Saturday, September 30, 2006

Demerit Point System Explained

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
* You make the bed ....................+1
* You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.... 0
* You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1
* You leave the toilet seat up.............-5
* You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............ 0
* When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
* When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2
* You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
* in the snow...............+8
* but return with beer..........-5
* and no liners....................-25
* You check out a suspicious noise at night....... 0
* You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............ 0
* You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5
* You pummel it with a six iron...........+10
* It's her cat.........................-40

HER BIRTHDAY * You take her out to dinner................ 0
* You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+1
* Okay, it is a sports bar..........-2
* And it's all-you-can-eat night....-3
* It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team......-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
* Go with a pal.........................+5
* The pal is happily married............+4
* Or frighteningly single...............-7
* And he drives a Ferrari...............-10
* With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED)........-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
* You take her to a movie...............+2
* You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
* You take her to a movie you hate......+6
* You take her to a movie you like......-2
* It's called Death Cop 3...............-3
* Which features Cyborgs that eat humans....-9
* You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE
* You develop a noticeable pot belly.............-15
* You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it...............................+10
* You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.......-30 * You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."......-800

THE BIG QUESTION (a no win question)
* She asks, "Do I look fat?" * You hesitate in responding.....-10
* You reply, "Where?"............-35
* Any other response.............-20

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
* You listen, displaying a concerned _expression...... 0
* You listen, for over 30 minutes....................+5
* You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV..................................+100
* She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep....-200

19 comments:

raine said...

Ahhh-ha-haaa!!

All very cute--and very true! ;-)

Siobhan said...

I must get my DH to do this. Actually, I don't need to. I can already predict his score. LOL! ;-) Hope you're enjoying the weekend, Bailey! It's turned quite cold here and the leaves are changing colour. Autumnal, but I like it.

Dennie McDonald said...

dude - I gonna show this to the dh... couldn't hurt...

Tori Lennox said...

Which features Cyborgs that eat humans....-9

But what if you happen to like movies like this? *g*

Carol said...

Very Good! I wish more men understood this system!

Peggy said...

Did you write this system? Very funny.

Anonymous said...

Peggy - nope, can't take credit for this one, it came in an email.



Okay, I'm at work and I've forgotten my password, so I'll be anonymous today. LOL

Meretta said...

ROFLOL. I love it Bailey! Maybe because we use this system in our house and DH often says jokingly when he's done something "bad" -- "How are my points doing?"

LOL. Right now he's up a million points for offering to snap a pic of himself on a CF-18 for Loreth's contest.

Thanks for sharing!

Susan said...

Thanks for the giggles anonymous!

Olga said...

Bailey, lol! That was hilarious! Thank you for making me smile - I needed it!

Bernita said...

~giggling~
Funny how they sometimes expect a medal for Just Doing What They Should.

Stacy Dawn said...

I have got to copy this and hang it up for my husband!

Sandy J said...

So funny! Sometimes the dh racks up the points and other times...nada

Brandy said...

Tried to comment earlier, hmmm.
This, sadly to say, could be true. Funny, but true.

Jordan Summers said...

LOL! Works for me. :D

Lexi said...

I love this! Thanks for sharing.

Shirley said...

Bailey, that's brilliant. Thanks for the laugh. And oh, so true. Dear oh dear...

Diane said...

I love these. They made me smile.

Laurie said...

Came to this late, but I"m going to copy it and see if DH has enough cojones to put it up in his flight ready room. heheheheheheheh.......