Anybody Need a Laugh?

Happy 1st Birthday Devlin!!!!

I do, so I'm recycling an oldie from one of my other blogs. This , again, is from Non Campus Mentis, compiled by Professor Anders Henriksson, Workman Publishing, New York, 2001. My comments are in bold. Remember, these are real history essays by college students.


Many of the theories about the fall of the Roman Empire were totally not possible, and some of them were. This included more than enough religion, too much slavery, not enough water, and smoking from lead pipes. (It's that smoking from lead pipes that will get you every time.)

During the Dark Ages it was mostly dark. (Makes sense to me.)

It is unfortunate that we do not have a medivel European laid out on a table before us, ready for dissection. (Says who?) Society was arranged like a tree, with your nobels in the upper twigs and your pesants grubbing around the roots. This was known as the manurial system where land was passed through fathers to sons by primogenuflecture (In other words, it was full of ...). To some degree rulers diluted people into thinking that this was a religious operation.

During the Middle Ages everyone was middle aged. (They didn’t notice this in the dark ages because it was too dark.)

Power belonged to a patriarchy empowering all genders except the female. Nuns, for example, were generally women. In the early part of the Middle Ages female nuns were free to commit random acts of contrition and redemption. Later they were forcibly enclustered in harems. (Where they quite possibly met those other genders.)

Gratian, the leading Middle Evil authority on women, was born around 1140 B.C. A position as a lady-in-mating helped a young girl’s chances for a marriage useful to her family. Wives of nobelmen held certain power tools although they were branded with his symbol. (So that’s why Dad kept putting his name on his power tools!)

The Right of the First night let lords spend the wedding night with the bride instead of the husband. (Must have been back in those Dark Ages)

In 1066 England was overrun by Norman the Conqueror. England’s Henry II acquired new parts by marrying Ellenor of Equine. (Norman – you know Alexander’s little brother. )

And last, but not least.

Finally, Europe caught the Black Death. The bubonic plague is a social disease in the sense that it can be transmitted by intercourse and other etceteras. (It's those "etceteras" that you really have to look out for) It was spread from port to port by inflected rats. It was then passed around by midgets. Victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Death rates exceeded one hundred percent in some towns. This was a time of stunned growth. The plague also helped the emergence of English as the national language of England, France, and Italy. (Has anyone told France and Italy?)