Friday, August 10, 2007

Spamalot

Since I am having asthma problems this week, I decided to pull out the very first spamarama - April 20, 2006. If you've read it before I hope you enjoy it again. If you haven't - here's how it all started.

I’ve been doing something strange lately (stop that, get back here). I’ve been collecting spam subjects. Yes, spam. I just started looking at some of the subject lines and began laughing. You know how my mind works (don’t go there). Here they are, with comments by me in bold (of course).

Your neighbors have lost their alarm clock (And I’ll give it back when they get rid of those drums)
Pamela Anderson is in the neighborhood (Maybe she took the alarm clock)
I’ve got a job (I’ll be sure to tell Pam)
The speak he beseech (The silence I beg)
So have it sanitary behemoth (Not only that, but get it cleaned really good)
We need to talk (No we don’t)
Do you want women to run to you like the night butterflies fly to the light? (Uh, noooo)
Hello! (Hi yourself)
Get a $500 Home Makeover with participation! (I don’t want to participate – I want you to do it like Extreme Makeover and send me away while you work)
Did you know that statistics say that sex makes you look 12 years younger? (No, but how many 3 year old hookers do you see?)
With your Cialis soft tabs super effect she’ll be going like ooh-la-la (Like, they make you French?)
The clock is ticking for your skin (Not if it’s the neighbor’s clock)
Nice Rolex (Thanks. Got it from some guy in an alley)
Imagine what would happen if the king weren't able to father (Don't want to, I'm still caught up in that butterflies to the light thing)
Gotta second for me? (Nope. Beat it, scram, adios)
What do you think about it? (I don't know. What do you think about it?)
I found it! (Gee, I'll tell the neighbors)
Happy or Not (Yes, generally)
Need some help? (No, but Pam Anderson might)
Don't open! Don't do it! hehe (Don't worry, I won't!)
Whatcha up to? (Oh about 5'3")
Don't be alone once again (Naturally)
Sat untold (I do this all of the time)
Gotta sec? (Not really. I'm busy answering spam)
Citation sanctioned from Captain Brent Edwards (Pardoned by Captain America)
We watched as the kids skated in (And then our lovely daughter Mathilda fell and knocked everyone on their butts)
With Virility Patch your pe*** will be able to reach from New York to Los Angeles (I have to ask - why? Do you really want this?)
Necessary updates about your estate (I have an estate?)
Citation sanctioned from Deputy Grant Smith (Overruled by Deputy Dawgg)
From Oliver John, I Need Your Support (Mine? Try Bali)

36 comments:

Meretta said...

AH HA HA!!! Love it! Thanks for sharing, Eve.

(Un)Fortunately, I don't get any spam. Really. Don't know why, but I don't. But from what I understand, this is not a bad thing. Thanks again.

And (un)fortunately, Pamela Anderson is Canadian. That's an un for us Canucks and a fortunately for you Yanks. Hmmm. Am I allowed to say "Yanks"? Or is it politically incorrect. I apologize if it is. At any rate, it's late. And I'm rambling. Sorry 'bout that.

Funny post. :)

Brandy said...

I really like these. I usually just delete them, but you're on to something!

Lis said...

lol love it :o)

Shirley said...

Eve, that is so funny. I'm laughing out loud like a complete idiot. :o)

Joely Sue Burkhart said...

Wow, you get some great ones!!! I'll have to keep my eye out for some unusual ones. Good idea! Hope the temps have cooled down in your area.

Peggy said...

There are truly some weird ones out there, isn't there. Mine all seem to include sex though. Hmm? Think they know something I don't?

Bailey Stewart said...

Meretta - Yanks in that context is fine as it's the reference to U.S. soldiers during the World War. Its the other Yanks that might get you in trouble here in the South. *g*

Oh Brandy - you must read them sometime. There were a few that I really wanted to use but, since I do try to keep this blog PG-13 (I know, there was the word A-hole in yesterday's excerpt), I haven't been able to figure out a way to do it.

Joely - It's only 65 right now. Raining. Perfectly lovely (it's a light rain - not like the thunderstorm that came through at 2:00 this morning).

Peggy - I know they know things I don't ;-)

Lis and Shirley - that's my job in life: keep 'em laughing. :)

Dennie McDonald said...

the ones where you can tell english is not even their 3rd or 4th language crack me up!

Toni Anderson said...

LOL--well mine are all about acne? WHY???

Excellent stuff.

Meretta I have the word Yank in my mss. From my Scot's POV the American will always be a Yank (even if he were from Georgia).

And poor Pammy!! I am sure that woman has someting inside her head. If she could just deflate the boobs!!! Maybe not ;-) At least you have David Duchovny :)

Tori Lennox said...

