In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
* You make the bed ....................+1
* You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.... 0
* You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1
* You leave the toilet seat up.............-5
* You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............ 0
* When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
* When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2
* You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
* in the snow...............+8
* but return with beer..........-5
* and no liners....................-25
* You check out a suspicious noise at night....... 0
* You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............ 0
* You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5
* You pummel it with a six iron...........+10
* It's her cat.........................-40
HER BIRTHDAY * You take her out to dinner................ 0
* You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+1
* Okay, it is a sports bar..........-2
* And it's all-you-can-eat night....-3
* It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team......-10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
* Go with a pal.........................+5
* The pal is happily married............+4
* Or frighteningly single...............-7
* And he drives a Ferrari...............-10
* With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED)........-15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
* You take her to a movie...............+2
* You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
* You take her to a movie you hate......+6
* You take her to a movie you like......-2
* It's called Death Cop 3...............-3
* Which features Cyborgs that eat humans....-9
* You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
* You develop a noticeable pot belly.............-15
* You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it...............................+10
* You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.......-30 * You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."......-800
THE BIG QUESTION (a no win question)
* She asks, "Do I look fat?" * You hesitate in responding.....-10
* You reply, "Where?"............-35
* Any other response.............-20
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
* You listen, displaying a concerned _expression...... 0
* You listen, for over 30 minutes....................+5
* You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV..................................+100
* She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep....-200
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Friday, September 29, 2006
Peanut Butter and Spam
What do you say about this? (I say that I'm out of my ever-lovin' mind.)
Tell me about it. (Well, it began earlier this year when I packed up my study. I think I packed away my brain because I haven't seen it since.)
Why look anywhere else? I found it here. (My brain? Where?)
Regarding last night. (I thought we weren't going to talk about that.)
Let me clarify. (Please don't)
Looking good. (Thank you.)
Keep up the good work. (Um, you want something, don't you?)
Did you hit me up on msn today? (I knew it. NO.)
Spell Try different. (Twy)
Double up your dong. (Let's see, 0 + 0 = 0; 2 x 0 = 0. Nope, won't double.)
This is it. From Rachael. (Why Rachael, when did you get into the spam business?)
Get your free Nevada Visitor package. (I don't want a free Nevada Visitor. Do you have any New York ones?)
Your neighbors lost their alarm clock. (Again? I thought maybe the super glue had done the trick.)
Turn back the clock. (I didn't take it.)
Did too. (Did not.)
The winner of the copy of The Heart of a Mercenary is KimW. Email me your snail mail at baileystewart at baileystewart dot net and I'll get it out next week.
Tell me about it. (Well, it began earlier this year when I packed up my study. I think I packed away my brain because I haven't seen it since.)
Why look anywhere else? I found it here. (My brain? Where?)
Regarding last night. (I thought we weren't going to talk about that.)
Let me clarify. (Please don't)
Looking good. (Thank you.)
Keep up the good work. (Um, you want something, don't you?)
Did you hit me up on msn today? (I knew it. NO.)
Spell Try different. (Twy)
Double up your dong. (Let's see, 0 + 0 = 0; 2 x 0 = 0. Nope, won't double.)
This is it. From Rachael. (Why Rachael, when did you get into the spam business?)
Get your free Nevada Visitor package. (I don't want a free Nevada Visitor. Do you have any New York ones?)
Your neighbors lost their alarm clock. (Again? I thought maybe the super glue had done the trick.)
Turn back the clock. (I didn't take it.)
Did too. (Did not.)
The winner of the copy of The Heart of a Mercenary is KimW. Email me your snail mail at baileystewart at baileystewart dot net and I'll get it out next week.
Peanut Butter and Spam
What do you say about this? (I say that I'm out of my ever-lovin' mind.)
Tell me about it. (Well, it began earlier this year when I packed up my study. I think I packed away my brain because I haven't seen it since.)
Why look anywhere else? I found it here. (My brain? Where?)
Regarding last night. (I thought we weren't going to talk about that.)
Let me clarify. (Please don't)
Looking good. (Thank you.)
Keep up the good work. (Um, you want something, don't you?)
Did you hit me up on msn today? (I knew it. NO.)
Spell Try different. (Twy)
Double up your dong. (Let's see, 0 + 0 = 0; 2 x 0 = 0. Nope, won't double.)
This is it. From Rachael. (Why Rachael, when did you get into the spam business?)
Get your free Nevada Visitor package. (I don't want a free Nevada Visitor. Do you have any New York ones?)
Your neighbors lost their alarm clock. (Again? I thought maybe the super glue had done the trick.)
Turn back the clock. (I didn't take it.)
Did too. (Did not.)
The winner of the copy of The Heart of a Mercenary is KimW. Email me your snail mail at baileystewart at baileystewart dot net and I'll get it out next week.
Tell me about it. (Well, it began earlier this year when I packed up my study. I think I packed away my brain because I haven't seen it since.)
Why look anywhere else? I found it here. (My brain? Where?)
Regarding last night. (I thought we weren't going to talk about that.)
Let me clarify. (Please don't)
Looking good. (Thank you.)
Keep up the good work. (Um, you want something, don't you?)
Did you hit me up on msn today? (I knew it. NO.)
Spell Try different. (Twy)
Double up your dong. (Let's see, 0 + 0 = 0; 2 x 0 = 0. Nope, won't double.)
This is it. From Rachael. (Why Rachael, when did you get into the spam business?)
Get your free Nevada Visitor package. (I don't want a free Nevada Visitor. Do you have any New York ones?)
Your neighbors lost their alarm clock. (Again? I thought maybe the super glue had done the trick.)
Turn back the clock. (I didn't take it.)
Did too. (Did not.)
The winner of the copy of The Heart of a Mercenary is KimW. Email me your snail mail at baileystewart at baileystewart dot net and I'll get it out next week.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Thursday Rant
I love Dancing With the Stars (DWTS), but I hate the voting system. If you don’t watch the show, then you’re not aware that voting starts at the beginning of the show. Yes, before all of the people have performed. In other words, this isn’t a competition, it’s a popularity contest. Why do they even bother to dance? Practice? Show up? Some may say that American Idol is a popularity contest also – but they differ in two ways.
DWTS has a built-in fan base even before the show begins. On AI, no one really knows about any of them until the show starts. Fan base is based upon our getting to know them, watching them perform. Therefore, while it does become a popularity contest, it is based on what we have seen of the performances, no pre-conceived “I’ll vote for him because I loved him in …”
The voting system. As I said before, you get to vote from the beginning of the show, with a half an hour after the show ends thrown in. Those of us who wait until everyone performs to vote have a hard time getting through – I couldn’t vote at all the first night so I gave up. Plus, let’s say you use all of your votes on performer number three but then you see the last one dance and realize you should have voted for them – too late. I do like the fact that you are limited to a certain number of votes per telephone/computer though, unlike AI’s unlimited number. Technically, since I have a land line, cell phone and three email addresses I could vote a multitude of times, but not the 100s that some AI voters manage.
Then there’s Mario, Joey and Willa and their breaking the rules. Some wonder why the judges were harder on Mario than the other two. D’uh, Mario broke the rules last week, came back this week and did it again. He blatantly threw the gauntlet at the judges and they caught it in mid-air. It’s as if he doesn’t care. As Bruno put it – he’s deliberately making them mark him down. This is a competition, there are rules and everyone should adhere to them. It’s unfair to those people who dance their heart out within the confines of rules set forth. Let’s use AI again. Suppose Bo came out during a 1940s theme and stuck a little Aerosmith in the middle of it, all in an obvious attempt to kiss up to his fan base? Not fair, and not right. Mario has made it through to the next round - see, going by the rules don't matter in this competition, and by the smirk on his face I wouldn't be surprised to see him break them again. He's too smug and I have developed an intense dislike for him.
