Saturday, November 25, 2006

Laughter is the Best Medicine

I've seen some of these before, but there are enough new ones to make this a worthwhile semi-repeat.

The following are actual medical records taken from patient's charts around North America:
* The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
* Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
* She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
* The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
* I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
* The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times aweek.
* Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
* She is numb from her toes down.
* While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
* The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
* The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
* Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
* Patient was alert and unresponsive.
* When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
* Male patient insists that his HIV was inherited, and not from sexual activity.

19 comments:

Lis said...

lmao, I love these. Too funny! And cute avatar :o)

Dru said...

LOL!! Smiling at jokes is a good way to start the day. Thanks!

Saskia Walker said...

Much enjoyed, Bailey. Thanks for sharing!

Susan said...

rotfl, these are too funny! Thanks for the laughs, Bailey.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. Perhaps this person used the Penis Enlargement Patch. LOL

Olga said...

Bailey, I loved these! I was laughing out loud. I can't believe they are actual notes. Thanks for sharing!

christa said...

Yesterday I was drooling today I'm spewing whatever I'm drinking.
I was at the dentist yesterday for them just the replace the filling that fell out. The next thing I know is that the dentist took the tooth out. At least she gave me drugs. Luckily we didn't have our Thanksgiving right now. My plate would have been kind of empty with just mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie(no crust)

Meretta said...

Too funny, Bailey. How come these don't show up on ER, I wonder? ;)

Christa, hope you're feeling better soon!

christa said...

Thanks Meretta
I kind of resemble a chipmunk. I didn't sleep well last night cause every time I tried sleeping on my left side and my jaw would press against the pillow it would hurt. I am thankful for drugs (though now I am groggy, loopy and drowsy)

Brandy said...

Love the Avatar!! And these are scarey ansd funny. Makes you wonder about the state of healthcare today.

Brandy said...

Christa, if you can type that well and be coherent on drugs, you go girl!! Actually, sorry to hear about the trip t the dentist. I scare them.

Siobhan said...

*VBG* Cheered me up on a rainy, windy November evening, helped by a glass of wine. Hope y'all are enjoying the weekend.:-)

Bailey Stewart said...

I kinda like the avatar myself - thanks!

Christa - Ouch. Sorry about the tooth. I'm afraid I'm going to have a time whenever I can finally get to a dentist. *cringe*

Bailey Stewart said...

Oh, and Susan - you're probably right, it's that Eiffel Tower syndrome. LOL

Dennie McDonald said...

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

It was a dude, right?

oops, sorry was that sexist? With five guys in my house. . . I'm still guessing I'm right . . .

=)

Bailey Stewart said...

Dennie - LOL, I think you're probably right. Or a blond ... *TeeHee*

Daisy Dexter Dobbs said...

These are fabulous, Bailey! I think real life usually presents bigger laughs than manufactured comedy. I did a blog post on the same subject back in October and two of the most memorable ones were:

“Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized”

and

“Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities”

;-)

Bailey Stewart said...

Oh Duchess, I remember that one. Those were great!

christa said...

Siobhan
Maybe I'll join in on that glass of wine, wait I can't have alcohol with these drugs(I'll probably end up alert and unresposive.)
I just talked to the cable provider cause the have this deal where you bundle the cable, internet and digital phone. They must be real busy cause they can't come unil Dec. 5.

Sandy J said...

'Weeping' with laughter over these! I need to take these to work with me. Loved the 'eyes rolled around the room' one.