Friday, February 22, 2008
Can I get out of debt? (I don’t know, can you?)
We don’t advertise, we advise. (Well I advise that you advertise your non-advertisement)
Hot wild nights of pleasure await you. (Hugh? Hugh is that you?)
You’ve been picked to fill out surveys for cash – month of February. (Oh, I’m good at that, aren’t I Marty?)
Those locker room stares will be for the right reason. (The simple fact that I’m in a locker room would be enough to stare.)
With no particular (No particular what? No particular reason to be in a locker room?)
Your neighbors lost their alarm clock. (Oh, they lost their alarm clock for no particular reason. That’s what you were trying to say.)
Talk to me now! (I didn’t do it. An insane dog enters my yard and digs those holes.)
Also, Jason Evans is having another short fiction contest, this one is called "Whispers". Head on over to his blog and have a go at it.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
A Day of Writing with Bailey
1. I have to check my emails, MySpace messages and go by Jill’s blog (if it’s in the morning)
3. Check friends status’
4. Put LOLcatz comment on Ames’ MySpace page.
5. Find the right music. I’m easily distracted so most of the time the music can’t have words to it because I’ll sing along. But, on the other hand, I have been known to put together music CD’s that describe either the characters personalities, the action of the story, or set up the ambience for a scene. For instance, “At Last” for the first love scene; “Smuggler’s Blues” for an action scene, etc.
6. play 3 or 4 rounds of spider solitaire
7. I can’t write pen and paper because of the arthritis. Well, I can write it, but I won’t be able to read it. Now that I have the laptop, I can sit in my favorite chair.
8. I have to have the storyboard set up.
9. Go smoke a cigarette and get a coke
10. Stare at screen for a few minutes and wonder what in the hell am I doing.
11. Read the last chapter to get back into the feel of the story.
12.I have to have the characters names before I can write the story. Sometimes they come to me easily, other times it’s like pulling teeth.
13. Go smoke a cigarette. Sit on porch and plot perfect paragraph. Then forget the entire paragraph when I get back into house.
14. I also have to have a title. It doesn’t have to be the perfect title, but I have to call it something more than the WIP or “untitled”
15. Look at storyboard and fall in love with my hero again. Now I’m ready to write.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Mother has been having a bit of a bad week. The sale of the house isn’t going through as soon as she, and obviously Uncle David, thought it would. So here’s mother packing to move into an apartment she can’t afford. It’s all Uncle David’s fault and if he were here I’d pee on his foot. He doesn’t like cats anyway, so what harm would it do? I could leave a little present in his shoe too, if you know what I mean. I don’t mind getting a little crass when it comes to protecting my mother.
I heard mother say the other day that she just doesn’t get to blog as much as she used to. What with all of this packing and cleaning, she doesn’t have the time. I know, you see her on MySpace a lot. She’s not always there. Mother has this habit of leaving the computer on and logged into the site. Whenever she gets a message or something, it “cachings” (that’s the closest to the sound I can get) rather loudly and she comes running to answer it. It’s pathetic if you ask me, sort of like Pavlov’s dogs. Anyway, once she’s settled into her new place, she’ll get back to a routine. Whatever that is. And she’ll be able to look for a job again. I’ve been told she needs one badly. I don’t know why, wouldn’t a purr, nuzzle and lick get her most things in life? It works for us.
Friday, February 15, 2008
It’s important (Okay, go ahead.)
A penis is a terrible thing to waste. (I thought that was a mind? Oh, wait, for some people that is their mind)
Tired of losing your erection halfway, or having a small weener? Change it today … (Is this like light bulbs? Can you go to the store and buy them in a four pack? How about generics?)
Works so good, you will poke your eye out … guarenteed. (Oh, I can imagine that’s everyone’s goal – poke that eye right out.)
Elvincockwalloping (Well, Elvin can go wallop his cock somewhere else.)
Reduce your debts the professional way. (I’d rather do it unprofessionally, thank you.)
Methodist watches. (Watches have religion? What does a Christian Scientists watch look like?)
Hello band saw. (Goodbye staple gun)
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Happy Wednesday My Friends! Help Spread the word and save our children from the indignities of Valentine's Day.
