Thursday, March 15, 2007

Mixed News

I had a bit of an unusual day yesterday. Since we’re friends, I’ll always try to keep you informed about what is happening to me, but I won’t dwell on it – I want this to be a happy place.

Anyway, I went for a psych evaluation. We all know I’ve been depressed since mom’s death, but it’s more than that. I’ve been depressed for most of my adult life. So that was no surprise. We also know I suffer from a form of agoraphobia, once again no surprise, except for the fact that it’s getting worse. A panic disorder wasn’t a surprise either. What was the surprise was the probable diagnosis of bi-polar. Well, I can’t really say that that was a total surprise either – Bebo and I had suspected it for quite some time, since Howard was bi-polar and Bebo was very acquainted with that condition. I am around the same age Howard was when his condition became evident. Being bi-polar doesn’t really scare me as I know with medication that it can be handled. It’s what happened to Howard later that scares me. He began showing signs of schizophrenia – or rather schizoid affects. It’s in our family, there waiting in the shadows. I try not to think about it. But, the bi-polar does explain the spurts of writing and then none. It explains a lot of things.

Anyhoo, I just wanted everyone to know what was going on. I’ll be okay – as long as I have people to “talk” to so I don’t feel so isolated. Y’all have been great friends. Thank you.

EDIT: I forgot that some people have just begun popping in. Howard was my brother who passed away in 2005. Bebo is his widow.

20 comments:

Jordan Summers said...

Take care of yourself and get the help you need. Just because Howard developed an additional illness doesn't mean that you will. (((Hugs)))

Brandy said...

Ah, Sweets. I know I;m not the only one who will tell you that I'm always here for you. To talk, laugh or cry.
As for genetics, well, no two siblings are alike. And I understand the whole depression thing.
Just know that we're here for you.

Loreth Anne White said...

Ah, Bailey, I'm so sorry, hon. Sending plenty ((((((hugs))). Take care of yourself. And what Jordan and Brandy, said -- it's not a foregone conclusion. I'm going to think postive for you.

Meretta said...

Exactly as the others have said, Bailey, but still I know you worry.

Be strong, but baby yourself when you need it. I think that's key.

((hugs))

raine said...

Get your treatment, whatever that might be, hon.
I know it's a scary thought, but don't anticipate the worse.
Look at it this way...lots of people in my family are buttholes, but it doesn't mean I am.
Right?
Right??
Ok, you took a little too long to answer that question, girlfriend...!

(love ya!)

Devon Ellington said...

Everyone's different, so don't worry just because it's in the family. It's a warning, but not a given. Plus, you've gone for help, so you've already taken the steps towards health. Still, it must have been difficult. Let me know if there's anything I can do.

Melissa said...

Bailey, hugs. I'm new here so thanks for the explanation of who Howard was and where Bebo fit into your life. All you can do is take one day at a time. Having the eval done was the best thing you could have done. Now just go from there. You don't know that's what will happen to you. Each of us is different. It's natural to worry, so let us help you out and support you. But please don't get overwhelmed by the what ifs.

Rene said...

Wow, that was an unusual day.

I don't have much experience with bi-polar but clinical depression is a big favorite in my family and I have taken anti-depressants in the past. Damn, it is hard.

Hey, saw you at 5 a.m. my time, my laptop must have woken up for some reason. Sorry I missed you, but I was asleep. Catch me later if you can.

Tori Lennox said...

*hugs* sweetie. Hang in there. And know we'll be here to talk when/if you need to.

Joely Sue Burkhart said...

Oh, Bailey! Take care of yourself, and come talk here any time about any thing.

Toni Anderson said...

Ah--baby--I thought you were just crazy.

Well, the good news is you should be able to get the right medication, and there is no reason for you to have the same symptoms as Howard. We have mental illness in my family, in fact I forget the stats but doesn't 80% of the pop suffer from some sort of mental illness during their lives? And use those creative periods wisely :) The rest of the time watch hot guys on the TV. ;)

Dru said...

{{{{Bailey}}}} as everyone has said, we are here for you with open arms. If you need a laugh, a hug, to vent, to cry, we'll be there. I know it's a worry about genetics, but family members are different.

susie said...

(((((Eve)))))

spyscribbler said...

I'm sorry about both your brother and your mother. And your news. ((Bailey))

You seem to have a good head about it, though, with taking medication and all. I'll be hoping for the best about the latter, too!

Melissa Marsh said...

Depression runs in my family. My grandma, my mom, and I all had it. Unfortunately, my grandmother never got the help she needed. Mom and I are both on anti-depressants and it's made life a lot more bearable.

Hugs, Bailey. :-)

catslady said...

I think a lot of times the problem is not admitting they need help and ignoring doctors and not taking meds. Very close friends of mine have a son diagnossed with at least schizophrenia - and once they got the meds correct - I have to say he is the nicest one in the family :) {{hugs}}

Marty said...

Being informed is so very important. Genetics can be scary in situations like this, but no two are alike, it's true. I know for sure there's no one like you ;)
{{{Hugs}}}

Lis said...

((hugs)) Take care of you, that's all that matters.

Shirley said...

Sending (((hugs))).
Let me know if there's anything I can do. You know we're all here for you.

Deana said...

Now that you know what may be the culprit you can find a way to deal with your depression. I think part of yours is that you didn't have the freedom that a lot of us have had. You've spent a great deal of your adult life taking care of other people and not gotten to go out and experience your own life. That makes it tough.

I hope things work out for you and they find a medicine that will help. Depression is so common yet people underestimate it still. I hope you know everyone is here for you! hugs....