Why do I watch if I don’t vote and think that the show is a sham? Because I love to watch them perform. Even Jerry has grown on me a bit, damn it. So, what do you think? Or do you even care? Be nice, you know I’m functioning without a brain.
DWTS has a built-in fan base even before the show begins. On AI, no one really knows about any of them until the show starts. Fan base is based upon our getting to know them, watching them perform. Therefore, while it does become a popularity contest, it is based on what we have seen of the performances, no pre-conceived “I’ll vote for him because I loved him in …”
The voting system. As I said before, you get to vote from the beginning of the show, with a half an hour after the show ends thrown in. Those of us who wait until everyone performs to vote have a hard time getting through – I couldn’t vote at all the first night so I gave up. Plus, let’s say you use all of your votes on performer number three but then you see the last one dance and realize you should have voted for them – too late. I do like the fact that you are limited to a certain number of votes per telephone/computer though, unlike AI’s unlimited number. Technically, since I have a land line, cell phone and three email addresses I could vote a multitude of times, but not the 100s that some AI voters manage.
Then there’s Mario, Joey and Willa and their breaking the rules. Some wonder why the judges were harder on Mario than the other two. D’uh, Mario broke the rules last week, came back this week and did it again. He blatantly threw the gauntlet at the judges and they caught it in mid-air. It’s as if he doesn’t care. As Bruno put it – he’s deliberately making them mark him down. This is a competition, there are rules and everyone should adhere to them. It’s unfair to those people who dance their heart out within the confines of rules set forth. Let’s use AI again. Suppose Bo came out during a 1940s theme and stuck a little Aerosmith in the middle of it, all in an obvious attempt to kiss up to his fan base? Not fair, and not right. Mario has made it through to the next round - see, going by the rules don't matter in this competition, and by the smirk on his face I wouldn't be surprised to see him break them again. He's too smug and I have developed an intense dislike for him.
Why do I watch if I don’t vote and think that the show is a sham? Because I love to watch them perform. Even Jerry has grown on me a bit, damn it. So, what do you think? Or do you even care? Be nice, you know I’m functioning without a brain.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Is it Wednesday Already?
You know, living without a brain can be kind of fun. For instance, do you know that if I put my hands over my ears I can actually hear the ocean? It’s really been … hey, I’m trying to write here.
Yeah, whatever. Looks more like you’re babbling.
I don’t babble.
Oh no, you “create”.
Sarcasm doesn’t become you. In fact, nothing much becomes you.
Well isn’t that the pot calling the kettle ..
Hey, watch it! Don’t you have a friend to hang around with?
He’s on a date.
With who, a Keebler Elf?
You’re funny.
I try to be.
So if you’re so funny, why are you thinking about that romantic suspense?
What’s wrong with it?
It doesn’t quite fit that “Romance that tickles the funny bone” tag you’ve given yourself. By the way, who told you you’re funny?
The same person who said you look like Hugh Jackman.
Of course I look like … hey, you’re a wise woman.
Thought you’d agree.
But why the romantic suspense?
Because it’s the closest to being done. I mean, yeah it needs a total re-write, but I know the story, I know where it’s going, etc.
It’s not funny.
I can make it funny. I am a writer you know.
So you say. I liked that “Operation: Eden” thing.
Why? Because I was going to put you in it?
There’s that.
Hmmmm, it’s still a possibility. But “The Devil You Know” is much further along.
But “Operation: Aidan” is funny.
Eden.
Huh?
It’s Eden, not Aidan.
Aidan schmaidan. What’s the difference?
Aidan is the cat.
Oh yeah, poor little dumb kitty.
Hey, he has a brain.
That makes one of you … Hey, don’t touch that DELET…..
As I was saying, not having a brain has its moments.
Happy Birthday Meretta!!!!!!!
Yeah, whatever. Looks more like you’re babbling.
I don’t babble.
Oh no, you “create”.
Sarcasm doesn’t become you. In fact, nothing much becomes you.
Well isn’t that the pot calling the kettle ..
Hey, watch it! Don’t you have a friend to hang around with?
He’s on a date.
With who, a Keebler Elf?
You’re funny.
I try to be.
So if you’re so funny, why are you thinking about that romantic suspense?
What’s wrong with it?
It doesn’t quite fit that “Romance that tickles the funny bone” tag you’ve given yourself. By the way, who told you you’re funny?
The same person who said you look like Hugh Jackman.
Of course I look like … hey, you’re a wise woman.
Thought you’d agree.
But why the romantic suspense?
Because it’s the closest to being done. I mean, yeah it needs a total re-write, but I know the story, I know where it’s going, etc.
It’s not funny.
I can make it funny. I am a writer you know.
So you say. I liked that “Operation: Eden” thing.
Why? Because I was going to put you in it?
There’s that.
Hmmmm, it’s still a possibility. But “The Devil You Know” is much further along.
But “Operation: Aidan” is funny.
Eden.
Huh?
It’s Eden, not Aidan.
Aidan schmaidan. What’s the difference?
Aidan is the cat.
Oh yeah, poor little dumb kitty.
Hey, he has a brain.
That makes one of you … Hey, don’t touch that DELET…..
As I was saying, not having a brain has its moments.
Happy Birthday Meretta!!!!!!!
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Has Anybody Seen My Brain?
I thought I saw it around here the other day, but I'm not sure 'cuz it's been so long since I've seen it. I've taken out an ad on a milk carton - "Writer's mind lost, last seen February 2006." But I tell you what - there's a lot more space up here for those voices, although the echo's gonna do me in soon. I thought I heard them say something about moving in a pool table, olympic size pool and tennis court up there, but I'm not sure. I forget. I've been doing that a lot lately. Forgetting. Or have I told you that before? I forgot. It's really interesting going around without a brain. No one expects much from you, that's for sure. I lost my brain once before back in the 80s. Actually, it lost me. We were just walking around when it wandered off. That's what I get for turning my back for only a few minutes. It just showed back up one day - never did tell me where it had been, but it looked like it had had a real good time. I'm jealous. My brain goes out more than I do. But this is the longest it's been gone and I'm beginning to get nervous. What if it never returns? Will I have to rent the upstairs out as condos? And what if they're not good tenants and trash the place? I just thought I'd let you know in case it wanders by where you are. Send it on home if you see it. I'll leave the light on ... but the bulbs will be dim.
Before I forget ... the contest for a copy of The Heart of a Mercenary is still going on.
Before I forget ... the contest for a copy of The Heart of a Mercenary is still going on.
Monday, September 25, 2006
And a Birthday Too
The Heart of a Mercenary
by Loreth Anne White
Silhouette Intimate Moments, October 2006
The Man: Hunter McBride—he’d buried his past and his emotions long ago to become the ultimate warrior.
The Mission: Get the only proof of a deadly toxin out of the Congo jungle—with or without the innocent beauty who possessed it.
The Woman Who Changed the Rules: Just one look at Sarah Burdett and long-dead feelings stirred in Hunter’s heart. She was just supposed to be part of the package—nothing more. But with every minute counting down to disaster, Sarah showed Hunter how to live again. Could he discover how to love again before their time—and the world’s—ran out?
Three men. One mission. Only love can save them.
Excerpt
How to win a copy? As usual, winner will be picked at random. I tried to think of a contest for this book and while doing so my thoughts turned to heroes. So tell me who your favorate romance book hero is. Mine? For pure sexiness I would pick Bo Black from Aussie Rules. But all around favorite? Jared Skye from Just Try Me. Both Shalvis books of course. You have until 9:00 p.m. central Thursday, September 28. Winner announced Friday.
This will be my last giveaway for a while.