Those are a hoot! I may have to borrow the theme for my blog post today. *g*

Bailey Stewart said...

Dennie - yeah they get to me too. I had a great one in German, but couldn't remember where I had put it.

Toni - she did deflate them - or at least she had the implants removed. And we really thank you for the gift. :P

Tori - you go ahead sugar - I'm already gearing up for round 2.

Susan said...

Very clever and funny!

I'll have to start looking closer at mine before just deleting them. Most of mine seem to be for remortgaing or making a certian body part, that I don't have, bigger. LOL

Bailey Stewart said...

Susan - I get those too. I mean, what man would want to use "it" for a pool cue. Come on! I started to read my bulk files when I discovered that my bravenet message alerts were going into that file instead of my inbox. (for those of you without blogs, they email us and tell us when someone has posted)

Sandy J said...

Love these, Eve! Especially the virility patch one!

Bailey Stewart said...

Yes, I'm kind of partial to that one too. The mind boggles.

Melissa Marsh said...

Ah yes. The joy of spam. People with this much time on their hands really need to get a job.

Bailey Stewart said...

Who? Them or me? LOL

Sadly, this is their job.

Amie Stuart said...

OMG that's PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!

My fave of course is

Do you want women to run to you like the night butterflies fly to the light?

ASS-I-NINE!

ruby55 said...

Great laughs. Wish I could come up with snappy comments. (The odd time I can but usually not often. I think the talent has to be cultivated.) What a great subject! Want me to send you some of the weirder ones I've had lately? Some are real dillies.

These things really seem to go in cycles. Right now I'm getting a lot for buying stocks. Hah--good luck getting me to do that. Then some are really weird with what seems like quotes from literary works all jumbled up. If you confine yourself to just the subject part you can hit some really good ones. I balk, however, at ones who proclaim that they can make a slave of any female. Those are really the most disgusting ones.

I'll really try to find some interesting ones.

Meretta, if we call ourselves Canucks, I think it's OK to call them Yanks.

None of the ones I've ever looked at are about acne. Must have a look. I've got 2 e-mail addresses where I do get a lot of spam. Another I don't actually get any e-mail at all since the IPS has caught on that I never did send all those messages that people are returning to my address. Actually, when I opened that account, i.e., finally got the computer up, I had more than 50 spam e-mails and I didn't even know until that day what my e-mail address there was. I asked the ISP how that was possible. The answer did *not* satisfy me.

I'll ask the question too, Melissa. Did you mean Eve or the people that write the spam? After all, as far as I've heard, the people who actually send the e-mail *are* getting paid and they sound as if English is their 3rd or 4th language because they often know nothing about it except for what they manage to glean from the junk they send. Have you ever looked at the extensions on the e-mail addresses? Of course, that could all be a ploy too. I really don't understand why someone would pay people to send spam. It really makes no sense whatever to me.

Bailey Stewart said...

Actually Cece there are a few there that you would really love, just can't blog them.

Ruby - I think Melissa was referring to the spammers.

Kelly Parra said...

lol, Eve!! Good ones!! Now I know what to do with all my spam in order to give myself a good chuckle. Thanks! =D

Bailey Stewart said...

They have to be good for something. ;-)

Amie Stuart said...

Who says you can't blog them?

Bailey Stewart said...

Who says you can't blog them? How come I knew you would say that, my dear, sweet, wonderful Cece? *g*

Amie Stuart said...

Because everyone knows what a perv I am?

Bailey Stewart said...

*snort*

Brandy said...

You started with a Bang and keep on going! Funny as ever!

Hope your asthma problems go away soon!

glenice said...

It's good to see you have been released :) I was not sure those bad kitties were going to let you out of that closet :)

I saw you Pics too! You look like you had a GREAT time!!! I am so glad to hear it :)

And a year and four months later...they are still hilarious!!!!!

Cryna said...

Those are good, I never saw them the first time round, but they are hilarious.

Sorry your asthma is giving you problems, hope you recover quickly.

Shesawriter said...

The question is WHY do they have those stupid subjects on them. Why not have a normal subject?

Tanya

Diane said...

Hope you're feeling better again real soon.

Susan said...

I hate hearing that your asthma is acting up. Hopefully you will be feeling better very soon! Sending big hugs your way.

I remember some of these! You are the Queen of spam.

Melissa said...

LMAO. So this is how it all began! Thanks for the peek back!

Dennie McDonald said...

Hugs on the asthma hon! hope you're feeling better :-)

Marty said...

Citation sanctioned from Captain Brent Edwards (Pardoned by Captain America)

On the FLOOR!

Cat Marsters & Kate Johnson said...

Brilliant, love these!