They Put That Where .... ?

Stuffed. And I don’t mean with stuffing either. I’m.going.to.pop. And that won’t be pleasant so everybody ruuuuunnnnn!!!

I had a really great time at Bebo’s – good food, good times, good company. I hope everyone had as good of a Thanksgiving as I did.

So, where’s spam? That’s what I keep asking … where is it? My spam box is filled with boring credit report, *v*i*a*g*r*a messages and bank updating information. Seems the phishers are having more fun than I am. What ever happened to “you can chop a log with your dick”? Or “your neighbors have lost their alarm clock”? Where have the days of penis enlargement and grammatically challenging sentences gone? The economy is sucking the life out of the only real source of amusement I get now days. It’s not fair I tell you, not fair at all!

And what is with this weather??? It snowed in Australia this week. One week before summer. Here it’s November 27 and we’ve barely had cool weather. I think the spammers are responsible. At least that’s my theory and I’m sticking to it.



This is boring …

Shhh, give her a moment; she’ll get into the swing.

About as well as an elephant on a vine.

What?

You heard me.

That’s what I was afraid of.

That you heard me?

No, that I understood what you were saying.

Did you just insult me?

Who? Me? I wouldn’t do that.

That’s what I thought.

At least, not that you would notice.

I think I resemble that remark.

You don’t resemble anything.

Yes I do!

No you don’t! I’ve told you, you’re not real.

I’m not?

No, you’re a figment of her imagination.

That’s scary.

Tell me about it – you would hope she had a better imagination than that.

You did it again.

What?

Insulted me.

No, that was a figment of your imagination.

It was?

Yeah, you’re always imagining that I’m insulting you.

Bud?

What?

Will you tell me when you’re really insulting me?

Of course Ern, that’s what friends are for.

I thought they were to carry you home from the bar.

That too.

Goodnight Bud.

Goodnight Ern.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving


The year has turned its circle,
The seasons come and go.
The harvest all is gathered in
And chilly north winds blow.
Orchards have shared their treasures,
The fields, their yellow grain,
So open wide the doorway~
Thanksgiving comes again!


Author Unknown

>

If you are traveling this Thanksgiving, please be careful. Enjoy your day with your family, I know I will. Peace, Grace and Love to all of you.

Happy Thanksgiving

It's About Time

I don't understand why it took them this long to figure this out. I mean, yeah Clooney can do it for me, but twice? Damon? Uh uh (sorry Jill). Pitt's a looker. Bt I ask you, what ... what was so hard about picking this guy? I read a list of the best looking men in hollywood and he wasn't even on it? Are they insane? Have they all lost their marbles? Finally, yes finally, People Magazine told the entire world what I've known all along.

HUGH JACKMAN IS THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE

I say again, it's about time ...

Happy Birthday Bebo

How do you tell a friend “thank you”? How do you let them know that their presence in your life means more than they can ever know? And when their birthday comes around, what can you give them when you have nothing to really give? I’ll tell you how …


Happy Birthday Beverly. I celebrate the day you were brought into this world. You are my rock, the support of much of who I am. Nothing anyone achieves in their lives is done in a vacuum, just as nothing that I myself achieve is done without the many things you bring to me. You nurture my soul, you ground me, and you bring me out of the darkness in which I often immerse myself. For that alone I call you friend. But you do more than that. You make me face realities when they are often too hard for me to endure. You make me laugh. You make me cry. I’m happy to call you my friend, but I’m even more proud to be able to call you sister.

I love you …..

When I first heard this song, I thought it could only refer to romantic love. But then I listened more closely and realized that it can also mean the kind of love that we share.

Happy Birthday ...



Oh, and Happy Birthday to you too JJ!!

Things have a habit of doing that ...

There are days when I feel exactly like that little kitten above. The world is going by while I'm sleeping. Or at least the years. I was driving home from work the other day when I decided to take a different route, one that I don't use that often. It takes me down a really messed up street named Town East Blvd. The Town East is because the mall is there. It's been under construction forever. In fact, when it started, Nixon was in office. Okay, I exaggerate, but it's been a while, with no real end in site. When it's done, it will actually be the best connection between Bebo and me. But I digress. Nixon does have something to do with this though. I'm sitting at this light, cars lined up beside me, strip shops on one side, the mall on the other and I remembered. Yep, my mind did the ol' "I remember when" game. When I was a child we'd go to the lake and pass by this area - it was nothing but farm land then. In fact, one of my favorite restaurants, The Saltgrass Steakhouse, sits where the old farm house once stood. Or at least near it - I don't remember exactly what the historical marker there says. But now it's a hub of retail activity. Things change - so much has changed. Don't know what this post is about, just a rambling thought.

