Friday, May 15, 2009

Baby you can drive my car ....



#1 [insert name of store - which obviously has the word books in it] "May I help you?"

"How much for a simple haircut?"

"This is a bookstore."

"This isn't the Hair Derby?"

No, but if you give us $20, we have scissors and tape

#2 "Where is your Native American Section?"

"It's in the back room, in the corner."

"And you can buy those?"

No, those are the only books that we don't sell

#3 "Do you have any books by Irish Johnson?"

My co-worker looks puzzled.

"Do you mean Iris Johansen?" I ask politely

She gives me a withering look, "No, it's Johnson. Irish Johnson." I decide to sit back and watch this one.

Besides, it's Johansen, Iris Johansen.

"Maybe you mean Susan Johnson?" Yeah, my co-worker is a sucker.

"No, it's Irish, Irish Johnson"

No, it's Iris Johansen!

My co-worker goes to the computer to Fantasticfiction.com (you should really try this site, it's incredible if you are trying to find all the books in a series, etc.) and types in Irish Johnson. Of course, no authors found. That's 'cuz it's Iris Johansen!!

"I'm sorry, I'm not finding her. Could you tell me the name of a book?" She's gonna tell you the name of an Iris Johansen book, bet ya, bet ya, bet ya.

"Dark Summer" Two points.

My co-worker obligingly types in Dark Summer. "Um, it says Iris Johansen"

"Well, that's what I've been saying."

I guess we all need hearing aids.

And the winner is ....... And keep in mind, that these are real ......

#4 "I'm looking for a biography of Einstein."

Absolutely nothing funny about that.

I take her to the Science section first, as we normally put the subject in their field. Not there. On the way to another section - "Do you have a particular one in mind"

"One he wrote himself."

"Oh, you mean his autobiography"

Long pause and deer in the headlights gaze.

"No, I don't think his car in involved."

Clunk

14 comments:

Bebo said...

You're right... nobody could make up people like this!

;p

Rene said...

You know, I used to work in retail and I have to admit, after reading this post, I miss it. People are endlessly amusing.

Melissa Marsh said...

Now that's FUNNY right there!

Susan said...

Just think of the money you could make (and not claim as income)by cutting hair too. *g*

These had me laughing out loud!

Brandy said...

OMGosh! The Einstein one is the funniest. *G* People worry me. A lot.

catslady said...

I was so with you on the Irish Johnson and thinking you couldn't beat that until the car lady spoke roflmao.

whateverfor said...

That's so funny - I had someone today who got frustrated with me that she had a book held at our store and we couldn't find it... turns out she had given us her married name to pick up the book, but her reservation was under the maiden name. And somehow that was my fault.

As to the Irish Johnson thing, I actually had a customer say I was stupid for not having a book by a certain author and it turns out that she had the completely wrong name and since she didn't know the title... no dice.

Bailey Stewart said...

Bebo -well, I could ...

Bailey Stewart said...

Rene - first off - Welcome back!!!! Sorry I haven't been around on other blogs, but .... I'm a lazy sloth.

And yes, they can be both frustrating and amusing. Sometimes I don't know whether to laugh or hit them.

Bailey Stewart said...

Thank you Melissa - we've missed you!

Bailey Stewart said...

Susan, you know I've actually considered it. I have an old electric razor around here I'm not using ......

Bailey Stewart said...

Brandy don't be worried, I get a "stupid" customer for just about every 25 good ones.

Bailey Stewart said...

Jeanne - yeah, the car lady - she will be forever known as the car lady. oh, and I showed another of my coworkers the blog this morning and he had a laugh. Then later he was putting away books and I said "Oh, you're putting away Irish Johnson!"

Bailey Stewart said...

Hey whatever - you know, I've got to call you something else - I had my own problem with Borders this year. I ordered the new Kay Hooper back in January - 8 to 10 days. Two weeks go by and no phone call, so I stopped by and found it on the shelf. Of course I complained and they said that they would be more careful in the future. Should I repeat that this was in January?? So, last week guess what - Borders called to tell me that the Kay Hooper I ordered (IN JANUARY) was in ...