Monday, December 31, 2007

Cats New Years Resolutions

But before I get to that, this is for Ames, because she's been so desperate for them:

Cats New Years Resolutions (I didn't write them, Bebo emailed them to me)

My human will never let me eat their pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.

I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium

I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and
Throw them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty of

I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then
Pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get
The stuff out of my fur.)

I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.

We will not play "Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the
Plains of the Serengeti" over any humans' bed while they're trying to

I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I
Forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch
In my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.

I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.

I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is
Something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human
Has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.

If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house.
It is not necessary to check every door.

I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to
Bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will
Really come true.

When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt
To catch them.

I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when they are on the family
Room floor trying to do sit ups.

When my human is typing at the computer, their forearms are
*not* a hammock.

Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.

I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after
My human has watched a horror movie.

I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and
Growl at NOTHING after my human has watched the X-Files.

I will not drag dirty socks onto the bed at night and then yell at the
Top of my lungs so that my humans can admire my "kill."

I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and
Stare until they wake up.

I will not walk on the key board when my human is writing important
Adagfsg gdjag ;ln.

If I must claw my human I will l not do it in such a way that the
Scars resemble a botched suicide attempt.

If I must give a present to my human guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable than a big live bug, even if it isn't as tasty.


Brandy said...

OMGosh! I love these! So true! ALL so true! LOL. And the pictures arent' bad either. *wink*.

Have a Happy New Year!!

Bailey Stewart said...

Happy New Year to you to Brandy.

Yeah, Ames has been asking for these.

Siobhan said...

Great pictures and I LOVE the cat resolutions. Happy New Year!

Michele said...

Ooh, that last pic of him peeking through his locks....THAT is sexy!!!!
I'd never seen that one befoe..I think.

These were cute!
I love the 'stare until they wake" and the ones referring to the X-files ... and the other show, tee hee.

Happy New Year to you, Bailey!

Bailey Stewart said...

Yes Siobhan, I knew that my cat people would really appreciate them.

Ames has been after me to post those pictures.

Bailey Stewart said...

Oh Michele, that's one of Ames' favorites!

I thought they were cute too. Happy New Years!

Bailey Stewart said...

Oops, Happy New Years Siobhan!

devonellington said...

I read it out loud to the cats, who refuse to stop playing the Herding of Stampeding Wildebeests and will NOT stop growling at nothing in the hall when Sci-Fi channel is on. They snickered at those two -- it's some of their favorite ways to mess with me.

Have a great New Year!

Diane said...

Thanks - for the eye candy and the new year's resolutions. You sure my cats didn't email Bebo?

Have a happy new year.

Bailey Stewart said...

Devon, Bubba pretty much did the same thing. They're incorrigable. (sp?)

Happy New Year!

Bailey Stewart said...

Now Diane, I have no idea who mailed these to Bebo, could have been your cats.

Happy New Year sweetie.

Amie Stuart said...



I would like to add my own cat's resolution.

I will not go to my owners window to be let in when I KNOW the back door is standing wide open. It only exasperates her and makes me look stupid

Bailey Stewart said...

Yes you are!!!

That's a cute one.

If Bebo were here, she would add:

"I will not wake my owner up early on her day off as if it were any other day."

Amie Stuart said...

I will not stand at the open back door, go outside, then turn around and want in when my owner shuts the door!

Bailey Stewart said...

Oh, I don't think they're capable of doing that one. I think it's in the cat contract somewhere along with: "When my owner opens the door, I shall stand in the middle for ages trying to decide whether I want in or out."

Bailey Stewart said...

Off for a day of book buying!!! Yay!!!! See y'all later and Happy New Years everyone!

Lexi said...

WOW! Love the pics! I'd forgotten how much I love Hugh!

Dru said...

ROTFLMAO, these are so funny and very true.

Happy New Year!

raine said...

If I must claw my human I will l not do it in such a way that the
Scars resemble a botched suicide attempt.

I keep telling my boys..."Vertical cuts. Vertical! At least make it look legit..."
I love these, lol.
Wishing you the happiest New Year ever, Bailey.

Rene said...

Sorry, the photos of My Man kind blanked me on the rest of the post.

Sorry I missed you the other day. Catch you another time.

Susan said...

My cats just laughed at them and shook their heads!

Wishing you a magical New Year full of love, light and laughter, Bailey!

Melissa said...

So cute! Of course when I read them to my kitties, they just looked at me like whatever.

catslady said...

I don't know which I enjoyed more - thanks!!!!!

Happy New Year everyone.

Toni Anderson said...

Happy New Year for tonight Bails!!!

Lee Morrison said...

I'm ROFL over here!

Bebo is too funny, lol.

Clumping cat litter and a wet kitty...yikes, that sounds incredibly messy. Poor kitty.

Daisy Dexter Dobbs said...

Wishing you a Happy New Year, Bailey, filled with joy and happiness; the comforting warmth of love; good health and wellbeing; the delight of true friendship; and enough of whatever you want and need to fulfill your deepest dreams and desires.

May all your dreams come true in 2008!

From my heart to yours,


Bailey Stewart said...

Yes Lexi. Ames has this thing for him too.

Bailey Stewart said...

Happy New Years to you too Dru. Yep, this one has cats down pat.

Bailey Stewart said...

Raine - LOL

Happy New Years to you too!

Bailey Stewart said...

Rene, you'll have to fight Ames for him.

We'll connect some other time.

Bailey Stewart said...

Susan, Bubba looked at me like I was speaking in some foreign language.

Same to you sweetie.

Bailey Stewart said...

Melissa, they're so patronizing, aren't they?

Bailey Stewart said...

Jeanne, I think you have a problem. I enjoyed Ames' Hugh pictures more ... *wink*

Bailey Stewart said...

Same to you FBA!

Bailey Stewart said...

Lee, let me tell you - imagine cement caught in your hair - same thing.

Bailey Stewart said...

Oh Duchess, how beautiful. Thank you. I wish the same for you.

Melissa Marsh said...

Ahhh...Hugh. Nothing more need be said.

Hope you have a wonderful 2008@

Lynn said...

I love the cat resolutions. Are you sure my dog didn't write them? She seems to think she is a cat.

I lurve the pictures **drooling**

Bernita said...

Absolutely priceless!

Bailey Stewart said...

Melissa, that's what Ames said.

Happy New Year!

Bailey Stewart said...

Lynne, dog/cat sometimes it's the same thing.

And Ames drooled too.

Bailey Stewart said...

Thanks Bernita.