Today is National Cheer Up Day, so I’m here to cheer y’all up – isn’t that loverly? Actually, I had a blog planned for yesterday, but we know how that went, so Monday’s blog will have to wait until Wednesday. In the meantime, here’s some funnies (and some of my famous groaners) to cheer you up – and remember, cheer someone up today! Oh, and I’m feeling a bit better, thank you.
A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well
groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good
after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale
cocktail lounge.
Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties).
The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes
a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?
******
A young man was driving up a steep, winding and narrow mountain road. Going round a tight corner, he notices a woman driver who is coming in the opposite direction begin to lean out of her window. As they pass each other she yells at him - "PIG!!!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and screams back at her, "WITCH!!!" Each continues on their way, and as the man rounds the next bend he crashes into a pig, right in the middle of the road... If only men would listen.
******
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were camping in the forest. They had gone to bed and were lying beneath the night sky. Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?" "I see thousands of stars." "And what does that mean to you?" Holmes asked. "I suppose it means that of all the planets in the universe, we are truly fortunate to be here on Earth. We are small in God's eyes, but should struggle every day to be worthy of our blessings. In a meteorological sense, it means we'll have a sunny day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?" "To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."
******
In an ancient monastery, a new monk arrived to dedicate his life to God and to join the others copying ancient records. The first thing he noticed was that they were copying by hand books that had already been copied by hand. He had to speak up. "Forgive me, Father Justinian, but copying other copies by hand allows many chances for error. How do we know we aren't copying someone else's mistakes? Are they ever checked against the originals?" Father Justinian was startled. No one had ever suggested that before. "Well, that is a good point, my son. I will take one of these latest books down to the vault and study it against its original document." He went deep into the vault where no one else was allowed to enter and started to study. The day passed, and it was getting late in the evening. The monks were getting worried about Father Justinian. Finally one monk started making his way through the old vault, and as he began to think he might get lost, he heard sobbing. "Father Justinian," he called. The sobbing grew louder as he came closer. He finally found the old priest sitting at a table with the new copy and the original ancient book in front of him. It was obvious that Father Justinian had been crying for a long time. "Oh, my Lord," sobbed Father Justinian, "the word is 'celebrate'!"
******
An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel in Florida, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter on the address and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a loud scream, and fell to the floor in a faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room, and saw this note on the screen: DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN.EVERYTHING IS PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE...
25 comments:
Very funny, thanks for spreading the cheer. Hope you're feeling better.
These are hilarious.Shared the Holmes and Watson joke with Daughter and she cracked up! Glad to know you are feeling a bit better! Continue to rest!
Bwaaaaaahahhh!!! (yeah, that was me layin' an egg over here...)
I LOVE these! Must share the cheer with others too numerous to count... entire address book....
(see I'm too jacked on caffeine & proventyl to sleep now... maybe will get another book off my TBR pile.)
lmao!! love these. Esp. the sherlock one. too good!
Now how am I supposed to sleep after that hearty attack of laughter. The doctors warn of having too much exercise just before going to bed. All the juices get flowing when all those laugh muscles get a workout. I'll let you know in the morning--or afternoon--whether or not I managed to sleep.
They were really cute. LOL Thanks for still coming up with humor and sharing it with us.
P.S. I think the Holmes and Watson one was best too. But then, the monastery one was really cute, too.
Hope you have a good night and some relief soon.
These are *all* brilliant. Thanks for sharing.
So glad you're feeling a bit better.
I like the celebrate one the best.
Hope you're feeling better.
Every one of those was great. Thanks. I already shared the "celebrate" one with an office mate.
Too funny - but if its National Cheer Up day how come your avatar isn't smiling?!
Okay Smarty Pants Kelly - I forgot to change it. See the store in the background (I know, it says mall, but there isn't one for Wallyworld) - I have errands to do this morning (that should have been done yesterday), so am off before it gets too hot. "Talk" atcha later.
These are great. Glad you're feeling a bit beeter. Hope you're back 100% soon. Take care.
I probably won't be around much today, I'm reading Jill's Aftershocks.
LMAO! Those are great.
glad you're feeling better...
Sj and I are usually each other's cheering squad though i will admit I dropped the ball big time last week - but - I was on vacation - though that was no excuse!
The last one cracked me up!!!
LOL! Loved every one of them! Glad your feeling better.
LOL, Bailey. Thanks for sharing the cheer!
Just read the last few posts. Absolutely loved these wonderful jokes, Bailey--thanks for sharing the cheer. :-)
Those were such sweet and touching photos of your mom and aunt. I’m sorry your day out was cancelled, but I am very glad to hear you’re feeling better. Stress can be so hard on us physically, as well as emotionally. Take good care of yourself, Bailey.
These are brilliant - I've copied and pasted them as I can never remember a good joke. Glad you're feeling better. ((()))
HELLO! :)
I know I know...been a REAL long time--but I went camping :) first time in about a 100 years :) yes, I do feel that old after camping for 5 days!!!
Sounds like you have not been well...I am glad you are feeling better...also sounds like Mary is having it rough...I hope it goes better for a bit so you can rest.
SO...I had a near death experience while camping...we were rafting...which is something I have not done for a really long time...anyway, we hit a log jam and I got flipped out of the raft. I was stuck under the raft wedged against a root mass. When they finally got the raft moved they dislodged me and then I went under the log, and since it was sitting at an angle I went along the tree for a few feet (tall tree) I THANK GOD that I was wearing a life jacket, otherwise I would not have popped to the surface of the river. I am pretty sore and bruised but at least I am alive!!!! I THANK GOD for that too!!! Oh and I was only under water for about 45 seconds...let me tell you seemed like FOREVER!
Moral of the story...no matter how strong a swimmer you are (which I am) you should ALWAYS wear a life jacket!!!!
Oh and I will be leaving Thurs morning to go to Park City UT-home of the winter skiing portion of the Olympics-for a few days and then my DH and I are heading to San Diego for a week... YIPPIE!!!! I will try to stop by and say "HI" while I am gone :)
Glenice!!!!!!! Don't do that! Don't I have enough to worry about? Sheesh woman. Glad you're all right, because if you weren't I'd have to come there and hurt you.
Oh my verification is funny - lazyfbge. Yeah, I'm lazy.
My favorite is also the celebrate. Makes you think what else could have got changed in the translation lol.
Glad to hear you're feeling better.
These are funny. I'm hot too!! Need a cool drink and a cabana boy to wipe my forehead :)
Glenice, someone must have been praying for you. So glad it did not get to the "worst".
And yes, rules are made to be followed. You never do know when one may save your life. That's why I think the one about the "pig" and the "witch" is funny and sad. We're so used to having things shouted at us from cars that we always think somone is having us on or whatever. We never think they might actually be wanting to help or warn us. Really sad.
HAAAA! These are great. Sure is hot down here.
I've heard all but the Holmes and Watson joke before. They still bring a smile to my face. Thanks for the giggles.
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