Asthma

Too much ozone - too much cottonwood. It's a deadly combination. So, breathless as I am ... here is a Friday funny.

Bebo sent this too me. And yes, I'm afraid, very afraid. I don't know if it's true or not, but it scares the poo out of me. And still, I can't help but laugh.

"In a college classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to be President of the United States. It was pretty simple – the candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age. However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president. The class was taking it in and letting her rant, but everyone's jaw hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating, 'What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?'"

So the next time you wonder about how some people get elected - now you know.


You didn't think I'd let you go without YouTube??

There are days when I feel exactly like this.



Oh, and btw - Bubba got real interested in this "screaming". LOL

The Monday That Should Have Been

If the computer hadn't messed up, this would have been my Memorial Day blog.






I used to think that Memorial Day was for those that died at war, but since I began losing the veterans in my family I've started including them - they served, they came home, they lived their lives and are no longer with us.

My family veterans that have left us:

The Civil War

John William Smutz (the only one that did not come home. Battle of the Wilderness, KIA, May 5-6, 1864)

WWI

John E. O'Connell
Glenn A. Trotter
Frank O'Connell

WWII

(This also includes Glenn Trotter, who served in both "big wars")
Harry E. Mardis
H. James Mardis
Richard Mardis
Mario Carli
Walt Watson
Golda O'Connell Trotter
Thomas O'Connell
Dorothy Rhodes O'Connell
William H. Proudfit


And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

I have been hit by a piece of malicious malware called WinPC. I am doing what I can to rectify the problem, or should I say that Microsoft scan is trying the rectify the problem - except my stupid laptop is doing it's usual freezing during scan thingy and I keep having to start over. I don't know when I will be back. Keep your fingers crossed that I do not have to strip the laptop and start over!!!

A little dollop of Spam

Forget about me. (What was your name again?)

Feeling ill? We may make you feel healthy very easily. (You leaving?)

Let’s cancel, I saw whether forecast. (Whether we'll have weather or not?)

Did he really call it a ‘Nymphomercial”? (He did, I heard him with my own little ears)

New horizons of Saxual intercourse with lubrication. (I don't even want to know what you're doing with a Sax and lubrication)

That’s what I told you. (I heard you, I just said I don't want to hear more)

Lift your lover couch experience. (I can't even lift my hide-a-bed)

Are you happy? (And you know it clap your hands *clap, clap*)

Yeah, yeah, yeah

So it's Wednesday, and as usual I have nothing to blog about. Well, I could tell you about the luncheon on Saturday, but then I'd have to hurt myself - so we don't want to go there.

I'm always promising myself that I'm going to set up the week's worth of blogs on Sunday - but then I don't, so I'm struggling the night before trying to think of things to say - and I have nothing. Well, not exactly nothing since I seem to have typed quite a few sentences for nothing.

Now, what do I do when I have nothing to blog about? Yeah, you got it - YOUTUBE!!!

I want this kiten, and I want it now









This is what the owner of this cat says:
This is not a trick that was taught to Nora. She began sitting at the piano at about one-year-old. She's four now. She plays only when the mood strikes her, which is usually several time a times a day for short periods.










I hope y'all have a great Wednesday - hey, the weekend is almost here!!

Can my face hurt any worse?

So, I have the sinus headache from hell. I'm just going to post my notes from the Yellow Rose luncheon on Saturday and tell you more about it on Wednesday.


What's she doing?

Sitting at a workshop, so be quiet.


I'm always quiet.

Shhhh

What's it about?

Writing.

She's listening to someone talk about writing?

yes

Shouldn't they be writing?

Huh?

Writing about writing.

Then they would be reading.

Oh

I thought you were going to be quiet?

I am quiet.

Yeah, and Queen Elizabeth loves to do the Rumba.

She does?

No moron.

Well why did you say she did?

It was an example.

An example of lying?

Are you going to be quiet?

I'm being quiet.

Shhhhh

*mumbles* Liar

Baby you can drive my car ....

#1 [insert name of store - which obviously has the word books in it] "May I help you?"

"How much for a simple haircut?"

"This is a bookstore."

"This isn't the Hair Derby?"

No, but if you give us $20, we have scissors and tape

#2 "Where is your Native American Section?"

"It's in the back room, in the corner."

"And you can buy those?"

No, those are the only books that we don't sell

#3 "Do you have any books by Irish Johnson?"