Happy Birthday Stacy!!!!!
Oh, and check out the new review at Isn't It Romantic.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
A Blog About Nothing
No Cowboy game today and I'm exhausted, so will touch base with you on Monday.
Don't forget, there's a contest for Loreth Anne White's Heart of a Mercenary starting Monday morning.
Have a great Sunday.
Baileyboo says Howdy!
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Survival of the Fittest
Well now, you see it's like this....
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the rear that are killed. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because only the fittest survive thus improving the general health and speed of the entire herd.
In much the same way the human brain only operates as quickly as the slowest of it's brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells, as we all know, and naturally the alcohol attacks the slowest/weakest cells first.... So it is as plain as the nose on your face that regular consumption of Guinness will eliminate the weaker, slower brain cells thus leaving the remaining cells the best in the brain. The end result, of course, is a faster more efficient brain.
If you doubt this at all, tell me, isn't it true that we always feel a bit smarter after a few pints?
Sounds good to me ... line 'em up.
Thanks to the wonderful Susie - all packages will be mailed Saturday morning. Three cheers for Susie!!!
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the rear that are killed. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because only the fittest survive thus improving the general health and speed of the entire herd.
In much the same way the human brain only operates as quickly as the slowest of it's brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells, as we all know, and naturally the alcohol attacks the slowest/weakest cells first.... So it is as plain as the nose on your face that regular consumption of Guinness will eliminate the weaker, slower brain cells thus leaving the remaining cells the best in the brain. The end result, of course, is a faster more efficient brain.
If you doubt this at all, tell me, isn't it true that we always feel a bit smarter after a few pints?
Sounds good to me ... line 'em up.
Thanks to the wonderful Susie - all packages will be mailed Saturday morning. Three cheers for Susie!!!
Friday, September 22, 2006
Did You Say Spam?
It's that time boys and girls. Let's open the old spam file and see what we find.
Howdy!
Are you ignoring me?
You’ll be sorry. (Oh, now you’re threatening me. Gee, I’m shivering in my pantaloons.)
Finally, you’re home! (If it makes you feel any better to think I was gone instead of ignoring you, fine, whatever.)
She’ll never leave you once she sees your penis after taking Virility Patch Penis. (Are you kidding? I’d never leave me.)
Wanna Go? (No, and you can’t make me.)
Hurry up. (I told you, I’m not going. I’ve fallen in love with my new penis and am never leaving the house.)
Hope you are free. (Honey, do I look cheap to you?)
Your health, mirth-provoking. (My health is no laughing matter.)
Tell me what you think of this idea. (I think it stinks)
Would you be interested in dinner sometime this weekend? (This was your idea? I think I liked you better when I was ignoring you.)
Can you help me? (I could, but I probably won’t.)
Thanks for the help. (Sarcasm doesn’t become you.)
Is this it? (Is this what?)
Is your memory bad? We can help. (There you go again with the sarcastic remarks. I’m the one that delivers the sarcasm around here. Watch it, I have a new penis.)
Would you like a larger penis? (Um nope, I think I need to get used to this one first.)
It’s a miracle! (You can say that again.)
The winner of Out of This World is Cheryl. Email me your snail mail at baileystewart at baileystewart dot net and I'll get it to you.
Next weeks giveaway? Heart of a Mercenary by Loreth Anne White, October Intimate Moments.
Howdy!
Are you ignoring me?
You’ll be sorry. (Oh, now you’re threatening me. Gee, I’m shivering in my pantaloons.)
Finally, you’re home! (If it makes you feel any better to think I was gone instead of ignoring you, fine, whatever.)
She’ll never leave you once she sees your penis after taking Virility Patch Penis. (Are you kidding? I’d never leave me.)
Wanna Go? (No, and you can’t make me.)
Hurry up. (I told you, I’m not going. I’ve fallen in love with my new penis and am never leaving the house.)
Hope you are free. (Honey, do I look cheap to you?)
Your health, mirth-provoking. (My health is no laughing matter.)
Tell me what you think of this idea. (I think it stinks)
Would you be interested in dinner sometime this weekend? (This was your idea? I think I liked you better when I was ignoring you.)
Can you help me? (I could, but I probably won’t.)
Thanks for the help. (Sarcasm doesn’t become you.)
Is this it? (Is this what?)
Is your memory bad? We can help. (There you go again with the sarcastic remarks. I’m the one that delivers the sarcasm around here. Watch it, I have a new penis.)
Would you like a larger penis? (Um nope, I think I need to get used to this one first.)
It’s a miracle! (You can say that again.)
The winner of Out of This World is Cheryl. Email me your snail mail at baileystewart at baileystewart dot net and I'll get it to you.
Next weeks giveaway? Heart of a Mercenary by Loreth Anne White, October Intimate Moments.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
We Three Things ...
Siobhan tagged me, so here we go:
Three things that would scare me:
Sky Diving
Heavy Traffic
Wasps
Three people who make me laugh:
Jill Shalvis
Jennifer Crusie
Bebo
Three things I hate the most:
Prejudice
Animal Abuse
Cruelty
Three things I can’t understand:
Trignometry
Speedos
“Baggy” Pants
Three things I’m doing right now:
Watching the Dancing With the Stars Result Show
Typing up this Meme
Listening to mom singing
Three things I want to do before I die:
Become a published writer
Visit Ireland
Did I mention the published writer part?
Three things I can do:
Change the sheets with someone in the bed
Program a VCR
Genealogical Research
Three ways to describe my personality:
Quiet (no, really)
Funny
Sensitive
Three things I can’t do:
Use a measuring tape
Pass up a cat in need
Fix a computer
Three things I think you should listen to:
The Beatles
Clay Aiken’s new CD
Rachmaninoff (sp?)
Three things you should never listen to:
Extremism
Lies
Evil
Three things I’d like to learn:
Spanish (learn it right instead of half-way like I did the first time)
How to fix a computer
Piano (Same as Spanish)
Three favourite foods:
Pizza
Potatoes
Steak
Three beverages I drink regularly:
Coffee
Soda
Orange Juice
Three shows I watched as a kid: (only three?)
Dark Shadows
Star Trek
Batman
I'm supposed to tag people, but everyone I know is busy, so do this if you want to.
Also found out that there will be a scheduled outtage of Blogger - 45 minutes for maintenance starting at 4:30 p.m. pacific time on Thursday. (you do realize I'm writing this the night before, right?)
Three things that would scare me:
Sky Diving
Heavy Traffic
Wasps
Three people who make me laugh:
Jill Shalvis
Jennifer Crusie
Bebo
Three things I hate the most:
Prejudice
Animal Abuse
Cruelty
Three things I can’t understand:
Trignometry
Speedos
“Baggy” Pants
Three things I’m doing right now:
Watching the Dancing With the Stars Result Show
Typing up this Meme
Listening to mom singing
Three things I want to do before I die:
Become a published writer
Visit Ireland
Did I mention the published writer part?
Three things I can do:
Change the sheets with someone in the bed
Program a VCR
Genealogical Research
Three ways to describe my personality:
Quiet (no, really)
Funny
Sensitive
Three things I can’t do:
Use a measuring tape
Pass up a cat in need
Fix a computer
Three things I think you should listen to:
The Beatles
Clay Aiken’s new CD
Rachmaninoff (sp?)
Three things you should never listen to:
Extremism
Lies
Evil
Three things I’d like to learn:
Spanish (learn it right instead of half-way like I did the first time)
How to fix a computer
Piano (Same as Spanish)
Three favourite foods:
Pizza
Potatoes
Steak
Three beverages I drink regularly:
Coffee
Soda
Orange Juice
Three shows I watched as a kid: (only three?)
