Ummmmm

Ummm

Yeah Bud?

Weren’t we supposed to do something today?

I don’t know, let me check my calendar.

What’s that?

A calendar – it gives you the days of the week, the months, everything. You should try it.

I know that moron, I meant what is that ON your calendar?

Oh, those are the “voices” calendar girls.

Voices don’t have bodies Ern. There’s nothing there but bathing suits – it’s like the invisible woman meets Victoria’s Secret.

Yeah?

Then what’s the point?

The money went to the “voices” orphan’s fund.

First, we’ll disregard the fact that voices don’t have money and ask: What is that?

Voices whose authors ignore them.

Lot of that going around?

Yeah, it’s summer. I happen to know that Jill Shalvis is staring at a blank screen right now.

How do you know that?

‘Cuz her muse told me.

You talk to The Shalvis’ muse?

I talk to all of them – a lot of muses.

Where?

E-harmomuse.com

I had to ask …. Tell the folks to have a nice weekend Ernie.

Have a nice weekend Ernie!

The Voice

I’m not talking about the voices in my head; this isn’t another Bud and Ernie blog post. I’m talking about the voice of an author, the voice that makes one writer’s work different from another. It’s what makes King different from Koontz, Roberts from Krentz, Shalvis from Crusie; the voice is what makes it possible for a reader to pick of a page, read it and know immediately who wrote it. The distinctive voice of the narrator, the haunting turn of a beautiful phrase – all of this contributes to the voice of a writer. When I began my journey on this long and winding road, I had so many mixed voices in my head. I wanted to be John Jakes, Janet Dailey, Stephen King – I wanted to be all of the wonderful books that I had read. I’ve tried many different voices throughout the years, some fit, and others didn’t. But in writing this blog, I’ve discovered that voice which is mine alone. I am a romantic comedy writer. It’s not that I’m unable to write serious material, no, it’s that I’m more comfortable with the lighter tone, the giggle instead of the tear. That’s okay. I’m never going to write that great multi-generational John Jake historical epic. My horror stories may resemble Charlaine Harris more than Stephen King, Sci-fi writer Jim Butcher instead of Isaac Asimov. Deep, intense subjects may be the form I read, but not that which I write. But that’s the kind of writer I am, I write comedy. I came to this conclusion a few years ago when I was attempting to write a blog post – a rambling bit about nothing, except aimless snickers and the occasional toss out – the laugh. That’s where my mind goes. Well, that and the gutter, but that’s okay too – who doesn’t like a little dirty joke every once in a while, huh? And I have you my readers to thank for this. You have laughed when I needed you to, responded to what I meant for you to, and encouraged that which is a vital part of who I am. Comedy and love.

Thank you.

Oh, and btw - I have a new blog to remember not to go to, or is that to forget to go to? Either way, there's a new blog in town and it's over in my blog list to the right. Just Taking Dictation is the new blog of a good friend of ours and my co-hort in whatever trouble I get in to. Yeah, Bebo, aka Beverly. Go and take a look, I dare you.

Spamcrula

Good morning! (It’s not morning you moron. Oh wait, technically it is I guess.)
Told you. (Don’t rub it in spammy, I can delete you at any time.)
You be late. (Story of my life. What am I late for now?)
What really helpful for a man? (A woman with a map?)
I’ve seen it before. (I very much doubt it, you’re a man …)
I wanted to make a conquest. (Honey, it never hurts to want. Builds character.)
You only deserve the best, get it here. (Hugh is here?)
Wish to add more fire into your bedroom life? (Good grief, the only chance of that happening is if I built a fireplace.)
First Franklin loan. (And John Adams still hasn’t paid it back … )
It’s Susan. (No it isn’t!! You stop that right now!!!)




Oh, and the book contest? Did you really comment 'cuz you want them, or were you just commenting. Kinda hard to tell since no one said anything. There also aren't a lot of "contestants" so I'm going to expand it 'til Monday.

