I was planning a totally different post, but two days of no a/c has taken it's toll on me - asthma is really bothering me tonight. I've already used my inhaler, but, as I'm still having trouble breathing, I think I'm going on to bed.
For those unfamiliar, Welfare payments are made in the U.S. to individuals and families with income below a certain level. The following quotations are taken from actual letters received by the Welfare Department in applications for support of receiving payments.
- I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.
- I am writing the welfare department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?
- Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for two years and has been visited regularly by the clergy. - I cannot get sick pay. I have six children can you tell me why?
- I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.
- This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it.
- Please find for if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can't do anything until he knows.
- I am very much annoyed to find out that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.
- In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a son weighing 10 lbs. I hope this is satisfactory. - I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children one of which is a mistake as you can see.
- My husband got his project cut off about two weeks ago and I haven't had any relief since.
- Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.
- You have my changed little boy to a girl, will this make any difference?
- I have no children yet, as my husband is a truck driver and works night and day.
- I want money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve, I will have to send for another doctor.
- In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.
28 comments:
I'm First!!
I'm First!!
Happy Tappy Dance,
I'm first!!!!
Now I can comment.. I was so excited to be first, I forgot to read the post, geesh!
OK,
I read it..
ROTFL!!
" Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life."
Gee, is that all it takes to be immortal? That means that there's a ton of immortals out there now, right?
Must be giving all the vamps headaches...*snicker*
Sleeping with the MD? Mailing in kids? Husbands working night and day? LOL!
Too much.
Thanks for the chuckles, Bailey.
HOpe your asthma gets better soon.
I hate when that happens. Advair helps me with a shot of Albuteral every now and again, especially with the humidity.
Bounce back soon!
((HUGS)) Bailey!
Oh, I don't know whether to be sad or scared!
Forgot to say!! I am sorry about your asthma, hope it gets better soon.
Oh, my gosh. These are something else!
These are brilliant. So funny.
Hope you're feeling better soon!
Ok, if I were working in admissions, I would grant every single one of these applications!
City Chickie - you're easily pleased, aren't you? LOL Yeah, I did the albuterol, I'm going to use the nebulizer today. I know it's because the house was open so much and the attic fan sucked in all of that cottonwood stuff, etc.
Brandy - Oh, I don't know whether to be sad or scared!
Why? That Michele beat you here? LOL
Tanya - yes they are. *gg*
Thanks Shirley - little better this morning. I have the "cottony" nose and scratchy throat thing going, but I think it'll be okay.
Of course Scott, because obviously these people way too "stoopid" to be able to support themselves. LOL
Take care of the asthma! Hope you get that a/c fixed today.
Those are funny...and pathetic.
Hope you are feeling better and better, Bailey!
These are funny :) , but also saddening. :(
These are too funny! LOL
Hope you feel better soon.
Michele, First at commenting? LOL Eve/Bailey are you holding a contest of some kind to see who blogs first each day.
Bailey, some of these are even better than the Campus ones. LOL.
-forwarding kids
-long gestation periods
-poor Mrs. Jones in the altogether when the clergy comes.
These really are a hoot. Talk of being illiterate. Yes, it's sad and scary but also funny.
I can imagine the humidity and the stress can take its toll on you. That I one thing I've been spared: asthma. I don't think anybody in our family has it. But the humidity plays havoc with my muscles. My hands haven't hurt this badly for months. My pinkies are especially affected. I feel they might break off at any moment.
But this morning I was chased out of my bedroom by the very strong smell of perm solution. I've even left the window open. Most other times it hasn't been this bad but it's even seeping into the rest of the place as well. I hate that smell. Definitely yuck.
Oh, wow. These are HILARIOUS.
Peggy - I am feeling better, just feel this sinus thing flaring up again.
Rene - the a/c is fixed, thankfully. Asthma is better.
Yeah Meretta, they're both. But then again, we don't see all of the well thought out, articulate applications, so maybe it's not that bad.
Thanks Susan - I am.
Yeah Stacy - it does seem to be one thing after another. But fortunately for us, it does seem to come in clusters and then things are fine for a while. I'm still waiting for that "rest" period.
Yes Ruby, the smell of perms can be overwhelming. Sorry you've been having aches and pains.
Melissa - I thought so.
*hugs* I hope you're feeling better now. :)
I am very much annoyed to find out that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.
This one just cracks me up!!!
Oh and Ruby - no, no contest really. It's just that Brandy is usually first, so people get a hoot out of beating her to it.
Oh Tori, we posted over each other. Yes, that's a good one.
sorry about the asthma - Spare has it so I know that it stinks when it flares!
The wellfare stuff - scary.... these people have drivers licesnse possibly and could roaming the streets
Hey! I don't mind being beaten here! Honest! As for sad; that there are people out there that are obviously that ummmmm, uneducated. As for scared, smae response!!
Bailey, I'm glad you are feeling better. It's awful without air conditioning.
These are so funny and sad, too!
This would be funnier if it didn't look like some of the papers my students turn in...
A/C has to be one of the best inventions ever lol. Glad you're feeling at least a little bit better.
Those were all hysterical.
lol michele!
Hope you are feeling better, Eve :)
Oh yes Dennie - they could be sitting next to you at the next CC concert. LOL
Brandy (whispering) I knew what you meant. *gg*
Carol - I am feeling better now, thank you.
Marty- have you ever caught any of my history essay blogs? I may have read some of your students essays. LOL
Jeanne - Thanks.
I am feeling better Toni, thank you.
Stress, heat/humidity and allergies are my asthma triggers (along with scents, incense, etc) so having those major ones all occur at the same times was a bit too much. But I'm cooled off, a little more de-stressed, nebulized/inhaled and am breathing a lot better.
My son has asthma. It was worse when he was younger. Then he ended up in the hospital twice. Now it's not so bad except when we go to my sister's. She has two cats and probably after a half hour his eyes get really red and watery. I guess he won't be joining me if I ever visit you. *gg*
Christa - nope, not with four of them here. When are you coming? *gg*
Who knows.
Too funny! Where do you find this stuff? Glad the asthma's better...my Advair came out when a couple of fields around the Base were growing some kind of crop that bloomed into little yellow flowers. Don't know of it's canola or what...but while it was blooming I could hardly stay oout in the yard or drive down the highway...otherwise it's been pretty good out here.
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