Friday, February 27, 2009

Spam Mail

Dear Spam,

I don’t know what I did to make you turn away from me, but whatever it was …. I’m sorry. …..

What’s she doing?

Writing a letter to spam.


It up and left her. Now they are going to Bebo’s inbox.

Really? That hussy.

Remember those wonderful days full of dicks that could chop firewood? The halcyon days of where it was as tall as the Eiffel Tower? Or as long as the distance between New York and Los Angeles?

What’s halcyon?

I think it’s one of those psychedelic words.

She on drugs?

Obviously. She’s writing to spam, isn’t she?

Was it the alarm clocks? Did I take too many? What if I gave you a map to where they are all buried?

No Bailey!! Don’t confess!!!

Sgt. Preston is gonna come and get you ….

Or those men in the white coats.


I wish you would tell me what I did. Bebo can’t give you what I can, she won’t make you famous, er, infamous, or whatever. She’ll never appreciate you the way I do.

This is embarrassing. She’s begging spam.

Not as embarrassing as talking to something that isn’t real.

Ernie? We’re not real.

We’re not?

For the hundredth time moron, no. We’re figments of her imagination.

You mean, like spam?

Not exactly. You see, spam is real.

Spam is real and we’re not?

I know, it’s scary isn’t it?

I don’t know if this will reach you or not, but I wanted to give it a try. I need you spam, I need your misspelled words, your bad grammar, your completely insane logic. I even need your out of proportion body parts. Leave Bebo and come back to me.


Spam has a name?

No, that’s a movie quote.

Bailey is talking to spam and you’re quoting movies?

Like it’s really going to make any difference, considering that she’s writing a letter to someone in Taiwan?

You have a point.

Please come back to me.

Bailey Stewart

And Bud.


I miss spam too.

Oh, what the heck. And Ernie too.


Bebo said...

Please Please Please let this letter reach Spam. I would GLADLY give it up for the extra space in my inbox....


btw: your spam was always better than mine is....

Word verification: cationka
Now wouldn't that be a wacky cat name?

Susan said...

I love when Bud and Ernie add their two cents!

I wish there was a way for all my spam to go directly to you. Mine has never been as funny as yours!

catslady said...

Love it - and I too wish you could have all my spam - just for today I have over 70 in my mailbox.

Brandy said...

I don't get any spam, or I'd send you mine. *G* And don't give up the location of all those alarm clocks! *G*

Michele said...

I had one mail box had lots of THAT kind of SPAM but then I changed email servers and it's been College offers, Homeland Security offers, Cleaning your Colon offers and CSI offers...not much fun with those. Well, cleaning out your colon Might offer a snicker for one or two takes but they don't seem to deviate the message, hence boredom.

I miss the clocks too.
What you need to do is get trapped on some porno site, click a few over the top adds and get your addy sold to those pervert SPAMMERS...that should do it.!


And you know the Word Verif?

It says MAKEME! hahaha
well, Makame... I guess they are Italian.....*snort*