Dark Shadows
Star Trek
Batman
I'm supposed to tag people, but everyone I know is busy, so do this if you want to.
Also found out that there will be a scheduled outtage of Blogger - 45 minutes for maintenance starting at 4:30 p.m. pacific time on Thursday. (you do realize I'm writing this the night before, right?)
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Hump Day Humor?
Found this in the Reader's Digest and had a giggle so decided to share. Apologies in advance to all lawyers, but if you give me enough jokes I'm sure I can insult everybody at some point.
On a trip together, a Hindu, a rabbi and a lawyer stop at a farmhouse and ask to stay the night. There's space for two, but one will have to sleep in the barn.
"I'll go," the Hindu volunteers. A few minutes later, the lawyer and the rabbi hear a knock.
"There's a cow in the barn," the Hindu says. "A cow is sacred, and I cannot sleep with a sacred beast."
"No problem, I can do it," the rabbi says, grabbing his pillow. But minutes later, the rabbi knocks.
"There's a pig in the barn. It's an unclean animal - my belief forbids me to be near such a creature."
With a tired sigh, the lawyer heads out. Almost immediately, there's a third knock at the door.
It's the cow and the pig.
Don't forget the contest for Out of This World is still going on - until 9:00 p.m. (central) Thursday night, with the winner announced here Friday morning.
Edit: I just found out that our Brandy's furry baby kitten Turtle has died. Cyber hugs to you Brandy, I'm so sorry.
On a trip together, a Hindu, a rabbi and a lawyer stop at a farmhouse and ask to stay the night. There's space for two, but one will have to sleep in the barn.
"I'll go," the Hindu volunteers. A few minutes later, the lawyer and the rabbi hear a knock.
"There's a cow in the barn," the Hindu says. "A cow is sacred, and I cannot sleep with a sacred beast."
"No problem, I can do it," the rabbi says, grabbing his pillow. But minutes later, the rabbi knocks.
"There's a pig in the barn. It's an unclean animal - my belief forbids me to be near such a creature."
With a tired sigh, the lawyer heads out. Almost immediately, there's a third knock at the door.
It's the cow and the pig.
Don't forget the contest for Out of This World is still going on - until 9:00 p.m. (central) Thursday night, with the winner announced here Friday morning.
Edit: I just found out that our Brandy's furry baby kitten Turtle has died. Cyber hugs to you Brandy, I'm so sorry.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Promotion Time
by Denise Belinda McDonald
Publication Date: September 19, 2006
Publisher: Samhain Publishing
ISBN: 1-59998-098-3
Length: Novel
Price: $5.50
Genre: Contemporary/Suspense
Charlie’s day went from bad to worse when she tripped over a dead man on her living room floor.Charlie Foster’s life morphed from shoe store owner and college student to murder suspect in one trip across her living room. Can she clear her name and find out what in the world happened in her apartment before she’s booked for murder one? Or before the real killer gets his hands on her?Detective Bobby Allen never meant to become his suspect's alibi. Is it his sixth sense that tells him blue-eyed Charlie Foster is the key to unraveling the clues to his 'unofficial' case? Or is it the one night of passion they shared?Can they ignore the attraction to one another long enough to figure out what the killer's next move is before they both become casualties in an unknown battle?
Warning, this title contains the following: explicit sex, graphic language, violence.
Don't forget the contest is still on for Out of This World by Jill Shalvis. You have until Thursday, September 21, 9:00 p.m. central.
Monday, September 18, 2006
And a Contest Too
Your assignment:
You have GOT to go read this and then come back and comment. It's hysterical.
The picture has nothing to do with the link - I just added it since I was asking y'all about your favorite alien. Here's mine. That's Dirk Benedict, Starbuck of the original Battlestar Galactica.
Wanna win a copy of Jill Shalvis' new book Out of This World? In the comment section, just tell me who is your favorite alien from movies or TV. You have until 9:00 p.m. central time Thursday, September 21.
There's also another blog carnival over at Rene's. I couldn't participate this time (darn it, because I love the topic). The subject is What makes the perfect hero? If you want, go check it out.
And I also forgot to say that there's a review on Isn't it Romantic.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
The Cowgirls and the Redskins
If there was any saving grace from last weeks debacle it's that only the Eagles won. Starting tomorrow, second place is still open for grabs. Keeping that in mind, I think - which probably isn't a good thing for me at the moment - that maybe the 'Boys still have a chance at the NFC East title. But then again, I believe in Santa Claus, the toothfairy and the inherent goodness of all mankind, so don't bet the farm. In fact, don't even bet the outhouse. But I did want to put that on record a second time just in case they do and I end up looking brilliant. If they don't, I could always blame it on caregiver syndrome - works for me either way.
Romo vs. Bledsoe: The offensive line isn't going to hold any better for Romo than it did for Bledsoe. Blitzing linemen will still force Bledsoe to make bad choices, but a blitzing line opposite an unseasoned QB like Romo will spell equal or even worse results. I still go with the more experienced Bledsoe against George Williams' attacking scheme. We just need the offensive line to protect Drew and give him time to find receivers - it's not like he doesn't have any.
I think my good ol' buddy Roy Williams deserved than fine levied against him for the helmet to the chest move on Leftwich.
I guess we can be thankful that Portis isn't playing this Sunday - but we still have to worry about Moss, as he was the spoiler last year when the Redskins beat the 'Boys.
To everyone who follows the game - good luck to your teams, as long as they're not playing us, and as long as they're not in our division. :)
Romo vs. Bledsoe: The offensive line isn't going to hold any better for Romo than it did for Bledsoe. Blitzing linemen will still force Bledsoe to make bad choices, but a blitzing line opposite an unseasoned QB like Romo will spell equal or even worse results. I still go with the more experienced Bledsoe against George Williams' attacking scheme. We just need the offensive line to protect Drew and give him time to find receivers - it's not like he doesn't have any.
I think my good ol' buddy Roy Williams deserved than fine levied against him for the helmet to the chest move on Leftwich.
I guess we can be thankful that Portis isn't playing this Sunday - but we still have to worry about Moss, as he was the spoiler last year when the Redskins beat the 'Boys.
To everyone who follows the game - good luck to your teams, as long as they're not playing us, and as long as they're not in our division. :)
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Mom Update
Some of you have asked how mother is doing, so I thought I would take this step away from all of the frivolity and do a little sober reality check. Mom took a sudden turn for the worse on Friday, September 8, when she decided, out of the blue, to no longer stand up. She would lay in bed and weep and moan, screaming about people being in her room, etc. Erupting into hysterics whenever we tried to sit her up, we perceived what looked like panic attacks. This continued throughout the weekend, with me ending up in exhausted hysteria by Sunday night. We knew at that time that things could not continue status quo. It was decided that my sister – the human barracuda – should talk to the doctor. This woman does not take no for an answer. By Tuesday we had an antidepressant/anxiety medication called Serzone. This has seemed to calm her down a bit – she is no longer lying in bed screaming. She still will not stand. Wednesday we had a visit from the Home Health Nurse who immediately set us up with an aide, social worker and physical therapist. This is on a limited basis since Medicare doesn’t pay for long term care. The aide will help teach me how to take care of a bedfast (the proper term for this) person, like how to change sheets with a person in the bed – no easy task. The social worker is making recommendations to two organizations for relief – The Alzheimer’s association and some government agency whose exact title I can’t remember right now. The best was the physical therapist – although she said that mother may never leave that bed until she dies or goes into a nursing home – she is getting us a wheelchair and is recommending us to an organization which brings a doctor into the home so that we don’t have to struggle to get mother to her doctor. It means changing doctors, but it will be worth it. I am physically and mentally exhausted right now. I haven’t had a nap since Tuesday, a decent one since Monday. I’m running on adrenaline. I’m also in a bit of pain, all of the lifting and turning (we’re looking into a hydraulic lift) of mom, plus the cranking of the bed (only the head and foot parts are electric – to raise the bed you have to crank) is wearing on my shoulder – but raising the bed saves on my having to bend clear over to tend to mom. Soooo, that’s the 411 on the situation here. I’m hoping that things are going to start getting better – it’s too soon to tell how well the Serzone will work, so we’re keeping our fingers crossed on that one. I’m sorry that I haven’t been a regular blogger – I try to hit everyone at least once a week, but it’s hard some days to do any at all. Same with emails. Thank you for bearing with me – cyber hugs to each and every one of you who has supported me. I appreciate it more than you can ever know.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Spam on a Half-Shell
I could not believe this one piece of spam that came in my box. On the very day that I decided to set aside the WIP Lonestar Reunion – this happens to be one of the characters – it’s the last one.
