Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Tuesday Update

Well, since the SIL said in her comment yesterday most of what I wanted to post today, I'm just going to copy/paste the comment here:

First & foremost THANK YOU to all for hugs, prayers & your wonderful support. It is much appreciated.Now for Mom: The "cocktail" seems to only be working minimally right now. We keep trying various combinations, but nothing seems to give her relief from the pain in her legs/hips and from the hallucinations for more than 4hrs at a time. She's gurgling periodically & it's awful to hear & know that this is really the signal that the end is so near. Today she responded to us when we were working with her; Friday [Bailey's note - actually, it was Saturday] she recognized her sister. But the brief periods of lucidity only make the reality of this more devastating.I've been helping Eve w/ Mary for the past 6yrs. I love her like another mother & I can tell you that our hearts are simply broken. Yes, I will be staying with them at night now. Family members are coming & going, but not staying. Their presence only disturbs Mary at this point. Hospice is providing meds, equipment & support as well.KEEP PRAYING that Mary is released from this particular hell quickly. She deserves the blessed peace of passing.Personally I would urge all to support your local Alzheimer's Assoc, Hospice or VNA. They are angels in disguise.

Okay, my turn. They put mother on a Fentanyl patch Monday. It is for pain and takes approximately 48 hours to kick in, so in the meantime we are giving her a pain medication every 6 hours (Lortab Elixir). This doesn't always work as she has frequent "breakthrough" pains. I wondered exactly what it was we said to the evaluating nurse on Saturday to cause her to immediately pick up the admission papers and fill them out until the Social Worker handed me a 2 page information sheet last night entitled "The Final Stages of Life - Signs and Symptoms of Approaching Death". The first thing listed was:

Eating and drinking: There is a gradually decreasing need for food and fluids. The body naturally begins to conserve energy and requires less nourishment. At this stage, there is increased risk of choking secondary to confusion and/or the inability to swallow properly. Difficulty swallowing occurs first with solid foods. This progresses to difficulty swallowing fluids. Your loved one will say that he or she doesn't have an appetite and isn't hungry. This is the body's natural response to the dying process. It is telling you that eating and drinking are no longer helpful and that the body can no longer use food and fluid properly.

So I guess when we told her that mom was choking on liquids and refusing food, she knew immediately that the end is near. Mother had difficulty swallowing her pain medication last night - choking and gagging on the liquid. I don't know what they will do when she can no longer swallow it - injections maybe?

There is so much I have to do during this time - make funeral arrangements, find insurance policies, change billing options on our utilities, get ready to close bank accounts, etc. My head is full and makes it difficult to concentrate on any one thing.

Please, please make me laugh - even if it's a groaner because you know how I love those.

Thank you again for your overwhelming support - it means the world to me.


Meretta said...

So very difficult for you, Eve and Bebo. Know that we are all here waiting with you and that our hands are on your shoulders.

Kelly said...

How difficult for you, Bailey. I'll be thinking of you.

So you asked for a groaner. Well I don't have a groaner but I do have an example of my incredible...uh...grace, shall we say.

My brother drives an SUV. I am 5'2". So I have to step up into teh SUV using the little foot rest thingy. Usually this isn't a problem. Unless I'm talking and not paying attention. And my foot hits the edge of the rest and slips off while I'm half airborne. And I do a face plant straight down into the seat. Much to my brother's everlasting enjoyment.

Bailey Stewart said...

Kelly - good grief, that sounds like something Bebo would do - you gave me a chuckle, even if it's at your expense. Thanks!

Meretta - loved the jokes you sent yesterday - I'm still chuckling.

Toni Anderson said...

I'm not good at jokes and sarcasm seems inappropriate. How about I tell you I just bought 100 bulbs that MUST be planted today as we have SNOW forecast. So imagine me with blue extremities digging mass graves for daffodils and tulips and some other purple thing I picked up. OK--now to bundle up and get out there--while there is no snow.

I'm thinking of you pet. And Bebo, the post stealing slut.