My co-worker looks puzzled.

"Do you mean Iris Johansen?" I ask politely

She gives me a withering look, "No, it's Johnson. Irish Johnson." I decide to sit back and watch this one.

Besides, it's Johansen, Iris Johansen.

"Maybe you mean Susan Johnson?" Yeah, my co-worker is a sucker.

"No, it's Irish, Irish Johnson"

No, it's Iris Johansen!

My co-worker goes to the computer to Fantasticfiction.com (you should really try this site, it's incredible if you are trying to find all the books in a series, etc.) and types in Irish Johnson. Of course, no authors found. That's 'cuz it's Iris Johansen!!

"I'm sorry, I'm not finding her. Could you tell me the name of a book?" She's gonna tell you the name of an Iris Johansen book, bet ya, bet ya, bet ya.

"Dark Summer" Two points.

My co-worker obligingly types in Dark Summer. "Um, it says Iris Johansen"

"Well, that's what I've been saying."

I guess we all need hearing aids.

And the winner is ....... And keep in mind, that these are real ......

#4 "I'm looking for a biography of Einstein."

Absolutely nothing funny about that.

I take her to the Science section first, as we normally put the subject in their field. Not there. On the way to another section - "Do you have a particular one in mind"

"One he wrote himself."

"Oh, you mean his autobiography"

Long pause and deer in the headlights gaze.

"No, I don't think his car in involved."

Clunk

How difficult can it be?????

I pull into the Sonic on the way home from work (this is my mad money Bebo, I turned my state quarters into cash) and made my usual order - bacon cheeseburger, pickles and mayo only, and a large fry.

Hesitation: bacon cheeseburger, pickles and mayo only?
Um, yes.

Pull up to window:
Did you want cheese and bacon on that?

Are we surrounded by idiots? No, really. This is the 4th time this has happened, third time at this Sonic. The first time it happened was in a Brahms years ago. I walked in, ordered a bacon cheeseburger, pickle and mayo only. The young man behind the counter stared at me.

And do you want cheese and bacon with that?

I wanted to grab him by his collar, pull him until we were face to face and say:
No, I only want a hamburger with pickles and mayonaisse. But I want you to charge me for a bacon cheeseburger.

Like I said on another blog about the woman who walked clear through our store and then walked up to the counter and asked if we sold books? Get a grip!!!!!

You know, not knowing who the 33rd president of the United States was is one thing; not being able to follow simple instructions or recognize the obvious is beyond complete idiocy. Those student essays of mine aren't as scary as this is.

So that's all I have for a Wednesday. My latest frustration.

What frustrates you?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Computer problems last night, computer problems this morning, so this is all you get. Happy Monday!!!!!



see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Accccck, it cut off the end .... well, I think you can figure out what it says.


moar funny pictures

And one I made ....


moar funny pictures

Once More with Feeling ....

BBBBBBBuuuuddd

What?

BBBBBBuuuuuudddddd

What Ernie?

BBBBBuuuuuddddddd!!!!

Would you shut up!

You don’t have to be mean about it. All I was doing was calling your name.

I was having a wonderful evening until I was interrupted.

By who?

You.

A flock of sheep interrupted you?

No, you – y o u.

It’s okay Bud, you don’t have to spell in front of me.

Maybe I should spell behind you.

B e h i n d

Stop that!

What were you doing Bud?

Sun worshipping with Cindy Crawford.

Wow, sounds like you were having more fun than I was.

What were you doing?

Visiting Paris Hilton’s head.

Why?

I wanted to be alone.

That would do it.

I think I have the swine flu.

Good grief, what makes you think that?

I’ve been oinking.

That’s not swine flu.

It isn’t?

No, it isn’t.

Then why do I keep rolling around in the mud?

I’ve been asking myself that for a long time.

Well?

Well what?

Did you ever answer yourself?

There is no answer, it just …. is.

Some things are like that.

Some things are better off left alone.

Yeah, like worm pudding.

Definitely worm pudding.

Especially when it’s a day old.

Where did you get worm pudding?

I made it.

Why?

‘Cuz I had to do something with all of those worms I found in the mud.

Of course you did, why do I even ask.

‘Cuz you’re looking for intelligent answers?

Obviously I’ve been asking the wrong person, or should I say voice.

You get what you pay for.

Like I said ….

