Spammit!

Do you want to buy almost free software? (Nope, I’ll wait until it goes on sale.)
Postponement rocking chair (I prefer a recliner.)
When to stop blogging. (When you talk back to spam.)
Snuggly feeling comment. (Awwww, you’re about as sweet as a cuddly, wuddly teddy bear.)
Is it too small? (Is what … no, wait, don’t tell me.)
Big penis is a revolution in your pants. Be big with advanced Gain Pro Penis Enlargement Patch. (Believe me, I’d know if something were going on in my pants, whether they’re pros or amateurs.)
Don’t be left out, join millions of men in the revolution. (My pants aren’t that big … no comment from the peanut gallery.)
This is insane. (Tell me about it.)
Which rules are in effect here? (Mine, obviously.)
Queen (You got it.)
Daisy (The Duchess isn’t going to help you.)
Customer Alert: Your Fifth Third Bank account. (My what? I can barely keep money in one.)
Temper (Oh, I’m not angry. You’ll know when I’m angry.)
Mayday (No reason to call for help. I told you, I’m not angry.)
Sonar arrest (Huh? Just for sending a false mayday? Man, y'all are tough.)
Don’t let the anger consume you, Our Penis Enlargement Patches … (Would you stop with the Penis. I’m a woman!)
Want to be the man you could be. (It depends, is he rich and handsome?)
We prefer the truth. (I’m kind of partial to it myself.)
Don’t lie to yourself, satisfied with your penis size? (I give up. Yes, I’m satisfied with my penis size.)
Want to double the size of your penis? (Okay, now I’m getting angry.)