Bailey Stewart said...

Post stealing slut?


I knew there was a reason I don't do gardens. :(

Dennie McDonald said...

how do you make a tissue dance .... you put a little boogie in it

sorry - all my jokes have been sanitized for 5 to 11 year olds...

Butterflylane said...

Here's one from my 5yo this morning: "What did God say to Adam?" "Get a life!"

I'll be thinking of you. (((Hugs.)))

glenice said...

Here you go sweetie!!!

Men are like...

1. Men are like . ..Laxatives .... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like.Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ..... Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ..... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like . Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ..... .Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like ..... Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like . Popcorn ... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ........ Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

And you can not forget...
For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

Toni Anderson said...

LOL Glenice.

Bailey :) I planted the bulbs, here's hoping I have success in the spring because there was no measuring involved, just a shovel and speed (not the drug) and an eye on the VERY grey clouds!!

christa said...

My sister forwarded this and it was titled what a True Friend is
"True Friendship"
(With none of that Sissy Crap!!!! )
Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good,
but never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card.
Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared -- I wil l rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want to catch whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

Send this to "all 10" of your friends, then get depressed because you can only think of four!!! (And don't send it back to me....I don' t want to hear it!!!)

And remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over !!!!!

Just know that I am thinking about you.

Peggy said...

Hugs, Bailey! How very difficult this time must be for you. Take care and know you're in my thoughts.

Bebo said...

Toni: So I'm a post-stealing-slut, huh?
I laughed so hard my co-workers came to see what the issue was... And I got caught blogging at work. Ooops!

Melissa Marsh said...

Ah, Eve, I pray for you during my nightly prayers that you will have the strength to get through this - and you WILL.

I'm sending a joke to you via email...

Saskia Walker said...

Lord, that's so hard. I'm thinking of you at this difficult time.

Here's an oldie smiler that I love.

A young Technician and his General Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks.

Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.

The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."

The General manager is setting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!"

The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"

The young tech sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his General manager all at the same time!"

Stacy Dawn said...

(((Bailey and Family))) Your in my thoughts and prayers.

Okay, how about this:

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.

She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley."

He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."

ruby55 said...

"You know you're getting older when nap time is happy hour." (Can't remember where I saw this.)

My mother grew very immodest during her Alzheimer's. She'd pull up her skirt (she refused to wear slacks) as far as it would go so that everybody could see her diaper.

The only joke I could ever remember is the following:
When a circus came into town, all the convent's nuns rushed to windows to look at the parade. One of the youngest leaned out so far that she fell out the second-story window and landed on a clown. When he had picked himself and the young nun up, he said, "This really is vergin' on the ridiculous."

From Canadian Reader's Digest
"My brother-in-law attended a function commemorating the 50th anniversary of World War II. At the entrance he asked the young cadet if there would be a military tattoo.
'No,' she replied,'we just stamp your hand.'"

Those were just a few things to make you laugh, I hope. I'm trying to find short ones. To the more serious: towards the end, my mother was totally sedated with an IV giving her morphine for her pain. They figured that the morphine wouldn't do her any more harm, only make the pain bearable.

Here's cute joke about my sister-in-law who has always had a great problem using the correct words:

One day when she and my brother came over for lunch, she had just come back from playing racquet ball. She was somewhat upset and told us, "I don't know what was the matter today. It was really hard to play because the ball was so erotic; it just went flying all over and I just couldn't control it."

My thoughts and prayers continue to be with all 3 of you.


Brandy said...

Don't have a funny thing, but a cute thing. Son is walking around rubbing 2 sticks together saying he's making fire ( he recently watched Ice Age again).

Marty said...

"I think I broke my rear-end!"

"Why do you think that?"

"Because there's a big crack right down the middle."

You asked. Hugs :)

raine said...

Okay--you asked for groaners...

Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.

Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.

Loreth Anne White said...

Okay ... lets try some writing groaners ;)

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.


Loreth Anne White said...

Three guys are sitting at a bar.