Once More

Okay, there's a tie between customers and Bud/Ernie, spam is out. And no, I'm not going to do both of them ..... you have until 9:00pm cst tonight. Thank you.

Gotta get ready for work. But in the meantime:



moar funny pictures


moar funny pictures


moar funny pictures

If it's Wednesday this must be May

Well, here it is Wednesday again. Aren't we thrilled. And folks, I have an announcement to make - yes, we will get into the 90s this week. I am sooooo happy I could puke. We all know how Bailey feels about heat. Say it all together "Bailey hates heat!!!". There, I feel better now that everyone is in agreement.

Once again, I'm scrambling for things to blog about. The last time we talked about words we get mixed up - and you had some good ones. Another that I want to throw in is effect/affect. I don't think I will ever understand those two words. Don't even try to explain it to me, I'll just rely on the grammar check, thank you so much. I have, on the other hand, finally conquered the me/I ordeal. I finally learned the "formula". Okay, it all depends on how the sentence would be without the other person involved. Wiped that confused look off of your face. For example:

"Bebo and I will go to the store." Now, I know it's "I" because if you take Bebo out of the equation, the sentence "Me will go to the store" makes absolutely no sense. But "I will go to the store", does. Me? "The truck bore down on Jeanne and me." You see, the sentence "The truck bore down on I" is obviously wrong. That's how I learned it - take the other person out of the sentence and see if it makes sense. Of course, this has led to big pauses in my conversations.

And that's your Wednesday blog of the week. Next Wednesday we will dissect the old question "Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?"

Now lets discuss Friday. I think we'll have it this week, in case you were wondering. But what will we have? I've decided to let you decide, but you must answer by 9:00 pm cst Thursday night. Here are your choices:

Bud and Ernie
Spam
Things my customers say/do

Have a great hump day.

It's About Time

Yeah, about time I got back here. I do not in any way wish that virus on anybody, well, maybe one person......

What a lovely couple of days we're having. Yesterday (Sunday) it didn't get out of the 60s, and today it'll be a little bit higher, but still - with a week that's looking at a couple of 90 degree days, I'm loving this. Of course, it did mean terrible storms Saturday, so bad that I'm sure you've heard about the Dallas Cowboys practice dome collapsing. Couple of serious injuries there. There were several members of the media in the dome, so some excellent video exists. This was the rookie camp, and what I liked (for lack of a better word) was the many players in uniform working to free others. The thunder from this storm sent the cats scurrying a bit - and these cats don't really react to thunder. It left a trail of damage in it's path - but so far only one possible tornado, down near where Bebo was for the weekend.

Let's see, what else has been going on? Um, hmmmm, I did miss my on-line workshop - the week I was sick, and then the second week where trying to play catch-up was impossible. I have all of the lesson plans and I will be doing them.

That leads me to another question ... is in on-line or online? No, I'm serious - I've seen it both ways and was just wondering.

There are a lot of words like that, words that confuse me - for instance, effect and affect. Don't try to tell me, many have tried and failed. So, what word/words give you a problem?

Have a happy Monday - and I'll see you Wednesday!

Happy Birthday my big boy!

Aidan is 8 years old today!

One Flu over the .....

Actually, it's a virus. And it's nasty.

Okay, I'm one tired diva

Yes, it's after midnight! Sheesh. Long story, but here's the blog post. Not much, 'cuz you know I'm typing with my eyes closed. Anway, just a couple of things.

Has everyone seen the youtube stuff about Susan Boyles, surely the next winner of Britains Got Talent? No? She really great. I couldn't embed the video here because it's been disabled. *rolling eyes* But here is the URL link.

Amazing, wasn't it?

Well, how about this one? She actually did a CD a few years back, and this is a song from it. I'd buy it.




So pay attention, this lady is going places.

I'll Take the One in the Yellow ....

*insert name of bookstore* "in Mesquite, may I help you?"

"Oh I hope so, I'm looking for a book ..." long silence (Again, calling a bookstore is a great way to start)

"Which book are you looking for?"

"Oh, yeah, I don't know the name" (oh no, not again) "but I have the ISBN number, does that help?" (About as much as Charlie Sheen at a panty raid).

"No, I'm sorry, our books are categorized by genre and then by author"

"So the ISBN number won't help you?" (Would a squirt bottle have helped Joan of Arc?)

"You don't know the title?"

"Um, I know it's yellow ...." (There's a reason inbreeding is frowned upon.)


