Friday, February 09, 2007

When You Wish Upon a Spam


Isn't Neely Shae pretty? She's my only girl.

Let's see what's in the ol' spam bulk file.


Gentle pork chop. (Yes, grasshopper?)
Your neighbors lost their alarm clock (I don’t have it.)
If not there, where? (Have you looked in the back yard?)
You’re so far away. (I’m right next door.)
I want to sell you a Rolex. Do you want one? (Nope, but the neighbors might.)
Then why would you want to pay for money for something you can get for free? (I’m not paying for them. They keep losing them and … well, you know.)
Credit Kung-Fu … Haaiiiiya (Tae Kwan Do to you too.)
Alpha male (Hugh Jackman? Yes please.)
Some people need to live in the real world. (Excuse me? I like my world.)
On pizza. (It’s better than being on drugs.)
The book has improved vastly over what it was half a year ago. (It should. It was barely there 6 months ago.)
And it’s hard to describe the intensity of this scene. (How do you know? Susan? Glenice? Brandy? Jeanne? Which one of you sent the MS to spam?)
You keep asking a lot. (Yeah? Fine. I’ll start telling. Leave me alone.)
The answers are “it depends”, “no, definitely not”, and “yes and no”. (I’m afraid of the questions.)
Tell me this wasn’t worth it. (It depends.)
I’ll be your man. (No, definitely not.)
Do you want your dick as tall as the Eiffel Tower? (Yes and no?)

17 comments:

Shesawriter said...

At least yours make some sense. I get nonsensical words, that aren't even foreign. I think these people get drunk and then send the emails.

Dr. Bill Emener said...

Hi Bailey,
I only wish the spam I get were as entertaining as those in your Post. Some were quite clever -- thanks!
Apropos of shesawriter's comment, however, we have to remember: 3% of the population is chronically mentally ill (and many of them have e-mail).
Bill

Brandy said...

I though we discovered just exactly where the alarm clocks were last week? *g* And I haven't done anything to your MS, thankyouverymuch! But, uh, you could send the pizza here, it's Sons favorite food.
Loving the Spam as ever! Thanks for the funnies!

raine said...

Neely is beautiful, Bailey.

Siobhan said...

I had a lottery spam the other day telling me I'd won £250,000 (about US$480,000). How I wanted to believe it! Your spam is so funny I really look forward to reading it on Fridays. Neely Shae is gorgeous. My little girl has been chasing snowflakes. So cute! Yep, we've got another snow day which is why I'm here so early. Time to get on with the WIP ...

Marty said...

"Tell me this wasn’t worth it." Yes. Every Friday :)

Stacy Dawn said...

LOLOL...I love the first one! We just saw one of those characters yesterday.

Meretta said...

Gentle pork chop. (Yes, grasshopper?)

I'm grinning. Ear to ear.

Thanks, Bailey!

p.s. as a sidenote, do you find Neela Shae to be a bit wild? I've heard (and seen) that tortoiseshells and calicos are a bit nutty. I've only met four, so really, to my mind, that's not much of a test group. I thought you might know more?

Melissa Marsh said...

Gentle pork chop??? LOL!!!

Bailey Stewart said...

I know, I can just imagine Julia Child or someone walking up to the cutting board and addressing the pork chop before slicing and dicing. LOL

Got a lot to do today so I guess I'd better get off of the internet and get started. And I didn't even make it through a third of my blogging. Sheesh.

Dru said...

My Fridays don't come alive until I read your Spam.

Have a good day!

Susan said...

I keep your MS under lock and key just in case the neighbors try to lose it! LOL

Neely Shae is so cute.

Meretta - I've had several calico's over the years and none of them have been any different then my other cats.

Melissa said...

LOL on the spam, Bailey. The spam I get is never so creative.

Love your girl kitty's coloring. Just beautiful!!!!

Devon Ellington said...

Pretty kitty! She reminds me of my Elsa and of Artie's Little Roo.

Toni Anderson said...

Friday--how did that happen?

Pork chop? WTH? And I hate alarm clocks. My spam is all for erectile dysfunction. DH is getting worried.

Brandy said...

I can't speak for Bailey or Neely Shae, but my tortie Athena, is quite the character!

catslady said...

I'm innocent, I tell you, innocent lol.

I too have a cat that looks like Neely Shae. Tabatha and my oldest - 16. We call her our green eyed hissy fit cat lol. She was none to happy when I brought in other cats (4) and one temporarily. We should have made a video and sent it in to funniest videos - if you breathe in and out fast and hard she starts doing sommersaults.