That's the journey of a writer, long and winding. Ups and downs, rejections, joys, acceptance, laughter, tears, community, and yet a sense of loneliness. The road is bumpy, often full of potholes, and yet it's one we gladly follow, for we are writers and writing is a part of our soul. Join me on my journey.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Bud and Ernie have their say ....
Writing a note to herself.
What does it say?
Can't you read it?
No, your fat head is in the way.
Ern ....
What does it say???
"Don't forget to write your blog"
She has to remind herself?
Lately she does.
She should write the blog instead of writing the note.
No chit Sherlock, tell me something I don't know.
I'm wearing my underwear backward.
Why did you tell me that?
You said to ...
But not that. I didn't need to know that!
So, it's on a need to know basis?
You could say that.
I just did.
Come on, we have to give her ideas ...
She gets enough ideas.
No, for the blog.
Write about me!
No one wants to know about you.
Elsie in the humor department does?
Why? So she can have more material?
She sews?
No, material .. as in stuff to laugh about.
Hey, I resemble that remark.
You don't resemble anything, you're a voice.
You keep saying that! I'm getting tired of you telling me that I'm nothing.
I'm only a voice too.
You are?
Yeah.
Bud?
Yes Ern.
I love you ...
Oh sheesh .....
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Oops!
Monday, February 07, 2011
They Don't Make Them Like They Used To
Snickers
Pepsi
Bridgestone
Sorry, for some reason they won't embed. So anyway, what did you think of this year's crop of ads? What were some of your favorites from other years?
Okay, okay .. so there were a couple from this year:
Volkswagon
Budweiser 2011
Snickers 2011 (okay, only 'cuz of the end)
Friday, February 04, 2011
Out of the mouths of babes, er, customers
Two gentlemen come into the store. My co-worker and I are busy, so I just keep an ear out in case they need help.
"so how do you find anything?"
"oh look, it says alphabetical by author, so let's start here"
To co-worker "You'd better go check them out, they're in the psychology/self-help section"
Overhearing co-worker "Who are you looking for"
"Tom Clancy"
Yeah, we keep him in psychology ... Doesn't everyone?
"How are the books shelved" the customer asks me. "Alphabetical by author within their genre".
"By first or last name?"
For today only, we have put them by the author's first name. You'll find Michael Connolly, Michael Palmer and Michael Crichton all together; same with John Connelly, John Grisham, John Sandford .........
Saturday, July 3 .....
Customer enters store where I and two co-workers, along with a smattering of customers are gathered in the front. She walks up to one co-worker at the front counter. "Are you open today?"
No comment from the peanut gallery ... except for the fact that she was blonde and was looking for a book on how to increase your brain power. Honest ....
Young girl barely out of tweens, texting the entire time while with mother. Up at the counter as mom checks out ... looks up suddenly as if she's just noticed where she was. "We have to pay for these?"
Look below ...
"Can we just borrow the magazines?"
No, we don't charge. In fact, the payroll fairy hands us money from our non-sales.
"What do you mean we have to pay something? Doesn't our credit cover the entire bill?"
Yeah, the phone company/electric company loves it when we pay our bills in books .....
"I'm looking for a book." Oh oh, I've heard this one before.
"yes?"
"I can't remember the author" Yeah, she/he writes a lot of books.
"Do you remember the title of the book?"
"No, but it's a romance" Uh uh, done this, been there ... got the headache to prove it.
"Where do you keep your historical romances?"
"In the romance section."
Blank stare
"All of our romances are shelved together ... we don't seperate the contemporary romances from the historical ones"
Another blank stare ..... yeah, I was lying, we do .. and in the mysteries, we divide them by courtroom dramas, medical mysteries, coroner's, police, animals who solve mysteries ........
Friday, January 28, 2011
If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!
ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS
Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife... A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
my interest...
The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer stun gun.
The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul)while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself
against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of
water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best ....
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and ...
HOLY MOTHER OF.. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE .....!!!
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs!
The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst would be considered conservative!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above
my head, which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!
P.s... My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
I'm feeling old ...
Friday, January 21, 2011
For the Under 40 Crowd
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot... BOTH ways...yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But now that I'm over the ripe old age of forty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!
1) I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!
2) There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!
3) Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!
4) There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!
5) Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?
6) We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!
7) There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOSH !!! Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are.
8) And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
9) We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen.. Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
10) You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!
11) There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!
12) And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!
13) And our parents told us to stay outside and play.. all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!
And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!
See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or any time before!
Regards,
The Over 40 Crowd
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
So you wanna know about my writing

Monday, January 17, 2011
I Have a Dream

Friday, January 14, 2011
Bud and Ernie
I'm Archibald Woodfin Dimwittie, IV
He's Buuuuud, Bud.
Ern ....
And I'm Ernest P. Saddlehopper.
What does the P stand for?
Petunia ...
That figures.
Hey, how have you been pal???
Um, fine Ern. I've been right here.
