Monday, January 19, 2009

Focus

When I first began taking care of mom, well make that mom and dad, I was reading a lot and writing was great. Then dad died and I had to spend more time with mother. Still, I was reading and maybe not writing as much, but writing. As things progressed with mom, I still read, but the writing began to fall to the wayside. I always thought “when this thing with mom is over, I’ll have all the time in the world to write”. Yeah. Mom passed and everything stopped; reading, writing, creativity, etc. Oh, there were moments of creativity – it wasn’t all gone, but it became a chore, not a love. Suddenly I had all of the time, but nothing was really there. I kind of expected that, I was grieving after all. But as time went on, it didn’t change. At first I thought it was my eyes, and part of it turned out to be – bifocals. Still, didn’t change much. Then the bipolar diagnosis and the medication; some things changed, but the flow of creativity, the focus for reading – still MIA. It reminds me a little of the classic Twilight Zone episode called Time Enough at Last. I’ll stop for a few minutes to let you follow the link and read the synopsis. Ready? Okay, that’s me, I have time enough at last, but my “glasses” are broken, or something is broken and I don’t know exactly what. I do know that I need to start reading – that reading feeds my creativity. I know that I need to start writing – even if it is just this blog, because any form of writing is an improvement right now. I also know that I have to find Bailey Stewart again. That’s what I meant about getting back to MySpace, diving into what made her work. Because Bailey Stewart is my key, my way back to the creativity. Everything is there, waiting. And I’ll find it again.

4 comments:

Brandy said...

I have faith that you'll find your way again.

Susan said...

You will be writing again, there is no doubt in my mind.

catslady said...

Everyone goes through ups and downs - hopefully you'll be on the up side soon!

Sue said...

I think that your new blog look is the beginning of your focus. It'll all come back now that you've made the decision to write.
I just went through a similar situation. It's been a year and a half since my mother died and I still can't believe how fast time has passed and how slow my brain has taken to get back to doing the things I used to love - mainly reading and writing.
Sounds like you're on your way. I know I am too.