Friday, September 30, 2011


So it's groaner Friday instead .. these are a few email funnies that I've been holding onto for just such a day.  What day?  The "I don't have anything else to post" day, that's what.

When asked by a young patrol officer "Do You know you were speeding?" 
This 83-year-old woman gave the young officer an ear to ear smile and stated:
"Yes , but .... I had to get there before I forgot where I was going."
The officer put his ticket book away and bid her good day.
Makes perfectly good sense to me.  

And finally .....

Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed. 

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for 
snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.  The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened
his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Whole Foods Supermarket store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store.  Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested. 
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...
(You're going to hate me for this...) 
'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 at Whole Foods'


Brandy said...

Okay, these made me laugh! Happy Friday!

Bailey Stewart said...

that's the whole idea hon .. a pre-weekend laugh ... Happy Friday to you too!!!!!

Mk Chester said...