Here you go. (Thank you, I think I will.)
We won’t waste time getting this done. (Ahhh, but good spamming is never a waste of time.)
Astonished Junior. (Kind of surprised the hell out of grandma too.)
Thanks for this, from Lisa. (You’re welcome Lis, anything I can do to make your day better.)
Need to work from home? (Um, yeah, that would be good.)
Erections are still possible Evelyn (Not in this lifetime.)
Virility Patch Penis Enlargement Pill is your savior you have been dreaming of. (No, no, that would be Hugh Jackman)
Beef up your sausage (As opposed to a little weinie?)
Ancient advice. (Always wear clean underwear)
Would you be interested in breakfast on Saturday? (With you? Would it be Spam and Eggs?)
Sneeze. (Bless you.)
Looking to hire employees? (Beats hiring employers.)
Request for cash credit. (Isn’t that an oxymoron?)
Let’s talk. (Let’s not and say we did.)
You can’t go wrong. (Got that right, baby, and don’t you forget it.)
Shoplifter nonsmoker. (Ad for roommate? Date? All smoking shoplifters need not apply?)
Dr. Dye here. (Would you really like to go to a doctor named “Dr. Dye”?)
Cialis Bestseller. (You mean like The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire?)
These are feal facts. (I don’t know, I kinda like those unreal facts.)
Ross exited the scene. (No sh*t Sherlock. The entire WIP exited the scene!)
The winner of Pale Immortal is Bernita. Email me at baileystewart at baileystewart dot net with your address and I’ll mail it next week. Speaking of next week – Monday starts the weeklong contest for Jill Shalvis’ Out of This World.
Here you go. (Thank you, I think I will.)
We won’t waste time getting this done. (Ahhh, but good spamming is never a waste of time.)
Astonished Junior. (Kind of surprised the hell out of grandma too.)
Thanks for this, from Lisa. (You’re welcome Lis, anything I can do to make your day better.)
Need to work from home? (Um, yeah, that would be good.)
Erections are still possible Evelyn (Not in this lifetime.)
Virility Patch Penis Enlargement Pill is your savior you have been dreaming of. (No, no, that would be Hugh Jackman)
Beef up your sausage (As opposed to a little weinie?)
Ancient advice. (Always wear clean underwear)
Would you be interested in breakfast on Saturday? (With you? Would it be Spam and Eggs?)
Sneeze. (Bless you.)
Looking to hire employees? (Beats hiring employers.)
Request for cash credit. (Isn’t that an oxymoron?)
Let’s talk. (Let’s not and say we did.)
You can’t go wrong. (Got that right, baby, and don’t you forget it.)
Shoplifter nonsmoker. (Ad for roommate? Date? All smoking shoplifters need not apply?)
Dr. Dye here. (Would you really like to go to a doctor named “Dr. Dye”?)
Cialis Bestseller. (You mean like The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire?)
These are feal facts. (I don’t know, I kinda like those unreal facts.)
Ross exited the scene. (No sh*t Sherlock. The entire WIP exited the scene!)
The winner of Pale Immortal is Bernita. Email me at baileystewart at baileystewart dot net with your address and I’ll mail it next week. Speaking of next week – Monday starts the weeklong contest for Jill Shalvis’ Out of This World.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
So There
Did you know that Monday was the unofficial Hugh Jackman day on some blogs? I didn't. So in the fairness of Jackman lovers everywhere ... (besides, you know it's Thursday and I'm always lost for stuff to blog about)
Don't forget, this is the last day for the Anne Frasier Pale Immortal giveaway.
AND just for fun: Jill did this on her blog and was really interesting to read. Tell me where in the world are you? And to add to that - if you were born somewhere other than where you're living, spill that too. Me first. I'm in Dallas, Texas, but I was born in Des Moines, Iowa. If you don't want to give the city, just tell us the state or country.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Hmmmm
There aren’t too many certainties in life. The Irish have a saying: There are only two things to worry about, living and dying. If you live, you had nothing to worry about; if you die you have nothing to worry about. So we know that there are at least two certainties – living and dying. Benjamin Franklin, who I don’t think was Irish, had his own ideas – and I’ll paraphrase – there are only two things for certain, death and taxes. There’s that death thing again. So I guess we can say for sure that death is a certainty. Taxes and living tie for second place. I have a point, hold on. In the writing world there are also certain “certainties”. The first? That the book sucks; the voices will harass, unmercifully, the muses are going to laugh, stick the “L” on their forehead and fly off to Monte Carlo. The second? The writing will flow; the voices put a cork in it and the muses smile, dance nekkid around your desk and throw confetti. I think my first hint was when the travel agency called to confirm my reservation for two to Aruba. Lonestar Reunion is not working AT THIS TIME. Will it ever? Yes. As soon as it decides to quit acting like a prima donna and cooperate, we’ll get back to it. You see, it was originally conceived back in another millennium (well it was the 20th century) as a writing project for my sister-in-law (Bebo the Fire Breathing Dragon) and myself. Four romantic suspense stories that had a continuing mystery throughout – with each book solving a bit of the mystery. When I took it over last Fall I tried to continue the mystery, but the muses decided that it was going to be a romantic comedy. No problem. I can be funny when I want to. Everything was going fine and then BANG!
Cool, huh? Each line refers to the heroines in the books.
So, I’m reading it the other night and the following pops into my head:
All be aware of the darkening sky,
Shadows that grow while the moon hangs high,
Secrets that cannot be denied,
Of the who, what, where and why.
The first may lose what they hold most dear.
The second must face their biggest fear.
The third has a secret at first unclear.
The fourth, unaware of danger near.
Where did that come from? Now the thing wants to be a mystery again. I can do that – sort of a romantic comedy suspense like Jill’s Get a Clue. Only I have no idea what the mystery is. I kind of do in a couple, but the first one, no way. And what secret? Come on, give a poor writer a break.
So, the muses reservations are for the end of the month. I’m going to pull out another story, Operation: Eden, that some of you from the bravenet blog might recognize. We’ll see where that one leads – at least I know that it’s a mystery, it’s a workable romantic comedy mystery, and it doesn’t hate me … yet.
The story begins with Maxie (Skye, our heroines mother) reading tarot cards – she’s not very good, and doesn’t really have a clue about what she’s doing, but suddenly the cards line-up and she can’t believe what they say:
Souls come together that were meant to be
Queens find their mates and meet their destiny
One, in a friend her heart she will see
One finds a rebel to set her free
One finds the man she can never be
One must live the fantasy
Souls come together that were meant to be
Queens find their mates and meet their destiny
One, in a friend her heart she will see
One finds a rebel to set her free
One finds the man she can never be
One must live the fantasy
So, I’m reading it the other night and the following pops into my head:
All be aware of the darkening sky,
Shadows that grow while the moon hangs high,
Secrets that cannot be denied,
Of the who, what, where and why.
