Thursday, August 25, 2011

What Do You Mean You Don't Know Haminglay?

For those who don’t know it, I work in a bookstore. Its hard work, shelving, alphabetizing, up and down on step-ladders, etc. But every once in a while, okay almost every day, someone on the other side of the counter/phone will make it both worthwhile and frustrating. Hence, things my customers tell me.

Up and coming authors (if you can’t figure out who they are, check the bottom of the post – and yes, some are repeats, I’m not digging out old posts to see what I’ve done already):

Irish Johnson
Janet Plum
Linda Lying Miller
Charles Dickerson
Judy Pickle
Ernest Haminglay

New Releases:

The Murdering Doves
The Angry Grapes
The Little ‘Ol Men See
The Stookie Stackedhouse books

Words we don’t want to hear again:

Triology (trilogy)
Arthur (author)

And now, the customers:

“Paperbacks Plus in Mesquite, may I help you?”
“Is this Paperbacks Plus?”
(Is there an echo?)
“Yes, may I help you?
“Do you have the phone number for Half Price?”
(Do you have a short pier you can walk off of?)

“I’m looking for a book”
(been there, done that, have the straight jacket to prove it)
“And the book is?”
“I don’t remember the name of the book, but the author is that lady who wrote that other book that was made into a movie …”
(Oh her, we don’t carry her books, she’s a snob)

“Can we rent the magazines”
(Yes, for a $40 deposit)

“Paperbacks Plus in Mesquite, may I help you?”
“Do you carry that paper for the computer that has the border on it?”
“No, we’re a used bookstore.”
“What’s the plus for?”
“DVD’s, hardbacks, magazines, CD’s”
“Well that’s a stupid name”
(and your mom dresses you funny)

“I’m looking for a book …”
(OMG not you again!!)

Iris Johansen
Janet Evanovich
Linda Lael Miller
Charles Dickens
Judy Picoult
Ernest Hemingway

To Kill A Mockingbird
The Grapes of Wrath
The Old Man and the Sea
Sookie Stackhouse


Brandy said...

You have my utmost admiration for not committing assault on your customers. Good golly!

Bailey Stewart said...

It isn't easy. I kid my co-workers by saying that someday there will be a newspaper headline "Local bookstore clerk pulled from choking customer, yelling 'Author, author, author'"

Destiny Booze, Novelist said...

Hilarious! Oh my gosh! Thank you for sharing that.

Bailey Stewart said...

Thanks for dropping by Destiny!!!

MK Chester said...

Bailey Stewart said...

Awesome works ... lol

Angie Fox said...

That is great. Although you're ruining my fantasy with all this talk of shelving and customers - I always wanted to work in a bookstore so I could read all day.

Bailey Stewart said...

LOL Angie, you and everyone else .. yes, there are days when a little reading is done, but that's the exception not the rule. But the perk? We get to borrow things (one of the advantages of a used bookstore). Thanks for dropping by!

Lis said...

lol I think my favorite after Arthur is: The Little ‘Ol Men See

Bailey Stewart said...

yes Lis, it reminds me of .. Knock, knock .. who's there? Little ol' lady.

Little ol' lady who ......

Shirley Wells said...

I love these! I always pictured you with your feet up reading a good book. Now I know you're trying very, very hard not to commit murder. Keep these stories coming!

Bailey Stewart said...

Hello Shirley!!! Yeah, I just don't have the money to hire a hitman. I'll keep these going as long as the customers keep it up ... and somehow I don't think that will be a problem.

Jeannie Moon said...

LOL. Thanks for the giggle, Bailey. I've worked in a bookstore and I'm a librarian, there's nothing quite like dealing with the public and books in the same place.

Bailey Stewart said...

That's it Jeannie - you either have to laugh or come out swinging.