Another rambling thought:

When I go to work, or to Bebo's apartment, I drive down this street and pass this little church that sits a little away from the road. It's not a big building, but it houses a lot of memories. Two of my father's brothers and one of his sisters went to this church. A couple of cousins still do. But that's not the important part. You see, I smile and say "hi dad" every time I pass it. Why? My dad help build that church. It's a visible sign (other than his children and grandchildren) that he was once here.

Nothing really important, just a couple of rambling thoughts and a cute kitten. What else do you want on a Wednesday?

Some Words of Wisdom

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?"
Answers called out ranged from 8oz. To 20oz.
The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.. So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work/life down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy!"

And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:
1 Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue
2 Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
3 Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
4 Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.
5 If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
6 If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it..
7 It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
8 Never buy a car you can't push.
9 Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
10 Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
11 Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
12 The second mouse gets the cheese.
13 When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
14 Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
15 You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
16 Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
17 We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
18 A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Happy Birthday Mommie

I miss you every day, but even more so today - your birthday. I love you.

November 15, 1928 - October 14, 2006

Spamless, nothing more than, Spamless ...

Yepper, no spam today. Sorry. I looked through my spam folders and nothing, and I mean nothing, struck my fancy. And believe me, it's been so long since my fancy has been struck that I would have noticed. So I dug through some really old (okay, 2005/06) blog posts and found a couple of those silly college essay posts. Here you are, a sort of rerun since I took a couple of posts, picked the best and put them together. Have a great weekend!!

This is from Non Campus Mentis compiled by Professor Anders Henricksson, Workman Publishing, 2001. These are snippets from Essays by College students. Any misspellings are the fault of the students, not me or spell check.

Balboa was first to lay down his eyes on the Rocky Mountains. (I've lost more eyes that way.) Dick Cavett was the first European to visit Newfoundland. Cabot discovered the Netherlands and codfish. Captain Cook found many continents while deliberately on exhibition and located the perfect navel spot near Africa’s bottom.

Francis Drake was permitted by Queen Elizabeth to sail the seas and find illegal things to do with the Spanish. (Oooh, Antonio Banderas?)

This was the beginning of Empire when Europeans felt the need to reach out and smack someone. (So that’s when it began.)

Charles V spent most of his reign aging. (I hate when they do that.)

Henry VIII divorced his original wife, who had become old and impregnable. Elizabeth I was eventually the daughter of Henry the Ate. Mother to Elizabeth was Ann Beau Lynne, wife of the moment to Henry VIII. (Got that?)

Escaped peseants could be free if they went to a city and hid there for a hundred years and a day. (Really, you think that would work?)

Witch hunts erupted in countries such as Germany, England, Scotland and Salem. (Didn’t Massachusetts invade Salem?) The victim profile was older post-marsupial women unable to bare children. (Which is why they keep them in those little pouches.) Those arrested were torchured until they told a story. The worst of this could be the rack or burning with hot pokers. Some unfortunate women were made to endure the public duckling stool.

Philip II later annoyed the Dutch by speaking to them in Spanish, a language he did not understand. (Those Dutch are soo easily annoyed.)

If the Spanish could gain the Netherlands they would have a stronghold throughout northern Europe which would include their posetions in Italy, Burgangy, central Europe, and India thus serrounding France. (Does Salem know about this?)

The German Emperor’s lower passage was blocked by the French.

There was Upper Egypt and Lower Egypt. Lower Egypt was actually farther up than Upper Egypt, which was, of course, lower down than the upper part. (obviously a future Government tax form writer.)

Babylon was similar to Egypt because of the differences they had apart from each other. Egypt, for example, had only Egyptians, but Babylon had Summarians, Acadians, and Canadians, to name just a few. (Ah, so this is what they meant by Upper Egypt)


The history of the Jewish people begins with Abraham, Issac, and their twelve children. Judyism was the first monolithic religion. It had one big God named “Yahoo.” (Does Google know this?) Old Testament profits include Moses, Amy, and Confucius, who believed in Fidel Piety. One of the only reasons Confucius was born was because of a Chinese tradition. (Hmmm, I think they have that particular tradition in other cultures.)