Overheard between two customers:

"You can buy these books?" (No, we give them away, but you can't have any.)


and the award goes to ....

"Do you know who wrote Marilyn Monroes autobiography?" (I'm guessing Groucho Marx)

Just Another Dismal Tuesday

Tuesday evening, April 14

I’ve had a lousy day, oh not cataclysmic, but lousy nonetheless. Work was really busy – busier than it usually is during the week. We had a slow morning, and then everybody and their dog came in after lunch. None of them had less than 2 bags, the average being 3 each. Our take-in shelves filled up and we even had a drop-off that we were not able to get to. Just to give you a bit of an average weekday – we usually have the take-in shelves cleared before we leave. Today we couldn’t even touch them. Oh well, that does give me something to do tomorrow morning.

Then there was the moment before I left work that I found last Wednesday’s deposit still in my purse. That wasn’t a great feeling.

I finally pulled myself through the front door at about 5:45; didn’t get on-line until after 8. Not that I wasn’t trying. I’d started trying to get on-line at about 6. The computer kept freezing and yes, 2 hours later I’m finally here doing my blog entry. So if I’m a little short, and not that funny … you’ll know why. Bailey is not a happy camper.

But alas, there isn’t much I can do about it – I definitely can’t afford a new laptop, and the CPU? Forgetaboutit. It’s slower than FEMA. Okay, now that was a little cute, right?

Okay, since obviously I’m a stick in the mud this evening, I’m going to give you a couple of LOlcats to make you smile. Please, please have a great Wednesday, and send the karma this way.


moar funny pictures


moar funny pictures


moar funny pictures


moar funny pictures

To Censor or not to Censor

Ohh, my hackles are up! There is nothing I despise more than censorship. And to think that such an establishment as Amazon would participate in this heinous occupation is difficult to swallow. It doesn’t matter to me whether I agree with what is in the books, it doesn’t matter to me whether they would be books that I myself would read – what matters to me is the fact that Amazon has decided that I shouldn’t read them.

There are books in the bookstore where I work that I hate – books the attack people because of their religious or political beliefs. I don’t like hatred. But I still put those books out because I don’t believe that I have the right to decide who should read what. That’s why I don’t believe that Amazon is right in doing this. It’s strange that they are censoring books because they have gay or lesbian themes, but they’ll sell books about Playboy centerfolds, books that have explicit heterosexual scenes, books that portray hatred, drug use, books that teach intolerance of others, etc. But books that have no sexual themes in them, but rather discuss homosexuality, are not allowed. That’s wrong. Books like Evelyn Waugh's Brideshead Revisited, or the short story that was the basis for Brokeback Mountain, would not be allowed on Amazon's search. How can you buy a book on Amazon if you can't search for it. The German's practiced censorship - my father fought them so that we wouldn't .... think about it.

We are not afraid to entrust the American people with unpleasant facts, foreign ideas, alien philosophies, and competitive values. For a nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people. ~John F. Kennedy

I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. ~Voltaire

The only valid censorship of ideas is the right of people not to listen. ~Tommy Smothers

If you agree with this, then please follow this link and sign the petition.

You can also write here:

CEO of Amazon:
Jeffrey Bezos.
1200 12th Avenue South,
Seattle, Washington 98144-2734,
United States
Phone: 206-266-1000
Fax: 206-622-2405

Contact info for Amazon for calls, emails, faxes letters


Thank you for listening to me.

When God Made Cats

When God made the world, He chose to put animals in it, and decided to give each whatever it wanted. All the animals formed a long line before His throne, and the cat quietly went to the end of the line.

To the elephant and the bear He gave strength, to the rabbit and the deer, swiftness; to the owl, the ability to see at night, to the birds and the butterflies, great beauty; to the fox, cunning; to the monkey, intelligence; to the dog, loyalty; to the lion, courage; to the otter, playfulness. And all these were things the animals begged of God.

At last he came to the end of the line, and there sat the little cat, waiting patiently.

"What will YOU have?" God asked the cat.

The cat shrugged modestly. "Oh, whatever scraps you have left over. I don't mind."

"But I'm God. I have everything left over."

"Then I'll have a little of everything, please."

And God gave a great shout of laughter at the cleverness of this small animal, and gave the cat everything she asked for, adding grace and elegance and, only for her, a gentle purr that would always attract humans and assure her a warm and comfortable home.

The end!

p. s. cats rule!