Friday, June 09, 2006

Spam I Am .... And a Contest Too

Oh no! I’ve become my own running-joke. Three times this week I, Queen of Spamarama, have been accused of being spam. The gall. I’m aghast. Aghast I say. Flabbergasted to say the least. Me. Spam. I am Spam. Spam I am. It’s ludicrous – and I absolutely love it. Really. I think it’s hysterical. And in light of my new stature, here’s today’s spamarama – with a contest at the end.

Hi, paraffin paper (hello Saran Wrap)
How does this sound (Can you hear me now?)
test Leo (DeCaprio? Does he need testing? Okay.)
contentious (Hey, you trying to start an argument or something?)
Your mother has always dreamed of having sweet grandkids (too bad, she’s stuck with the jerks she has now)
Lower payments, giblet-checked (Chicken liver)
Your neighbors have lost their alarm clock (And I’ve lost my mind; we’re even)
Citation recognized from Detective Paul Edwardsd (Don’t give me a citation. Give it to whoever keeps taking those alarm clocks)
Felonious movements noted (No sh*t Sherlock)
Just about time (No, it’s about alarm clocks)
Since the early childhood I was called an ugly duckling. When I became a teenager … (You were still ugly)
One hot chick I knew used to take a ruler for every new date. (Who? Henry VIII ?)
Lokdxmgld xbhbixn elzuq nzhe dgoirnn mhcckkrw! (Watch it! We don’t use that kind of language around here.)
Your personal form inadequate. (I beg your pardon. You leave my personal form alone)
Try Penis Enlarge Patch before risking with vacuum pump method (OUCH!)


Contest? Did I say contest? Remember all of those nice remarks people said about Raine Weaver’s new book Let’s Pretend (June 5)? Wanna chance to win a copy? I have two, count them two, pristine copies of said book for two lucky winners. All you have to do is answer this question. When you were a child, what did you like to pretend to be? I’ll pick two names on Sunday night.

EDIT: Siobhan is going through a health crisis at the moment. Please keep her in your thoughts and, if you're the praying sort, say some prayers.

41 comments:

Melissa Amateis said...

Your spam Fridays crack me up, Eve. :-)

Hope your Friday is WONDERFUL!

Brandy said...

It's Spam friday already? Where did the week go? LOVE THESE. What's up with the alarm clocks, still?
As for childhood? I used to pretend I was Wonder Woman, NO LAUGHING! For a long time, when I was a teenager I wanted to be a Veterinarian.

Bailey Stewart said...

You too Melissa.

Brandy - technically, it's still Thursday, does that help?

I wouldn't laugh at Wonder Woman - she might lasso me.

I forgot to mention that I used to pretend I was Chechov's (sp?) wife from Star Trek.

Lis said...

Your now spam??? Wow, high compliment lol

I like the citation one.

Can't really remember what I used to pretend to be in childhood, I know I used to make up menu's for my own restaurant lol

Anonymous said...

Great contest idea, Spam! *gg*

(the magic lasso was cool...) :-)

Brandy said...

Hedy Raine, don't forget the cool cuff bracelets. I'm all for magic jewelry!

Bailey Stewart said...

I liked the plane myself.

Anonymous said...

Spamarama Friday! WooHoo!

Personally, I wanted to be... The Girl From Uncle or Honey West. Or Race Bannon's girlfriend Jade. Whew! Some kick-@$$ women there, even without Wonder Woman's magic jewelry & super-cool plane.

Denise McDonald said...

I was a singer - no, no don't laugh but always a singer - that's why I love American Idol 'cause I can so see me on the show - on the "you suck" reel!

Scott said...

Ah, the old penis pump. I remember, it was called the Maxim. Doesn't that sound a little self-immolating? And what fool would use one?

Anonymous said...

Lower payments, giblet-checked (Chicken liver)

I don't know why but this one had me giggling hysterically. Just HOW would giblets check anything??? *g*

Bailey Stewart said...

That's my Bebo - always wanting to kick some ass.

Stacy - Dolphin's good. I used to like the pool too.

Dennie - I'm not laughing.

Scott - somebody does or else they wouldn't keep making them. Just like the breast enlargers.

Tori - they would just wing it. Or they would get down to the heart of the matter. Or ...

I don't know, paraffin paper kind of made me laugh - reminded me of gum. Yeah gum. My maternal grandmother would give us a piece of paraffin dipped in jelly if we asked for gum. Stopped asking.

Toni Anderson said...

I always wanted to be Farrah Fawcett because she got to kiss the Million Dollar Man!!

And like Brandy I wanted to be a vet, until I found out you actually had to work hard in school!!

Kelley Nyrae said...