Plato invented reality. He was teacher to Harris Tottle, author of The Republicans. Lust was a must for the Epicureans. Others were the Vegetarians and the Synthetics, who said, “If you can’t play with it, why bother?” (Sounds like a good philosophy to me.)

Roman upperclassmen demanded to be known as Patricia. Senators wore purple tubas as a sign of respect. Around the 120s B.C. the Gretzky brothers failed to stop these and other injustices. (Wayne Gretzky really tried, honest.)


Augustus (a.k.a. Octogenarian) founded the Roman Catholic Empire and punished those involved in sibilancy and adultry. … Augustus did have to leave the Empire due to his death. (Ah heck ,they always use that excuse)


Christianity finally became official after the Emperor Constantine’s famous Decree of Consternation. Constantine became a Christian himself after being persued by a neon cross on the battlefield. The entire city of Constantinople rose up with a tremendous ejaculation every time the emperor came.

It's Only Wednesday ...

You know, a blank page looks awfully lonely when you’re sitting here staring at it hoping that magical words would appear on the screen. But guess what? No matter how long you stare, nothing happens. Soooo, you have to put your fingers on the keyboard and just start typing, you know? And even then, magic doesn’t always flow from the fingertips to the screen. You gotta think. What if I’m too tired to think?

Waiting for the next cold front to appear. It’s supposed to hit this weekend. I say cold front ‘cuz that’s what they call it. I call it a cool front. Not supposed to get out of the 60s. But hey, it beats the 80s.

Bought Jill’s latest book “To All a Good Night”, and Loreth’s latest one “Manhunter”. Now I just have to read them. LOL I don’t know why I’m still in this reading funk. Or should I say “not reading” funk. There has never been a time in my life when I wasn’t reading, but since mom died I haven’t really been able to sit down and read a book. Go figure. I suddenly have time to read at my leisure, but my leisure doesn’t want to cooperate.

Hmmmm, what other inane dribble can I send your way? Um, not a dang thing, darnit!!

Okay, so I’ve said what I’m supposed to be reading. What about you? What’s on the TBR pile right now?

Oh, and no, I didn’t make this one – but I thought it was really funny.

Veterans Day

World War I – known at the time as “The Great War” - officially ended when the Treaty of Versailles was signed on June 28, 1919, in the Palace of Versailles outside the town of Versailles, France. However, fighting ceased seven months earlier when an armistice, or temporary cessation of hostilities, between the Allied nations and Germany went into effect on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month. For that reason, November 11, 1918, is generally regarded as the end of “the war to end all wars.”

In November 1919, President [Woodrow] Wilson proclaimed November 11 as the first commemoration of Armistice Day with the following words: "To us in America, the reflections of Armistice Day will be filled with solemn pride in the heroism of those
who died in the country’s service and with gratitude for the victory, both because of the thing from which it has freed us and because of the opportunity it has given America to show her sympathy with peace and justice in the councils of the nations…"

The original concept for the celebration was for a day observed with parades and public meetings and a brief suspension of business beginning at 11 a.m.
The United States Congress officially recognized the end of World War I when it passed a concurrent resolution on June 4, 1926, with these words:

Whereas the 11th of November 1918, marked the cessation of the most destructive, sanguinary, and far reaching war in human annals and the resumption by the people of the United States of peaceful relations with other nations, which we hope may never again be severed, and

Whereas it is fitting that the recurring anniversary of this date should be commemorated with thanksgiving and prayer and exercises designed to perpetuate peace through good will and mutual understanding between nations; and

Whereas the legislatures of twenty-seven of our States have already declared November 11 to be a legal holiday: Therefore be it Resolved by the Senate (the House of Representatives concurring), that the President of the United States is requested to issue a proclamation calling upon the officials to display the flag of the United States on all Government buildings on November 11 and inviting the people of the United States to observe the day in schools and churches, or other suitable places, with appropriate ceremonies of friendly relations with all other peoples.

