Wonderful Spam from the mind of an exhausted author.
The time is right to build a strong position (And my position is that you are scum)
Because you are my friend (No, you're just scum anyway)
Your neighbors lost their alarm clock (one, two, three ... all together now: we.don't.care.)
Incrimination authorized from Officer Carmelo Wiley (you're authorized to incriminate me? The charges won't stick. I didn't touch their freakin' alarm clock)
Neighborhood property market rating is rising. (Wait until they hear about the rash of alarm clock thefts)
I've found (What? The alarm clock? Better get it to Officer Wiley, he's trying to incriminate me.)
Your health, oil paint (We're safe - we used a lot of latex.)
With Viagara Soft Tabs you can crack nuts with your penis (Honey, I don't go that way. You might ... oh never mind)
Don't be inadequate anymore! (Not if I can crack nuts with my penis)
Felonious Tasks Documented (Who? Mine or Officer Wiley)
Your loan ... deion circuit breaker (No thank you ... Patti Power Strip)
You can see you are getting older: gray hair, wrinkles on your forehead, glasses (If I take my glasses off I can't see anything - so there!)
Listen to the voice of your penis. He is asking to get Penis Enlarge Patch. (I listened - he said "I'm in the wrong body.")
This is what I heard (If your penis is talking to you, I don't want to know about it.)
Because I know that the only reason you dropped by today was to find out the winner of Aussie Rules, here goes. Between Jeanne and I (waving at Jeanne - Paris or Bust will be in the mail today) we managed to get the loooooong list down to (and I've added middle names and surnames to some of these) Emma Sue Waggoner, Stella Mae Waggoner, Olivia Newsom, and Hannah Voss. I kept rolling them around in my head, trying different scenarious, inflections, etc. I kept coming back to Olivia. But I couldn't find anything ugly about it. No reason for it to bother her (also with Hannah). So I kept at it, but still my mind wanted Olivia. So I'll have to think of some other name for Scott to call her that would irritate her, sort of like Jordan always referring to Skye as comp girl (short for computer girl). Scott and Olivia sound good together too. So the winner is Loreth. Email me your snailmail and I'll get Aussie Rules to you. You'll really enjoy it. And to everyone else - thank you. There were so many good names. I'll tell you the final list of 10 - yes, that's as far down as we culled it - so honorable mention (but no prize except for my undying gratitude) goes to: (previously listed 4 above) Prue, Lily, Ruthanne, Claire, Chelsea, and Sarah. There's another giveaway for Sasha White's new book Bound coming up - she is a wonderful erotica writer and this is her first ST in print (although I highly recommend Gypsy Heart, an ebook).
35 comments:
lol *wipes tears from my eyes* Crikey, there's some good stuff in there :o) But what's with the alarm clock crime spree?
Congrats to Loreth!
I don't know - but it's in my bulk file every week, sometimes 2 times a week. I'm often tempted to open it to see what crap they're trying to sell me. And did you do as instructed and say "We.Don't.Care"?
Way to go Loreth!!!
Eve, love Spamarama Friday! The alarm clock one is.....alarming *g*. Oh, to irritate your character, have him call her Olive Oil (either after the actual oil, or Popeye's girlfriend.
That's a good one Brandy ... hey, lightbulb moment. Maybe she was real skinny in school and they all called her Olive Oyl. Hmmmmm, gotta think that one over ...
Ha, see, I DO have good ideas once in a while!!
yes you do. And your writing isn't as bad as you think it is. I'm going to try to finish "our" story this weekend.
Congratulations Loreth! I don't take much credit but I had a good time helping. And thanks for the book, Eve :)
Olivia was on your list too. That helped narrow it down. I figured if two of us liked it ...
My writing isn't as bad? Nope, it's WORSE!!!! Hahaha! I guess I'll stick to poetry.
No - really. You.write.better.than.you.think. Let that one sink in.
Eve, those are brilliant. I am concerned about the alarm clock thefts, though.
Great idea re Olive Oyl. That would drive anyone crazy!
Congrates Loreth!
Awesome, as always! Congrats to your winner :)
Listen to the voice of your penis? This sounds strangely like the writings of someone whose first language isn't even remotely related to ours. Spammers need to die. Did I say that? Ok, maybe just get a bad case of indigestion.
When they say crack nuts...just which type of nuts are they talking about?
congrats Loreth!!
Shirley - yes, it's "alarming" that they are on the rise. And always my neighbors. Hmmmmm ...
Stacy - good, then I've done my job.
Marty - thank you, thankyouverymuch.
They're scum Scott.
Kelly - I wondered too, which is why I didn't finish the comment. *gg*
Tara - Hi. Spam is what you make it.
Congrats to the winner!!!!
Congrats to Loreth! Here from Michele's today. Very interesting writing!
ROTFL and crying! These are hysterical!!!
And I also drop by. Every day!
Hey Deana!
Sandy - did you notice I'm still daydreaming?
Congrats Loreth!!!
Happy Spam day :) Those damned penis adverts! What is wrong with people!!!!
I just want to know where the boob enlargement ones are - equal time you know.
Congratulations Loreth!
Eve, you've made Friday's a can't miss day with Spamarama! I absolutely love your wit.
*gasping for air* You get the funniest spam!!!
Finally! Finally I can get into my own blog. Sheesh.
Thank you Susan (the check is in the mail)
Tori - do I need to send oxygen?
Loreth - You won!!! Emma and Scott didn't sound right; Stella and Scott was too hard to say; but Olivia and Scott sounded just right. Hope you enjoy the book.
Everybody that I owe books too - it's been a crummy morning (3 hours of sleep last night) and I just spent 2 hours grocery shopping so I didn't go to the Post Office. I'll get the books in the mail on Tuesday while mom is having her hair done. I'm off to take a nap now. Don't have too much fun while I'm gone, okay?
Awww, Eve. We never have fun w/o you! :o)
Isn't marketing Viagra in "soft tabs" counterproductive?
"the voice of my penis"??!!!
bwaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brandy - when I need a publicist, I'll look you up. You always make me feel good.
Jason - LOL You're right.
Raine - Your penis has a voice?
Eve, awwwww, that's so nice! But, to be a publicist, I'd have to deal with, you know, the public. BUT, I have 'the' internet, so I'm there for ya!! *g*
Nah, you'd have peons to do the actual work. *gg*
I don't know how you come up with the fun every week, even if it the same spam-line.
We two really get a lot of different ones. Mind you, I've normally only looked in my one folder. The other one I know will just self-destroy in a few days. That's the one for my regular, most-used address. I must have almost as much spam in there daily as I get legit e-mail. That's why I finally gave up looking at it.
Congrats, Loreth!
It's funny but when I thought of names I thought of my one friend named Ina but she has a kind of weird last name. I forgot her daughters: Brenda and *Olivia*. But I'm glad you liked Ruthanne. It's one of my brother-in-law's nieces. I was just throwing in names without regard to what kind of character it was. Probably made your culling more difficult. Sorry about that but I was too busy to think of character at that point. I didn't even get to glog yesterday.
Ruthanne falls right in the realm of Southern names. They like to call their children by the first and middle names and run them together like it's one whole name. Billy Bob Thornton would just be Billy in the north, but down here it's Billy Bob (and said without a break between the two names Billybob). So Ruthanne would have worked great - I would have had her go by the name Anne, and Scott called her Ruthanne to irritate her. But Olivia kept calling to me.
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