Friday, September 01, 2006

To Spam is Human, to Delete Divine

Did you hit me up on msn today? (Um, no. Must have been some other beautiful, witty, intelligent struggling writer.)
I’ll be right there. (I said it wasn’t me.)
Sorry we took so long. (What? Did you bring a friend?)
With our new Viagra Soft Tabs you will be able to open a bottle of beer with your penis. (Do you serve nuts with that?)
I didn’t believe it the first time either. (I didn’t believe it the second or third time.)
Bridegroom drought. (Tell me about it.)
Want more? (What? Bridegrooms or beer that’s been opened by someone’s penis?)
Join, Middle-age. (I refuse to join middle-age no matter what.)
Sure it’s time. (I will be 29 forever.)
You are next in line. (Once again – for Bridegrooms, penis beer, or middle-age?)
Demagogue. (That’s Queen to you.)
Clarify comprehension. (What?)
Didn’t understand it? (Oh I understand all right. Because there’s a drought, you want me to grow a penis so that I can open beer with it and impress some girl at msn because she’s looking for a middle-aged bridegroom with a God complex. I think I have it covered.)
Jackpot! (I’ll give you a jackpot.)
I’m sorry. (You better be.)
Quick question. (What now?)
Do you want to do something useful in your life? (And stop bringing laughter to millions a few?)
Nobody will know. (My blogsters will know)
Humanitarian. (I like to think of it as taking care of the little people)
That’s what friends are for. (You got friends?)
I’m sorry? (No, I apologize, I shouldn't have said that - after all, I guess even spam has feelings.)
Can't we be friends? (Not now.)
What about next Tuesday? (We'll see.)
Wish I'd tried sooner. (No, Tuesday would be soon enough.)


Pssst: Loreth Anne White, Heart of a Mercenary, the first in The Shadow Soldiers series (Intimate Moments, October 2006):

The exciting and fast-moving story makes you eager to find out what happens next. Sandra Garcia-Myers, Romantic Times, October 2006.

Pssst again: There's another contest on Monday.

16 comments:

Michele said...

ROTFL!! What's this about beer, penises and laughter?
LOL -great combo!

Must be aliens if they can open a beer can with THAT apendage....ouch!
Does it vibrate too?

Oh, I'm bad..it's after midnight, I have GOT to go to bed, but now I have these lovely SPAM images in my head, oy!

No drought of humor here!

Brandy said...

All Hail Queen Bailey!! She of the magnificint Spam!!
Side splitting as always!! *g*

Carol M said...

lol I really enjoyed today's blog! Thanks, Bailey!

Meretta said...

You *do* get interesting spam. Or at least you know how to make it interesting!

And yay! on Loreth's review. Can't wait to read it!

Anonymous said...

As always, you get the funniest spam!

Christa said...

Thenk you for the laugh this morning. Maybe I should read my spam before deleting it.

Your little picture has a laptop, does that mean you have your laptop?

I'm heading to eharlequin soon and Loreth's book will be on the order.

Bailey Stewart said...

Oh no - if I had gotten a laptop you would hear my scream all the way up there! Just wishful thinking.

Unknown said...

Open a bottle of beer? Oh, wow. Must have one...
Brilliant post, Bailey!

Anonymous said...

I agree with Brandy! :) You make spam so funny!

catslady said...

nuts - roflmao - that may be even better than the eiffel tower lol.

Thanks again for the laughs.

Denise McDonald said...

Queen Spam - makes me want to sing Monty Python...

Siobhan said...

Great Spam as ever. ROTFL!! Mind bogglingly funny. *g*

Anonymous said...

I wasn't planning to bloghop tonight, but then I remembered what day it is!!! Thank you Queen :)

Bailey Stewart said...

Now isn't that just like an author - she ignores all the good stuff and zeroes in on the part about her. Sheesh. LOL

Anytime friend.

Wolfy said...

You have such a way to make the Spam we all get so much more interesting........LOL I think because sometimes we think these very things or worse when reading spam ........

Cryna

Jacqueline Hutchinson said...

oh my GOODNESS! I laughed so hard I cried!!!! People only thought I was nuts before but after this howl, hoot, snort and coffee spewing episode ....well now they KNOW...

you just make me laugh! I love it.