A blog about nothing

Its 4 minutes to 1:00 am. That’s important, ‘cuz I said so. My blog is always posted at 1:00 am every Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning. Always. It’s just that I can’t think of anything to blog about. I know, I’m about as interesting as paint drying. Okay, have you heard the one about the Rabbi and the … oh, you have? Hmmm, well what about Why did Cinderella get thrown out of Disneyland? Oh, wait, I can’t tell that one here, can I? Give me a break will ya? Oh, I know, um, no … that’s really lame.

So, let’s try this a new way. I really do like this time of year, when Texas decides to cooperate and participate in this thing called Fall. Yep, wonderful crisp mornings in the 60s, my kind of temperatures; I can open the windows and turn off the air. The cats like it too, not to mention the mad palpitations my bank account does when it realizes we won’t have to fork over another couple of million for the electric bill. Okay, so I exaggerate, only half a million. Wonderful, that’s even less exciting than paint drying.

I give up. Here, watch this it’s cute. Honest.







Oh, wait!!! I have extra copies of Jill's books Flashpoint and Flashback, her last two Blazes! Anyone want them? All you have to do is comment and I'll draw names. Come on, you know you want to.

I Won't Read, don't make me ....

Yep, got that right, for some reason I just can’t make myself read. It’s not like I don’t have anything on the shelves TO read. Far from it. I have two of Jill’s books – the last two Blazes Flashpoint and Flashback, plus Saskia Walker’s newest one that she so graciously sent me, Reckless (waving at Saskia). We won’t even mention the LOAD of books I bought a couple of months ago. Did you read that right? Two Jill Shalvis books sitting unread! I know, scary. I just can’t get into the mood, or whatever is required to read. No writing either (hey JJ, I know I owe you something, I promise its coming!!). I don’t know if it’s the summer blues, my birth sign isn’t in align with the moon, my underwear’s too tight? I don’t know, and I don’t like it. There was a time that it was hard to find me without a book in my hands. I miss reading. I miss writing. I don’t miss rithmetic though …

So, be that as it may (does anyone really know what that means?), I’ve got to get reading. What do you do to help yourself do something that you aren’t in the mood to do? Is there some trick that you have, some special incantation that you throw to the universe? Help me out folks!!

In the meantime, I received this really heartfelt email from Lis. It seems that there are these twins that really need foster care. They need TLC and a lot of attention. Can’t you find it in your hearts to help them out? I’ve signed up for Wednesday’s, I figure it’s the least I could do. And once you look into their sad faces, you too will be unable to turn them away. Please, won't you help foster them?

This and That

First, a message from Jason Evans:

Dear Blog Friends,

Thank you all for being an amazing part of my blog experience and The Clarity of Night!

I'm writing tonight to announce the grand opening of a companion blog. It’s a candlelit place called Night Conversations (http://nightconversations.blogspot.com/). Here's the concept.

In important parts of our lives, many of us struggle with feelings of isolation, of being misunderstood. Night Conversations is a place where anonymous participants spend a evening with me talking and delving into those feelings. No advice. No judgment. Just a person who wants nothing more than to listen and understand.

Stop over and share the first of the Night Conversations with me. If you like what you see, I'd be grateful for any mention, or even a review, that you would be willing to do on your own blogs. I'd love to see Night Conversations spread like a more personal version of Post Secret.

The comfy chair is open for anyone out there who like to participate. Thanks!

--Jason Evans

Not a whole lot going on with me. I seem to have become the MySpace page designer of choice. LOL First I did Bebo's, then the Jill Shalvis Fan Page, then my cat Bubba (yes, Bubba has a page, want to see it? Click here. Now remember, you don't have to be a member of MySpace to look at his page.) Then my two pages, yes two. One for me and one for Bailey. Now my cousin Joan wants me to design her page. Maybe I need to start charging. LOL

Here's a little video for your Monday. Please excuse the first scene, but the rest is great - especially the talking cats.

