Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Real Newspaper Ads


Oh, the picture? That's Bubba the Red-Necked Kitty (A.K.A. Seamas). Bebo was getting ready for work one morning and when she started gathering her stuff to leave - well, there was Bubba smack dab in the middle of her purse. Little Bugger thought he was going to work with her. Know what else this means? I can upload pictures again. Yay!

I didn't get a lot done yesterday. Had to balance checkbooks first and then set to work on the living room and den. But with only three hours of sleep Monday night I wasn't making a lot of progress (you can tell I've worked, but I could have gotten a lot more done. Finally gave in around 1:00 and went to take a nap, only to have my Aunt and Uncle (they were in for a few days from Iowa) show up about 1:45. They didn't leave until around 3:30 - so no nap and I'm tired. Wednesday is work on study day. Keep the fingers crossed that I can devote the entire day to it. Anyway, just to keep you occupied and off the streets, here are some rather insteresting real newspaper ads. My version of Jay Leno's Funny Headlines.

REAL NEWSPAPER ADS
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.
FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FREE PUPPIES...
Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog...able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat .... been out a while.
Better be a reward.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
NORDIC TRACK
$300 Hardly used, call Chubby.
GEORGIA PEACHES
California grown - 89 cents lb.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer $300.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE.
Call Stephanie.
FOR SALE:
Set of 3 stainless steel bowels. $25.00.
DINNER SPECIAL:
Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
FOR SALE:
An antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
ILLITERATE?
Write today for free help.
TIRED OF CLEANING YOURSELF?
Let me do it.
WANTED:
Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
STOCK UP AND SAVE:
Limit: One
WANTED:
3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
AND THE BEST ONE:
FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition.
$1,000 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married last month.
Wife knows everything.

And the winner of the copy of Closer ... is - Meretta. Send me your snail mail information. The book should be here in about a week or so.

And if you weren't around Monday or Tuesday (why weren't you?), I'm not here. Not blogging. (well, except Jill's and one dart over to Donna Kauffman's to razz her about basketball) I'm cleaning. Really. Honestly I am. I'll be back Thursday (hopefully) or maybe Friday. But there will be Spamarama. I promise.

Have a good one everybody.

27 comments:

Meretta said...

Hey Eve!!! I'm here first again!! :D Too cool. And thanks ever so much for the copy of CLOSER. You're good peeps!

ROFLOL at the newspaper ads. Verrah funny! Good luck with the rest of the cleaning! Want to come do mine? And didn't you say the relatives would be coming over? You're psychic!

Lis said...

Congrats to Meretta!

LOL at the newspaper ads. Too funny :o)

Good luck with the cleaning!

Scott said...

I loved those newspaper ads. I thought I had a favorite, but they were all so funny.

Kelly Boyce said...

The news ads are hilarious. Good luck with your day!

Bailey Stewart said...

Meretta - um, no *gg* And I've been called psychotic, but never psychic. It's just a case of, with this family, what can go wrong usually does.

Lis - glad you enjoyed them.

Scott - Stupid headlines is one of my favorite Leno bits and I try to watch it every Monday night.

Thanks Kelly.

Kelley Nyrae said...

That is so cute. I love cats! I'm really wanting one.

Anonymous said...

Congrats Meretta!

LOL at the newspaper ads. You could be a writer for Leno!

Carol M said...

Cats will sleep anywhere! lol

Congrats Meretta!

I always love the funny ads!

Denise McDonald said...

awww kitty - I still want one - but the allergies abound in our house.....

Anonymous said...

Agree--I like that last one!
Bwaaaaaaaaa!!! :-D

Bailey Stewart said...

Peggy - I get an ezine that's a jokes of the day. This was on it, and then I googled to get the rest.

Stacy - Have to keep y'all entertained while I'm gone.

Kelley - they're a joy.

Susan - I think Leno's are funnier.

Carol - Bubba will try to sleep in anything - whether he'll fit or not.

Dennie - and those hairless cats are horrid looking.

