Sunday, March 19, 2006

One and a Halves

One of those nights - have you ever had one where you wake up almost exactly the same amount of time all night long? Every one and a half hour, almost on the dot, I woke up. Devlin stayed next to me all night and kept having seizures, but this time he stayed on the bed. And it wasn't the seizures that woke me up every time. I went to sleep at 10:00 and woke up at 11:30 and that set the pattern for the entire night.

He isn't much better today. I'm supposed to go to a birthday party - my uncle's 96 birthday in fact. I'm not that overly fond of him, but I'd feel bad if hardly anyone showed up. My aunt has been really nice and has even sat for mom while I go out so I'd hate to disappoint her and then ask her to sit again. Mom would like to go. But there's three reasons I'm considering not going - 1) I'm tired, its raining and the kids won't be playing outside; 2) As I said, it's raining, storming in fact and I don't particularly like to drive in thunderstorms, nor do I want to take mom out in one where she's liable to get soaked in the process; 3) I really don't want to leave Devlin alone if he's having these seizures. The thing is that there are people there that mom would love to see. Her sister, for instance, who she hasn't seen since Christmas (they don't drive and live in another town). I guess I could take her out to see them this week to make up for it.

I don't know, my aunt would not understand the animal thing - she grew up on farms and animals are animals - so she doesn't understand how this particular one is more my baby than my pet. More my baby than the other cats I own.

Guess I'll stop here before I become too maudlin.

16 comments:

Kate H said...

Hugs, Eve - you're really going through the mill this week. Hope Devlin picks up again soon.

Make the right decision for *you* for this party. If you know you'll spend the next week upset for not going, then sweet-talk a friend into cat-sitting and go for a little while (a compromise). Or maybe talk to your aunt: you might find that she *does* understand. (Would taking Devlin with you be an option?)

Toni Anderson said...

Sounds like you are torn. Whatever you decide you'll feel guilt. So figure out who's need is greater, your family or Devlin. Being tired makes decision making even harder.

Bailey Stewart said...

Devlin is only calm if I'm sitting/laying next to him on the bed, so I'll be spending most of the morning doing just that - curling up with him. He's had 3 seizures since 6:30, poor baby. He's due for the pheno at 10:00 - and he'll be getting his first 1 whole pill dosage - so we'll see how that goes.

Bebo is thinking about going to the party and taking mom - depends on how much of her homework she can get done this morning.

I think I've just about made up my mind not to go - and no Kate, taking Devlin isn't an option, I wish it were. And yes Toni - I'm so tired that any decision I make is suspect.

Olga said...

Eve, I'm so sorry your baby is sick. So then maybe Bebo can take your mom to the birthday party? I wish I could help you more, girl!

Bailey Stewart said...

Thanks Olga - it helps that so many people care.

It's up in the air about Bebo. But then again, if this pouring rain doesn't stop nobody is going because there's no way to get mom into the church where the party is without her getting soaked.

Siobhan said...

Oh help! Sounds as if whatever decision you make you'll feel bad. But my guess is that you're probably staying with your baby. Hopefully the pheno has worked and he's stopped having the seizures. Poor you! And poor, poor Devlin. Cyber hugs ((((Eve and Devlin))))

Susan said...

Lots of hugs Eve. Do what is best for YOU! Don't worry what others think. If Bebo can take your mom that would be great.

Dennie McDonald said...

I agree w/ Toni (and it sounds like Devlin is the one...) but then I have the two very hairy daughters, w/ wet tongues and long tails to go w/ my 4 not-so-hairy but just a rambuncious boys so....

try to get some rest!

Bailey Stewart said...

It's not looking good folks. I'm staying home. Plus, as Dennie can attest - it's pretty nasty weather we have going here.

ruby55 said...

Oh, sometimes the call between "duty" and what you feel you can do and cope with and what you really want to do can be very frustrating. I know that from innumerable occasions myself. If I ever decide which copier-printer-scanner I'm going to get from Air Miles, I'll send you a copy of "A Caregiver's Rights". You are a *caregiver*. Don't ever forget that you *give* care, you're not taking from anybody but yourself.

But you do have to give care to yourself as well. I had to learn that as I was caring for my mother. I was at her beck and call. She'd call me at all hours of the day and night and I'd journey over to her "assisted living" place at whatever time she called and needed help. I had a key to the building and her apartment.

I hope you decided to do what was right for you. Is your uncle's mind still sharp? Will he realize you're missing? I know you don't want to disappoint your aunt but I'm sure she'll be understanding if you say that you don't want to take your mother out in that kind of weather. Don't even mention Devy if it's not necessary. Mention your own desperate need for sleep if anything.

Yeah, the guilt will come either way--at least that's always my biggest problem. But I'll pray that you'll make the decision that's right for *you*. As caregiver, you really do need to give care to yourself. After my doctor convinced me of that, the decisions became easier, even if not totally guilt-free.

Prayers and hugs for all of you including Devlin.

Brandy said...

Eve, We're praying here for you and Devlin. Wish I could give you a hug, but hopefully the thought is enough? Don't feel conflicted about the party. I'm sure your family will be forgiving.. Maybe a note in the mail?

Tori Lennox said...

*hugs* hon. I vote for staying home. For all the reasons you mentioned.

Lis said...

*hugs* to you and Devlin. Hope he's feeling better after his pill.

Bailey Stewart said...

Well, we didn't go. Rain was too bad at the time to leave (big ol' clap of thunder - house rattling) and mom does have the sniffles. I'm waiting for a while to call my aunt ... (I know - chicken). Yes, my uncle is still of sound mind.

I did get some sleep - about 2 hours. Kids can't play outside in thunderstorms.

Devlin hasn't left my bed in 7 hours. No seizures - I gave him a whole pill this morning so he is obviously quite out of it because of the dosage. Hope that's it. He hasn't eaten or done *anything* else.

ruby55 said...

I sort of feel sorry for both your aunt and your uncle. That bad weather must have put a damper on anybody else's plans as well. I certainly hope some people managed to go.

I'm glad you and your mom stayed home.

Hugs

Bailey Stewart said...

Oh no - my aunt was quick to point out that several people drove through this from out of town - even from Oklahoma. Good grief.