An Act (52 Stat. 351; 5 U. S. Code, Sec. 87a) approved May 13, 1938, made the 11th of November in each year a legal holiday - - a day to be dedicated to the cause of world peace and to be thereafter celebrated and known as "Armistice Day." Armistice Day was primarily a day set aside to honor veterans of World War I, but in 1954, after World War II had required the greatest mobilization of soldiers, sailors, Marines and airmen in the Nation’s history; after American forces had fought aggression in Korea, the 83rd Congress, at the urging of the veterans service organizations, amended the Act of 1938 by striking out the word "Armistice" and inserting in its place the word "Veterans." With the approval of this legislation (Public Law 380) on June 1, 1954, November 11th became a day to honor American veterans of all wars.

From United States Department of Veteran's Affairs website

So this Veteran's Day, I am going to list those in my family who have served in our Nation's wars since WWI.

WWI

John E. O'Connell (maternal grandfather)
Frank O'Connell
Glenn Trotter

WWII

Harry E. Mardis (father)
Kenneth Mardis
Richard Mardis
James H. Mardis
Walter Watson
Mario Carli
Charles Allen
Glenn Trotter
Golda Trotter O'Connell
Thomas E. O'Connell
Dorothy Rhodes O'Connell
William H. Proudfit

Korea

Paul E. Erickson
Bruce Beals

Vietnam

Kenneth Alan Mardis
Terry Mardis
Rick Mardis
Larry Allen

Operation Iraqi Freedom (Gulf War II)

Michael Fredericks
Kelly O'Connell
Vince Simmons

Thank you

Turkey Spam

Don’t turn your marriage into disaster, use male enhancers. (Oh, see, that’s what I’ve been doing wrong.)
Just some helpful information about Gain Pro. (Honey, I checked the scales. I’m the gain pro.)
What time is okay for you? (Um, Twelfth of Never work for you?)
Dancer fired from Broadway musical because her breasts are too big. (That’s a new one. Actress gets fired ‘cuz her boobs are TOO big?)
We offer only EFFECTIVE ways of male improvement. (Unlike the other guys who only offer ineffective, oh sorry INEFFECTIVE ways?)
If you need a recipe no need to go to a doctor. (I don’t even want to know what you’ve been cooking.)
How do I get out of debt? (You’re asking me?)

Snicker Wednesday

I got the following from Bebo - have a mid-week giggle

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER

1. Sag, you're It.

2. Hide and go pee.

3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.

4. Kick the bucket

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

6. Musical recliners.

7. Simon says something incoherent.

8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE

1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.

3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.

OLD IS WHEN:

1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along

3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.

4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!

Ponderisms:

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?'

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.'

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Enough is enough, is enough, is enough

Bebo sent me something the other day about how wealthy people aren’t always happy, you know, that money can’t buy you happiness sort of thing. It got me thinking about how when I was a child, back in the olden days, after I’d walked ten miles to school in six foot snow uphill both ways, that I wanted to be filthy rich. I wanted to marry (insert movie/TV/singer crush of the month) and live in a Vanderbilt-type mansion and have tons of kids. Unfortunately, since the love of my life, Hugh, is happily married, I’ve had to modify that dream. No, really, as I’ve grown up I’ve discovered that what I want in life has changed. I just want enough. You know, comfort vs. wealth. What do I want?

- enough money to pay my bills
- enough money for rent on a two bedroom apartment (notice no Vanderbilt here?)
- enough money for a flat-screen TV (okay, there’s still some “wealth” ideas LOL)
- enough money for a new car
- enough money to give to a charity or two
- enough money for groceries
- if I want to buy a nice gift for someone for their birthday or Christmas, I want enough money to do so
- I don’t ever, ever want to have to put a furbaby to sleep because I can’t afford the treatment (my poor Devlin)
- I want good health care
- I want health care period
- Dental insurance
- Full coverage for car insurance
- I want to be able to buy books when I want to
- Hmmm, I don’t want money to ever be the focus of any such list again
- If the car needs work, I want to be able to pay for it
- I don’t want to use credit cards
- Digital TV?
- A PC with all the bells and whistles
- TIVO
- A laptop with all the bells and whistles
- Internet on my phone
- Pay off all of the credit cards that I defaulted on
- A trip to Ireland (Okay, there are still some big dreams)


I’m sure that there are a few other things, but nothing “ostentatious”. I don’t want a lot any more, I just want … enough.

How about you?