Friday, April 21, 2006

Child Rearing FAQ

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.

Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him).


I tried to write something deep and profound but my minds in that Thursday night mode of being tired but not ready to settle down, nothing is working right. So I dived into my humor pile to amuse you once again.

Jog on over to Jason's blog, he has a great contest going on.

29 comments:

ruby55 said...

Hi, Eve, You must have just finished this because my time is 0035h EDT. Those are cute. If you want to see a cute cat picture, you can do the puzzle again (don't know if you got around to doing the last one I sent you. It may have been at a very sensitive time for you and this might still be so.) http://www.picture.com/puzzlecontest/puzzlec.asp

Have to get to bed. Tomorrow is my last class. Yippee.

Brandy said...

Eve, give me an answer to the question I was asked most often the farther along I was, are you having twins? (nope, just one EXTREMEMLY large boy!)

Diane said...

Hey, don't worry. This post did just fine. :oD

Peggy said...

Humour is always good. These are funny.

Scott said...

I got some good out-loud chuckles on this one. Well done.

Meretta said...

Funny! (:D

Dennie McDonald said...

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.


ohpleaseohpleaseohplease - I hope this is true - My brother -27- still lives w/ our mom and I know another whose grown boys live with here - though I won't name names right SJ?

Joely Sue Burkhart said...

These are great! I love it when you post humor.

Bailey Stewart said...

Yep Ruby, you just caught me. I did the puzzle - both of them. I like jigsaw puzzles. Thanks

Brandy - no answer to that - not even the "when is the baby due" one that I get *gg*

Diane - Thanks, I just wish I could get back into the more serious side of life - you know, like writing and blogging about it.

Peggy - it works for me.

Scott - I'm glad - you needed some laugh out loud ones.

Meretta - I live to give chuckles (and yes, that's live instead of like).

Dennie - though I won't name names right SJ?
oooooh, she's gonna get you.

Bailey Stewart said...

Oh hi Joely - we overposted. Thanks.

Did y'all just notice on my last answer to Dennie that I learned how to do something? The person I work with now on Thursday nights knows html and taught me that because I've been too embarrassed to ask people. He's also going to help me with some blog stuff next Thursday night. Work? We got some done ... sort of *g*

Toni Anderson said...

Or people asking when the baby is due a few months after the mother had it.

That happened to my sister LOL.

Very funny Eve. being pregnant is a very special experience, but I think twice was enough :D

Susan said...

Great ones. LOL I love your sense of humor because it is like mine! :)

bebo said...

hehehehe!!!
I'm just glad I never had the preggers questions. I got my kids the easy way: I married them when I married their dad. No labor pains here, but the teenage growing pains were bad enough!

Dennie McDonald said...

Toni - what if they ask and your son is one - I had a man argue up and down w/ me - not sure what that says about me - (and that was #2 child - I can't even imagine what he'd have said after #4 was born - twins - triplets when he's one - smack 'em!)

Eve - hehehe - she'd got her hands full today so I doubt she'll hit me - today....

Bailey Stewart said...

You people are too funny!

Dennie - she'd got her hands full today so I doubt she'll hit me - today....

today being the operative word LOL

christa said...

Thanks for reminding me why once was enough.

Melissa Marsh said...

Ah, pregnancy. Actually, I absolutely loved being pregnant (except for the first two months and the last few weeks).

raine said...

*snicker!*

Both funny and true. ;-D

Rene said...

I couldn't get serious either. I had crummy day yesterday and I'm just picking up the pieces (headache). I wanted to be profound and smart. I was neither.

Anyway, I've seen this before and it always makes me chuckle.

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.


This happened to me with the last one. I thought I had the flu and it just didn't get better.

Sandy J said...

Hey, I resemble those remarks! But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. January 2007!!! One will have graduated and found a nest of his own and the other is going into the Marines. (Don't know how I feel about that just yet)

Eve, those were hysterical.

Bailey Stewart said...

Hey, I resemble those remarks! I told her you'd get her for that *gg*

Raine - funny is always better when they're true *gg*

Rene - I don't like being alone - thanks for joining me.

Christa - you're welcome!

Melissa - there are a lot of women who are going to hate you now *gg*

Lis said...

lol Love those

Dennie McDonald said...

I never said who I was referrring to - you are inferring that the SJ stands for Sandy Jones - it could stand for Saint Jophesphat or Some Jerk or Samuel Jackson (though he's not a mom!), Shirley Jones (she had a bunch of boys) Scarley Johannsen (she's a little young to be this person), you know it's not all about you - LOL!

ruby55 said...

The announcement of my younger brother's birth on Aug. 9, was read out to our church congregation on Aug. 16. The pastor was a little embarrassed when he read out the newborn's name. Both he and he his son had the same name, which was a fairly unusual one.

After the service, several friends came up to my mother and looked at the baby, then asked her if we had adopted him or if he was born too early. She said, "No, he was full-term and my own."

"Well, that can't be. When we saw you two weeks ago you weren't pregnant."

Bailey Stewart said...

Dennie - Na, na, nana na

Ruby - that is so funny! Thanks for sharing.

Kelly Parra said...

lol!! Good ones, Eve!! Thanks for more laughs!! =D

Olga said...

Loved them! Thanks for the smiles, Eve!

Jill said...

LOL, Eve, thanks for the laugh.

Bailey Stewart said...

Any time.