Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Catharsis

First of all, thank you to everyone who has come by to show support. I really appreciate it - and especially to Brandy, Kate H., Diane and Shirley. I'm okay. I have to tell you that this has given me more heartbreak than the loss of any other animal, even last week's loss of MacKenzie. I struggled to understand why and then suddenly realized that, unlike the other pets in my life, Devlin was much more - he was the only baby I have ever had. It is the hardest loss I have ever experienced other than my father and brother. I'm sorry I haven't been around - but I've been lurking. I've been sleeping, and crying, and generally trying to sort things out. I still don't feel like thinking of things to put on the blog but will probably get back in the groove soon. Thanks for your patience. Also, some people have asked what they could do to help. Here's what I would like - give something to your local "No Kill" shelter or cat rescue group. If you don't have the money - call one up and ask what you can do. Some of them can use things as mundane as newspapers for their kennels or even store coupons for food.

I've also done a little writing:
For Devlin


You came to me so small
Tiny body perfect for the palm
Of my hand
No face you saw,
No voice you heard
My touch, my smell was
All you knew

Your cries I soothed
With a calming touch
A soft nuzzle
A gentle rock
I’d speak and croon
Though you could not hear
My lullabies for you

Whimpers to mews,
Crawls and scoots
To gangly legs
You grew through struggles
Not your own but natures grip
You fought the battle and won
The round, this time the victor

But death waits for no one
And the time
Came when the fight could
No longer be fought
And our time together
Had come to an end
Too soon

So I said goodbye
A soft nuzzle
A gentle touch
And I crooned lullabies
Full of words of love
You could no longer hear
Sweet baby, goodbye.





23 comments:

Olga said...

Eve, that was a beautiful poem. I'm so, so sorry about your loss. I understand you're in pain now. It's so hard to cope with such loss. If I can do anything, I'll try to help.

Brandy said...

Eve, I loved your poem. It was beautiful. I'm sure your baby know how much you loved him and is now watching over you and waiting for your touch again.

Jordan Summers said...

(((Big Hugs))) Your poem was lovely.

ruby55 said...

A truly wonderful poem. It's so full of love for the little one you raised. As you wrote before, Devlin truly was your baby. Let the grieving for him continue the catharsis.

You must also take into account that you have suffered a lot of losses over the last several months from Howard to several cats, as well as the knowledge that your mother will never be the same again. You are entitled to a time of grieving especially after all the efforts you made to save Devlin. I also pray especially for healing sleep which you haven't had for so long now. I hope you can take the time you need.

I was looking for something special that I remember reading but I haven't found it yet. I'll send it when I find it. But my thoughts have been with you almost constantly since I read the sad news. And so have my prayers and mental hugs.

Many more hugs and prayers for peace in your heart are coming your way. Never think you're alone. All of us are surrounding you.

Don't worry about blogging. Just write a short note to let us know how you're feeling so that we don't worry about you.

Peggy said...

Nicely done poem, Eve. And take all the time you need away from the blog/internet. Hope your spirits lift soon.

Susan said...

Eve, your poem to Devlin was so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes. I know Devlin will live on in your heart just as my Duchess lives in mine even though she was been gone for more than 9 years. And yes even after all that time tears still do come but so do the laughs of funny and loving memories.

If there is anything I can do for you, even from this distance, please let me know. I already do what I can for the animal shelter in my area.

Sending Hugs, prayers and sympathy your way.

Bailey Stewart said...

I'm blogging - I've already made it through a lot of my list.

Susan - yeah it's the little things like having to explain to mom every morning why she only needs two cat treats instead of three (Aidan and Neely Shae won't eat them), or when I was sitting in the recliner this morning reading my paper, eating saltines and drinking my coffee. Suddenly I thought "I need to move these crackers out of my lap before Dev ..." and then I stopped. It was weird to read the paper unsolicited. He used to get up on the recliner and burrow his way from the bottom of the paper up to my face and then lay across my chest purring and bathing my face like nobodies business. It's the little things.

Dennie McDonald said...

lovely!

jason evans said...

Eve, I can't believe how much you've had to deal with in so short a time. We all understand you need time to get the ground back under your feet.

Thank you for the touching poem. Hopefully writing that memorial will offer some measure of closure.

Bailey Stewart said...

I'm really feeling better than I did last night when I posted. Several blogs have made me laugh, which is good.

You really need to go over to Jason's blog and read "Diamond Shoals" - great work.

Oh, and for your laugh of the day - Bailey likes to play in the toilet (no that's not the laugh), so today he fell in and the lid fell on him (he's not hurt), but it was too funny to watch. Maybe that will cure him of this habit. I've never had a cat that likes to play in water - including splashing the water from their water dish onto the floor. Crazy little thing. Although he is going from room to room looking for Devlin.

Toni Anderson said...

Lovely poem Eve.

Joely Sue Burkhart said...

*sobs*

What a beautiful poem!

Meretta said...

There's lots of love in your heart, Eve. It's plain to see. Take care of yourself.

auntie bebo said...

I never thought about the morning newspaper being your ritual with Dev. That will be especially hard every day, and it will surprise you when you realize you haven't thought about it, and that will make you sad again for a while. Trust me on this.
I laughed out loud at the thought of Bailey floundering in the toilet! CAT OVERBOARD! What is it with him & water? maybe because he dumped the water dish out into the kennel every day? Do we need to get him waterwings, or what?

Susie said...

Oh Eve,

I'm all vaklempt (sp?). The poem is beautiful, just like your Devlin. He will be missed. (((((hugs)))))

catslady said...

Your poem has me sobbing. It was truly beautiful. Although all 5 of my cats are dear to me, I too raised one from a few weeks old and there is a special bond that I understand.

glenice said...

sniff...sniff...sniff...sob!

ruby55 said...

Yeah, it is the little things the pets or people do that you really miss. When I knew our dog was gone, I thought, "Oh, I wouldn't even mind his piddling on my shoe in his excitement to see me." I'm glad I wasn't around when he actually had to be put down. It was bad enough from 5,000 miles away.

I hope you are catching up on your sleep. Don't forget that getting back into a normal routine is necessary too. I'm glad you had a good laugh as well.

Hugs.

Rene said...

Oh, I'm so sorry, Eve. How difficult this must be for you. What a lovely poem and a sweet tribute to your baby.

Sandy J said...

So very sorry, Eve! The poem was lovely!

Melissa Marsh said...

A beautiful, touching poem, Eve. Please know that I'm thinking about you.

Wynandt said...

hi eve. that was such a beautiful poem. i could feel your sadness just by reading it.

remember the song "don't give up" by Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush? "...cause you've got friends"

spyscribbler said...

Oh, man, make me cry, why don't you? Awww, the loss of a pet is ... so much. People say "it's just a cat," but they're probably the most loyal friends, the most loving and loyal companions we have.

Their loss is just devastating.

You portrayed the feelings so well in your poem!