Thursday, April 06, 2006

Anybody Need a Laugh?

Happy 1st Birthday Devlin!!!!

I do, so I'm recycling an oldie from one of my other blogs. This , again, is from Non Campus Mentis, compiled by Professor Anders Henriksson, Workman Publishing, New York, 2001. My comments are in bold. Remember, these are real history essays by college students.


Many of the theories about the fall of the Roman Empire were totally not possible, and some of them were. This included more than enough religion, too much slavery, not enough water, and smoking from lead pipes. (It's that smoking from lead pipes that will get you every time.)

During the Dark Ages it was mostly dark. (Makes sense to me.)

It is unfortunate that we do not have a medivel European laid out on a table before us, ready for dissection. (Says who?) Society was arranged like a tree, with your nobels in the upper twigs and your pesants grubbing around the roots. This was known as the manurial system where land was passed through fathers to sons by primogenuflecture (In other words, it was full of ...). To some degree rulers diluted people into thinking that this was a religious operation.

During the Middle Ages everyone was middle aged. (They didn’t notice this in the dark ages because it was too dark.)

Power belonged to a patriarchy empowering all genders except the female. Nuns, for example, were generally women. In the early part of the Middle Ages female nuns were free to commit random acts of contrition and redemption. Later they were forcibly enclustered in harems. (Where they quite possibly met those other genders.)

Gratian, the leading Middle Evil authority on women, was born around 1140 B.C. A position as a lady-in-mating helped a young girl’s chances for a marriage useful to her family. Wives of nobelmen held certain power tools although they were branded with his symbol. (So that’s why Dad kept putting his name on his power tools!)

The Right of the First night let lords spend the wedding night with the bride instead of the husband. (Must have been back in those Dark Ages)

In 1066 England was overrun by Norman the Conqueror. England’s Henry II acquired new parts by marrying Ellenor of Equine. (Norman – you know Alexander’s little brother. )

And last, but not least.

Finally, Europe caught the Black Death. The bubonic plague is a social disease in the sense that it can be transmitted by intercourse and other etceteras. (It's those "etceteras" that you really have to look out for) It was spread from port to port by inflected rats. It was then passed around by midgets. Victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Death rates exceeded one hundred percent in some towns. This was a time of stunned growth. The plague also helped the emergence of English as the national language of England, France, and Italy. (Has anyone told France and Italy?)

23 comments:

Brandy said...

Oh, gosh! I love these. I still say I am scared for our educational system to have people like this that far up the academic ladder. That last one sounds like something a 4th grader would write!!

Lis said...

lol! I have officially now spit coke on my computer screen reading this :o)

ruby55 said...

Brandy, you know those "collegians" have stunned growth or are midgets. Probably got mixed up with the 4th graders.

Happy christening, Lis!

Happy birthday, Devlin!!! Yeah, you made it!!!

Hugs, Eve. How am I supposed to get to sleep with these sore tummy muscles? Those are always priceless. Where did you get this book? Is it still in print?

Oh, and did you get the one I sent you about Sir Francis Drake?

ruby55 said...

I think our educational systems are getting worse and worse. Some countries are improving but the countries that took the "whole language" approach to reading and writing are in big trouble. Not learning certain rules, be it of grammar or logic or mathematics, is going to make it more and more difficult for people to think clearly and express themselves properly.

I think it's horrifying. And then people like this end up teaching the next generation of kids!?! My sister-in-law is a dedicated teacher. She has great ideas but her language is in constant need of correction.

Scott said...

I love it when you do posts like this. You find the most interesting things.

Bailey Stewart said...

Good morning everyone! Yes, I feel pretty good this morning and stuff like this helps tremendously.

Scott - I don't have any secret (well, other than working in a bookstore where interesting things often show up).

Susan said...

LOL! These are great, thanks for the laughs!

Dennie McDonald said...

mornin' Eve - thanks for the jokes!

Joely Sue Burkhart said...

*falls over laughing*

That last one, if the Black Plague was spread by intercourse (and other ecteras), and port by port by rats, then does that mean people were having sex with rats? Ugh, those were definitely Middle Evil Ages. *snickers*

jason evans said...

I weep for our future.

Meretta said...

He he he. Thanks for the belly laughs, Eve. Very good for my inner spirit. :)

And Happy Birthday, Devlin! Have some tuna, kitty cat.

Toni Anderson said...

LOL!!!!! I didn't realize Devlin was so young!!!!

Bailey Stewart said...

Susan, Meretta and Dennie - you're welcome!

Joely - I thought the same thing.

Jason - I would too if I didn't realize that these were collected over a number of years from a lot of different colleges - not just in the U.S. either. Put in that perspective, well there were idiots in my college classes too.

Toni - yes he is still a baby.

Shirley said...

I weep for our future too. And I bet a huge percentage were from the UK.
Happy Birthday, Devlin!

catslady said...

They make you want to laugh and cry - I think I'll take the laughing.

Happy first BD Devlin!

Diane said...

Happy Birthday, Devlin! Get well soon. :o)

Carol said...

Happy Birthday, Devlin!

Brandy said...

I forgot to say "HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEVLIN"!!!!!!

Olga said...

Thanks for putting a smile on my face, and, of course, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DEVLIN!!!

Sandy J said...

OmGosh! We are in deep trouble. (But that was funny!)

Bailey Stewart said...

I prefer the laughter too.

Coolshoes said...

And I thought it was pathetic when my son's second grade teacher "corrected" his history worksheet by writing in "Loretta" where he, poor 8-year-old child, has scribbled, "Coretta" Scott King.
Hmm.
AskAnyMom.blogspot.com

Bailey Stewart said...

Now THAT is scary. Thanks for dropping by.