Supermans wife! Didnt even know who she was, but I was in love with Superman! To my moms shock I once told her I wanted to kiss him! I was only about 5 years old.

Anonymous said...

SPAM, SPAM, SPAM...

I liked playing house with the little boys. I was the mommy and they were the daddy. We did a lot of kissing, that's all, really. *gg*

Unknown said...

Brilliant spam. I love these. Glad I'm not the only one with an inadequate personal form.
When I was a kid, I was the nurse. Everyone had to walk around with bandages ... me, who faints at the sight of a needle. :o)

Meretta said...

LOL at the spam, Eve. You make me want some! Kind of.

I wanted to be Wonder Woman. Heck, I *was* Wonder Woman. Used to be that I'd have a bath and afterward streak around the house in only my underwear and towel (my cape) and scream "Wonder Woman!!" at the top of my lungs. Luckily I grew out of it. ;)

Anonymous said...

Have I ever said how much I love Spamarama Fridays? :)

I used to pretend I was an explorer on a deserted island and would investigate the woods and mine shafts that surrounded our house. What else would you expect from someone who grew up in a town that is so small it only needs 4 Stop signs! LOL

Siobhan said...

Eve thanks so much for your prayers. It really helps to know that others are rooting for you. You're right about laughter being a great medicine and I've taken my first dose here! **gg**

Bailey Stewart said...

Toni - Farrah Fawcett would have worked. I liked Lee Majors too.

Kelley - what do you think about this new Superman?

Susie - sure, right. I believe you. ;-)

I'm sorry to laugh Shirley - but I do know how you hate needles. LOL

Susan - Thank you. I used to have woods at the end of my street in Iowa and loved to explore them every day.

Siobhan - keep laughing. It beats tears every time.

Anonymous said...

Love your spam-o-rama. I used to pretend to be a firefighter. I'm not sure if it was because I wanted to save lives (blah blah blah) or because I intrisically loved men in that particular unifrorm.

Anonymous said...

You are spam....shame on you. I used to get upset at work if they the computer tech said I had brought a virus in ....I felt so nasty!

I used to pretend I was a teacher and try to force my younger siblings into doing schoolwork for me to grade.

Anonymous said...

Great contest Eve, lol!

And yes--the invisible plane, the bulletproof bracelets...yeaahhhh...

I remember Honey West! Great beauty mark. :-)

catslady said...

I tried all day yesterday to post but it never did work. I especially wanted to thank you for my book that I received from the name contest :)
Depends on what age I was but a ballerina, veterinarian or Elvis Presley's girlfriend - roflmao.
Hugs Siobhan.

Lexi said...

I used to pretend to be the Bionic Woman and very often I had to save the Six Million Dollar Man!

Carol M said...

That's a hard one! I don't remember ever pretending to be something. I spent most of my time reading! lol

I had trouble with the Word Verification again. Thanks for telling me to refresh. It worked.

Tracy Sharp - Author of the Leah Ryan Series said...

When I was four years old, I remember walking around flexing my tiny muscles and pretending to be Popeye. I really wanted to kick everyone's ass. Not much has changed :)

Anonymous said...

Finally! I think it's the first time this week that I've actually got through to the comments page. Well Friday. I thought yesterday was Friday until I got a call from an official agency this morning and saw that the time on my phone read June 9, 9:15 a.m.

Well, it's fun time as usual today. Thanks for that, Eve. I just got up. Dumb, eh? I think I'm still a little sleep-hungover and my brain is not working all that well.

My pretending time goes a long way back. I used to pretend that I was married to the Lone Ranger and a friend of mine was married to Wild Bill Hickok. We had some fun times playing. Yep, those used to be the TV shows of that time. No women heroines that I can remember. I wonder where I even saw the other shows because we didn't get a TV until 10 years later. All the shows I really liked had guys wearing masks of some kind--physical or metaphorical. They were people like Zorro, or undercover agents. I guess that's why I like romantic suspense too.

Siobhan, I send you hugs and prayers and I'll admit that I could definitely use some myself.

Hope you'll feel better soon.

Anonymous said...

Love your spamarama posts!

What did I want to be when I grew up? A pathologist. Hopefully I've become less weird as I aged.

Anonymous said...

Off this topic. Catching up for the rest of the week.

Ok. I see that Wed. and yesterday I couldn't comment because of blogger.com problems and not only on yours.

Phew! I'm so relieved I'm not the only one with a memory problem. They way I'm treated when I forget something makes me think I'm the only person in the world who forgets things. They keep telling me to write notes too. And I've had the same problem you guys do when I do that--I lose the notes or forget them when I go shopping. I regularly go somewhere with a specific purpose in mind and when I get there I find I've forgotten the form I needed or even why I wanted to go there at all.