The Truck

Main Entry: truck
Function: noun
Etymology: probably back-formation from truckle small wheel
Date: 1611
3: a wheeled vehicle for moving heavy articles: as a: a strong horse-drawn or automotive vehicle (as a pickup) for hauling

That’s Webster’s definition of a truck. My definition is quite different. I hate them. No, let me be more specific. There is one certain pickup truck that I hate. Totally. I can see the headline now:

Aspiring Author Arrested for Truckocide.
Suspect allegedly smashed truck to smithereens with a tire iron, all the while yelling “die you effing truck, die!”

It’s not really the trucks fault. I’m sure it’s a fine upstanding truck. In fact, it may have little trucks to support. I don’t care. I hate it. Sitting out there so innocent looking. No one would believe how evil it is. And it is evil, don’t doubt about that one bit. It’s either parked on one side or the other of my bedroom window, sometimes right smack dab in front of it. And it hates me as much as I hate it. I’m positive about that one. Otherwise, why would its alarm go off at all hours of the night and early morning? Why else would it do it especially the night before I have to get up for work? And believe you me, it’s not just night when it lets itself be heard. It went off several times today, breaking the silence with its shrill siren and incessant horn hocking. Did I mention incessant? Aggravating? I’m going to end up flipping out one night and charging out my patio door, tire iron waving in the humid Texas night as I climb hysterically over the patio fence. Then it’ll be just the truck and I. And the tire arm. I’m betting on me.



BTW, I've been busy putting together a MySpace fan page for Jill. Head on over to see it. Let me know what you think. It's 99% done and I'm waiting for Jill to crawl out from the deadline cave (Monday I hope) to finish the little bit that's left. You don't have to be a member of MySpace to look at the page.

Monday, 'nuff said

Glitter Graphics & Comments


I made a mistake tonight. I went back and read all of the entries on my old Alzheimer's blog. I thought I could do it, you know it's been a year. I thought I could step back and read it dispassionately. That's what I get for thinking. I bawled like a baby. Why did I do it, you might ask. I received an email from someone who had come across the blog and who was looking for some answers. She is now the caregiver for her mother. I said what I could, then went back and read the blog. Just shoot me now.

I spent most of the day culling my books. I have two built-in bookshelves which I obviously can't take with me, so I needed to get rid of some books. Four boxes and two bags later, I'm done. No, the Shalvis Shrine was not touched. There is only one thing that would make me touch that - if Mrs. Hugh Jackman were to come over and say "I'll give you my husband for your Jill Shalvis books" I might have to think about it - long and hard. I love you Jill ... Oh, and there were also all those books I brought back from RWA intending to give them away on the blog. Then I realized I didn't have the money for postage ...

Did you know Bubba farts when I pick him up? Why did I tell you that - because everyone should be warned.

No YouTube today - thought I'd spare you.

Have a great Monday everyone.

A Night in the Stewart Household

The house was quiet as I sat huddled in my big ol’ chair reading my latest favorite Shalvis book, The Trouble With Paradise. Giggling, entranced by the words before me I barely registered you sliding up beside me until your tongue slicked into my ear.

“Stop that” I said, pushing you away.

Again your tongue flicked across my lobe.

“Not now, I’m reading” I pushed as I shuddered from the wetness.

I could feel your eyes boring through the book, but I ignored you and soon became immersed once again. You were silent and I forgot your presence. You left me to my book and I settled into the silence of the house and the pleasure of the story. Then a sound caught me and I looked up and slammed the book down.

“Aidan! Quit eating the tree!” I shouted across the room. As usual, you ignored me and continued nibbling on the branch, a hairs breath away from my favorite cat ornament.

“Aidan!” I half rose from my seat and you swung around, fluffy tail held high, slid against the wall and on down the hall.

I picked up the book, settled back down into the chair and began to read again. But I knew you’d be back, fluffy tail, tongue and all.