Oh right. Hey Brandy!!!! How have you been?
Leave them out of this.
Why? They're staring at us.
They're not staring, they're reading.
What are they reading?
Our words you moron.
Oh, on the screen?
Yeah, those.
Who puts those there?
She does.
Oh yeah, she ... where has SHE been?
In that other part of the brain ....
Ohhh, the south side. Doesn't she know it's dangerous down there?
It's not really dangerous Ern, it's just ...
The South Side. They think there.
You have a point. For you that would be dangerous.
Yeah ... hey!
Thinking and not creating ....
The South side ....
Say bye Ernie.
Nobody will hear you scream ...
Ern, say goodbye.
Goodbye ....
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
To E or not to E, part 2
Monday, January 10, 2011
Welcome Back
So, I’ll be blogging again … same schedule as before. Monday will be about me … all about me. Lol Wednesday will be craft day, writing, books and maybe an author will drop by (that last depends upon how much readership I get back). Then Friday, yeah Friday … Bud and Ernie, customers in my store, internet jokes/videos – yes Funny Friday will return. Of course, this can change for the occasional holiday or big event .... or whatever ....
So here we go again … I hope you show up for the ride.
Friday, January 07, 2011
Ooops
Monday, October 19, 2009
Dear Donny
With Love,
Bailey
P.S. And they called it Puppy Love
Friday, October 16, 2009
Random Thoughts From People Our Age
I got these from my friend Angie!
- I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
- More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
- Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
- I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
- Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
- There is a great need for sarcasm font.
- I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
- I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
- The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
- What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
- Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
- I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
- Bad decisions make good stories
- If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
- Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
- You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
- There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
- I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
- Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
- It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
- Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
- Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
- My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
- It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
- I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
- I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
- I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Friday, October 02, 2009
Meet Shayla Black
Shayla Black is the national bestselling author of 25+ sizzling contemporary, erotic, paranormal, and historical romances for multiple print and electronic publishers. She lives in Texas with her husband, munchkin, and one very spoiled cat. In her “free” time, she enjoys reality TV, reading and listening to an eclectic blend of music.
Shayla has won or placed in over a dozen writing contests, including Passionate Ink’s Passionate Plume, Colorado Romance Writers Award of Excellence, and the National Reader’s Choice Awards. Romantic Times has awarded her Top Picks, a KISS Hero Award and a nomination for Best Erotic Romance of 2007.
Doomsday Brethren Series, Book 2 — Caden & Sydney
Publisher: Pocket Books
Genre: Paranormal/Urban Fantasy Romance
ISBN-10: 1416578447
ISBN-13: 9781416578444
Release Date: September 29, 2009
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Download ebook:
Kindle
Barnes and Noble
A Short Interview with Shayla
BS: Why romance?
SB: It’s always been romance for me. My grandmother used to tell me that I was born to be married because all I ever thought about was romance, and I was spinning stories from a very early age. I love dealing with the deepest emotions and writing about people who connect on a level that lasts forever.
BS: Who was your inspiration?
SB: Tough question… I don’t have any one person or thing. Over the years, there have been good books that inspired me and not-so-good books that made me believe it wasn’t impossible to get published. There are friends and family members who gave me a shove or two. Then there were fans to encourage me. Around all that, there’s always been music. A good song that connects with me on an emotional level is a great muse.
BS: My readers are always interested in what authors read - who is/are you autobuys?
BS: It’s not always an author for me, as much as a book or series. My keeper shelf is filled with 1 or 2 titles from a variety of authors. I may have read other works by them, but I didn’t love them all the way I loved the one I kept. Favorite books of all time include: LUCKY’S LADY by Tami Hoag, MINE TO TAKE by Dara Joy, MIDNIGHT AWAKENING by Lara Adrian, WILD CARD by Lora Leigh, VELVET GLOVE by Emma Holly, TRIPLE PLAY by Rhyannon Byrd, ECLIPSE by Stephanie Meyer and THE WINDFLOWER by Laura London.
BS: Where did you get the idea for this book?
SB: When I started piecing together the idea for book one in the Doomsday Brethren series, TEMPT ME WITH DARKNESS, I tried pairing it up with an idea I’d had years ago that I couldn’t finish. Both books were ideas that I just couldn’t nail down. But when I put them together and gave them the backbone of the series, suddenly I had a ton of ideas about how to complete both the first book and SEDUCE ME IN SHADOW. Another author friend helped me plot and listened to me deliberate over varying paths over numerous lunches, and so here we are today!
BS: What is your favorite scene in this book and why?
SB: There are several scenes that make me giggle, make me emotional, make me think about all the directions I could take this series. But I think my favorite scene in this book is the one in which they both finally commit to each other. It’s in a difficult time and in a very unusual location, but in that moment they are finally connected to each other for good, and there’s nothing like the rush of a good HEA for me.
Thanks for having me!
Want to read the first chapter? Click here.
Visit Shayla at her website ...