The first may lose what they hold most dear.
The second must face their biggest fear.
The third has a secret at first unclear.
The fourth, unaware of danger near.
So, the muses reservations are for the end of the month. I’m going to pull out another story, Operation: Eden, that some of you from the bravenet blog might recognize. We’ll see where that one leads – at least I know that it’s a mystery, it’s a workable romantic comedy mystery, and it doesn’t hate me … yet.
Don't forget that there's a contest on for a copy of Anne Frasier's Pale Immortal.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Pale Immortal Giveaway
I have a brand-new pristine copy of Pale Immortal by Anne Frasier to give away. If you missed my review, click here.
You have until 9:00 p.m. (CT) Thursday night, September 14, with winner announced on Friday September 15. All you have to do is comment - tell me what you would do if you met a vampire.
Things are bouncing here - will let you know when it all settles down. Let's just say that mom is refusing to get out of bed and that there is a lot of screaming going on. But she starts on an anti-depressant Tuesday, keep those fingers crossed.
You have until 9:00 p.m. (CT) Thursday night, September 14, with winner announced on Friday September 15. All you have to do is comment - tell me what you would do if you met a vampire.
Things are bouncing here - will let you know when it all settles down. Let's just say that mom is refusing to get out of bed and that there is a lot of screaming going on. But she starts on an anti-depressant Tuesday, keep those fingers crossed.
Monday, September 11, 2006
9/11
Sunday, September 10, 2006
We're Talking Football
It’s that time of the year now, when my blog is literally taken over on Sunday by the men of the gridiron. I love NFL – I really don’t care who’s playing as long as it’s an NFL game. I have two teams – the Cowboys and the Raiders. I don’t think it’s the Raiders year, but I’ll follow them anyway. The Cowboys? I don’t believe they’ll hit the Superbowl this year – but I do expect them to go further in the playoffs than they did last season. I’m not sure about the kicker position. I wasn’t familiar with Vanderjagt before he came to the Cowboys so I have nothing but his performance here to base anything on – but so far I’m not impressed. I know he’s hurt, but didn’t he lose his last job by missing a field goal – even going to the right like he did the other day? And Shoeshine (yes, I know that’s not his name – that’s just what I call him) hasn’t really showed that he can do the job. I think that’s still one of our weakest positions. Flozell seems to be mended, but we’ll see – a healthy Adams would be wonderful. Does anybody think that Julius Jones can make it all the way through a season – he hasn’t yet. The Dallas Morning News did list some interesting stats – comparing Jones’ first 19 games with Tony Dorsett’s and Emmitt Smith’s.
I tried to do this as a table, but I can't read HTML for Dummies fast enough:
Tony Dorsett: 100-yard games - 7; 80-plus-yard games - 8; Carries - 363; Rushing yards - 1,722; Touchdowns - 8.
Emmitt Smith: 100-yard games - 6; 80-plus-yard games - 7; Carries - 318; Rushing yards - 1,385; Touchdowns - 14.
Julius Jones: 100-yard games - 4; 80-plus-yard games - 11; Carries - 441; Rushing yards - 1,780; Touchdowns - 12.
Not bad, not bad at all.
T.O.: Will he ever be able to get into rhythm with Drew Bledsoe? Does it really matter? I’m not sure that it does. I think T.O.’s biggest contribution to the team will be his presence on the field. Remember when Deion Sanders came to the Cowboys? Teams were so busy double covering him that it opened up a lot of opportunities for other players. I think the same will happen with T.O. – people will still be afraid of him and send what they have at him. And even if they double team both Owens and Terry Glenn – that will leave a lot of openings for Crayton, Witton and even Hurd (who impressed me).
So, who do you think is Superbowl bound? I think the Steelers have a shot. What about any team with a Manning at the helm? Give me your thoughts. Really – team loyalty aside – come on, you can do it.
I tried to do this as a table, but I can't read HTML for Dummies fast enough:
Tony Dorsett: 100-yard games - 7; 80-plus-yard games - 8; Carries - 363; Rushing yards - 1,722; Touchdowns - 8.
Emmitt Smith: 100-yard games - 6; 80-plus-yard games - 7; Carries - 318; Rushing yards - 1,385; Touchdowns - 14.
Julius Jones: 100-yard games - 4; 80-plus-yard games - 11; Carries - 441; Rushing yards - 1,780; Touchdowns - 12.
Not bad, not bad at all.
T.O.: Will he ever be able to get into rhythm with Drew Bledsoe? Does it really matter? I’m not sure that it does. I think T.O.’s biggest contribution to the team will be his presence on the field. Remember when Deion Sanders came to the Cowboys? Teams were so busy double covering him that it opened up a lot of opportunities for other players. I think the same will happen with T.O. – people will still be afraid of him and send what they have at him. And even if they double team both Owens and Terry Glenn – that will leave a lot of openings for Crayton, Witton and even Hurd (who impressed me).
So, who do you think is Superbowl bound? I think the Steelers have a shot. What about any team with a Manning at the helm? Give me your thoughts. Really – team loyalty aside – come on, you can do it.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
One Year
This is a day early.
Howard
May 31, 1952 - September 10, 2005
I miss you. It’s been a year, and yet sometimes only yesterday. I have to admit that there were times growing up when I wished you had never been born. You were tough – but we didn’t know that you had a me
ntal condition, if we had maybe things would have been different. I regret that we had to wait until the last years of your life to make a connection, but I’m glad we did. I could really use you now, your strength, your sense of humor – you could always make me laugh. It’s hard to get used to, your not being a part of my life – even after a year. People ask and I still say I have two brothers, I can’t seem to make myself say “one and one is gone”. I just wanted you to know that even though you aren’t here, you’ll never be forgotten. I love you – and I always will.
(Above: Howard, my paternal grandfather and I. Right: Howard and David [both of my brothers] on Howard's wedding day to Bebo [in blue, mom in pink])
Friday, September 08, 2006
Spam Talkin'
Isn’t it time? (Why yes it is. Thanks for reminding me.)
United States Government’s newly discovered state of Colorado. (Hello, anybody there? I think it was Coronado. But if you want to get technical, there were the Anasazi before that.)
Did you know that sex was holly for Indian Americans? (I’m not sure I want to know what mistletoe was.)
With count be Ford leery. (I’ve been kinda wanting a Camry anyway.)
Outstanding service. (Thank you. But I still hate you.)
Here’s what I was telling you about. (What? Where?)
Your neighbors lost their alarm clock. (That one you could have kept to yourself.)
Rumors have been flying about this one being taken over. (Blog Pirates? Is it Jack Sparrow?)
We won’t waste time getting this done. (Come on, bring it on. No one’s taking over this blog. Bwaaahahahahaha)
If impotence is your often guest, Viagra Pro is what we suggest. (Well isn’t that cute, they’re making a rhyme, but it doesn’t matter, it’s still wasting my time.)
Your penis is absolutely flat when it is under the blanket. (My penis is flat because it’s non-existent you idiot!)
Concerned about your size? (Obviously not, as long as I keep it under the blanket.)
PenisGrow. (Is that like MiracleGrow?)
Can we speak in private? (Why? I’ll just tell them anyway.)
It’s time to refill Carter. (Jimmy? You have to be more specific. And refill him with what? Don’t you say PenisGrow!)
Contest Winner: The copy of Bad Boys Southern Style goes to Sandy J. Congrats. I have your address already, so will get it to Jill - yes, she's sending this one.
Contest Schedule:
September 11 - Pale Immortal by Anne Frasier
September 18 - Out of This World by Jill Shalvis
United States Government’s newly discovered state of Colorado. (Hello, anybody there? I think it was Coronado. But if you want to get technical, there were the Anasazi before that.)