And as for remotes--ugh. I got a DVD player for my birthday last year. I watched one DVD and part of another before the remote went missing. I didn't find it. It was my nephew when we were packing for my move some 8 months later.

As to what I'm reading: At present I'm reading a Harlequin anthology of books with one each by Stella Cameron, Jayne Anne Krentz and Tess Gerritsen written between 1985 and 1995. Two of them I have somewhere in the basement but I finally wanted to read them. Stella's I wanted to read because I go to the Runningwithquills blog and so far she was the only writer on it that I hadn't read anything by. Now there's Lori Foster as well. Sigh. Another one to read.

I've also started Jane Fonda's book "My Life so Far" and Simon Winchester's book about the San Francisco earthquake. I know there's bunch of others as well but most of those are in lala land in the basement. Who knows when I'll get to them.

Amie Stuart said...

I was wonderwoman too! and Barbie (WTF??) ok so I wanted to be blonde, sue me. I'm not really playing but I had to comment. happy friday eve!

And Cat Woman...cuz she was meowwwwwwww

Michele said...

Argh! Blogger ate my comment!
I hate repeating my self.

*sigh*

OK, lets try this again.
Great Spam fun today. Woot!
And now the answer to

What I imagined myself to be:
First, I am thrilled that I am not alone in my fantasy. Lots of company I see.

Yes, I was Wonder Woman!
I had the Knee High, High Heeled, Glossy Black Boots that tied up to the top via gold studs , the red and white striped halter top and the jean short shorts. My Hair was long enough to anchor it to the back of my head with a pencil so when I did the twirly thing, I'd pull the pencil and my hair would swirl around me when I then sped away into the woods behind my house to rescue abducted cats, dogs and imagined men in distress.

Of course, now a days, men in distress would be treated different, and the things I can imagine doing with a lasso and those manacles in that invisible jet would put the wonder in any woman.

Then I grew up and just wanted to James T.Kirks bimbo of the day.
I figured he'd teach me what I needed to know. With these very savvy and thorough lessons, I'd then go out and ensnare Race Bannon and Space Ghost in my love web. Only to be thwarted by James West and Artemis Gordon because they thought I was in cahoots with Dr. Loveless. Next thing you know, I'm stuck with H. R. Puffinstuff and the Banana Splits - forced to watch a future show called Pee Wee's Playhouse while listening to that damned flute play muzak.

I don't imagine much anymore. Now I read Erotica.
Heh, go figure.

Laurie Wood said...

When I was a child I used to pretend I was Peter Pan. I didn't want to be pitiful Wendy, who fell from the sky and needed to be rescued! I wanted to be Peter Pan, and fight Pirates, and have a band of Lost Boys, and adventures, and fly. That was my biggest fantasy and lasted until I was about 11 or so. It was my favourite story until I discovered the Tarzan books, and then I fantasized about being him! lol! No gender identity crisis here, lol! No wonder I like to write about feisty heroines, and was a cop in my "first life". :)

Anonymous said...

Eve, I don't envy you having to choose!

Bailey Stewart said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Bailey Stewart said...

Must drink coffee before posting ...

Oh but Raine - that's the great thing about this contest. What you write doesn't matter, I just draw names of people who entered. It's an easy cop-out. And I remember Honey West too.

Sandy J said...

ROTFL! Again. Love Fridays spamarama.

When I was little I pretended to be a teacher or a writer. So I became a nurse. Go figure.

But my new position at work, I will be teaching and I am working on the writer part bit by bit. So never give up, right?

Denise McDonald said...

(((Siobhan)))


Sandy J - you are a writer -

Kelly (Lynn) Parra said...

Hmmm, I played a lot of pretend when I was little. There was a rock star, a doctor, a waitress, and a Pink Lady from Grease. lol! =D

Anonymous said...

Okay, I give up. Who was Honey West? She must have been on in the 70s, my lost N.A. decade. I just came here for a few holidays. Of course I heard about all the important events, but less about the everyday occurrences. The name "Honey West" does ring a bell, but that could just be because I've been reading the name here so much.

We're all entered in the book contest aren't we? The book sounds very "interesting" to say the least.

Anonymous said...

Ruby, Honey West was a detective show in...I'm thinking mid-sixties?

The star was beautiful blonde Ann Francis, who had a beauty mark on her cheek & ran her own detective agency using tight black clothing, judo, feminine wiles, etc. I seem to remember that she also had a pet leopard or ocelot. The show's lead-in shot was of the cat's face fading into hers, if memory serves. She was very feline-looking.

Think American Emma Peel, lol. Good show.

And good luck, everyone, with winning the book. ;-)