Friday, November 10, 2006

Here, There, Spam Everywhere

My dear. (Yes?)
You still working on it? (I’m always working on it.)
Need some help? (Nope, I got it.)
Diagnosed late pregnancy. (Real late.)
Elm useless. (Maple not so good either.)
Rene wrote: (She better, it’s Nano time.)
So what. (Don’t ever say that to someone in the middle of Nano!)
911 address change. (Ahhh, I just got that number memorized.)
I am writing to find love. (You’re looking for love in all the wrong places.)
If you think your penis looks like a sponge. (I haven’t seen my penis. Honest.)
Your neighbors lost their alarm clock. (I think they gave it away.)
Did not. (Did too.)
Found them, five thousand. (Five thousand! Where in the hell did someone put five thousand alarm clocks?)
Your neighbors won’t tell you everything. (I wish they wouldn’t tell me anything.)
We are still looking to buy another position. (I’d settle for buying a vowel Pat.)
I’m going to show you this, but keep it secret. (I won’t tell anybody, promise. Y’all, don’t look.)
You broke my heart. (I'm sorry. They won't tell either.)
Wanna fascinate the girls with your penis? (Add that to my late pregnancy and I would fascinate The National Enquirer.)
Do you want to do this again next week? (Sure, how about Friday?)


Brandy said...

Hahahaha! You get better and better every time and I can't believe I'm jealous that you get such funny Spam!
Loving the party dress on the Avatar!

Bailey Stewart said...

Thank you. Thankyouverymuch.

Brandy said...

Awwwww, Bailey as Elvis. Can you swivel your hips too? (without introducing alcohol to your system *g*)
Seriously, you know you have talent when you can make Spam not only funny and entertaining, but something to look forward to reading every week! Woo-hoo, Bailey!! I can't wait until you're published.

Bailey Stewart said...

Yeah, you and the voices. I do plan to get back at it after the holidays. Just to my angst at the moment - can't think funny with my mom's two most favorite holidays coming up.

Brandy said...

I'm truly sorry sweetie. I know it's not a consolation to hear it so soon, but it does get easier. You never forget, the pain just diminishes.

Bailey Stewart said...

Oh I know - went through it with Dad since he died in October too. I'm just closer to mom than I was to dad. It'll be okay.

Off to bed now.

Shesawriter said...

Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet! LOL!

Meretta said...

The SPAMARAMA was as good as always. The sponge thing though? Ick?

((Bailey)) Hang in there. We're here for you!

Michele said...

We are still looking to buy another position?

I had a whole different take on THAT question....
Like, Missionary isn't good enough?

At last, I have alarm clocks!

Great as always BUT, the sponge penis? Isn't that a SpongeBob kind of thing?

Soo...If Lorrena Bobbit was married to the square amd yellow and pourous one and she cut IT off... would that be calling it a
Sponge BOB?????

LOLOLOL - I am SO sick...;-)

Bailey Stewart said...

Michele - yes, I thought of that, but since the vowel thing came into my mind first - I went with it.

And yes, you are sick - that's why we lurve you. :)

Susan said...

You have no idea how much I needed your Spamarama! It's the first thing that has made me smiled today.

Bailey Stewart said...

Awww (((Susan))) I'm sorry you're having a bad day. Hope it gets better. And the hamster story on Jill's blog should bring a smile too.

Tori Lennox said...

You get the funniest spam!!!

And I can't for the life of me imagine why anyone would WANT 5000 alarm clocks! Can you imagine the NOISE???

ruby55 said...

First good chuckles I've had since I've come back to the good ole U.... Hey, what am I thinking here? Of course, it's good ole Canada.

I'm wondering where most of the younger crowd think they are today. The wedding in Mexico was a lot of "fun" by the standards of the 20s-30s crowd. I'm hoping they actually were sober enough to remember the wedding.

The shuttle bus to Cancun arrived at the appointed time yesterday but four of "our" girls ("our" meaning the 60 wedding guests) almost missed it. By CST it was 6:35 a.m. when they were supposed to leave the resort but they were lost in a land of their own, still asleep until the resort management woke them up by phoning their room when they didn't appear. I hope they had their suitcases packed at least. Anyway, the bus did wait for them. At Cancun airport, they thought they could have something to eat and do some duty-free shopping. So the plane had to wait for them too. It's probably not the first or last time that's happened. A plane for Baltimore left without one family, however, when they didn't arrive at their gate after being paged 4 or 5 times.

The wedding was great: it finally halted the round of showers we had and some of them were real cloudbursts. So we had one full day, Wednesday, with no rain. It rained on and off until about an hour before the wedding. But the wedding couple looked great together, though both were clearly nervous like any bride and groom in front of 60 guests and sundry passersby. And the bride came barefooted. Is there a story in that?

I'm still pretty tired and have a cold coming on--even without a lot of booze. Had to think often of you, Eve, since we were in your time-zone and not all that far away. Would have been nice to have you there.

ruby55 said...

P.S. Still sending my thoughts and prayers your way.

Toni Anderson said...

LOL--thank goodness it is Friday :)

Ruby--glad the wedding went well and you didn't get a hangover :)

catslady said...

oh I want to be facinated roflmao.

Olga said...

Lol! I love your spamarama, Bailey! Thanks for the laughs!

Lis said...

lol Love the 2nd last one, think of how many late night talk shows you'd be invited on :)