There’s a group of us that are boycotting Valentine’s Day for various reasons. Some are doing so because of the crassness and commercialism that has taken over the day. Me, I’m doing it because truth be told, I hate Valentine’s Day. I think it was a holiday invented by happy people to kick lonely people in the gut a few times. It started with me in elementary school. I was one of those kids who sat in class and watched while all of the other kids received valentines. Then later, when teachers began to make the class give valentines to everyone in the class – I received some that said “Happy Valentine’s Day, you stink” and other less loving sayings. I don’t understand how the valentine company’s that make the packages for children would print such terrible ones, but they do. Later in high school it was Valentinegrams. These were purchased and filled out by the sender, then delivered to classrooms by people on the Valentine committee (I guess). I never received any of those either. Neither did I have a boyfriend during the Valentine season – I was always alone. Sometime in my 20s mom began giving me one long-stem rose for Valentine’s Day. Even in the grips of Alzheimer’s, she would still remember to have Bebo get my rose. Last year was the first time I didn’t receive one in 20 years. But still, it’s a bit pathetic when your mother is your only Valentine.
So, there will be no Valentine’s from me, no MySpace comments either. I’m boycotting.
Monday, February 11, 2008
oh hi momma. youz bak from mycatspace?
Yes, and I don’t think they want to hear about your spanking fetish. I’ll take over from here.
I think Bubba has pretty much filled you in on our day. A lot of fun in the Stewart household. I would have let him finish this, but, I wanted to break in and tell you that I just now heard that actor Roy Scheider (man in the middle)has died. Many of you will remember him from “Jaws” where he uttered that most famous line – “You’re gonna need a bigger boat”. He also received Oscar nominations for his work in “The French Connection” and “All That Jazz”.
He was 75.
Friday, February 08, 2008
HugoMonolithicBodypart (Really? And are you going to introduce me to Hugo?)
You really need it. (A hugo monolithic bodypart? Won’t Hugo miss it?)
Professional PRO (Aren’t all pros professional?)
PhallusMassiveAmelia (Amelia has a massive phallus? Does Ripley’s Believe it or Not know about this?)
The baby-maker grows and develops GRADUALLY, not over night! (Duh! It takes around 9 mos.)
And it was so. (So? So what?)
Aggressive traders alert. (Why? Is someone going to jump out of a dark alley and demand that I buy stock?)
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
It's not that its absolutely hysterical, it was the surprise of it that had me giggling my head off. And yeah, I kinda like the guy, but he can be so over the top that the idea of running him over sounds good. Of course, I won't remember what the commercial was advertising, and that's the problem with a lot of these Superbowl ads, the message gets lost in the search for the most stunning, funny commercial.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Saturday Susie and I took Neely Shae to her new home - well, for a two-week trial period at her new home. Neely wasn't thrilled, in fact the poor baby peed in the carrier. That was a great introduction to Libby and her new home - a long trip and then immediately to a sink. Libby is going to re-name her Nelly. Nelly?! Neely Shae means princess of the fairy castle, or something like that, in gaelic. I chose it for its beauty in both sound and meaning. Nelly? That's what you call an old nag. Oh well, she's not mine anymore so I guess it won't matter. I do hope this works because I'm running out of options for her. The apartment will only allow 2 animals (the girls in the office are letting me sneak in a third), but a fourth - no way. I also don't want to cram 4 cats in a one bedroom apartment; 4 cats are getting too expensive in shots, food, litter. I've tried the rescue groups, but they declined because they consider 10 too old for adoption. If this doesn't work with Libby, there's a slight chance I could talk my vet into taking her and finding a home; if not, then its the needle for her - and that would tear me up. Leaving her there effected me more than I thought it would. I spent a good deal of Saturday night crying. But I'm better now.
We all know I write this stuff the night before, so I'm getting ready to watch the Superbowl. I'm touched by the reading of the Declaration of Independence by former and present football players/officials/coaches. Kinda brought a tear to my eyes. Who am I rooting for? As much as I hate to say it, I'm rooting for the Giants. I have my reasons:
1. I'd hate for anybody other than the Cowboys to have a perfect year.
2. I'm tired of hearing about how great the Patriots are, and how they're undefeatable.
3. The Giants represent the NFC and that's the division the Cowboys are in.
4. Tom Brady is too cute to be a quarterback.
5. I don't want the Patriots to win more Superbowls than the Cowboys.
6. I don't like Bill Bellichek (sp?)
Bebo and I spent most of the day (okay, not most but quite a bit) working on the study. And we're still not done. We both ended up beat. A lot of mother's stuff was there, a lot of stuff to shred.
That's it for now, see ya on Wednesday.
Friday, February 01, 2008
i adore show my great body (spam doesn’t have bodies)
It follows you to read it (Now that’s some book!)
FOR YOUR ATTENTION ONLY … (Everyone, turn your backs.)
Cockprominentdino (Dinosaurs had prominent cocks?)
You can have a 7 inches long Penis, how to archive? (Wrap it in acid free tissue.)
Please don’t forget Robbie’s anniversary party, tommorow. (I’m going to be busy with acid free tissue. And learn how to spell, will ya?)
Maxwellcockplumping (Good to the last drop)