Thursday, March 09, 2006

Funny Friday

Y'all know how my Thursday nights are (little sleep) so I'm changing "humor day" from Wednesday's to Friday's - I only have to cut and paste (well, I do have to search my humor file)

Groaner #1

Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy. Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money. "I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"

Groaner #2

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. "But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea." The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake."


And last, but not least, Groaner #3

One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"

20 comments:

Diane said...

Very good. I liked the first one the best. Hope you feel less tired soon.

Bailey Stewart said...

It won't be until Sunday's nap - unless I get a good nap today. I'm thinking about cutting my hours on Saturday to only half a day. I'm going to talk to my boss today. Bebo will help with making up the lost income - my stress level is so high that I'm just tired all of the time, and I can't seem to do those 8 hour shifts anymore, plus it will get me away from the bookstore - and the things in it that are making me sick all of the time. I'm really allergic to the place. We've had so many leaks that the mold in the stockroom/breakroom is horrendous - and will he pull up the carpet and just leave the cement floor - NO - I guess he likes the mold spores floating around. :(

Scott said...

My goodness, I'm glad you labelled them all groaners!

Free agency opens tonight at 11PM. Look for acquisition news in the morning!

Toni Anderson said...

Groan--thump (my head hitting my desk--which is broken again LOL)

Bailey Stewart said...

I warned you they were groaners.

Peggy said...

Groannnn! :-)

Diane said...

I think "silly person" is the polite way to describe a "numpty". :o)

Bailey Stewart said...

Ohhhkay - new word for Eve :)

Amie Stuart said...

>>the trouble must be at your end!"

*Howling*

Melissa Marsh said...

Ha! Those were funny, even if I did groan. ;-)

Joely Sue Burkhart said...

Great Groaners!!! Hugs on the stress--I hope you can work out alternatives soon!

christa said...

Huge groaners. I loved the last one.
I'm getting a new fridge.

Susan said...

Loved the Groaners! Good luck with your boss.

Shirley said...

Excellent groaners there. I liked the first one best.
Hope you manage a good nap before Sunday. Take care of yourself.

Siobhan said...

An 8 hour shift sounds tough, especially if you're allergic to the place. I know what you mean about feeling tired. I think we humans were meant to sleep through the winter all cozied up in our caves. Modern day life sometimes is far too stressful. BTW loved the jokes - groaners are the best! Have a great weekend y'all and GET SOME SLEEP!

Bailey Stewart said...

Especially if your body is already breaking down from stress. So, I got the 4 hour shift. If I could find $300 a month I could quit altogether and concentrate on mom and the writing - yeah, if wishes were horses.

Groaners are the B-movies of jokes. There are some B-movies that are so bad they're good and the same with some groaners. I try to pick the ones that at least make you crack a grin.

Brandy said...

OMG, I love the last one. Will have to show DH when he gets home from work. It sounds like something he might do, (if he hadn't already been in the military). Sorry to hear about your tiredness. Allergies, huh? I hate those. Hope you feel better soon! Hey, aren't there tests to determine if the mold in a home (or in this case a business) is toxic? Maybe if you could prove the stuff is dangerous, the owner would pull up the carpet.

christa said...

Just finished watching Las Vegas and Donny Osmond was a guest star. My heart was just pittering and pattering.LOL

ruby55 said...

Groooaaan! (grin) (They are funny.)

Poor Eve. You and me both. The stress is definitely it for me. My stomach's tied in knots and today I don't even feel like being on the computer or much like reading. There's definitely something wrong. Oh, right. I did forget to take my medication as well.

That's horrible about the mold and leaky basement. I don't know if I could stand it. I'm "just" worrying about he rats in the basement--if I'll have any untainted, unchewed books left by the time warmer weather arrives and the blighters go outside--at least I hope they do.

"numpty" where did that come from. I'm gathering all sorts of new, weird words from "A Word-a-Day" e-mails to "Word Shootout" on www.hugeprize.com. I've got lists and lists of letter combinations for which I have no meanings. One of these days...

In German, this pre-spring malaise is also called "Fruehjahrsmuedigkeit" or "spring fatigue." So let's all blame it on the coming spring though I'm sure we all long for it.

Bailey Stewart said...

Oh Ruby - not me. My asthma and allergies are worse in the summer - I hate heat. I don't want the temp to go above 70 - ever (unless I were to ever lose enough weight to want to go swimming). So Spring is not a good time for me - reminds me that summer is coming.