#1: "...Yeah, I make $75,000 a year after taxes."
#2: "What do you do for a living?"
#1: "I'm a stockbroker. How much do you make?
#2: "I should clear $60,000 this year."
#1: "What do you do?"
#2: "I'm an architect."
The third guy has been sitting there quietly, staring into his beer, when the others turn to him.
#2: "Hey, how much do you make per year?"
#3: "Gee... hmmm... I guess about $13,000."
#1: "Oh yeah? What kind of stories do you write?"

Loreth Anne White said...

How many screenwriters does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Ten.
1st draft. Hero changes light bulb.
2nd draft. Villain changes light bulb.
3rd draft. Hero stops villain from changing light bulb. Villain falls to death.
4th draft. Lose the light bulb.
5th draft. Light bulb back in. Fluorescent instead of tungsten.
6th draft. Villain breaks bulb, uses it to kill hero's mentor.
7th draft. Fluorescent not working. Back to tungsten.
8th draft. Hero forces villain to eat light bulb.
9th draft. Hero laments loss of light bulb. Doesn't change it.
10th draft. Hero changes light bulb.

Loreth Anne White said...

A writer comes home to a burned down house.
His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks.

“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove was on fire. It went up in second. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is--”

“Wait, wait! Back up a minute,” The man says. “My agent called?”

Loreth Anne White said...

You all groaning yet??? ;) last one, I promise ...

How many science fiction writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two, but it's actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one's shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence. They co-existed in a parallel universe, though.

How many publishers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three. One to screw it in. Two to hold down the author.

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it almost all the way in, and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

How many screenwriters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Why does it *have* to be changed?

How many cover blurb writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?


Okay .. NOW you must be groaning ;)

Diane said...

I'm not good with jokes, but you could nip across to Jill's place to see the "emergency kit" I keep in my car. This has caused so much mirth that Shirley parodied me in her novel.

Kate Hardy said...

Big hugs, Eve and Bebo.

Jokes. OK. You either get the really gross ones (from my son) or the cleaner ones from daughter... so here are some groaners.

Why did the cat join the Red Cross? Because she wanted to be a first aid kit.

Why did the muddy chicken cross the road? He was a dirty double-crosser.

What do you call a cheerful frog? A hop-tomist.

What do polar bears have for lunch? Ice burgers!

What were the only creatures not to go into the ark in pairs? The maggots, because they went in an apple.

What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark? An animal that talks your head off.

What wobbles and eats peanuts? Jelly the Elephant.

How do you stop a mole from digging? Take his spade away.

How do you stop a skunk from smelling? Hold his nose.

Why don't owls sing when it's raining? Because it's too wet to woo.

Scott said...

I'm not sure how to make anyone laugh in this situation. I feel so fortunate that my mother's cancer let her live fairly well in her last year fighting it. The end was a matter of days, not this hell you are describing. I really feel for you. What a beautiful family you have--so supportive.

What did one ear say to the other? Something between us smells.

Sorry, that's the best I can do.

M.E Ellis said...

Bless you all.


Devon Ellington said...

YOu know we love you.

Groaner: True story: I went to meet a friend for an event last week, all nicely dressed, pantyhose and everything.

But the pantyhose wouldn't stay up.

So, as we left, I excused myself and peeled them off in the ladies' room.

But, no wastebasket there (huh?), so I stuffed them back into my purse.

As we walked down the street, I saw a wastebasket, pulled them out and chucked them in -- only to be hailed by a very cute actor I'd worked with a few weeks prior!

I pretended nothing had happened and he was trying not to laugh his head off.

Toni Anderson said...

Sorry Bebo :) Didn't mean to get you into trouble :)

Hope you guys are doing OK.

Carol said...

Hugs, Eve and Bebo!

What do Smoky The Bear and Alexander The Great have in common?

They both have the same middle name!

Sorry, my grandsons told me that joke yesterday!

Meretta said...

ROFL at all the jokes! I feel better now too!