It's Me

Sunday’s movie: Transformers (4 stars)

For months I thought I had a problem reading. I’ve been reading Sasha White’s “Lush” on the computer, and although I’ve been enjoying it (especially the second story), I keep having problems finishing it. Then Loreth Anne White’s “Seducing the Mercenary” came in the mail Friday and I’m almost half-way through it. What’s the difference? One is on the computer, the other in my hands. I wasn’t having a problem reading, I was having a problem with ebooks. I thought that buying the laptop would help me with this problem, but when I get on the computer I want to play games, IM, etc. – everything except read. So I apologize to Sasha, who was hoping for a review. I should have bought the book when I saw it in the store. I’m just not an ebook reader, I have to come to terms with that. I don’t think, even for the Shalvis, that I’m going to be able to read anything longer than a short story on the computer. And now that I’m on book restriction (I can’t buy any books at all), that’s going to really hurt.

RWA Pictures

This was mine, Dennie and Cece's room. I needed a step-stool to get up on the bed.

Loreth Anne White and I. She had to stoop to get down to my level. She's so tall and graceful.

Melissa McClone and I. She was so much fun - we talked about cats of course.

And last, but not least, The Shalvis and I. Look, even she's taller than me. I didn't realize how short I was until I stood next to these awesome ladies.

I Don't Wanna Come Home!!

I had a really great time at National! I shared a room with Amie and Dennie, which was quite interesting. Saw some authors (Nora Roberts was everywhere), ate a lot of food, drank a little, attended some workshops, but most of all, I got to relax for the first time in months. It felt good, so good that I wasn't ready to come home and face reality. But here I am. I have met The Shalvis and she is just as kind and generous in person that she seems to be on-line. Loreth Anne White and I had dinner one night. She's also a lot like her on-line personality - completely charming. And I loved her accent. Had lunch with Melissa McClone and hung around a bit - she's a sweetie. We talked about our cats a lot. I missed my babies.

I have pictures, but I don't want to download them onto this computer. I'm going to try to get the router thing straightened out this week so I can get back on the laptop.

I am awfully tired, but once I rest up, I'm getting back to writing. The conference was invigorating and I feel that itch to write. Hope y'all had a good week. Missed ya!

Smart and Sexy

This contest ends Monday, April 2, at 9:00p.m. central time

Since we know I am fascinated by anything Shalvis, it is no surprise that I chose to replace today’s spam with a posting by none other than the author herself. Yes folks, today’s guest blogger is Jill Shalvis – everyone give a round of applause. And if you know what’s good for you, you won’t mention the lack of spam. Right?






Sometimes a story idea comes to me like a gift, all wrapped up in a nice little package with a pretty bow. And sometimes I have to pull it out of a hat without the benefit of magic, and usually without the benefit of Novocain. SMART AND SEXY was a gift book. It came to me complete with full characters and a plot that practically wrote itself. From the first scene of Bailey sneaking on board Noah’s private plane and then forcing him to fly her where she needed to go in order to save her life, I knew the truth. This book was going to be a blast to write. No pulling out fingernails to get my pages done. No bribing myself with cookies to sit in the chair and write.



Well, I still ate cookies.



But my point is that this book flew out of me. Noah, so put together on the outside. Great career, hot looks, amazing friends. And yet so tortured on the inside, because of an accident he couldn’t get out of his head.



Bailey. So screwed up on the outside. Bad guys after her. No home, no money, thanks to her thieving dead husband. And yet, so capable on the inside. Capable enough to bring a good man to his knees in the face of love. Who’d have thought it?



Anyway, I have excerpts and more on my website. Stop by and say hi at my blog, would love to have you. Hope you enjoy the book!





Thanks Jill! Okay, there's also a little something extra today: A Contest!!! I have a brand-spanking new copy of Smart and Sexy that I pre-ordered before I won the ARC, so I'm giving it away. What do you do? Just tell me who you think is smart and sexy - they can be read, fictional, etc. If you've already read the book, just say so and answer me anyway. Because the blog is late, you have until 9:00 p.m. central time on Monday, April 2.

Jinxed