Did you know that sex was holly for Indian Americans? (I’m not sure I want to know what mistletoe was.)
With count be Ford leery. (I’ve been kinda wanting a Camry anyway.)
Outstanding service. (Thank you. But I still hate you.)
Here’s what I was telling you about. (What? Where?)
Your neighbors lost their alarm clock. (That one you could have kept to yourself.)
Rumors have been flying about this one being taken over. (Blog Pirates? Is it Jack Sparrow?)
We won’t waste time getting this done. (Come on, bring it on. No one’s taking over this blog. Bwaaahahahahaha)
If impotence is your often guest, Viagra Pro is what we suggest. (Well isn’t that cute, they’re making a rhyme, but it doesn’t matter, it’s still wasting my time.)
Your penis is absolutely flat when it is under the blanket. (My penis is flat because it’s non-existent you idiot!)
Concerned about your size? (Obviously not, as long as I keep it under the blanket.)
PenisGrow. (Is that like MiracleGrow?)
Can we speak in private? (Why? I’ll just tell them anyway.)
It’s time to refill Carter. (Jimmy? You have to be more specific. And refill him with what? Don’t you say PenisGrow!)
Contest Winner: The copy of Bad Boys Southern Style goes to Sandy J. Congrats. I have your address already, so will get it to Jill - yes, she's sending this one.
Contest Schedule:
September 11 - Pale Immortal by Anne Frasier
September 18 - Out of This World by Jill Shalvis
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Voices in My Head 2
What’s she doing?
I’m not sure.
You’re not … you? Mr. Omnipotent; Mr. Omnipresent; Mr. Demagogue.
Enough already.
Its okay, I ran out of words.
It’s been awhile, but she might be writing.
You mean like with the blog?
No, oh wait, that was before you showed up.
What was?
Writing.
Well of course it was before I showed up. People have been writing for generations, centuries in fact.
Somewhere in your pea-sized brain have you ever heard of the word “Verbose”?
No.
Look it up.
All I see is the ceiling.
No dummy, in a book.
Do what in a book?
Look up … never mind. What I mean is, Bailey’s writing.
Why did you do that?
What?
That underline, bold thing.
It’s for emphasis. I was emphasizing the word “writing”.
Ohhhhh. Accckkkk! She’s writing?
Yep.
How do you know?
She’s cussing.
Doesn’t she do that anyway?
This is different. And see that over in the corner?
What’s that?
A nekkid muse.
Oooooh, that’s what a nekkid muse is. What’s that thing?
Well it’s not the Eiffel Tower.
*Gasp* Eiffel Tower; Three-legged, brick wearing, beer bottle opening billiard cue? Gawd, that’s ugly.
Women, and some men, don’t think so.
I’ll never understand humans.
They’re really simple.
I thought nekkid muses were supposed to run around.
They are. That must be the problem.
He’s laughing.
Yep, that’s the problem, little bastard.
It’s not looking so little anymore.
You’re pathetic. I meant he’s playing with her mind. It’s the equivalent of a big tease. He’s keeping himself and the ideas within sight but just far enough away so Bailey can’t grab them.
That thing gets any bigger she shouldn’t have any problem grabbing anything.
Don’t develop a penis fetish, it’s not becoming.
Looks like it’s becoming to me. Look how it curves.
I’m leaving.
Good. I think we want to be alone.
I’m not sure.
You’re not … you? Mr. Omnipotent; Mr. Omnipresent; Mr. Demagogue.
Enough already.
Its okay, I ran out of words.
It’s been awhile, but she might be writing.
You mean like with the blog?
No, oh wait, that was before you showed up.
What was?
Writing.
Well of course it was before I showed up. People have been writing for generations, centuries in fact.
Somewhere in your pea-sized brain have you ever heard of the word “Verbose”?
No.
Look it up.
All I see is the ceiling.
No dummy, in a book.
Do what in a book?
Look up … never mind. What I mean is, Bailey’s writing.
Why did you do that?
What?
That underline, bold thing.
It’s for emphasis. I was emphasizing the word “writing”.
Ohhhhh. Accckkkk! She’s writing?
Yep.
How do you know?
She’s cussing.
Doesn’t she do that anyway?
This is different. And see that over in the corner?
What’s that?
A nekkid muse.
Oooooh, that’s what a nekkid muse is. What’s that thing?
Well it’s not the Eiffel Tower.
*Gasp* Eiffel Tower; Three-legged, brick wearing, beer bottle opening billiard cue? Gawd, that’s ugly.
Women, and some men, don’t think so.
I’ll never understand humans.
They’re really simple.
I thought nekkid muses were supposed to run around.
They are. That must be the problem.
He’s laughing.
Yep, that’s the problem, little bastard.
It’s not looking so little anymore.
You’re pathetic. I meant he’s playing with her mind. It’s the equivalent of a big tease. He’s keeping himself and the ideas within sight but just far enough away so Bailey can’t grab them.
That thing gets any bigger she shouldn’t have any problem grabbing anything.
Don’t develop a penis fetish, it’s not becoming.
Looks like it’s becoming to me. Look how it curves.
I’m leaving.
Good. I think we want to be alone.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
It's a Myth
I stole this from Tori. The Greek Mythology Personality Test
Orpheus
0% Extroversion, 66% Intuition, 100% Emotiveness, 76% Perceptiveness
You are an artist, an aesthete, a sensitive, and someone who has never really let go of that childlike innocence. To you, all of life has a sense of wonder in it, and the story of Orpheus was written about someone just like you.
When the Argo passed the island of the Sirens, Orpheus played a song more beautiful than the Sirens to prevent the crew from becoming enticed. When his wife died, he ventured into the underworld to charm Hades but, in his naivete, he looked back becoming trapped there.
You can capture your unique world view and relate it to others with the skill of a master storyteller. Your sensitivity and creativity make you a treasure to the human race, but your thin-skinned nature and innocence can cause you a lot of disenchantment and pain. What's doubly unfortunate is that, if you try to lose those traits, you never will, and everyone will be able to tell that you're putting up an artificial shell to prevent yourself from being hurt.
Famous people like you: Hemingway, Shakespeare, Mr. Rogers, Melville, Nick Tosches
Stay clear of: Icarus, Hermes, Atlas
I kind of like that one.
Sorry, I was up too late last night partying. Anne sure knows how to throw a book launch. Lot's of Jello shots, Tequila, Margaritas, Vodka Collins, weird looking brownies - which Jason ate all of and ended up hanging from a chandelier (among other things), oh, and Kareoke (sp?) too, although I missed Scott's set. Oh, and there was supposed to be nudity too - Jason tried to oblige there too. LOL Go over and check out all of the fun we had.
Today is the launch of Anne Frasier's Pale Immortal in bookstores. I've already reviewed this book, but if you missed it, go here. This is a wonderful book and I really encourage you to pick it up.
Anne has done some phenomenal promotions for this book - a website and video. I've mentioned the video before - it's really cool.
Orpheus
0% Extroversion, 66% Intuition, 100% Emotiveness, 76% Perceptiveness
When the Argo passed the island of the Sirens, Orpheus played a song more beautiful than the Sirens to prevent the crew from becoming enticed. When his wife died, he ventured into the underworld to charm Hades but, in his naivete, he looked back becoming trapped there.
You can capture your unique world view and relate it to others with the skill of a master storyteller. Your sensitivity and creativity make you a treasure to the human race, but your thin-skinned nature and innocence can cause you a lot of disenchantment and pain. What's doubly unfortunate is that, if you try to lose those traits, you never will, and everyone will be able to tell that you're putting up an artificial shell to prevent yourself from being hurt.
Famous people like you: Hemingway, Shakespeare, Mr. Rogers, Melville, Nick Tosches
Stay clear of: Icarus, Hermes, Atlas
I kind of like that one.
