Wednesday Wit

Some more from Susan.




A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote a note. "I have kidnapped your Child. I am sorry to do this, but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7AM." Signed, "The Blonde." She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag with the cash was the following note. "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."


Three mischievous grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. About then a grandpa walked by, and one of the old grandmas yelled out: "We bet we can tell exactly how old you are." "There ain't no way you can guess it you old fools," he retorted. "Sure we can! Just drop your under shorts and we can tell your exact age."
Embarrassed just a little, but curious, he dropped his drawers. The grandmas stared at him for a while, asked him to turn around a couple of times, asked him to jump up and down for a little while and then they all piped up: "You're 84 years old!"
"How in the world did you guess?" asked the amazed man.
The old grandmas snickered and laughed. Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, all three happily yelled in unison, "because we were at your birthday party yesterday."



Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.