Raine - of course she does.

Not getting a lot done (at least not as much as I wanted). Still working at it. See y'all at supper time.

Brandy said...

OMG! Those ads are hilarious. Who knew that people are so....., well that people can be crazy no matter where we live!
Congratulations Maretta!!
Awwwwww, Seamus is adorable, he looks so comfy!
Sorry to hear about the lack of sleep, try and take it easy.

Anonymous said...

Well, Eve, thanks for a laugh out loud afternoon. These sound as good as the ones in Richard Lederer's "Anguished English" books. Absolutely great.

I'm so sorry that my wishes for a nice didn't help. I couldn't sleep all night. I had an optometrist's appointment at 10:20 and didn't even have a real nap yesterday afternoon. But still, no sleep. Yuck. Actually, when I have a morning appointment, I usually try to stay up all night. That's easier than having to drag myself out of sleep. Don't know why sleeping didn't work last night.

Seeing one of your ads reminded me of a morning back in 1964 (think Elvis or Cassius Clay or both were in the army at the time in Germany), my uncle, aunt, 4 little kids and I were driving to church and listening to a German light music station. The announcer came on and told us: "The Hollywood Bowel Orchestra will now play music by Aaron Copland." We three adults almost died laughing while the kids just stared at us (1 yr to 4 and a half). They also mispronounced Coloraydo and Palomaino. "Englische Sprache, schwere Sprache, no?"

How were they to know whether the "ow" in bowl was pronounce like know and not like how? Or that Colorado and Palomino came from Spanish rather than English and were pronounced according to those laws. No, English is a difficult language.

Anonymous said...

Sheesh! "Writer, don't proofread your own writing." I did reread it and still left mistakes. Boohoo.

Of course I meant "my wishes for a nice *nap* didn't help."

Melissa Amateis said...

I love those newspaper ads!

Anonymous said...

FOR SALE:
Set of 3 stainless steel bowels. $25.00


ROFL! You'd think you could get more something like that. *g*

I love funny want ads. Ours are usually boring. Except for the LOOOONG period of time when somebody needed help at the turtle farm. :)

Shesawriter said...

Hey Eve,

Just stopping in to say HI and that I'm back to blogging. My daughter graduated from High School. She's DRIVING NOW (yes, I'm a basketcase) AND she's got a job .... working nights. Can you see why I haven't been blogging? I've been courting a nervous breakdown. LOL! Hope everything is going well with you and yours.

Tanya

Jordan Summers said...

Those are funny. I had no idea you owned a kitty purse. *ggg* ;)

Toni Anderson said...

People are so funny!!!!

WTG Meretta!!!!

Bailey Stewart said...

Brandy - trying to take it easy - clean study; trying to take it easy - clean study. Well, I'll give you two guesses which one is winning out. Not good.

Ruby - the Hollywood bowel anecdote was funny.

Melissa - I do too, obviously.

Tori - turtle farm? LOL

Hi Tanya - nervous breakdown? Skirting that one myself.

Jordan - kitty purse, kitty laundry basket, kitty dresser drawer, kitty shoebox, kitty wicker basket ...

Toni - yeah, and so are typo gremlins.

Anonymous said...

One gay bull, lol. Gay giraffes! You sold me queer giraffes. They just stand around, not mating...

Sandy J said...

Those are hysterical! And, of course, as usual, love the avatar.

Joely Sue Burkhart said...

Oh, Eve, these are great! Hope your cleaning is going well.

Meretta said...

Thanks for the congrats, guys! And thanks to Eve!

catslady said...

I'm just making it under the wire - it's 11:56 pm. Boy, don't get online one day and I'm totally backed up.

Congrats Maretta!!

Cats - gotta love them.

Unknown said...

What a beautiful picture of Seamas! Aw, what a cutie.
I love those ads. Especially love the gay bull and the steel bowels...
Good luck with everything!

Anonymous said...

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE.

I know the feeling. Loved this blog. Bubba and the ads put a smile on my face. :)