Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Hump Day Hilarity

A few jokes from Susan

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.
He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?"
She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it."
"Why?" he asked.
She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"
"Let me see" he said.
"Okay" and she pulled up her skirt.
He looked and said, "That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken."
He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!" She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her.
She said "Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the NECK and GIZZARDS!!!

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day Gladys and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.
So Gladys called him a shithead. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we don't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

A priest and a pastor from the local churches were standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground, that read:
The End is Near!
Turn Yourself Around Now...
Before It's Too Late!
As a car sped past them, the driver yelled, "Leave us alone, you Religious Nuts!" From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.
The priest turned to the pastor and asked, "Do you think the sign should just say "Bridge Out"?"


Brandy said...

Good ones! I especially thought the last one and the 2nd one were hilarious!
Hope you are doing okay this week!

Dru said...

These jokes are a nice way to start the day especially the last one. Have a good Wednesday.

Michele said...

LOL~ That last one was a hoot.
I can just imagine the freefall and the girly scream as they hit the water....teeheeh

These were cute... and the one with the old ladies? Reminds me of waht Maxine would do. She's such a sarcastic saucy character.

Thanks for the smiles!

bebo said...

ROTFLOL!!!! I had to copy & forward to a couple of friends (along w/ a link to the blog of course!)

Hope you're having a good day...

Susan said...

They are some of my favorites.

Hope it has cooled down at least a little. Have a great week!

Shesawriter said...

"Personally, we don't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age."

Now THAT was funny. It wasn't even their car. ROFLMAO!

Siobhan said...

Hahahahah! I laughed out loud. Very funny!