Sorry, I was up too late last night partying. Anne sure knows how to throw a book launch. Lot's of Jello shots, Tequila, Margaritas, Vodka Collins, weird looking brownies - which Jason ate all of and ended up hanging from a chandelier (among other things), oh, and Kareoke (sp?) too, although I missed Scott's set. Oh, and there was supposed to be nudity too - Jason tried to oblige there too. LOL Go over and check out all of the fun we had.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Launch - Pale Immortal
Today is the launch of Anne Frasier's Pale Immortal in bookstores. I've already reviewed this book, but if you missed it, go here. This is a wonderful book and I really encourage you to pick it up.
Anne has done some phenomenal promotions for this book - a website and video. I've mentioned the video before - it's really cool.
Also, don't forget there's a contest going on for Bad Boys Southern Style by Joann Ross, E.C. Sheedy and Jill Shalvis.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Labor Day ... and a Contest Too
In honor of Labor Day, here's a salute to our workforce:
These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations throughout the U.S. Hopefully, none of us will be seeing similar ones on ours.
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
- I would not allow this employee to breed.
- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
- This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
- This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
- Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
- Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
- If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
- It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
- Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.
- Takes him 1.5 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
- He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.
- I would like to go hunting with him sometime.
- He's been working with glue too much.
- He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.
- When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
- If you see two people talking, and one looks bored, he's the other one.
- Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
If you'd like to win a copy of Bad Boys Southern Style by Joann Ross, E.C. Sheedy and Jill Shalvis, just go to the comments and say "I want a bad boy". Contest ends 9:00p.m. central Thursday night (September 7). Mom will draw a name and the winner will be announced on Friday.
These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations throughout the U.S. Hopefully, none of us will be seeing similar ones on ours.
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
- I would not allow this employee to breed.
- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
- This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
- This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
- Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
- Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
- If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
- It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
- Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.
- Takes him 1.5 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
- He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.
- I would like to go hunting with him sometime.
- He's been working with glue too much.
- He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.
- When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
- If you see two people talking, and one looks bored, he's the other one.
- Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
If you'd like to win a copy of Bad Boys Southern Style by Joann Ross, E.C. Sheedy and Jill Shalvis, just go to the comments and say "I want a bad boy". Contest ends 9:00p.m. central Thursday night (September 7). Mom will draw a name and the winner will be announced on Friday.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Anger Management
Bebo sent this to me - I hope you get as much of a laugh as I did. I'm gearing up my speed-dial now.
If you've had a bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone,don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ingnumber!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole'next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when Iwas paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow rambler, and the car's parked right out in front."
I asked, "What's your name?"
He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"
I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
He said, "I'm home every evening after five."
I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
He said, "Yes?"
I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, whenI had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1.
He said, "Hello."
I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah,"
He screamed, "Stop calling me,"
I said, "Make me,"
He asked, "Who are you?"
I said, "My name is Don Hansen."
He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"
I said, "Asshole, I live at 34Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow rambler, I have a black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2.
He said, "Hello?"
I said, "Hello, asshole,"
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
I said, "You'll what?" H
e exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass,"
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in OaktreeBlvd. in Fairfax.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management really does work.
If you've had a bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone,don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ingnumber!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole'next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when Iwas paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow rambler, and the car's parked right out in front."
I asked, "What's your name?"
He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"
I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
He said, "I'm home every evening after five."
I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
He said, "Yes?"
I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, whenI had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1.
He said, "Hello."
I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah,"
He screamed, "Stop calling me,"
I said, "Make me,"
He asked, "Who are you?"
I said, "My name is Don Hansen."
He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"
I said, "Asshole, I live at 34Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow rambler, I have a black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2.
He said, "Hello?"
I said, "Hello, asshole,"
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
I said, "You'll what?" H
e exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass,"
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in OaktreeBlvd. in Fairfax.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management really does work.
Friday, September 01, 2006
To Spam is Human, to Delete Divine
Did you hit me up on msn today? (Um, no. Must have been some other beautiful, witty, intelligent struggling writer.)
I’ll be right there. (I said it wasn’t me.)
Sorry we took so long. (What? Did you bring a friend?)
With our new Viagra Soft Tabs you will be able to open a bottle of beer with your penis. (Do you serve nuts with that?)
I didn’t believe it the first time either. (I didn’t believe it the second or third time.)
Bridegroom drought. (Tell me about it.)
Want more? (What? Bridegrooms or beer that’s been opened by someone’s penis?)
Join, Middle-age. (I refuse to join middle-age no matter what.)
Sure it’s time. (I will be 29 forever.)
You are next in line. (Once again – for Bridegrooms, penis beer, or middle-age?)
Demagogue. (That’s Queen to you.)
Clarify comprehension. (What?)
Didn’t understand it? (Oh I understand all right. Because there’s a drought, you want me to grow a penis so that I can open beer with it and impress some girl at msn because she’s looking for a middle-aged bridegroom with a God complex. I think I have it covered.)
Jackpot! (I’ll give you a jackpot.)
I’m sorry. (You better be.)
Quick question. (What now?)
Do you want to do something useful in your life? (And stop bringing laughter tomillions a few?)
Nobody will know. (My blogsters will know)
Humanitarian. (I like to think of it as taking care of the little people)
That’s what friends are for. (You got friends?)
I’m sorry? (No, I apologize, I shouldn't have said that - after all, I guess even spam has feelings.)
Can't we be friends? (Not now.)
What about next Tuesday? (We'll see.)
Wish I'd tried sooner. (No, Tuesday would be soon enough.)
Pssst: Loreth Anne White, Heart of a Mercenary, the first in The Shadow Soldiers series (Intimate Moments, October 2006):
The exciting and fast-moving story makes you eager to find out what happens next. Sandra Garcia-Myers, Romantic Times, October 2006.
Pssst again: There's another contest on Monday.
I’ll be right there. (I said it wasn’t me.)
Sorry we took so long. (What? Did you bring a friend?)
With our new Viagra Soft Tabs you will be able to open a bottle of beer with your penis. (Do you serve nuts with that?)
I didn’t believe it the first time either. (I didn’t believe it the second or third time.)
Bridegroom drought. (Tell me about it.)
Want more? (What? Bridegrooms or beer that’s been opened by someone’s penis?)
Join, Middle-age. (I refuse to join middle-age no matter what.)
Sure it’s time. (I will be 29 forever.)
You are next in line. (Once again – for Bridegrooms, penis beer, or middle-age?)
Demagogue. (That’s Queen to you.)
Clarify comprehension. (What?)
Didn’t understand it? (Oh I understand all right. Because there’s a drought, you want me to grow a penis so that I can open beer with it and impress some girl at msn because she’s looking for a middle-aged bridegroom with a God complex. I think I have it covered.)
Jackpot! (I’ll give you a jackpot.)
I’m sorry. (You better be.)
Quick question. (What now?)
Do you want to do something useful in your life? (And stop bringing laughter to
Nobody will know. (My blogsters will know)
Humanitarian. (I like to think of it as taking care of the little people)
That’s what friends are for. (You got friends?)
I’m sorry? (No, I apologize, I shouldn't have said that - after all, I guess even spam has feelings.)
Can't we be friends? (Not now.)
What about next Tuesday? (We'll see.)
Wish I'd tried sooner. (No, Tuesday would be soon enough.)
Pssst: Loreth Anne White, Heart of a Mercenary, the first in The Shadow Soldiers series (Intimate Moments, October 2006):
The exciting and fast-moving story makes you eager to find out what happens next. Sandra Garcia-Myers, Romantic Times, October 2006.
Pssst again: There's another contest on Monday.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)